


Making a way back home

by clexa4ever



Series: You came back to me [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa is Endgame, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Lexa is alive as she always should have been, M/M, Multi, Prologue, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-06-29 07:10:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 128,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15724485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexa4ever/pseuds/clexa4ever
Summary: Clarke has defeated ALIE without any threat of Praimfaya lurking around but that doesnt mean that danger is not coming and there are no more wars to be fought. Now, our heroes will have to deal wth the new rising threat and one of them must find their way back home, wherver or whoever that is.





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This first two chapters of the story contains heavy transcription from the end of episode 3x16 and half of the episode 4x01. I do not claim any rights to the dialogues or scenes written here that were taken from the scripts or from the episodes, that work belongs to the CW, Jason Rothenberg and the 100 writers only. I am simply using it for fun with no intents of plagiarizing it.  
> Words in italic is being spoken in Trigedasleng.

The moment Clarke opened her eyes after shutting down A.L.I.E, she could see people regaining their free-will. Her mother helped her before Bellamy quickly came to her side and helped her get up since she was still feeling a little dizzy, she took a look around and towards everyone that was in the room and nodded to herself. “A.L.I.E is gone.” She said as if realizing for the first time that she actually did it. She really destroyed the AI and the City of Light. “Yeah, I figured,” Bellamy said to her and Clarke looked around before shaking her head.

“Clarke, you’re not acting like someone who just saved the world,” Bellamy said worriedly to her noticing the she didn’t look too happy. To the contrary actually, Clarke looked quite sad. “Because I didn’t, not without help.” She said thinking about Lexa. They looked at each other, Bellamy looking confused by her words and Clarke looking sad before they heard a gasp and turned towards the sound only to see Octavia drive her sword through Pike. Clarke couldn’t say that she felt anything seeing the bastard fall to the floor.

Octavia then turned around and walked out of the room and Clarke could not help but look at Bellamy as he watched the retreating form of his sister and then, she turned to the right and looked at the throne she had been sitting on all along and her mind could not help but take her back to the one and only person that should ever be allowed to sit in that throne, who deserved it and that was Lexa. Clarke reached out and touched the arm of the throne and felt her heart constrict with pain that came along with the memories of the girl she loved.

She sighed and started to remove the tubes from her arms, hissing in pain which seemed to finally get Bellamy’s attention away from the door Octavia just walked through. “Clarke, you should slow down. Take a few moments to recover,” Bellamy said to her and Clarke just ignored him, ripping them out of her arm before she turned around and seemed to start on her way to the balcony but he held her back by the hand. She turned to look at him. “I need a moment alone, please,” She said to him and he seemed to debate with himself if he should before he nodded and let her go.

Clarke walked forward towards the balcony, ignoring everyone who was in the room behind her, her mother included and when she was outside and looking towards the horizon she finally raised her left hand, opening before looking down and seeing the Flame and Clarke could not help the tears that started to fall down on her face. She could still remember Lexa’s smile in the City of Light just before she once again sacrificed herself for Clarke, so the blonde could have a chance to survive. She remembered Lexa’s words.

I will always be with you.

She closed her hand and brought it close to her and just kept on silently crying. She knew that it was true, Lexa will never leave her heart or her mind, she will always be there as one of the most beautiful memories Clarke will ever have and as the one of the best things that ever happened to her and Clarke knows that she will love Lexa until the day that she dies. She doesn’t know if she will ever love anyone the way she loves Lexa or if she will ever miss someone the way she is missing Lexa right now.

How she wished that she could go back in time and do things differently, be with the woman she loved instead of pushing her away simply because Clarke herself couldn’t deal with what she had done and put the blame on Lexa simply because it was easier. She wished she had never left Arkadia so Pike could never have become Chancellor and committed that massacre with Bellamy’s help. She wished that she had been just a little bit stronger because if she had, Lexa would still be alive and by her side and just the thought of that made her cry harder.

Inside the room, Kane was with Abby and he was more than embarrassed, he was ashamed for everything he did. He helped torture Indra, he almost killed Bellamy and he was trying to kill Clarke on top of it all. Everything he never thought he would be capable of doing, he did. “Marcus.” Abby called his attention and he looked at her finally noticing the bruise on her neck and he frowned. “What happened to you?” He asked raising his hand to touch it but thinking better, it should still be sore so he would only hurt her.

“A.L.I.E made me hang myself to push Clarke to give her the flame but luckily the kids came in time and managed to save me,” She said to him shakily and he knew that it was not the end of she went through while in the AI’s crutch and before he could debate if he should ask her what happened or not, she continued.

“I tortured Clarke, Marcus. My own daughter. I hurt her on purpose.” She said and started to cry and the only things he could do was pull her into his arms and she held onto him as if he was the only thing holding her pieces together.

“It was not your fault, Abby. It was A.L.I.E’s. You know that you would never have done something like that if you were in control of yourself. I tortured too many and helped them almost kill Indra and I would never have done that either. It was not our fault.” He said to her and she sighed but stopped crying before she pulled back and looked at him.

“How many times will we need to say that before we believe it?” She asked him and he sighed because he knew she was right and he shrugged. “As many times as it takes.” He answered her and she nodded.

Bellamy came towards them and they both looked at him. “Abby, I am worried about Clarke.” He said to the older woman and it got her attention, after all it was her baby girl. “What is wrong with her?” She asked him worriedly and he looked back towards the balcony doors.

“She has been in the balcony for the past 10 minutes. She said she wanted to be alone but I am worried. We don’t know what went on in the City of Light or what she had to do to destroy A.L.I.E.” He said and she nodded before she moved to stand up and go towards there.

But before Abby could even move, Clarke come out of the balcony and all three of them could see the puffy red eyes and she came towards them. “Mom, make sure to check on the people here. Bellamy and I will go check the ones on the ground.” Clarke said to them and they all realized she was back to business.

Whatever moment she had alone, it was over and she was ready to keep doing what needs to be done. Abby nodded, “I will.” She said and Clarke nodded. “Clarke, I’m so sorry for everything. You too, Bellamy.” Kane said to the young adults.

Clarke shook her head. “There is nothing to apologize for. It was not you, it’s okay.” Clarke said and Bellamy nodded. “Clarke is right, sir. We know you weren’t in control.” Bellamy said to him and the man nodded before Clarke turned to Bellamy.

“Let’s go. We need to clean up before we can go down.” She said and he nodded before they left the room. Bellamy looked at Pike’s body before following after her. “Do you think they will be okay?” Abby asked Kane and he took a deep breath.

“I think they will be better than us.” He said and she nodded before she moved to start working as a doctor along with Jackson who was also feeling the same way as them.

As far as Octavia went, she was descending the tower from the top floor where the final battle against A.L.I.E’s followers had happened, where she finally was able to kill Pike for what he took from her and from everyone she cared about, she landed on a balcony as she stumbled back a little trying to regain her balance and as soon as she did, she turned around, her eyes searching the crowd until she finally found Indra who was being helped by some of the people to get down from the cross they had put her in.

Octavia quickly descended the rest of the stairs, using the ladder they had used to get up and as soon as her feet had touched the ground, she rushed quickly to Indra’s side, crunching down beside the woman who was laying down on the floor and looked at her former mentor who looked back at her. “A.L.I.E?” Indra asked with a little fear in her eyes and her voice, which despite her tough attitude, was completely understandable given everything that had happened ever since the computer had taken over people’s mind.

“Gone. It's over.” Octavia answered almost immediately trying to soothe the woman that the nightmare was really over. “And Pike?” Now that question took Octavia a little longer to answer as she relieved the moment she drove her sword through his body, before she answered, “I waited until it was done.”

Indra leaned back and hummed in agreement with her former second. “How are you, Indra?” Octavia asked her mentor and the woman sighed in response but even sighing hurt. “I’ll survive. That’s enough.” Indra said and the young girl nodded.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Octavia asked as she helped the woman sit up and Indra looked around them. “We need to secure the city. And help our people if we can. Azgeda will not make it easy,” Indra said and tried to get up too fast but she had to bite back a groan of pain that shot through her arm to the rest of her wounds.

“Hey, take it easy. You’re still hurt.” Octavia said worried about her but the woman was too stubborn. “I can’t just lie around while the Ice Nation walks through these streets. Just help me.” Indra said and Octavia decided to follow her lead once again.

Meanwhile, once they cleaned themselves up, Clarke and Bellamy finally came rushing from the tower and into the streets as they came to stop to look at the destruction caused by A.L.I.E and the City of Light. They watched as body upon body upon of the people that had lost their lives in this battle were being piled up. It was heartbreaking to see so much pointless deaths, simply because a computer wanted to control them. Clarke turned to look at Bellamy and realized that his eyes were slowly searching for his little sister but with no luck of finding her.

“She will be okay. Octavia can take care of herself.” She tried to soothe his worries but in her own emotional state, she wasn’t sure if she was doing a very good job at it. “That’s not what I’m worried about.” He said looking back at her for a moment before his eyes turned forward again.

“She won’t be charged. Everyone will say that Pike had it coming,” She tried to guarantee him that as much as Octavia had deliberately killed one of them that no one will hold it against her considering who it was. Clarke’s own thoughts were **good riddance**.

“Maybe we all do.” He said as he turned to look at her and frowned a little bit. She looked down for a second before turning to the people. “What do we tell these people now?” Clarke asked as she looked around all the pain that the people were experiencing.

“We say nothing. You gave them back their pain, Clarke. We are not exactly their favorite people right now, or ever, let them heal. Besides, I really could use a break from keeping you alive.” He smiles a little at his attempt of joking though Clarke didn’t return it as she was still serious about their current situation and still quite sad about everything she lost.

“Once everyone is down, we gather our people, we go back home.” He said seriously when noticing her mood and she looked at him intensely as if choosing exactly what she should or was allowed to say before she made her decision.

“Thank you for keeping me alive. I am still pissed at you for some of your recent choices but I am grateful so thank you.” She said sincerely as he turned to look at her. He nodded at her when suddenly a scream pierced the silence and they both turned to search for the source of the sound and when they did, they found a woman kneeling beside the limp body of a man.

Clarke rushed to where the woman was without a second though and Bellamy had no choice but to take off going after her as well but not before he mumbled to himself. “You don’t make it easy.” As Clarke came closer and checked on the body, Bellamy noticed something about the man.

“He didn't fall.” Clarke said as she caught his face and then recognized the man. “He chased me in the City of light. Lexa killed him.” She said to Bellamy explaining and even speaking the name made her heart break all over again. As the woman gets up, a crowd started to form around them.

“Wanheda. _You did this_.” The woman said as they looked around. Clarke knew that their reluctance wasn’t that farfetched so before the grounders did anything, they decided that leaving the scene was the safest choice for them and as they walked to where the Arkadian guards were, they crossed paths with Kane and Abby.

“Good. You’re down. We have to go. The rover is in the north woods.” Clarke said seriously, she had hoped things wouldn’t be this bad but she should know that they are always worse. “What about the wounded?” Abby asked her.

“The grounders don’t want our help. Our people, we’ll treat back at Arkadia. We should be going before they try anything. They’re in pain and they blame us for it. It’s best if we leave and fast.” Bellamy said warningly and Clarke nodded in agreement.

And then, the conversation was interrupted by the radio that Bellamy was carrying as Raven’s voice came through. “Hello?” Bellamy turned around and put some distance before he answered as Clarke followed him. “Do you agree?” Abby asked Kane and he sighed before nodding. “Unfortunately, yes.”

Back with Clarke and Bellamy, when they were far away, he picked up the radio. “Bellamy. Please, come in.” Raven tried again beginning to get worried. “Raven. You ok?” He asked her concerned. “Yeah. We’re all in one piece.” Raven breathes out as she think of all that happened in Arkadia with Jasper and everything else.

“That’s good.” He said to her. “Tell me how my friends are. Did everyone make it? Clarke?” Raven asked worriedly about the blonde who she knew had gone to the City of Light and Bellamy handed out the radio to the blonde who took it. “I’m here. Thanks to you, Raven.” Clarke said.

“What happened over there?” Raven asked her and before Clarke could answer, they heard a yell. “ _The King! He is alive. We need a healer_.” Some grounder said and since Clarke spoke enough of Trigedasleng to understand what was being said she turned to Bellamy and handed him the radio.

“Fill Raven in,” Clarke told him and he does it exactly what she said before she walks away. “They need a doctor,” She said calling for Abby as they rushed to where the Azgeda warriors were putting down Roan’s body with her mother right beside her.

“Roan?” Clarke asked surprised as she rolled the body over and got a clear shot of his bloodied face. She truly had no idea how the hell was he alive. He took a bullet to the chest, she should have died. “He got shot trying to help me. I thought he was dead,” Clarke explained to Abby who checked his neck pulse.

“Not yet but he’s close,” The doctor said before she turned him a little to check his back, “No exit wound. We need to get the bullet out quickly.” As soon as Abby said that, a sword was pressed into Clarke’s neck forcing her to stand up.

“Get away from our King.” Echo said as she then grabbed Clarke and pulled her close to her own body as the blonde raised her hand in surrender. “Wait please.” Abby tried to speak as Arkadian guards come rushing with their weapons drown.  “You’re making a mistake. We are part of the Coalition,” Kane tried to reason with the warrior.

“I could save him but you have to let me,” Abby said trying to bargain something. “We have our own healer. _Take the King to the embassy with the rest of our dead. Do it now,_ ” Echo ordered as the men did as she said.

Finally taking notice of the situation, Bellamy moved towards the scene. “Echo,” Bellamy called out as he quickly approached where they were. “Bellamy, don’t,” Clarke tried to warn him to stop. “Hey, stop.” Kane said as he held him back. “Let her go, Echo. Let her go.” Bellamy demanded of the Ice nation warrior.

“Back off, Bellamy,” Echo scoffed at his attempt to free the blonde. “Your King is my friend. Let us help him,” Clarke tried to reason with the woman. “I saw you in the City of Light. I know you destroyed it. Thank you for that,” Echo said as she proceeded to push Clarke forward as she fell into Bellamy who held her back.

“Look around you. Skaikru did this to us. Because of them, Ontari, your rightful Commander is dead. The imposter stole her flame,” Echo said motioning to Clarke as everyone listened. “No, Wanheda saved us. All of us. Grounder and Skaikru,” Kane pushed forward as Abby tried to stop him and tried to reason in their favor.

“There would have been nothing to save us from if not for you,” Echo responded. “Azgeda has no authority here,” Kane said to her and she simply smirked at him. “We do now,” She said before she continued,

“In the name of King Roan, as rightful caretakers of the throne of the Commanders, Polis is now under Azgeda rule,” Echo said to the crowd. “Like hell it is. Where is your war chief, girl?” One of the Ambassador said as she came forward to stand in front of the warrior.

“Our war chief is dead, Ambassador. As a member of the queen’s guard, command of the army has fallen to me until the King awakens,” Echo replied to her as Octavia and Indra slowly approached the scene, getting close enough o hear what was being said but not to be seen by the others, not yet at least.

“If he awakens. Until a new Commander can ascend, Polis is to be ruled by the ambassadors of the Coalition. If Azgeda wants it, they must take it by force,” Not sooner the Ambassador finished speaking a sword quickly sliced her neck. “Consider it taken,” Echo said as soon as the body fell to the floor,

“No Skaikru leaves this city. _For the Ice Nation_.” She yelled out as the men cheered along with her before she turned around and left the Skaikru wondering how would they get out of this situation now. Bellamy stood beside clarke and leaned to whisper in her ear,

“Seems like getting home is going to have to wait for now.”


	2. Crazy Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. It's been a while, right? Well to those who have followed me since the last story and are reading this one as well, I have missed you guys. To those who are seeing this for the first time, welcome. I would like to thank everyone for giving this tory a chance, it means a lot. I had written and posted this story once but was not satisfied with it at all so I took to rewrite it and have finshed the first part. I have really enjoyed making this story again and i hope that with the following chapters you get swallowed into this story as well.  
> For those of you asking about the Second Chances sequel, I have half of it already written and will be writing the rest and as soon as it is ready, I will be posting so don't worry it's coming, it will just take a while longer but for now, please enjoy this one and comment a lot howvere be respectful.  
> Now without further ado, here is the second chapter.
> 
> Obs: I don't own the 100, that belongs to the CW, Kass Morgan and Jasn Rotheneberg. I am just playing with it for some fun. There are parts of this that has been taken from the episode 04x01 but it is only so you can get situated on where the story will pick up. Oh and another thing, in here there is no Praimfaya so relax, no end of the world coming. For now.  
> Enjoy.

“Kane,” Clarke called to the man who looked at her. “What is it?” He asked her and she closed in on him so only he could hear what she was saying.

“In the temple, there is a hidden tunnel that leads straight out of the city,” She said looking around to make sure no unwanted ears was listening.

“Tell the guards to gather our people that are inside the city and sent them there so that they can escape,” Clarke told him and he nodded before he went to do just that.

“Let’s go,” Clarke called for her mother and Bellamy to follow her and the three of them went directly to the temple where Clarke opened the passage.

“What about us? Should we go with them?” Abby asked her daughter and Clarke just shook her head.

“No, we can’t. We need to stay here for now, their healers will not be able to heal Roan, not like you and I can do it so we will be staying here and we will have to find a way to get out of this mess,” Clarke explained to her.

“But how are we going to do that? They hate us, you heard Echo. The grounders blame us for bringing them A.L.I.E, how are we going to convince them to just let us go?” Bellamy asked the blonde who shrugged.

“I don’t know that yet, I need some time to think,” She said as Kane appeared with the first batch of the people.

Clarke gave the instructions on how to follow the tunnel to the outskirts of the city and they went while some guards stayed in the temple to protect them. Clarke had an idea on who would be able to help them and turned to Bellamy who was by her side, like always.

“Hey, would do me a favor?” She asked him and he nodded.

“Name it,” He said to her and she gave him a small smile.

“Find Indra and Octavia and bring them here. We need their help,” Clarke said to him and he nodded before he left the temple.

Meanwhile Clarke took a chance to look around the temple. Everything, every little corner in this place reminded her of Lexa. Everything in this place was a part of Lexa of who she was and what she believed in and it made Clarke wonder. She knew she had asked the question to Raven and that the mechanic had assured her that Lexa was Lexa even with an AI connected to her brain, and that whatever she felt was all her and not some computer programming but unless she heard from Lexa herself, she didn’t think she would ever truly let that doubt go and since that was not possible, she would always have that on her mind.

She thought about everything that happened in the city today and what Lexa would have thought about it all, what she would have done differently if she had been there. If she had been alive to see what A.L.I.E did to her people, would it break her heart or would it fuel her to fight even harder to free them? Clarke believed that the answer was both. People didn’t know very well but Clarke did. Lexa loved her people with a passion that was unrivaled even by the blonde herself with her won people, she just didn’t demonstrate affectionately or even with words but she more than showed it in her actions.

Lexa sacrificed everything for her people, for everyone she was responsible for. She gave up for them her life, her future, her heart, her soul, everything that they demanded of her, she gave them without a second thought. She was a great leader, not because of how many battles she won but because she won them for her people, always for them and Clarke could see it now. What happened in the Mountain was just another example of how her love and her duty to her people was so strong in her that not even the love she felt for Clarke already could change her mind.

The whole ordeal of the battle of the Mountain sucked for Clarke, especially considering what she had to do after that, what she had to sacrifice as well for her people to get out of that damn place alive, all of them. But now, past the most consuming part of the anger and heartbreak she felt over that Clarke could admire the great sense of leadership that Lexa demonstrated in that moment and the blonde imagined that was why the people trusted her as well, because they knew that she had their best interest at heart so now Clarke could understand Lexa’s decision.

But what good was to understand that decision now when it was too late? Why now that there was nothing she could do about it? Why couldn’t she have understood it when the girl was still alive? Before Pike destroyed everything? Before she dismissed Lexa in every turn? Before she spit on her face and swore to kill her? When Lexa fought with Roan and came to her room? Why couldn’t she have understood and reached out to the older girl when there was still time for them to be together? Now, it didn’t matter anymore if she did or not. Lexa was dead, she was gone and Clarke could only regret everything she never did and could have done.

She looked down at her hand where she still had the Flame, thinking about how she hoped that destroying the City of Light had no effect on the part of Lexa’s mind who lives in the AI and sighed before realizing that having those thoughts made her lose a bit of time to think about a solution to their problem and that when she looked around the final group of her people were leaving already as she saw a guard approach Kane and speak to him,

“Sir, that’s everyone we could find. Stationed 10 guards at the temple door. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” The guard said to Kane who just extended his hand to the man.

“You lead them home, Major. We’ll be there as soon as we can,” He said shaking the man’s hand before the major left and Clarke watched Kane hiss at the pain on his wrist and her mother get close to inspect the wound.

“Marcus,” Abby said and Kane caressed her cheek, “I’m ok. We focus on what comes next,” He said.

Clarke seeing that realized that Kane and her mother were together and although it was a little weird seeing her mom with someone who wasn’t her father, Clarke was happy for her and a small smile formed on her face. The moment was broken by the entrance of Indra, Octavia and Bellamy who closed the door. Kane looked at Indra who came close to him and he seemed lost on what to say to her but the warrior saved the trouble but giving him a one armed hug, clearly telling him that they were still friends.

Clarke turned to Bellamy. “Well?” She asked him as he crossed his arms.

“You’re not going to like it,” He said to her and she sighed. When was the last time she liked whatever news that came to her? She honestly couldn’t remember.

“When you destroyed the City of Light, there were a thousand Azgeda warriors inside the city of Polis,” Indra said letting go of Kane and turning to face the small group.

“Good timing,” Octavia said before the older woman continued, “The only way to remove them is by force.” Indra said and Octavia spoke. “Then, let’s remove them.”

Abby was the one to step up, “Slow down. You’re talking about war,” The doctor said looking at Indra who nodded.

“Yes, Rockline, Floukru and Broadleaf will join Trikru without question but we’ll still be short,” Indra warned them.

“This is madness,” Abby whispered before she turned to Kane, “We should be leaving with the others while we still have time,” She said but he shook his head.

“They know where we live. If we run, they’ll follow,” He said to her before he turned to Indra, “There are 8 other clans. How do we get them to join us?” he asked the warrior.

“I can do it but I’ll need the Flame,” Indra said and Clarke was quick to reply.

“No,” She said clutching the object in her hand just a tad tighter.

“Clarke, the clans will follow whoever has the Flame,” Bellamy tried to reason with her.

“Azgeda won’t,” She said because she knew that unless they had the Flame Azgeda would fight the other clans.

“Then, we fight. That’s the point,” Octavia said impatiently.

Clarke shook her head, “No, it’s not. The point is there is no time for a fight. We have to save Roan,” She said.

“Save him? They won’t let us near him,” Octavia said when Abby interrupted her before she could continue,

“Wait a second, what don’t we know? What are you not telling us, Clarke?” She asked Clarke who shook her head.

“Nothing. The problem is that with Roan alive there is still a chance that we can get out of this. With him dead, then some general will take over the clan and then we will be at war. Saving him is the only chance we have to avoid that until a new Commander can rise, unite the clans and continue on Lexa’s work,” Clarke explained to them.

“Even if we find another nightblood, it will take time. Months, maybe, that is if they are in eligible age to take command. There are a thousand Ice Nation warriors on the streets who want to kill us today,” Indra explained the situation

Clarke shook her head, “They won’t kill us,” She said sadly.

“How could you possibly know that?” Octavia asked her and she turned to the girl.

“Because we are going to surrender,” Clarke said and she could see the shock on all of their faces.

“Are you crazy or what?” Octavia said scoffing at what the blonde had just said.

“Clarke, Octavia is right. If we surrender, we will be slaughtered,” Kane said and she shook her head.

“Not if we can save Roan,” She said to him and as he looked at her, Bellamy could see the wheels turning in her head,

“You have a plan,” Bellamy said to her and she looked at him before nodding letting him know he was right before turning to the others.

“I went to the Embassy one time and I noticed that there is a side entrance, if we can get someone inside to open the door, Mom and I can work on saving him,” Clarke explained her plan to them.

“How are you going to get someone inside?” Indra asked her, indecisive if it was a good or a bad plan, however was the only one they had.

“Ontari’s body is still in the tower. Octavia has the same body size, we can wrap her on a cloth and pretend is Ontari. They will take the body inside, she will get out, kill the guards and open the door for us,” Clarke said and looked at the girl in question.

“Will you do it?” Clarke asked and the girl gave a nod. Octavia knew what was at stake and had no desire on running from what needed to be done even because she needed this.

“I will take her,” Bellamy said determinate and Clarke knew Octavia was about to protest it given how things were between them but she saved the younger girl the trouble.

“No, it would be too suspicious if you did it,” Clarke said to him, “We should send Jaha. He had been working with her ever since he came here with the chips, he could pass as wanting to give her body back to her people,” Clarke said and Kane shook his head,

“Clarke, they will kill him,” Her mother said to her daughter in a concerned voice. Abby knew that he had done a horrible thing but she still didn’t want him to die.

Clarke just looked at her mother, “I don’t think they will, they may beat him up but it’s a necessary risk we need to take if we want to get out of this mess,” Clarke said firmly.

“Well, then we should start. I don’t think the King has much time, a bullet to the chest is not exactly easily to treat,” Octavia said without much emotion in her voice and Clarke nodded.

“Bellamy, I need you to go up in the tower, hide Ontari’s body and get the shoulder pad, it’s the Commander’s symbol. It will help make them think it’s really her,” Clarke said to the guy and he nodded at her.

“Kane, get Jaha. We will prepare Octavia,” She said and everyone moved to do what she asked of them. In the temple, only the women were left. Octavia and Indra were talking on one side and Abby and Clarke were talking on the other.

“Do you think we can do this? He was barely alive when we saw him,” Abby asked Clarke. She wasn’t sure that even if they get to him that he can be saved.

“We don’t have another chance, Mom. Roan is the only one in Azgeda who can be talked around and even let us go unharmed. We need him besides from what I have seen from his people, he is the lesser evil amongst them. We don’t have a choice, we have to save him,” Clarke said to her and she nodded.

Clarke then decided to breach on another topic as they waited for the boys to return. “So you and Kane,” Clarke said and she could see her mother tense.

“What about Marcus?” Abby said trying to sound amiss of what Clarke was talking about but the blonde would not let it go.

“Are you and him together?” Clarke asked her gently and Abby sighed. She could see that there was no way out if this conversation.

“I don’t know the answer to that, sweetheart.” Abby said, “How would you feel if I was? With him like that, I mean,” She asked sounding a little scared of the answer.

“You mean if I would be angry you’re with someone who isn’t Dad?” Clarke asked her mother and Abby turned to look at her.

“Marcus is not going to replace your father ever. He was the love of my life and will always be,” Abby said seriously but Clarke gave her a small smile and interrupted her.

“Mom, I was just joking. I am happy for you and I know Dad would be too,” Clarke said and Abby seemed to relax at her words a little.

“Kane is a good man and I trust him. Go for it,” Clarke said to her mother and moved to hug her.

“Thank you, sweetie. Your approval means a lot to me,” Abby said and Clarke nodded before they were interrupted by the arrival of the man of the hour and Jaha. Clarke and Abby walked towards them.

“Whatever you need me for, I will help,” Jaha said to them, he had much to atone for and Clarke nodded.

“Good. Did Kane tell you of the plan?” She said and suddenly it was all business and she really wish she could find them a way out of this. She hoped Roan would help them, he was the only who could now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you guys think about it? DId you like my new writing structure? I am still learning so I dont know if I'm doing it right or not so I would like to hear your feedback on that. Do you like it like this or the way it was on second Chances? Please comment a lot and see you in the next update.  
> KIsses, Kisses,  
> Your Author.


	3. Near Miss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know you guys were like why are you only copying the episode? The first three chapters are just to situate us on the story, to give the background on what will happen and where we will go next but it ends here. The next chapter and forward is not-canon so i hope you can finally start to enjoy this story. I dont own the 100 or the oarts of teh chpaters that are from the episode, that belongs to the CW, Jason Rothebenrg and Kass Morgan. I am just borrowing for fun.  
> Without any further ado.

The plan they had create had worked. It took only a couple of minutes but Jaha managed to lie very successfully and Octavia managed to get inside the Embassy, then she proceeded to open the side door so that Abby and Clarke could quickly come to work on saving Roan, however things weren’t looking good for the man at all, it was not an easy wound to treat so it was taking longer than they had expected. Clarke had instructed the time outside to stall as much as they could so that they could have more time to do what needed to be done.

“Mom, we need to hurry,” Clarke said to Abby who nodded her head still trying to figure out how to get the bullet without killing the King in the process.

“I know sweetie, but I need to grab the bullet and it’s slipping,” The woman said as she kept trying and Clarke continued to help her mother as well as she could.

Meanwhile outside, it was dark already when Bellamy, Indra and Kane were talking near the warriors from the Ice Nation. Bellamy could see Echo standing tall at the highest step in the stairs seeing that she was in charge while Roan was still unconscious, he knew what he had to do but he also knew that the spy was smart and quick witted and could catch up on his act if he didn’t do it right. Clarke, Octavia and Abby were counting on them.

“She won’t talk to you,” Bellamy said to Kane about Echo as he watched her and the older man nodded already knowing that.

“She’s Ice Nation, she can’t be trusted,” Indra said to the two guys just as Murphy joined them and took a look around to check what was going on.

“Never a dull moment, huh?” He said to them as Indra continued speaking, “Bellamy, pay attention,” The warrior called for him and he looked at her.

“She’s part of the royal guard, spies. That’s why she’s not marked, very dangerous, very loyal,” Indra said and explained to him as Bellamy looked towards the woman in question.

“Not to the people who saved her life,” He said lowly remembering al the times in which she was in danger and he helped her directly and indirectly and how she still betrayed him.

Kane stepped up to face him, “Bellamy, I know how you feel about her, but you can’t lose control. You offer them technology, gun, whatever it takes to keep her talking. Is that clear?” Kane instructed him.

“I didn’t agree to give them guns,” Indra said to her friend in a warning tone and Murphy spoke up. “Well, that’s probably because you’re not an idiot,” He said to her.

“It won’t get that far. Our objective is to buy time for Abby to save the King, and if you want to help, grab a weapon and stand a post,” Kane said the last part to Murphy.

“Take mine,” Bellamy said giving the guy his weapon. Murphy turned around to leave them and decided to follow Emori out of the city while Bellamy walked forwards to talk with Echo and Octavia watched everything from the window before she turned to mother and daughter.

“Today, you guys,” She said lowly to the two doctors.

“I need more time. The bullet is pressing against his carotid. It’s cutting off blood flow to his brain. As soon as I get it out, he should wake up,” Abby explained as she continued to try and get the bullet.

Meanwhile with Echo and Bellamy, things were going according the plan, at least so far. “What are the terms of your surrender?” Echo asked him.

“We recognize Ice Nation rule, and you honor Lexa’s coalition, including the 13th clan,” Bellamy said and Echo spoke firmly, “No.”

With Abby and Clarke, they were still trying. “Come on, Come on. Almost there,” Abby said as she tried again. “Got it,” She said and pulled it out.

“What now?” Clarke asked as she tried to stop the bleeding of the wound.

“Now, we wait,” Abby said helping her but as they continued to work Abby noticed something. “His breathing is still too shallow,” She said and Clarke looked at her in worry.

“You said his lungs were fine,” Clarke said to her mother. This was not looking good which made her worry, what if they couldn’t save him? What would happen then? She didn’t know.

“No, I said I thought so. It’s possible a bone fragment could’ve lodged in the tissue,” Abby said and as they tried to fix the problem the heard the warriors coming for them.

“They’re here,” Abby said as Octavia joined them, “Back door,” She said warningly.

“I have to close or he’ll bleed out,” Abby said to the young girl and Octavia shook her head at the older woman.

“No, we have to go or we’ll bleed out,” The younger Blake said and Clarke started stuffing a cloth inside the wound.

“This is gonna have to do,” Clarke said and the three of them moved towards the door but the warriors already opened it and they tried to fight but they were too many. Echo and Bellamy came in too but he was subdued like the girls.

“ _They were trying to kill the King. Check him!_ ” Echo ordered. “No, we were trying to save him,” Clarke said and Echo turned towards her and when she was close enough she raised her sword.

“ _For my queen,_ ” And just as she was about to kill the blonde, someone stopped her. “ _Wait,_ ” Roan said as he sat up and Clarke sighed.

“ _My King,_ ” Echo said as she bowed her head to him.

“Roan, help us. Tell them that we’re friends,” Clarke said, pleaded with him to do something to save them as he stood up coughing.

“You shouldn’t try to stand so soon,” Abby said trying to get up but was pulled back down.

“Where is Ontari?” Roan asked ignoring her warning.

“Dead, Sire, killed by them,” Echo answered his question and motioned with her head to the sky people.

“We couldn’t save her but we did what we came here to do. Now I need you to honor your promise to protect my people,” Clarke said to him.

“Yeah, that was before your people shot me and killed my Commander,” He said to her.

“We just saved your damn life,” Octavia said scoffing at him and Echo moved towards her King to speak to him.

“Roan, your people are hungry for you to lead them. Do so now as your mother would have. Kill Wanheda. Taker her power and rule over everything,” She said to him as he looked at Clarke who didn’t know what to expect at this point.

“ _Take Wanheda and her people to the prison. I’ll decide what to do with them later,_ ” He said and his warriors did as he asked and took Clarke and the others to the prison.

They were locked up and left alone. “Nice plan.” Octavia said lowly and Clarke was just too tired to even say anything to the girl.

“Roan is alive. He may not have helped us now but that doesn’t mean he won’t. We just need to think of a way to have him on our side,” Kane said but Clarke wasn’t even listening anymore. All she could think was Lexa. The girl did everything she could to unite her people and now they will shatter like shard of glass.

The other clans would not follow Azgeda and war would break. She failed everyone. She failed her people, she failed Lexa’s people, she failed Lexa and now they were all going to die. It was all for nothing. Lexa died for nothing. It was too much to realize that. Clarke searched on her pocket and when she retrieved her hand and opened it she looked at the Flame. It was the last thing of Lexa she had with her. The only place in which she was still alive and Clarke would give anything to be with her right now.

Abby noticed her daughter from where she was sitting on the ground and slowly moved towards her and locked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know that look,” Abby said and Clarke felt the tears coming and the sob that wanted to break out of her.

“I loved her, Mom. I want her back,” Clarke said to her as the tears fell down on her face and Abby gave her a sad smile.

“I know,” She said trying to comfort her daughter as best as she could and as Clarke tried to contain her sobs, a guard started opening the door.

Many more came in, Echo included and they came towards her. “Wanheda, on your feet,” He said and came towards her.

“Where’s the King? I need to see Roan,” Clarke said as they got rid of her restraints.

Abby, Kane and Bellamy tried to talk to the woman as Clarke was carried out of the cell but she didn’t listen. Her head was covered up and Clarke didn’t know why. It wasn’t like she didn’t know the tower but she tried not to struggle too much.

“ _Wanheda, as requested. Shall I summon the war chiefs?_ ” Echo said as she removed the cloth from Clarke’s head and she looked directly at Roan.

“No.” He said and Echo seemed surprised. “Sire…,” She tried speaking but he didn’t pay attention to her.

“Get out,” He said firmly and the warrior didn’t like it but complied anyway and left along with the others leaving them alone. “It’s always something with you, isn’t it?” Roan said.

“You said you would protect my people. I only want you to keep that promise,” Clarke said to him.

“You killed Ontari. She was an Azgeda Commander,” Roan said to her and she shook her head. The distaste for the girl was hard to swallow.

“Ontari was an Azgeda nightblood and only that. She never took the Flame. She was no Commander and who killed her was under A.L.I.E’s control. My own mother tortured me because A.L.I.E told her to. You can’t hold us accountable on something we had no control over,” Clarke said to him.

“You’re not helping your case,” He said and she just looked at him with a fire burning in her eyes and he could see he was dealing with Wanheda for real this time.

“You know what? We need you as much as you need us,” She said to him more confident as he stood up from the throne that did not belong to him.

“I may recriminate what Pike did but he showed that 10 of us can kill 300 of you easily. If you don’t let us go, the remaining of my people will join Trikru and they will have access to our power and you will be slaughtered and I don’t want that and surely neither do you,” She said to him as he turned from her as the people’s cheers reached them.

“You can avoid this war. If you honor’s Lexa coalition. I’m asking you to recognize Skaikru as the 13th Clan so we can go home and we can move forward from all of this finally,” She said coming to stand beside him near the window as the warriors started chanting jus drein jus daun.

“Listen to that. I let you live, I’ll be dead in 6 days,” He said looking at her, “Sorry. Can’t,” Roan said shaking his head and she seemed to debate with herself what to do and after taking a deep breath, she spoke.

“What if give you the Flame?” She said and he turned to face her.

“We were told it was lost,” He said before he continued, “You give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just take it and cut off your head,” He said and she stared him down.

“I just gave you one and I wouldn’t be offering you if I wasn’t serious about this. If you take it, the clans will follow you and that is what you want. We both win,” Clarke said to him.

“I want what is best for my people,” He said and she nodded. “So do I. Help me and I’ll help you,” She said to him.

“Too many have been lost unnecessarily already. You and I can stop the bloodshed right here, right now. Saving your people isn’t what you want? Because it’s what I want. So much that I am giving up the Flame and you know what it means to me,” She said to him and he looked at her.

“Lexa.” He said and she nodded. “She wouldn’t want to see her people fighting each other and neither do I. The question is, do you?” She asked him as they looked at each other.

“Very well. I will honor the Coalition including the 13th clan. You have my word. Now, keep yours,” He said to her and extended his hand and she sighed before she put the Flame in his hand.

“Can I go to the room I had here? There are a few things I need to collect,” She asked him and he nodded.

“I will tell my warriors to free your people and you can meet them in the square where I will make the announcement,” He said and she nodded before she turned around and walked away passing by Echo who she saw go inside the room.

Clarke didn’t stop until she came to her room and started collecting everything that was hers, especially her drawing, including the one she made of Lexa, though she avoiding looking at it. She took about 20 minutes before she walked back out and found her friends amongst the people and joined them. “You okay?” Bellamy asked her and she just gave him a sad smile before they focused on what Roan was saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and please comment a lot, respectfully.  
> Kisses, kisses,  
> Your Author.


	4. Where is Home?

Saving Roan and convincing him to honor Lexa’s coalition to include the 13th clan was not easy. They had to trick his people to treat him, remove the bullet and save his life but even then, he decided to imprison them. The whole thing was difficult but for Clarke the hardest and most painful part of it all was giving him the Flame. It was the only thing she had of Lexa. It was Lexa. And although Clarke didn’t know what shutting down the City of Light caused to the Flame, she needed to believe that Lexa was still alive in there.

She wanted it to stay with her until a new Commander ascended, that way she would keep the girl she loved or at least a part of her close but she had to give it up for the safety of her people once again and that made a question pod in Clarke’s head. How much more would she still have to sacrifice for them? She didn’t know the answer to that question and she dreaded ever finding out. After they had said goodbye to her mother, Kane and Octavia who were staying in Polis, Clarke, Bellamy and Jaha with a few of the guards walked towards the rover that was still in the north woods.

Clarke got on the passenger seat, Bellamy on the driver side as Jaha and the guards on the back and they started on their way home. Home for them, at least. Clarke was looking through the window of the river from the passenger's seat as they drove away from Polis with destination to Arkadia. They left behind Kane, her mom and Octavia to make sure that Roam stays in power since Clarke knows he was the only one that would uphold Lexa’s Coalition and keep them safe as he promised in front of the people.

Clarke remembered when she was traveling with Lexa and she said she wondered if Arkadia was home but now, she knew the truth. It wasn’t. It has never been and it never will be because her home she found the day she walked inside the Commander’s tent to save her people and met the love of her life. Lexa was her home, through and through and Clarke let her go because of her own stupidity, because of guilty and anger. What now? Where did that get her? What did she win holding onto those feelings for so long? Nothing.

Lexa was dead, she was gone and Clarke lost three whole months with the girl simply because she was being stupid, because she couldn’t forgive herself for her own actions and even when she met Lexa again, when the brunette risked everything to find her and keep her safe even when everyone expected her to kill Wanheda and take her power, Clarke didn’t stop being stupid. She continued pushing Lexa away instead of pulling her close and never letting her go and now, she has truly lost her for good and there was nothing she could do about it.

“Do you think Wells would be ashamed by what I did?” Jaha broke the silence and Clarke knew he was talking to her, out of everyone in the car she was the one who really knew the boy. She had no idea if she wanted to speak with him but then she thought why not?

“Yes, he would be. He would never have agreed that we need to eliminate pain like that. You forgot about him, if you think he would have wanted that, then you didn’t know him at all,” She said coldly, seeing no reason to spare his feelings.

“I hope you never have to lose your kid, Clarke so that you won’t understand my pain or why I did what I did,” He said to her and she got angry at him. How dare he?

“And you think you’re the only who has lost someone? I lost my dad thanks to you and then I lost my best friend, my first love and my true love all within the span of 4 months and you want to tell me that I don’t understand the pain of losing someone you love?”

“I understand it better than you but I don’t go around letting people be controlled by a crazy AI because of it, that is all on you. Don’t put the burden of your choices on his memory. He doesn’t deserve it,” Clarke said to him.

“I’m not saying you haven’t lost anyone but he was my son. My only son and the only family I had left.” He said looking at her, “I just wanted the pain to stop. I just wanted to feel better and when I met A.L.I.E and took the chip, suddenly it was all gone and I felt like I could breathe again. Like I wasn’t drowning in my own sorrow. I just wanted others to feel the same way. To be okay,” He tried to explain his side of the story.

“You just wanted to take the easy way out and that almost cost everyone their lives. Families killed one another, brother killed brother, mother killed son and all because you couldn’t deal with it like everyone else did,” Clarke said calling him out on his bullshit.

“Why didn’t you drown yourself on alcohol and became a drunk? That would have been better than what you did. You have no idea the pain you caused to others, the families and lives you destroyed all because you were selfish and a coward,” She said to him.

“I told A.L.I.E that we don’t erase pain, we overcome it and that is the truth. Not two weeks ago, I lost someone special to me and I didn’t take the chip and you know why, Jaha? Because I would rather live in pain than forget one second I spent with her,” She said to him as tears came to her eyes.

“I would rather suffer all my life for the pain of losing her than to forget her face, her eyes, her voice, her smile, her name like you forgot Wells, like Raven was almost forgetting Finn,” Clarke said heatedly to him.

“Wells was the best guy you could ever know. His heart was so big and so full of love for people that I know that even if he had been in your place, he never would have taken it. He would have had to be tortured before he took that damned pill,” She said while looking ahead.

“And I can’t help but wonder if you would have done it, you know? If you would have tortured him like you made my mom torture me so he would do what you wanted?” She said getting angrier by the second.

“Probably. There is nothing I wouldn’t have done if she had asked me to do it,” He said dejectedly and she scoffed.

“Your piece of shit,” She said out loud for everyone to hear and she didn’t give a damn, she was mad. She was furious at everything and everyone, herself more than anyone else.

“Clarke, calm down,” Bellamy said to her and spared a look in her way and she turned her head to look at him and he could see the fire that was burning in her eyes.

“Why? Why do I need to calm down instead of calling him on his shit? I need to calm to spare his feelings? To hell with his feelings,” She said as she looked at her friend.

“Didn’t you see the devastation of the people in the city? What about those who weren’t there and where killing their parents or their siblings all because of him? When they wake up and realize what they have done, should they calm down too?” Clarke said to him.

“It wasn’t my intention to cause more pain to anyone. I wanted the opposite and I am very sorry for everything that has happened because of me,” Jaha said and she looked at him.

“Saying sorry doesn’t make things okay and doesn’t bring those people back so keep your sorry’s to yourself. We don’t need them,” Clarke said and kept quiet for the rest of the trip, she kept her eyes on the window and avoided any conversation.

Bellamy could feel that she was exploding with anger and frustration and a bunch of pent up emotions while having to stay inside of the car and he could feel that she couldn’t wait to get out so when they finally arrived in Arkadia and he parked the rover, she was the first one to get out, almost jumping off with the rover still in motion and moved to pass by everyone but she was interrupted by her friends who all came to her. The first one to hug her was Raven.

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked the blonde who looked around the room. Monty, Harper and Jasper were there and she just heard Bellamy came up behind her.

Clarke pulled back and looked at the girl. “No, I’m not okay. I’m the furthest thing from okay,” She said honestly and Raven was confused and looked at her and at Bellamy.

“What the hell happened?” The mechanic asked them both but kept her eyes on Bellamy as if she was asking him and he just shrugged.

“I don’t know, she just went off on Jaha on the way here and when I tried to help, she almost did the same to me,” He said to the mechanic and what he said was just what was needed to tip the blonde over the edge.

“Do you wonder why? Maybe it’s because you were just as bad as him,” She said as she turned around to face him. He was about to get a piece of her mind.

“You were angry and hurt because of what happened and you let Pike murder 300 innocent people. How could you do that, Bellamy? They had nothing to do with what was going on with the Ice Nation. They were here to help us and you just murdered them, you made Pike Chancellor,” Clarke said heatedly to him.

“Clarke, maybe you need to rest, calm down and relax,” Monty said as they all noticed how out of control she was.

“Why is everyone telling me to calm down when I finally found the balls to call out everyone on their shit? And before you say it, Jasper, I am including myself on that list. So feel free to lay it out on me because I sure as hell will not stay silent anymore. You want to start or should I?” She asked the boy directly and he shook his head.

“You go ahead,” He said lifting his hand in surrender and she nodded. Clarke looked at Raven and started her rant on the mechanic.

“Why the hell did you take the pill, Raven? I get that out of all of us, you were the one who was in the most amount of pain given everything that happened to you since we fell down here but you were stronger than that. You’re Raven Fucking Reyes, how could you let Jaha of all people convince you that you needed that pill?”

“You didn’t need it. You didn’t have to take it. You should have realized that all you needed to do was reach out. Let someone share your burden with you so that it would be lighter,” Clarke said raising her voice before she turned to Bellamy again.

“You put Pike in power. You betrayed Kane for someone who wanted to massacre innocent people, how could you do that? How could you cuff me and try to bring me to Pike when I was trying to save your ass?” Clarke said as she felt the tears coming up and Bellamy just watched her.

“You and I developed a toxic thing of forgiving each other for all the screwed up things we do but you know what? We’re wrong to do that. Not everything is supposed to be forgiven,” Clarke said to him.

“You should have never removed Wells’ bracelet on force. You should have never encouraged the others to take theirs. You should have never kicked the stoop and help them hang Murphy. You should never have destroyed Raven’s radio. You should have never let 300 people die just so you could save your ass,”

“You should have never supported Pike, you should have never given him and his followers those guns, you should have never murdered those people, you should have never let him imprison the grounder, Lincoln included. You should have never tried to murder everyone on that village and you sure as hell should never have let that maniac take control of our people!!” She exploded.

“I’m saying all of this about you guys but don’t think that I don’t know my mistakes as well because I do, all too well. I should never have left Wells alone with you and Murphy. I should never have just let you do whatever the hell you wanted. I should have fought harder for everyone to keep their bracelets on,”

“I should have never accused Murphy of something I wasn’t sure he had done. I should have never slept with Finn and lost sight of Raven’s pod. If I had gotten here faster, we could have saved all those people. I should have never let either one of you torture Lincoln.” She said and continued,

“I should have trusted Finn and never brought guns to that meeting with Anya. I should have fought harder to keep Anya alive. I should have woken up earlier so we could have stopped Finn from massacring those people,”

“I should have fought harder to save the people in TonDC. I should have found another way to save my people instead of killing everyone inside the Mountain. I should have never left. I should have just sucked it up and stayed,” Clarke said before she continued,

“And you know what else I should have done that I didn’t? I should have just been honest with myself, with my feelings, with my heart and I should have been with the woman I love when I had the chance. I should have given us a chance when we could have been together, way before Pike even set his foot here. I should have let her in,”

“I should have let her have her justice for the massacre. I should have fought as hard for her as I fought for all of you, as she fought for me, always. I should have just chosen her. But I didn’t , I was stupid, I took her for granted and I lost her forever because of it,” Clarke said as tears fell down on her face and sobs threatened to wreck her.

“You asked me what do we do when we realize that we may not be the good guys? And I tell you that we never were the good guys. We just wanted to believe we were so it would make everything we did okay but it doesn’t. ‘I did it for my people’, that is just a pretty excuse for everything screwed up that we do and I am sick of it,”

“We don’t do it because it’s for our people. I don’t do it because it’s for my people. I do it because it’s easier and I am so damn tired of lying to myself and to everyone. It’s time I start owning my shit, want an advice? Own yours,” Clarke said before she walked away, leaving them behind, shocked by everything she just said.


	5. Joint Reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry for the delay. Things have been a mess and I have been trying to organize my time to be able to do everything I need to and I was doing a poor job at it especially with my stories but I am glad to say that I have finally figure it out and will now be posting one chapter a day of this story and I am really glad for all the comments I received so far about this one. It really means a lot. I would still like if there were more but it is still the beginning and you have yet to see where this is going right? Well, now, I hope that the pace will pick up into a nice one where everyone can enjoy this story while I finish the other one.  
> So now, without further ado.

After watching the kids leave the capitol along with the rest of their people back to Arkadia, Kane and Abby were escorted back to the tower by the Ice Nation’s warriors who didn’t seem to leave them alone at all which in hindsight didn’t surprise them since they knew that Roan did not trust them so it was already expected but at the entrance of the tower, Kane noticed that Octavia wasn’t following them inside so he stopped and turned to speak with her.

“Octavia, you’re not coming with us?” He asked her frowning and she just shook her head.

“I’ll stay with Indra. If you want me, you know where to find me,” She said to him giving him a small nod and then turned from them following the warrior as Kane simply followed Abby inside.

Once they went up in the elevator to their designated floor and entered their appointed room, Kane collapsed on the couch closing his eyes and putting his hands over his face as Abby sat down beside him.

“Are you okay?” She asked him as she looked directly at him and he sighed deeply shrugging.

“Are any of us?” He asked her back and she had no answer to that or rather she did and it wasn’t a positive one.

“Let me check your wrists,” She said and grabbed her med kit and sat down on the small table in front of him and he finally opened his eyes and removed his jacket to let her check on it.

It wasn’t as bad as she had thought it was, but it wasn’t better either. She started working on it and Kane just looked at the wounds as thoughts of why the wounds were there in the first place came to his head and a burning question made its way out of his lips.

“How did we let him get that far?” He whispered, “How did we let them get that far?” He asked no one in particular but Abby knew he was talking about Jaha and Pike.

“I don’t know,” She truly didn’t, “Perhaps we underestimated them and didn’t notice how dangerous they were until it was too late,” She said and now that Kane thought about it, it seemed like the perfect explanation.

With Pike, when he met the man again, he had noticed that he was a different person than the man he remembered. ‘Grounder killers, one and all’ The way Pike had spoken about the grounders and the rest of Farm Station cheered on him should have been reason enough for Kane to have kept a closer eye on the guy and his followers before the incident with Mount Weather happened. He should have been there for Bellamy, offered him the support and the guidance he knew the boy needed after what happened.

He should have known that Pike would be able to use his anger and his guilt to get the boy to do what he wanted. To convince him that the grounders were the enemy. He shouldn’t have stopped when he had Pike in the back of the rover, he should have just moved forward with the car and should have just gambled that Bellamy wouldn’t have stayed in the way of the Rover. He shouldn’t have stopped. He should have postponed the election until things had been smoothed out with the Commander and Clarke. He should have done something better.

With Jaha, Abby knew she was the one to blame for letting him run loose around camp promising things that shouldn’t be able to be done. She had known from the start that there was something wrong with him and those chips. She should have done something more to stop him from convincing the people to join them. She should have done a better job at helping Raven with her pain. She should have been there to talk to Jackson about whatever pain he was feeling. She failed as a friend and as a doctor.

Raven had been right. She had tried to do both, be a doctor and Chancellor and she was failing on both. Kane was a good Chancellor and she should have just passed the pin back to him the moment they returned from the Mountain, she shouldn’t have tried to stay in control because in complete truth, she never was. Clarke was in charge, she just held a title and she should have known better. Unlike her daughter, she never had talent for leadership. As a Chancellor, she was a good doctor and she should have known that.

“We both failed our people when it mattered, didn’t we?” Abby asked him and Kane nodded at her sadly.

“We did. We realized the danger only when it stared at us right in the face and there was nothing we could do to reverse the damage they had done. I should have done something to stop Pike,” He said and she nodded.

“And Jaha was my fault,” Abby said to him sighing, she had been his friends for far longer than Kane so she felt more responsible for Thelonious than he did and Kane only looked at her.

“And we both paid the price for underestimating them both,” He said to her and she looked up at him.

“So did everyone else,” She said talking about all the lives that those two men destroyed.

“Now, we are barely surviving as it is, depending on the fact that an Ice Nation King stays in power when they are the most hated clan, second only to us, practically in the brink of a civil war between the clans, with all the grounders hating us for everything that happened,” Kane said to her before he sighed running his hand through his hair.

“Now, Pike is dead, Jaha is confined to Arkadia because if he steps foot outside, they will kill him. You tortured your friend. I tortured my own daughter who just lost someone she loved because of our people’s stupidity and things just keep piling up,” Abby said to him tiredly.

“I know but we didn’t mean for any of those things to happen to those we love or innocent people and we certainly couldn’t have predicted that things would turn out so badly and even if we did, we’re only human, Abby. We’re not perfect. We made terrible mistakes,” he said to her before continuing,

“But what is really important now is that we learn from those mistakes and never let something like this ever happen again. We keep Roan in power for as long as we have to and make sure to be better and hope that we can find forgiveness for our sins someday,” Kane said to Abby, in his voice she could hear his doubts on the matter of that word. Forgiveness.

“Do you think we will ever forgive ourselves for the things we have done or the things we failed to do? Do you believe we deserve forgiveness?” Abby asked him sadly and he sighed shaking his head.

“That is a question only time can answer us but to be honest, I don’t think so. We may learn how to deal with it but I don’t think we will ever truly forgive ourselves for that. And as far as deserving it, we may not deserve it now but we can always work to deserve it someday,” Kane said and Abby nodded.

“I agree with you but I know, deep down, that hurting Clarke, torturing my daughter will never be something I will forgive myself for,” Abby said firmly and truthfully to him.

“That was not more your fault than almost killing Indra is mine. I know it may sound like an excuse but we did have an evil AI controlling our minds and making us do things that we never would have in different circumstances,” He said to her before he continued,

“Clarke understands what you did and she knows why you did. She doesn’t blame you for it. She knows that in the end, what happened hurts you more than it hurt her. You can’t hold this over your head, Abby. That was not your fault,” Kane tried to convince her but he knew that she would need more than pretty words. She would need time, more than anything.

“How are we going to deal with Roan?” She asked him changing the topic and he sighed.

“That is a question I have been asking myself ever since Clarke gave him the Flame,” He said to her sighing and leaning back against the couch as Abby sat down beside him and did the same.

“I don’t have much sway with the other Ambassadors now given everything our people have done to them so I doubt I have as much power to keep him in charge as we need me to have,” Kane said and in his mind there was only one person of their people that had that power with the grounders.

“But Clarke has it since they consider her Wanheda. They respect her,” Abby said thinking the same thing he was about the role the young blonde girl seems to play in all of this.

Somehow, her daughter came to mean something different to the grounders. They saw as an entity almost as powerful as they see their Commander. Abby could only shake her head. She had told Clarke that she would want to protect everyone else because she knew her daughter. Despite her being closer with her father, Abby knew Clarke and she was so much like Jake and she knew Clarke would want to take care of everyone, it was part of who she was but she never thought that quality would take her daughter this far.

“We could never have imagined this when we decided to send the kids down here, could we?” Abby asked Kane and he sighed nodding.

“Of course we couldn’t have predicted this when we made that decision. We selfishly believed we were the last hope humanity had to survive. I remember telling Thelonious that the human race was already surviving and they were. They lived, had a society, a culture, a life down here that took too long for us to learn about it or respect it,” Kane said and Abby scoffed.

“Some of us more than others. Pike never learned any of it and never even thought about respecting it.” She said to him, as a matter of fact and he couldn’t refute that fact.

“Pike had a different experience than us,” Kane said before he continued, “he was faced with bigger challenges than us by being in the Ice Nation territory. They are a clan known to be ruthless and Farm Station were invaders on their lands, it was bound to be a bloodbath,” Kane said and Abby nodded.

“I know but that doesn’t excuse anything that he did to the grounders or to our people either Marcus,” Abby said to him and Kane nodded his head at her agreeing with what she said.

“Yes, what I mean is that we didn’t face that. We fell into Trikru territory and we were lucky that we had Clarke to start building bridges between our people and give us a chance to see them differently,” Kane explained and she nodded.

“What would have been of our people without Clarke, Marcus? Would we have survived at all?” She asked him and he shook his head.

“Probably not. And Pike is exactly the reason why we need Clarke more so than Bellamy, Raven or any of the others, Clarke is the glue of our people as well as our best connection with the grounders, without a single ounce of doubt, because she is the only one that can lead us to a brighter and better future. Without her guidance, we are doomed,” He said to her and she nodded. She was finally able to see and understand that now.

“She is very strong, intelligent, with a strong talent for leadership and for finding trouble. She is also compassionate and understanding, she feels things deeply. She is by far the best decision and the best thing I have ever made in my life. I am so very proud of her,” Abby said to him and he nodded.

“You should. You and Jake raised a wonderful daughter, I would dare say, Clarke is the best one of us. She is not perfect but she is more loyal and selfless than we deserve,” Kane said and Abby nodded agreeing as she spoke about her daughter,

“We ask and we demand and she just keeps giving even if it is killing her. I think that is one of the reasons why I had some reluctance about letting her do what she does after she came back from Mount Weather. It was not because I wanted to be in power or because I wanted to keep my position as Chancellor, I just wanted to keep my daughter safe. I just wanted to spare the need to sacrifice herself for the people. I just wanted to protect her but I failed even that,” Abby said as a tear fell down on her face and she gripped her necklace and Jake’s ring.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better mother for our daughter. Maybe it would have been better if you were the one that survived. She certainly needed you more than she needs me,” Abby whispered and Kane heard.

“I know that if Jake was here, he would be telling you this but since he isn’t, I will say it. You are a good mother Abby and Clarke does need you. Maybe not in the way that you wished she did but perhaps in another. She needs you now more than ever, with losing Lexa and everything that has happened. Be there for her in any way she lets you. That is all she needs from you,” Kane said holding her hand and she looked at him.

“Do you really think that?” She asked him and he nodded.

“I know that. Clarke is a strong woman and maybe she doesn’t need her mom to hold her hand to the first day of school but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need you because she does. She will always need you, Abby. No matter how old she is or how much she grows up.” He told her and she nodded giving him a small smile.

“Thank you for saying that Marcus.” She told him grateful for his words but he only shook his head.

“It’s the truth, I just reminded you of it.” He said and she nodded.

“Now, we are both extremely tired given everything that happened these past few days so why don’t we take a bath and go to sleep? Tomorrow, we have a king to keep alive and on the throne. You can go first,” Kane said standing up and offering his hand to pull her up.

She looked up to him, “Join me,” She said to him and he looked at her before nodding and following her towards the bathroom. They went to sleep wrapped up on each other.


	6. Day AFter

The next day, very early in the morning, Clarke woke up from a poor night of sleep, when her nightmare haunted her, nightmares about Lexa and blood, there was so much blood and after she opened her eyes to be greeted by the sunrays, she just stayed in bed, looking at the ceiling and thinking about everything that happened to her recently. Yesterday, everything came crashing down on her, all the pent up emotions she had kept inside for the sake of saving the world and humanity again and she just exploded on her friends and on herself.

Thing is she didn’t regret what she said because she didn’t lie about any of it. Everything she said to them and about them, the things they had done and had screwed up as well as herself was the absolute truth. Harsh, she admitted it but nonetheless the truth. In fact, it was a truth that should have been spoken long before yesterday. For the first time, she was brutally honest with them and with herself and although she felt a little weird that she did something like that, she also felt incredibly lighter.

Holding so much inside of her was beginning to drown her, to suffocate her and she had to save herself and spit it all out or else in the end she would have gone crazy. Now, as she looked back at her actions since the moment she landed on Earth with the 100, she realized how she screwed up time and time again and admitting to that brought a freedom that she hadn’t known she needed until she felt it. A freedom to admit she was not perfect, far from it and that she owned that. She was finally owning her mistakes instead of running away from them.

She screwed up big time too many times to count, she knew that but she wasn’t the only one. Everyone else did too and they all, herself included, portrayed themselves as being these victims, hid themselves behind excuses of doing everything for their people and like she had said to them, she was tired of it. Lying to herself about her feelings, about what she wanted led to her lose Lexa and she wouldn’t do it again. From now on, she would be honest and if they got offended by the truth, then it would be everyone’s problem, not hers.

Clarke tried her best to save everyone, to make everything better, to make the best decisions for everyone but sometimes it wasn’t enough and it was time she accepted that she couldn’t save everyone all the time and that the responsibility couldn’t be only hers. She couldn’t spend her life cleaning up everyone else’s mess time and time again and simply pat them in the head as if what they do doesn’t mean anything. She couldn’t pretend that her leaving, that Bellamy massacring those people, that Raven taking the chip, that all of that was meaningless.

It wasn’t. Those were mistakes that they were so ready to forgive and only because they were the ones who made it. It took her this long but she could finally see her hypocrisy right in front of her face. If she wanted to be a better person and a better leader, she needed to stop. She needed to stop protecting her people even when they were wrong, she needed to be more like Lexa, who would see justice be done even if it was to someone she cared for like she did with Gustus. That is how Clarke should strive to be like.

Fair and just. Not condescending and dismissive. Bellamy was the one of top of the list of people she pat on the head when she shouldn’t, she would always let him get away with too much. They had an understanding during the fight with A.L.I.E about some of his actions but that didn’t mean she could forget everything that he did to Lexa’s people and to her when she came to help him and forgetting wasn’t the road to forgiveness. The same way went with her and Jasper, if she wanted his forgiveness she needed to earn it and not simply expect him to forget because he wouldn’t and neither would she.

She turned around on her bed and faced her desk where the only thing she could see was her drawing of Lexa, the one she made before Emerson was presented to them in that box sent by Roan and she couldn’t help the pain and sorrow that came with seeing the girl who took her heart and her life by storm and left her like this, empty. That was not fair, she knew Lexa wouldn’t have left her if she had a choice in the matter but it was how Clarke felt. It felt like she was left behind with no choice but to deal with all the pain.

She checked the clock on her side and saw that it was time to get up so she threw the covers off of her and got up from the bed, yawning as she did so. As she got dressed, Clarke had an idea pop into her head and once she was finished, she moved towards her table, sat down on the chair and started drawing something on a piece of paper. It took her about 10 minutes to get it perfect but once she did, she folded the paper and put it on her jacket as she walked out of her room and in the direction of the food hall.

When she got there, she noticed that there were not many people so she sighed in relief, she wouldn’t be bothered today. At least, she could hope she wouldn’t be. She grabbed a tray with food and sat down to eat and wondered how things were going about in Polis. Roan staying in power was the only thing stopping an all-out war and Clarke didn’t want that to happen at all. One, she knew her people would have to choose a side between Trikru and Azgeda and if that happened, she had no idea what she should do and two because they would have to fight and her people was short on soldiers.

She knew that Lexa wouldn’t like to know that Roan was in charge of her people. Despite the respect that seemed to go on between those two and despite the fact that Lexa presided fairly over all clans, they were still Trikru and Azgeda, still came from rivals clans besides Lexa had created the law that the Ambassadors were to rule Polis and the people together and Roan was breaking that law by taking the city by force. She wondered what Lexa would say if she could see what was happening to her people thanks to her absence and that of a nightblood.

Well, there was and is a nightblood. Luna but she keeps refusing it so Clarke quickly shook her head.  Luna wasn’t worthy of having the chance to follow Lexa’s path as Commander and carry on with her peace legacy, same as Ontari, at least in her book. It was a good thing that the natblida refused to take the Flame, the only one who should have the Flame is someone who would be willing to continue on Lexa’s vision of peace for everyone. Not some coward or bloodthirsty nightblood.

Clarke was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice an approaching figure, not until this person sat down in front of her finally catching her attention and when Clarke looked up from her plate, she saw that it was Raven.

“Hey, Griffin,” The mechanic said and Clarke eyed her warily and the girl noticed, “Relax, princess. I’m not mad at you for what you said yesterday. You were kind of crazy there but it was the truth. Don’t worry, we’re cool,” She said and Clarke visibly relaxed.

“And the others, how did they take it? Not so well I presume,” Clarke asked the mechanic and Raven shrugged.

“Well, Bellamy left for his room not long after you did and Jasper seemed to have agreed with what you said so he is good. Monty and Harper were shocked,” Raven said and Clarke nodded, “Can I ask what brought on all of that?” The mechanic asked her and Clarke sighed.

“It was just too much, Ray. The lies, the excuses, the hypocrisy, the self-righteousness. Everyone has their limit and I reached mine. I couldn’t take it anymore,” The blonde said before she continued speaking,

“We keep lying to ourselves and to everyone and we keep pretending that what we do is okay because we are the ones who did it but it’s not okay. It’s not okay that Finn massacred 18 people. Or that I murdered more than 300 people in the Mountain. Or everything Bellamy did while following Pike. We are not the good guys, Raven. We just like to pretend we are so we don’t face that truth. I am sick of running from my mistakes. I did that for 3 months and where did it get me? Where did it get us?” Clarke said to the girl who nodded.

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying,” Raven said to her and Clarke nodded her head, relieved that the older girl didn’t seem too angry with her and was really trying to make a conversation with her and not simply point fingers.

“When we were at the trading post and A.L.I.E made you say those things, they stung but they were also true, for all of us, it may have been harsh but it was not a lie. It’s time we stop playing these games of I screw up, everyone forgives me. There are some things that shouldn’t be forgiven even if they were done for our people. We should never have tortured Lincoln,” Clarke said and the mechanic sighed nodding.

“That was wrong, I admit and I feel like shit so I get it but we were doing to save Finn, he would have died otherwise,” Raven said to her and Clarke shook her head.

“But we didn’t save Finn, Octavia did without using violence. We were ready to go to war with the grounder to protect Finn after what he has done and we both know that if it had been anyone else, just some nameless person that had done what he did. That if the culprit had been Murphy, we would have given him up, like you almost tried to do. We only wanted to save him because it was Finn. How is that fair?” Clarke asked the girl who was quiet. She couldn’t refute that truth.

“He murdered 18 innocent people in cold blood and we wanted him safe simply because we loved him. It was not because he was one of us, it was because we cared for him. Had it been anyone else, we wouldn’t have risked it. This is what I am tired. That we keep protecting people and forgiving them simply because they are someone we care about. It’s not fair or just to do that. I am very guilty of doing that too,” Clarke said to the girl.

“I didn’t ask Lexa to change blood must have blood at that precise moment because it was the right thing to do. I did because I wanted to protect my people, because I wanted to protect Bellamy and look at where that got me? It got me to lose her,” Clarke continued,

“She was killed because he screwed up and I tried to clean up his mess, to protect him and risked her life while doing so. I don’t want to do that anymore. The grounder way may be harsh but it’s just and we should follow the example,” She said as she continued eating.

“Yeah, you’re right. But it’s hard to face the truth like that.” Raven said and Clarke nodded as she finished eating and pushed her tray aside.

“Yeah but we need to start facing it so that we don’t make the same mistakes we did before or else how many more times were we going to feed onto this cycle?” Clarke asked her and Raven could only shrug.

“I don’t know but what I do know is that to break it is going to take a little more than just a conversation. We are too used to it by now,” Raven said back at her and Clarke nodded.

“I know but I had to start somewhere. I couldn’t let things continue to go the way they had been going anymore. I can’t close my eyes to my mistakes or run away again otherwise I will forever live my life running away and I can’t do that anymore,” Clarke spoke as she looked around before continuing,

“I have to take responsibility for myself and for my people, make sure that they are on the right path and not the wrong one like Pike almost did. They need my guidance and I will give it to them and teach them what I have learnt so in the future they won’t make the mistakes we did,” Clarke said to her friend who nodded at her.

“I guess that is why from all of us, you were the one recognized as the leader. You are too selfless for your own good, Clarke. We are bloodsucking bastards, we will drain you from your energy, from your happiness if you let us,” Raven said as she reached out to hold the blonde’s hands in hers,

“Do your job as a leader, guide us, teach us, but don’t forget that you don’t owe anything to us and most importantly we don’t own you. Don’t let us suck you dry. If it gets too much, don’t hesitate. Leave. Go to the grounder, something tells me they respect you more than we do,” Raven said to her and Clarke had tears in her eyes because of the mechanic’s words.

“Thank you for that, Ray. Thank you so much,” Clarke said to the brunette as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She had cried too much already yesterday there was no need for more crying today and as she looked up from their hands, Clarke saw Miller coming their way.

“Clarke, sorry to interrupt but Jackson needs your help on a surgery right now. He said that it is pretty urgent,” The boy said to her and she nodded at him.

“Okay, I’m on my way,” She said and he left moving away from them having already given her the message. Clarke stood up and pulled the paper from her jacket before opening up,

“Raven, I need a favor. Can you make this into a necklace for me?” Clarke said passing the paper to Raven who looked at the drawing immediately recognizing it. She gave the blonde a small smile and nodded.

“Got it. Give me four hours and I will have it ready for you,” Raven said to her and Clarke nodded smiling back at her before she ran towards Med Bay to do her job and help her people.


	7. Memory Lane

**_It was the day when Emerson was brought in and at night right after Clarke helped Lexa decide his fate in front of all of the other Ambassadors and Titus. After the meeting, Lexa quickly left the throne room before anyone else did and Clarke was one of the last ones to leave the place. She went to her room and sat down on her bed thinking about everything that went on that day and how she almost betrayed Lexa and her new policy by wanting to kill Emerson despite what she had convinced the brunette to do in the field of bodies._ **

**_It was just too much seeing him and being faced with her crimes against the Mountain Men once again. She had thought she was past the point when she couldn’t control herself anymore because of that particular topic but clearly it still bothered her too much that she almost risked everything trying to run from her ghosts once again. He had been the one to help Nia destroy the Mountain and kill her people but she meant it when she said that if she killed him, it would be because of her actions, not his._ **

**_She thought about how Lexa had trusted in her to make the right decision even if it went against her new policy and all she risked by doing that and suddenly, Clarke had the desire to be around the girl. She tried fighting it but in the end, the feeling was stronger than her restraint so she stood up from her bed and walked out of her room in the direction of Lexa’s room. She had to take the elevator since Lexa stayed in the top floor and Clarke stayed two floors down since it was the one designated for the Skaikru delegation._ **

**_The elevator’s door opened and she walked forward through the hall and when she came towards the door of Lexa’s room, the guards who were stationed outside of it didn’t even move to stop her when she grabbed the knob so she figured she had clear passage to enter so that was what she did. She turned the knob, opened the door and got inside closing it behind her and Lexa was right there, sitting on the sofa, reading a book. When she heard the noise, she looked up and saw that it was Clarke so she relaxed._ **

**_“Clarke of the Sky People, to what do I owe your visit?” Lexa said with a small teasing smile that Clarke couldn’t help but return it with one of her own._ **

**_“I wanted to talk to you. Can I?” The blonde girl asked and Lexa just looked at her before she scooted to the side and patted the couch on the spot beside her._ **

**_Clarke understood the message and removed her jacket before she sat down beside the girl. Lexa was wearing a grey tank top and loose black pants. It must be her sleepwear, Clarke thought. She looked beautifully comfortable and Clarke mentally shook her head to stop her mind from going down the road of thinking what others sleepwear did the brunette had and if any was as provocative as the black dress with the leg rip that she worn the night she visited Clarke’s room after the fight with room._ **

**_“So should I go ahead and assume that the subject of this conversation is the fate of the Mountain Man?” Lexa asked as she put the book on her other side and looked directly at Clarke who sighed and nodded._ **

**_“What would you have done if I hadn’t decided to let him go unharmed? If I had decided to go through with the cuts?” Clarke asked her turning to look at the older girl._ **

**_“The decision was yours to make, Clarke. I would have followed your decision. Had you decided differently, he would have received the 49 cuts and would have died by my sword,” Lexa said simply, just like that and Clarke appeared to be confused._ **

**_“Wouldn’t that have been bad for you? You are still trying to implement the new policy. I would have ruined your attempts if I had done that,” Clarke said as a matter of fact and Lexa nodded her head at her assumption._ **

**_“Yes, it would have been bad for my policy of blood must not have blood as well as for myself in the eyes of my Ambassadors and my people if you hadn’t chose the right way to deal with him,” Lexa agreed with her and Clarke was even more confused now._ **

**_“Then why did you do it? Why chose to risk everything by putting the choice in my hands? By what you are saying, I could have ruined everything,” Clarke asked and Lexa gave her a small smile before she went on to explain._ **

**_“Did I ever tell you or mentioned who was the person that talked me out of going to war with the Ice Nation when Costia was killed?” Lexa asked her and Clarke shook her head._ **

**_“No, you never talked about it but I always assumed it was Titus. He seems to make it his business everything you do or don’t do,” The blonde said and Lexa nodded chuckling._ **

**_“Anyone would think it was him but the real person who talked me out of doing it was Anya.” Lexa said to her and Clarke seemed shocked._ **

**_“Anya? She was the one to make you stop from going to war with the Ice Nation? Sorry but she didn’t seem like the peaceful type when we met.” Clarke said to her and Lexa nodded._ **

**_“Yes, she wasn’t that peaceful but she was the one that kept me together when I received the box with Costia’s head on it. I wanted to cut off Nia’s head and wanted to wipe out Azgeda from existence. Kill everyone of them,” Lexa said as Clarke listened attentively._ **

**_“Titus spoke to me about how that was what the woman wanted and that I couldn’t give her the satisfaction of getting me to do exactly that. He told me that I needed to rise to my duty as Commander at that moment more than ever. And when Nia came here, the next day to be decided what would be the fate of her people, he asked me to do the right thing for my people and get the woman to join the coalition,” Lexa said and Clarke was confused._ **

**_“Wait, didn’t you say Anya was the one to convince you that you shouldn’t go to war with Nia?” Clarke asked her and Lexa nodded smiling at the blonde girl._ **

**_“She was but not because she pleaded with me to do the right thing. In fact, she said nothing at all to me about it. The only thing she said was that she would follow whatever decision I made,” Lexa said to her as Clarke continued to listen to the story,_ **

**_“Do you know why she didn’t say anything?” Lexa asked and Clarke shook her head, “Because she expected and trusted me to do the right thing on my own,” Lexa said to her simply, just like that._ **

**_“She did to me what I did to you today. Gave you a chance and trusted you to come to the conclusion on what was the right thing to do by yourself. Had you chosen differently, I would have followed your decision, the same way Anya told me she would follow mine. Sometimes, it’s better to teach you how to fish by yourself than to fish for you,” Lexa said to her and Clarke finally understood what she was talking about._ **

**_“At least one of us trusts my decisions because I certainly don’t, not anymore. Sometimes I don’t even know what I am doing or if I am doing what is right for me, for my people,” Clarke said looking ahead and Lexa looked at her._ **

**_“That is because you want to be perfect. You want things to be perfect. You want to save everyone. You want to please everyone and you can’t handle it when you don’t. But it is not possible to do that, Clarke,” Lexa said as Clarke took a deep breath and sighed._ **

**_“No leader is perfect, no person is perfect and no decision is perfect. We’re humans, we make mistakes. We fall short, we screw up from time to time,” Lexa said and the blonde looked at her as the brunette continued,_ **

**_“When I first became Commander, I was just like you,” Lexa said smiling at the girl, “I was an overachiever. I wanted to do everything for my people and I hated myself when I failed to do what I wanted or how I wanted it,”_ **

**_“But with time, I learnt that we will make mistakes, all we need is to learn from them and strive to be better next time. Dealing with failures is the way to have success,” Lexa said and Clarke nodded. Perhaps the brunette girl was right._ **

**_“Do you know Thomas Edison?” Lexa asked the blonde who nodded smiling._ **

**_“He was the guy that invented the electric lamp,” Clarke said and Lexa nodded._ **

**_“He tried to make it work 10 thousand times and when questioned about his failures, he said: ‘I didn’t fail. I just found 10 thousand ways it doesn’t work’,” Lexa said to her and Clarke smiled._ **

**_“You are not always going to get it right but you can’t beat yourself up for it or let others do that to you either. You own up your mistakes and never make them again. That is the way to become a better leader,” Lexa said to her and Clarke nodded at her before she chuckled._ **

**_“What is it?” Lexa asked her and Clarke laughed out loud. She couldn’t believe that Lexa would use that reference to teach her a lesson._ **

**_“Thomas Edison? Really? You’re a nerd, aren’t you?” She said to the brunette and Lexa smiled at her, glad that the blonde was feeling a little bit better enough to make a joke._ **

**_“Hey, I know what that word means and yes, I am a nerd. A proud one at that,” Lexa said confidently and they chuckled before Lexa spoke again,_ **

**_“My grandfather was a merchant and he loved collecting books. He would bring them to Polis for the library here but he would always separate a few for me,” Lexa explained as Clarke looked at her._ **

**_“He believed I would change the world we knew and make it better. He used to say that I would change it, not with the sharp blade of my sword but with the sharp blade of my mind,” Lexa said forlornly._ **

**_“He seems like a smart person.” She said, feeling sad for the clear loss the brunette has suffered and Lexa looked at her and smiled._ **

**_“He was. He taught me how to read and write. Every time I enter the library and see all those books, I think of him.” Lexa said as she thought about her grandpa and Clarke nodded._ **

**_“You don’t talk a lot about your family. I think this was the first time I heard you mention any of your relatives,” Clarke said gently and Lexa shook her head chuckling._ **

**_“And unless you ask me a question about it, I probably won’t. But if you’re curious, you can ask. I will answer.” Lexa said smiling and Clarke looked at her skeptically._ **

**_“Really? I can ask about it and you will answer?” She asked the Commander with a challenging look and Lexa nodded at her smiling._ **

**_“Fire away. What do you want to know first?” Lexa said readjusting herself on the couch so she was facing Clarke who did the same and faced her._ **

**_“Okay, then let’s start with a strong one. Are they still alive?” She asked the brunette and Lexa smiled at her. Somehow, when Clarke was curious, she found the blonde to be adorable._ **

**_“Straight to the point, good,” She said before she continued, “Not all of them but yes, they are alive,” Lexa said to her and Clarke was giddy and curious._ **

**_“That is very good to hear. So how big is your family? Do you have siblings? Or are you an only child?” Clarke asked her and Lexa nodded._ **

**_“Yes, I have two older brothers, one older step sister and two younger sisters. My oldest brother is married and he has a son, a daughter and another baby on the way,” Lexa explained and Clarke was shocked and Lexa smiled at the expression on her face._ **

**_“You’re kidding me.” Clarke said to her in disbelief and Lexa shook her head amused by the clear shock on the blonde’s face._ **

**_“No, I’m not kidding you. Why would you think I am? What exactly did you expect to hear?” Lexa asked her smiling and curious._ **

**_“I don’t know, some tragic story, maybe. All of your family died or something very sad,” Clarke said and Lexa was the one who laughed this time and shook her head._ **

**_“Sorry to disappoint you but nothing that tragic. My father did die when I was very young but other than that, they are very well, thank you,” She said still smiling and Clarke smiled._ **

**_“I’m sorry for your father and for my stupidity. I am glad that your family is okay and that they are not all dead, I really am.” Clarke said apologetically and Lexa shook her head dismissively._ **

**_“I know, Clarke. Relax. I was not offended besides, with the life we live down here is not surprising that you would think such a thing. I mean it, all is good. Next question?” Lexa said to her._ **

**_“Thank you for understanding and I guess the next question is what are their names?” Clarke asked her and Lexa nodded smiling before she started speaking._ **

**_“My father’s name was Aaron. He died when I after I was taken here to Polis, he was a warrior,” She started and Clarke nodded interested to hear more, “My mother’s name is Mary. She is a teacher and the chief of my village. She married again, my step father’s name is Jon. He is a very nice guy,” Lexa said to her and Clarke chuckled._ **

**_“You have a step father?” She asked her disbelieving and Lexa nodded, “Yes, I do. His name is Jon and he has a daughter named Cara who is 3 years older than me,” She said to the blonde and Clarke just smiled, “Okay, go on,” The blonde said._ **

**_“My oldest brother is Vernon, he is 10 years older than me. Tall, black hair, green eyes. He looks a lot like my Dad. The other one is Kaleb, he is 7 years older than me and he was the reckless one, always getting into trouble, he looks the most like Mom.” Lexa said and Clarke was surprised._ **

**_“Wow. It’s a big age gap between you and your brothers. 10 and 7 years apart,” Clarke said to her and Lexa nodded her head._ **

**_“Yeah but my mom had Vernon when she was 16 so she isn’t that old. When she married Jon, she was about Vernon’s age, 33. Two years later, she had the twins, Dove and Erin. They’re 14 years old. Mom says they look like me,” Lexa said with a smile on her face and Clarke had one of her own._ **

**_“Vernon married a woman named Margot and they had two kids. My nephew Aaron, he is 5 years old and the little one is Lia, she is 2 and a half. The half part being really important,” Lexa said as they both chuckled._ **

**_“How often do you get to see them? I mean, do you get to see them often? I don’t think Titus would be too keen on that,” Clarke asked her and Lexa sighed._ **

**_“Not as often as I would like, given how busy my life is and the distance but I do see them at least twice a month. Titus doesn’t like it very much but I told him that when it comes to my family, this is how is going to be so he has learned to stay quiet.” Lexa said to her and Clarke smirked._ **

**_“Is he capable of doing that?” Clarke asked her and Lexa smiled. “I make sure he tries very hard,” Lexa said and they chuckled._ **

**_“What about Kaleb? You meet with him too?” Clarke asked and Lexa took on a serious posture and shook her head._ **

**_“Kaleb took our father’s death the hardest so when he was old enough, he left and although we can contact each other, it’s not an easy or safe thing to do but we do meet during Dad’s death anniversary, almost like a tradition so we at least see him once a year.” Lexa said and Clarke nodded._ **

**_“How long has it been since your dad died if I may ask?” The blonde asked her and Lexa took a deep breath before answering, “It’s been 16 years,” Lexa said._ **

**_“I’m sorry. It must not be easy,” Clarke said to her but the brunette shook her head._ **

**_“It’s okay. It was a long time ago,” Lexa said to her as Clarke nodded._ **

**_“Are you and your family close?” She asked and Lexa smiled brightly again._ **

**_“Yes, we are. At least we try to be. Dad would always say that his family was the most important thing for him and that having us altogether always made him the happiest so we try to honor that and him by being close,” Lexa said and Clarke smiled._ **

**_“They all seem like very nice people.” The blonde said and Lexa nodded._ **

**_“They are. Anyways, they will be coming here three weeks for now. If we can get past this storm, you will get to meet them,” Lexa said to her with a shy smile on her face and Clarke nodded her head._ **

**_“I look forward to it,” She said and they just looked at each other and you could cut the tension with a knife. Clarke could feel her restraint wavering and the desire to just throw herself at the brunette’s arms was too big so she knew it was time to go._ **

**_“I think I should go. It’s late. We both deserve some rest after everything that happened today,” Clarke said standing up and Lexa stood up as well and nodded._ **

**_“Yeah, you’re right. We had a busy day, we should get some rest. Thank you for the talk, Clarke, it was really nice,” Lexa said as she accompanied Clarke towards her door._ **

**_“No, thank you for letting me come and bother you. Reshop, Heda,” Clarke said to the brunette as Lexa opened the door smirking at her phrase._ **

**_“It was no bother. Good night, Ambassador,” She said back at the blonde and Clarke smiled before she walked out of the room and Lexa watched her until the elevator’s doors closed._ **

**_“Not a word about this, you two.” She said to her guards who nodded stifling their smiles before she went back inside and closed the door behind her._ **


	8. Talking Helps

It had been about 6 hours after Clarke had left breakfast to go help Jackson and there were many complications during the surgery that it took longer than they expected it to stabilize the guy and make sure he would survive and once they were done, he had thanked her and told her that she was free to go and that she deserved some rest. She had thanked him and left MedBay, walking without destination until she stopped at the bottom of the watch tower and decided to climb it.

She came all the way up and there was a guard there on duty but since she wanted to be alone, she dismissed him and he went down, luckily without much trouble. So then, she was left alone and so she sat down by the railing and let her feet dangle in the air as she closed her eyes, enjoying the breeze and let her mind take her somewhere which was when she was taken to a flashback of a moment she had shared with Lexa the day where Emerson had been taken to Polis for them to deal with him.

After remembering that moment in which they had just spent some time talking like normal teenagers, Clarke could not help but think of Lexa’s family whom she never got a chance to meet. How must they have felt when they received the news that she was dead? They must have been even more devastated than she was given how close they seemed to be and how much they seemed to care about each other. She dreaded thinking of her mother receiving the news and anything that belonged to her daughter.

Clarke could only imagine now, how it would have been to meet the family of the girl she loves so much. How would Lexa have introduced her to them? As a simple Ambassador, an ally or as a friend? As something more, perhaps? Maybe if the whole thing with Pike hadn’t happened and Lexa had been alive to help deal with A.L.I.E, that could have been the truth but now, now it was only a painful dream that she didn’t seem to be able to let go. Especially not of her.

Clarke was so lost in thought thinking about the many chances to be with Lexa that she wasted  and looking out at the horizon that she didn’t hear the grunts that someone was making while coming up at the tower not until this person truly spoke and finally caught her attention. “You really like to make me work, don’t you Griffin? Jesus Christ,” Raven said as she got up at the tower and stopped to catch her breath and Clarke looked over her shoulder at the girl.

“Sorry, Ray. I didn’t know you would come looking for me up here,” She said giving her a small smile before the mechanic moved forward and sat down beside her with feet dangling and her arms on the railing.

“I figured that you wouldn’t be so cruel. But that aside, what are you doing all the up here, blonde? Hiding away?” Raven asked her and Clarke chuckled at her.

“Of course, I wouldn’t. I do care about you, modestly so. And what I am doing up is more along the lines of hiding inside,” She said to her friend and Raven understood what she meant.

“Yeah, I kind of get it. Sometimes, we just need to find a place to have some me, myself and I quality time. I get it. What about the surgery? How did it go?” Raven asked her

“It went well. We had so complications but he survived and we expect him to make a full recovery so that is good,” Clarke said and Raven nodded.

“That is good, really good. We really don’t need any more death,” She said and silence stayed between them until Rave spoke again.

“Hey Clarke, can I ask you a very personal question?” She said and the blonde turned to look at her and nodded, “Sure, go ahead,” Clarke said.

“Do you think you would have fallen in love with Lexa if Finn hadn’t died?” Raven asked gently and Clarke sighed before looking ahead again.

“Absolutely. There isn’t a scenario in which I wouldn’t have fallen in love with her,” Clarke said with certainty and Raven smiled.

“You really loved her, huh?” She asked her friend and Clarke chuckled as she thought about it, as she let her feelings for Lexa envelop her.

“Yeah, Raven. I really **love** her,” Clarke said to the mechanic emphasizing the correct time of the verb and Raven noticed it.

“What was it that drew you to her? I mean, not that I can’t understand attraction because she was very beautiful and really hot but I also know it went deeper than that so what was it about her that made you forget Finn so quickly?” Raven asked her.

And although it could be seen as an attack meant to hurt, Clarke understood where the mechanic was coming from. Raven was an eye witness to her feelings for Finn and his feelings for her and how hard it had been for them to stop being together once she arrived and how hard it was for him when Clarke went missing so her curiosity was really justified and Clarke didn’t feel offended for the question at all. It had been one she had asked herself many times.

“Yes, she was very beautiful and really hot but you’re right. That was not what drew me to her. What really did it for me was that in the first 10 minutes we met that day, it was like we already knew each other inside and out. I knew her and she knew me,” She continued,

“We understood each other, our motives, our actions. We didn’t judge. She knew I had the blade on my arm, she knew I thought about using on her and she knew what I planned to do when I asked to say goodbye to Finn yet she let me go anyway even if it went against what her people wanted,” Clarke said.

“She always understood me, down to the core of who I am even when I didn’t know who that person was. She could see inside my head and I could read her heart. We were the perfect balance. When she was violence, I was peace. When I was impulsive, she was calm. When I was scared, she was brave. When she was cold, I was warm. We were different but even our differences complimented each other,” Clarke explained to the girl who listened.

“When I met Finn, he was annoying. He nicknamed princess and he was that cute rebel guy that wanted to do the right thing and that every girl falls in love with at some point in their lives. He was charming, handsome, and he was there by my side when Bellamy was a jackass. He helped me and we spent so much time together those first 10 days that we developed feelings for each other, it was inevitable,” Clarke started explaining,

“Emotions down here run higher than up there, so hormones were on their peak and the day when you fell down here, the night before while trying to make contact with the Ark, Monty fried all the wristbands so we thought that the Ark believed us to be dead and that we were alone down here to survive with the grounders breathing down our neck wanting to slash it so Finn ran out of camp to that bunker I took you to where you found the deer and we had sex,” She said and looked at Raven who gave her a smile as a way to tell her to keep going. She did.

“I had absolutely no idea that you existed. I knew that he never removed his bracelet after I explained why they were there in the first place and when you came, I finally understood that he kept it for you,” Clarke said and Raven took a deep breath before the blonde continued,

“But in that moment, I really thought we were together, I told him it had been more than just needing someone and that I had wanted to be him and he said the same to me,” Clarke said to her as gently as possible, worried that she may still hurt her friend’s feelings but Raven shook her head and encouraged her to continue.

“Then, when you appeared and kissed him, it broke my heart for two different reasons. One, he had a girlfriend and he deceived me by not telling me about you and two, he had a girlfriend and deceived you with me. I don’t know what the hell was he thinking doing that to both of us but I was angry with him. I told him and you that it didn’t matter anymore but it did. I had feelings for him despite what I wanted to believe and I guess you knew that,” Raven nodded, she really hadn’t believed the blonde when she said she didn’t care about him.

“Then everything happened, the battle at the dropship, being taken to Mount Weather and coming back only to find him massacring that village in my name, to find me. He was not the boy I had feelings for, not in that moment, not with that gun in his hand. That person was not my Finn. Our Finn and we both refused to see it that it was who he had become. Then, I met Lexa and my world was taken by a storm,” Clarke said and looked at Raven.

“Have you ever met someone and when their eyes locked on yours, you felt as though you knew that person from the inside out and that they knew you like that as well? That it was not the first time you have met them and that they were someone who you needed in your life? Have you ever met someone and felt a skin deep connection, like that person has always been a part of you and only now did you realize it?” Clarke asked the brunette who shook her head.

“No, I can’t say I did. I mean, sure, I loved Finn and always will but it was most definitely not like that for either one of us,” The mechanic answered and Clarke nodded her head.

“Well, that was how I felt with Lexa when we met. It wasn’t like I hadn’t known her until that moment. It was more like I didn’t remember her until that moment. I don’t think I can even explain how I felt so that you can understand. It was like with one look she was inside of me, she was under my skin, inside my head, in my heart. It was like nothing I have ever felt before and doubt will ever feel again,” Clarke said and Raven nodded.

“She loved me so much and I didn’t, I wasn’t able to love her back like she deserved it, like my heart wanted me to simply because my fucking head wouldn’t let me,” Clarke said with gritted teeth as the emotions started to flood back in.

“What she did in the Mountain was protect her people. She told me that she did what I would have done in her place. I shouldn’t have faulted her for that,” Clarke said shaking her head.

“But Clarke, you wouldn’t have done it. You wouldn’t have betrayed her like that if the roles were reversed. You trusted her and she broke that trust, if you were angry, you were justified,” Raven said and Clarke chuckled.

“Yes, I would have. I did. I trusted Lexa like Maya and the others trusted me and no matter how much Lexa may have wanted to stay and I may have wanted to save them, when it came the time to choose, we both chose our people and betrayed those who had trusted us. I did the same things she did and even worse because on the deal she made only our friends on the inside would suffer. The rest of us outside would be safe myself included,” Clarke explained,

“But what I did was murder 326 people including children for 45 of mine. What I did was even worse and I knew that, it was why I left because I couldn’t handle being faced with my actions every time I looked at one of you, every time I looked at Jasper and saw his pain, knowing I was the one who caused it. I couldn’t handle myself so I ran like a coward. I ran from you, from her, from Bell, from my mom and most importantly from myself,” Clarke said.

“Did it help? Leaving? Running away? Were you able to deal with things better?” Raven asked genuinely curious about that answer.

“What do you think?” Clarke chuckled sadly, “No, I didn’t. It was easier but it didn’t help. I simply didn’t deal with it at all. I would shut my mind down whenever it took me there, I would go hunting or running or sleeping around,” She said and Raven was shocked before she connected the dots.

“That girl at the trading post we were in when you were trying to get ALIE from my head, Niylah right? You slept with her?” The mechanic asked her and Clarke nodded.

“Yeah, I did, a few times. She wouldn’t ask questions or force answers I wasn’t ready to give and I had no obligations to her or her to me. Between us was just sex and maybe a friendship,” Clarke said shaking her head at herself.

“Well you do you booboo. But quick questions though, why did you have sex with that girl if you were so in love with Lexa?” Raven asked her and Clarke sighed.

“Because, after the Mountain, I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to think about Lexa, I didn’t want to remember what it felt like to be around her. I didn’t want to remember how she made me feel, I wanted her out of my mind and out of my heart and because even if she didn’t know what was happening,” Clarke said to her friend spilling her guts.

“I felt like I was hurting her by letting someone else have me in a way I knew she wanted to have me for herself. Stupid, I know. But I was not on my right mind besides it was good to have someone touch me. Now I know it was a mistake but at the time, I didn’t care,” Clarke said shaking her head.

“More than anything, I regret staying away for those three months, because of you guys. If I had just stayed, or even returned earlier. We could have fixed things before it went to hell, Pike would never have taken control, Bellamy would have never joined the dark side, you wouldn’t have chosen to follow Jaha and I could have stopped lying to myself and just admitted the truth and could have been with the woman I loved,” Clarke said as tears formed in her eyes.

“Well, I know that I was one of the many people who didn’t like her at all and given what happened during the times we did meet, it was no wonder but I want you to know that I am very sorry that she died and that you lost her. I really am,” Raven said sincerely and Clarke smiled at her.

“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me,” Clarke said to her friend and Raven nodded as she reached at her jacket pocket.

“That being said, I came here to deliver what you asked of me. Here you go,” Raven said as she pulled the necklace and passed it down to Clarke who took it in her hands and smiled as she looked at it.

It was a long necklace with the shape of Lexa’s war paint as the pendant. She had given the design to Raven and asked her to make it and the girl did it. Now she would have a small piece of the girl she loves so much with her at all times. She put it around her neck and looked at it and she couldn’t help the tears finally falling down on her face as she finally let out a sob mixed with a chuckle. She was laughing and crying at the same time and the only thing Raven did was wrap an arm around the blonde and let her externalize her emotions as they stayed like that, admiring the horizon view and thinking about those they had lost.


	9. Open Your Eyes

Kane reached his climax with Abby reaching hers as well, both of them panting from the recent activity as he fell on the other side of the bed. It had been two days since the City of light was destroyed and that they were here and things were as strained as they were before. They were not close on smoothing things over for the Skaikru or the new King so being with Abby like this was the only moment in which he let those thoughts leave his mind so he could have a moment like this to relax and just enjoy being alive and with her by his side.

“You are a terrible influence,” Abby said and he smiled a little before she reached her hand and turned his face back towards her as she spoke again,

“Roan is expecting me,” She said and kissed him passionately before pulling away and sitting up on the bed with the furs pilling around her hips.

She grabbed her shirt from the floor and put it back on as she looked to the side and saw her necklace with Jake’s ring. She grabbed it and looked it over once it was on her hand and she felt a bit of guilt towards both men.

_She had told Clarke and it was true. Jake was the love of her life. They had met when she was finishing her apprentice to be a doctor. She was around 18 and he was 20, already working as an engineer and he was so funny, kind of cocky and so confident that if he asked her out she would say yes, that she had fun seeing his face when she said no. It was like he had been struck right in the downwards area. She had a good laugh with Callie over it but the next day he came over again and started spending time just watching her work and making funny jokes and she could resist those puppy eyes of his for much longer._

_One day during a speech from the Chancellor at that time, Jake was standing away from her with Thelonious by his side, Abby was with Callie and she saw a girl approach him. It was Diana Sydney, she always had a crush on Jake so the blonde woman came up to him and started flirting with him shamelessly, which was how she had always been, treacherous and Abby was filled with a feeling so strong that she thought she would burst. She just wanted to get that snake away from Jake and when she spoke to Callie about it, her best friend just smiled and told her that she was jealous because she liked Jake and that she should go ahead and do it._

_Admitting to herself that she liked him was easier than Abby thought it would be, given how she dealt with his advances and so she had looked at Callie and had smirked before she started walking in between the people until she came up to him and hugged him right in front of Diana. She could feel that he was confused with what she was doing but it didn’t take long before his arms wrapped around her tightly as he noticed she had no plans of moving away and she just knew that she wanted to feel his arms around her forever and it was in that moment that she knew she was in love with him and it was a freeing sensation._

_“Abby,” He said when she pulled back and she smiled at him before she kissed him right on the lips in front of the other blonde and his best friend. Jake was even more confused but he wasn’t about to complain so he just kissed her back._

_“I think it’s safe to say he is taken. Bye Diana, it was nice seeing you,” Abby remembered hearing Thelonious say that to the girl and she just smiled into the kiss and so did Jake._

_“Coast is clear if you want to take a breath,” Thelonious teased them and they pulled back from the kiss smiling at each other and he shook his head, turning him attention back towards the speech, giving the new couple some privacy._

_“So Miss Abigail Spencer, does this kiss and this hug means that I am taken? That I am off the market?” Jake asked her and she just smirked at him._

_“Until death do us part, Griffin. You are most definitely stuck with me until your last breath,” She said jokingly at him and he smiled a smile so big at her that she couldn’t help but return it._

_“Finally. Do you know how long I have been waiting for you to come to your right mind and admit that you have fallen in love with me? Thank you, God,” He said and kissed her again._

_“Keep it PG-13, will you? We are in the middle of a speech from the Chancellor. Jesus,” Callie said to them as she came to their side as well. The new couple pulled back from each other and smiled at her as well before Abby turned back to him._

_“We can continue this later,” She said and he nodded before she turned around in his arms, her back to his chest, and rested against him with his arms secure around her, keeping her as close as it was possible._

After that, it took them a year before they got married. Abby had wanted to finish her apprenticeship before taking that step and Jake had always respected her wishes when it came to her job and waited patiently for when they could do it. And the moment, the very second, in which she became a doctor, he went down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She said yes, obviously. She had her birth control chip removed and it didn’t take long before she got pregnant. She was 20 when Clarke was born and life was even better with their daughter.

Now, she had Kane on her side and he was wonderful man. He hasn’t always been, especially up there in the Ark, being in charge of security made him a bit uncaring and harsh and they often clashed with each other but the culling shook him and his belief. He ended up changing and becoming one of the best people she knew. He was a great leader and he was the second person who worked the hardest for peace with the grounders, the first being Clarke obviously, and she felt guilty towards him that she didn’t want to get rid of her husband’s ring like she guessed she should do it now that they were together.

Kane could see the conflict going around inside her heart and he knew exactly what she was thinking about so he took charge of the situation and he called for her. “Abby,” He said and she looked at him. He sat up on the bed and reached to take the necklace from her.

“Jake’s a part of who you are,” He said to her as he put the necklace around her neck. He slide down on the bed and she caressed his face giving him a smile before she kissed him.

“Go. The king needs you but be careful. The tower’s safe enough, but we’re on dangerous ground here,” He said and she nodded getting up.

Abby took her medical kit and walked out of the room and took the elevator that would take her to the King’s room. When she was outside his door, his warriors searched her medical kit again. she was already getting used to it by now. Once they were finished, they opened the door and she walked inside. Roan was by the window, he didn’t seem to acknowledge her presence at all until she heard his voice speak to her,

“You’re late,” He said to her and she shrugged.

“I came, didn’t I? Now let me check on the wound,” Abby said and he chuckled before he turned to her.

“Now, I know where Clarke got that bossy attitude from,” He said to her.

“If you know that, then you know better than to test me so sit down,” Abby said to him and he raised his hands in the air in surrender.

“Whatever you say,” He said to her sarcastically and lifted his shirt up and rested against the table in the room as she put the medical kit beside her and started cleaning the wound.

“Burning the wound bud your time but you need to be careful. The wound is still open on the inside and it will take time before it fully heals. You need to be careful. You took a bullet to the chest, it’s a miracle that you survived it,” She said to him and he sighed.

“I do what I need to do for my people. Do your job so that I can do mine,” He said to her and she sighed as she continued her work.

“You need to avoid doing strenuous activities. Fighting, sex, all of that needs to wait until you’re better healed. If you try something like this now, it will not end well for you and that means it won’t end well for my people,” She said looking directly at him before adverting her eyes to the wound,

“My daughter is counting on you to keep your words and you can’t do that if you’re dead so do as I say and take it easy for this next couple of weeks,” Abby said to him putting a wrap around the wound and his chest.

“Don’t take it out. Leave this here. It’s a bandage to keep the wound clean,” She said explaining to him as she finished tying it up.

“Anything else, doctor?” He asked her and she shook her head.

“This is all for now,” She said and started organizing her kit, “I will check on you tomorrow. You should rest now,” She said to him once she was ready to leave.

“Have a good night, doctor,” He said ignoring her last comment and she sighed.

“Have a good night, Roan,” She said to him and left going back to the room she was sharing with Kane, expecting to find him still in bed but all she was met with was a note that said he had to work  with the other Ambassadors and would be back late and that she shouldn’t wait up for him. She sighed putting the note back where it was, got ready and then went to have a good moment of sleep, she was in desperate need of it with everything that had happened the last week, which was proven by how she quickly feel asleep once in the bed.

Two days later, Kane had left the tower once the meeting with the Ambassadors was over and walked towards where he knew Indra and Octavia were staying in the middle of the capitol. As he came to the place and looked inside, he could see that the young girl was not there at the moment which was good since he really wanted to talk with Indra so he just knocked and walked inside as his friend looked up to him joining her.

“Kane,” Indra said greeting him with a careful smile and he returned it however he did notice that she wasn’t so happy to be seeing him in her place.

“Hello my friend. How are you?” He said sitting down in front of her, he wanted her to know that he still considered her as such and all she did was nod.

“Better. I am finally able to fight again which means I can continue to be a warrior. But you didn’t come here to talk about my wound, did you?” She asked him and he sighed.

“As a matter of fact, I am worried about your condition and it pleases me very much to know that. I was afraid Trikru would lose an amazing warrior and leader. I’m glad you are better. But you’re right, that is not the only reason I came here to speak with you,” He said and she nodded.

“Octavia murdered Raphael, didn’t she?” He asked her lowly so that others outside could not hear  what he was saying given how that would go well for them if got out and Indra shrugged.

“That I do not know. Last night I spent in a meeting with the Trikru Ambassador and our allies, I don’t know what she did or didn’t do,” Indra said to him.

“A meeting with other allies? Why was I not warned about this meeting?” Kane asked her frowning and she answered him honestly.

“Because we are not allies anymore, Kane, so really there was no need for us to come and get you,” Indra said honestly and he seemed surprised by what she was saying.

“What do you mean by that? Of course we are allies. I thought you knew that, we are friends, are we not?” He said and asked her and she shook her head at him.

“You and I are friends but Skaikru is allies with Azgeda, rival of Trikru. You are here to keep the Azgeda king in control. You have aligned yourself with him, am I wrong?” Indra asked him and he sighed. No, she wasn’t wrong.

“We are trying to keep the Coalition intact and to keep the clans together. We are not enemies, not anymore. Roan is honoring Lexa’s Coalition,” Kane said to her and she scoffed interrupting him.

“Azgeda knows nothing of the Commander’s Coalition and neither do you or your people of the Sky. You think that the few days in which Clarke stood as your Ambassador, she was able to understand what the Coalition is? That you and Roan understand it? You don’t, Kane. Not many would but I will explain it to you very simply,” Indra said to him as he listened.

“ **Lexa** **was** **the Coalition** ,” She said to him firmly and he took a deep breath, “The Flame wasn’t what kept the Coalition together. It was Lexa. She imagined the Coalition. She created the Coalition. She fought for the Coalition. She was the Coalition,” Indra said to him as he tried to understand what she was saying.

“Lexa was the glue that kept the clans together, that kept us working with each other despite years of rivalry and war amongst ourselves,” She said to him.

“Many Commanders before her had the Flame but none of them was able to get more than two clans to work with each other and that was because those clans were already allies, like Trikru and Floukru. Lexa was the first one to unite all clans. Allies and enemies. She made us one people and now with her gone, so is the Coalition,” She spoke to him and he could only frown at what she was saying. Could she be right?

“Your king is trying to keep it together not because he believed in Lexa’s vision for the future of our people but only because he knows that the moment he loses control, the other clans will unite in their hatred for Azgeda and then not even his thousand warriors inside the walls will be able to save him from our fury,” Indra explained to him.

“Do you understand now, Marcus of the Sky People? Raphael was an idiot. Ambitious, like your King and he died for it. But the next time your King is questioned, things may not go as smoothly as it went today and if I were you, I would be careful with whom you choose to fight for. Never forget that you chose to align yourself with the most hated clan amongst 13 of them. Ask yourself Kane, can the two of you handle 11 of us?” Indra said to him and stood up ready to leave.

“What about another Commander? Would another Commander be the solution to the problem?” he asked standing up as well.

She was about to leave when she turned around and looked at him. “Do you really believe that now that Azgeda is in control they will just give it up once a nightblood child is found? You can’t be that naïve, Marcus,” Indra said to him.

“Roan wouldn’t go so far as to kill children, would he?” He said to her and she shook her head at his naivety. Typical Skaikru, she thought.

“And what did Ontari do with his support?” She said and he knew she was right. The girl murdered the other nightbloods in their sleep and Roan was ready to stand by her even after that. Perhaps, his thoughts on the King needed to be looked over.

“A fight for the throne is coming, whether you like or not. I just hope I don’t have to face you in the battlefield, my friend because if that happens, I will have no choice but to kill you,” Indra said to him before she walked out of her hut and left him there, thinking about what she just told him and forced him to see. He walked out, looked around him and made his way back to the tower. Things were certainly getting harder and he feared what would happen to his people. He hoped he could help Clarke save them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to come here to ask you to please be respectful in your comments. It's okay to not like the story but if that is the case, simply leave and go read another one. There is no need to be rude and disrespectful. those type of comments will be deleted. I am simply doing this for fun, for my entertainment, the fact that you guys like it is amazing but still. It's my story, I put a lot of time and effort into it, if you don't like it, okay but at least respect it. Thank you.  
> Kisses, Kisses  
> Your Author.


	10. Mending Fences

Raven after her talk with Clarke about her regrets and things she wished she hadn’t done, Raven got to thinking about her own shortcomings ever since the Mountain happened. At first, she had to stay in the MedBay for over two weeks because of her injuries and for Abby to be able to assess the damage that was done to her leg thanks to the drilling that was made. However, Raven had just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible so she would lie to her doctor just so Abby could let her go from the clinic faster.

She hated the thought of being a cripple, of not being able to do everything she did before. Raven was the type of person that needed to work, needed to feel useful to be able to feel good about herself. It was in her work and in her relationship with Finn that she had found her salvation from her mother’s drinking habits so she was used on going all in, head straight into her work and into Finn. That was how she became the first Zero-G mechanic in 52 years, by giving her best and by being at her best.

Now, she didn’t have Finn by her side to be the support she needed anymore, she lost him to himself and now? Was she about to lose her work as well? Without those two things, who was she really? What was she worth? What was her use? The answers to those questions scared the hell out of her so she tried to pretend that everything was okay with her leg and with her mind so she wouldn’t have to face those questions and the possible answers she could find and now she knows that masking her pain only made things worse.

When she talked with Sinclair about the surgery and more than that when they were in Mount Weather, she had asked him what if she was just broken? Truth was that she was scared, of everything that happened to her, of everything that could happen to her now that she had half a leg that worked. She was afraid of turning into her mother, of being alone again and she started pushing people away. Abby tried to talk to her about it but Raven would always avoid her, feeling bad for lying to her doctor and to someone she started considering a friend as well.

Another person and friend she pushed away when she should have kept him close was Wick. He had offered to be there for her in any way he could and for anything she needed since the whole sex thing with him wasn’t something she wanted to do again and she did her best to drive him away and there was so much he could take before he started keeping his distance which made Raven convince herself that she had been right about it. That he would have left her anyway and that she needed to learn how to survive on her on without depending on anyone else ever again.

Talking with Clarke and going through everything she did in the City of Light and in the cybernetic hands of an evil AI made her realize that she needed to fix that, as soon as possible so after coming down from the watch tower with Clarke, Raven bid the blonde girl goodbye and started walking towards the station with a mission. It didn’t take long before she came across his workshop, the door was open in the way he liked it. He had told her that he hated being confined and after being free from the Ark, he much rather to keep doors open.

She came towards it and looked inside and he seemed to be working, his back was turned towards the door and she could only see his arms moving and grabbing pieces around his table and she took a deep breath and decided to be brave and to do the right thing and what she should have done months ago. “Pretending to be smart?” She said leaning on the wall and he was startled as things went flying in the air.

“Jesus Christ,” He said clutching his chest completely startled and shocked as he looked towards the door finally seeing her. “Hey Wick,” She said to him as he looked at her.

“The first time you speak to me in 2 months and a half and you try to scare the shit out of me? Really, Reyes?” He said to her and she smiled guilty.

“Sorry about that.” She said and he twirled in his chair to face her.

“Sorry about scaring the shit out of me or for not speaking to me for 2 months and a half? I just need clarification so that I know if I need to be dismissive or angry,” He said crossing his arms and she sighed.

“Sorry for both. I didn’t mean to scare the shit out of you and I shouldn’t have stopped talking to you for 2 months and a half,” She said sincerely.

“What are you doing here Raven? What do you want?” He asked her and she straightened up.

“Can I come in?” She asked him and he nodded. She stepped inside and walked around his table to sit on the chair that was across from him. He turned and looked at her waiting.

“I was talking to Clarke and she was telling me about all the things she wished she hadn’t done or done differently and I started thinking about what would be things I would feel that way about and you were on the top of the list,” She started as he stayed quiet to let her speak.

“I should never have pushed you away like I did, even if I didn’t want to have something romantic with you, I still should have kept your friendship and let you help but I didn’t and I am so sorry for that. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you,” Raven said sincerely and he nodded.

“Damn right I didn’t. I understood that there was nothing romantic between us and that what happened that day was a one-time thing. I’m quite smart so I do know how to take a hint. I just wanted to be your friend,” Wick said to her and Raven nodded.

“I know Kyle but I was messed up. I didn’t know what was happening to me and I was terrified that I would find out and I thought that I should be alone. You hope you can understand, when I faced a situation like that before, Finn was there for me and he was my rock, he was everything ad I had my work, I had my spacewalks to help clear my head if I needed it,”

“Life was hard but I knew exactly what I could expect and I knew how to deal with it. Here, everything was different and the first thing I was faced with when I came here was that Finn cheated on me,” Raven told him before she continued,

“There was the fight and then it happened. Murphy shot me and suddenly everything came crashing down on me and there was only pain after pain and while he was there for my surgery, Finn was more worried about finding the girl he was in love with that being there for me like he was before and it was hard to transition from one to the other and be in pain on top of it. Then he died and suddenly I had nothing to hold onto except my work. Helping Bellamy inside the Mountain and working as a mechanic was everything I had,”

“I could still hold onto something familiar, my leg would be able to interfere with it thanks to this,” she motioned to the brace he created and that she perfected it, “but then after the Mountain, it was worse and I was afraid that I would lose my work too and then what would I hold onto to for support?” She explained to him as he continued listening,

“I didn’t want to depend on anyone just in case the same thing happened with Finn and so I pushed you and everyone that tried to help me away because I was scared and I am really sorry about it,” Raven said as a tear fell down on her face and she didn’t wipe it out.

“I can understand that but I wish you had trusted me a little more. Trusted the people that cares about you. You had me, Abby, Octavia, Bellamy. We could all have helped you go through those fears. All you had to do was give us a chance to prove that just because Finn was shitty to you towards the end that the rest of us wouldn’t be,” Wick said to her and she nodded.

“I know that now and it is exactly what I’m trying to help Clarke with and I guess that helping her made me realize that I should have let my friends help me too,” Raven said to him.

“Well finally you came to your senses. I was starting to think that your problem was in your head, not your leg,” He said to her and they chuckled.

“Yeah, finally. I know. Now that I think about it, I can see that I was an asshole to everyone, including you. So what do you say? Do you think we can start again?” She asked him and he frowned seemed deep in thought while she waited.

“Yes but with one condition.” He said and she nodded. “What is it? Shoot it,” She said and he smiled.

“Admit that engineers are naturally and irrevocably smarter and better at just about anything than mechanics,” He said seriously and she laughed relaxing.

“I’m not that desperate for your friendship. Besides, that would be lying and that is not a good start for any friendship,” She said and they laughed together.

“Of course, we can start again you idiot. I still care about you even if you were temporarily disconnected from your working brain,” He said and opened his arms and they hugged it out.

Meanwhile somewhere else in the Station, another set of friends were trying to build up their friendship from the ruins it became once again. Monty and Jasper were together in the former’s room sitting down on his bed just talking it out, making sure to try and make this work again. Neither had been truly complete without the other, they were like peas in pod, they only really worked when together, not apart.

“So you and Harper are getting it on, huh?” Jasper asked him teasingly and Monty blushed a little smiling at the teasing he was receiving.

“I hope so. I don’t know about her. We haven’t exactly talked about it, you know?” Monty answered as they ate some nuts and berries they managed to steal from the food storage.

“Well, talk to her, woo her. Show her the romantic Monty you have inside of you and I’m sure she will fall head over heels,” Jasper said to him and the guy nodded.

Monty looked at him and debated with himself before he made a decision and went thought with it. “How are you doing, Jas?” Monty asked him seriously and the boy sighed, noticing the change in tone and subject.

Normally, he would have dodged the question but something inside of him, a voice that sounded remarkably close to Maya’s voice told him to talk to his friend about his feelings so he did.

“I don’t know, Monty. I’m just so tired, there is never an end. There is just another enemy to fight, more people we care about to bury, just death after death. Never stops,” Jasper said sincerely to his best friend and Monty nodded at him.

“I get that but not fighting would mean giving up in life. It would mean dying, is that what you want, Jasper? You want to die?” Monty asked gently to not scare him or to sound too judgy.

“I don’t know. Sometimes, it makes me think that it would be easier, that I would get to rest and see Maya, my parents.” Jasper said and Monty let him speak, “But then at times, I want to live, I want to have hope that we can change and make the world a better place, grow old and all of that. I’m confused,” Jasper said honestly.

“I know how you feel. I think all of us do to some level. There was a moment for everyone I think when we thought that things would be better if we died. That moment for me was when I had to kill my mom. It was tempting not to take the chip just so that I could see her again,” Monty said and Jasper nodded.

“I think that was the appeal of the chips. The City of Light was like being dead without being dead. Being able to be in a better place, where everyone is happy and free of pain but still being able to live in this world,” Jasper said to him and Monty nodded.

“Yeah but the world would never get to be a better place if we are not alive to change it, to teach the future generations how to avoid the mistakes we did and be better than us. Isn’t it? If we all give up in life simply because we fear pain that comes with it, we will never be able to witness the joy that there is to life as well. I guess that is what A.L.I.E wasn’t able to understand. It’s that one emotion is not exclusive of the other, you can be happy and sad at the same time,” Monty said to him before he continued,

“I am happy we destroyed the City of Light but I am also sad because that was the only place my Mom was still alive. I can be both, I can experience both at the same time. And yes, I guess that life is too hard at times and that it does seem easier to give up but I think that for every reason we can come up to give up, we can come up with two more on why we should keep going,” Monty said as Jasper looked down at his hands in his lap as the young man continued,

“I guess that in the end what really matters is the journey. It’s the things we go through, some may be bad, some may be good but what matters is that we went through them all and came out on the other side, don’t you think?” Monty said to him and Jasper looked at his best friend.

“Since when did you become a philosopher?” Jasper asked him and Monty shrugged.

“I don’t know, I guess I just thought about it a lot.” Monty said before he looked at his best friend, “Jasper, promise me something.” Monty said and Jasper looked at him.

“What?” He asked. “Promise me that whenever you feel like giving up, you will come to talk to me before you decide to do anything. I may be selfish but I don’t want to lose you, much less to yourself. So when life makes you doubt if it’s worth it to keep going, at least give me a chance to prove to you that it is. Promise me,” Monty asked him and Jasper smiled and nodded at his best friend, who he could count on despite everything he did or said to him.

“I promise.”


	11. Shocking Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone that has given the story a chance and has read it and commented at it, thank you so much. It means a lot to me. Having said that, i would to clear something, Lexa will be a part of this story, she will not only appear in this part of the series but we wil get to see more of her background, we will meet her family and see their dynamic. Clexa is what is not happening until the next part because i want to build up the base for ther reunion if it makes any sense to all of you so please just keep tuned.

Octavia was lying down on her bed looking at the ceiling, with her mind thinking about everything that was and has been going on in her life these past couple of weeks. She missed Lincoln so much that at times she couldn’t think about anything else, she would end reliving the memory of his death and whenever that happened, she would replay the memory of driving her sword through Pike’s body and seeing the life go out of his eyes as he feel down on the ground. It helped a lot but the pain was still there, consuming her insides, almost drowning her in it but she was a warrior, she needed to be stronger than that and that was why she was trying to use that as a distraction.

Killing Raphael gave a momentarily relief and she felt a little shocked by that. Since when did killing someone made her feel good about herself and her own life? Made her feel pleasure? What did that make of her? What would Lincoln think of that? She knew the answer to the last one but she pushed it away. If she thought about it, she knew she wouldn’t be able to do her duties the way she was supposed to. She needed to focus now more than ever, she had to help keep things in peace or else an all-out war would happen and although she missed the fighting, that would mean losing the people she still cared about.

Indra, her friends and despite everything that happened between them these past couple of weeks, her brother Bellamy as well. She was still beyond furious, hurt and disappointed with him over his stupid choices and she was no closer to forgiving him for everything he did and let Pike do, including killing Lincoln, than she was yesterday or a week before but she knew deep down that at some point in time, she would come to forgive him for being a complete and immature idiot, that she would come to look at him and not find the desire to just punch him in the face until she draws blood again.

Indra was more than a mentor and more than a friend, right now she was the only family Octavia felt like she really had and she didn’t want to lose the woman as well. Indra, in the few months they have known each other, had become a kind of mother/mentor figure to her and she wanted the woman to stay alive so she would do what she needed to make sure that she wouldn’t lose anyone else that she loved, even if she still hated them. Those thoughts were in her head and she didn’t even notice Indra’s presence until the woman cleared her throat and her hand went to her sword immediately drawing it out.

“Relax,” Indra said to her and Octavia did just that and lay back down on the bed. “Kane was here asking if you killed Raphael,” Indra said to her second and Octavia looked up at her mentor.

“And? What did you say?” Octavia asked her and Indra shrugged.

“The truth. I don’t know. Did you?” Indra asked her and Octavia kept quiet and it was the answer or rather the confirmation she needed. “Bold move,” Indra said and Octavia shrugged.

“Maybe but a needed though. The King couldn’t fight while healing and he needs to stay in power,” She said to the woman and Indra scoffed.

“If you think that the Flame will keep the clans at bay for as long as your people want, then you are all naïve,” The woman said remembering her early talk with Kane where she explained the same thing to him as she spoke to Octavia.

“The Flame is momentarily keeping Azgeda in check because all clans are still recovering from the City of Light but once they have, not even the Flame will stop us from dethroning the unworthy king,” Indra said to her and Octavia sat up in bed to look at the older woman.

“You’re planning to fight them?” She asked Indra and the woman just looked outside.

“To think that there will not be war would be a grave mistake,” Indra said wistfully.

“You really think so?” Octavia asked her suddenly a lot more worried than she had been before the woman spoke and Indra nodded.

“I believe that we are facing a repeat of the Great Wars,” Indra said and sat down on a chair in front of her tired from just the thought of that happening again.

“Great Wars? What is that?” Octavia asked curious. Indra sighed looking at her before decided to tell her.

“The Great Wars happened a long time ago, during the reign of Commander Linus kom Sangedakru. He was a blood thirsty warrior and lived for war. So during a time in which the clans stopped fighting, he grew restless for blood to be spilled so he instigated a war between Trikru and Azgeda,” Indra started telling her the story known in all the clans.

“The clans were divided. Some joined Azgeda, most joined Trikru, Floukru as well, back then they were warriors. The Trikru allies would fight the Azgeda allies. The two clans fought so much. The earth was soaked in blood for three long years, almost 3 thousand people died in the first year alone,”

“Nobody in any village slept peacefully, we were always prepared for an attack. Not even babies were spared during these raids. Fire, virus, anything that could kill our enemies was used. It was by far the darkest and most savage moment in all of our history,” Indra finished.

Octavia had her mouth open in shock by what she was hearing. She knew that there was some bad blood between the clans but she didn’t know it had gone too far.

“And how did you got that to stop? Did you get an agreement between the clans? A cease fire?” She asked extremely curious.

“A small 12 year old stopped the Wars. She even went to the battlefield to stop the clans from keeping on fighting when it became necessary. She showed the clans a better way and within 5 years, the Great Wars were nothing but a bad memory. She was our savior,” Indra said to her.

“And who was this kid?” Octavia asked the woman. She couldn’t even imagine what that period of time might have been like for everyone living in it.

“Commander Lexa kom Trikru,” Indra said proudly and Octavia was even more shocked. Lexa had stopped the Great Wars at 12 years old? How was that even possible? She was just a kid.

“When Lexa was twelve years old, Linus died poisoned and the Conclave was called upon. Even with the wars happening, the ascension of a new Commander was the only thing capable of halting any attack as you know how sacred it is to my people,” Indra explained and the girl nodded, “Lexa won her conclave and the first thing she did was call upon the leader of the 12 clans and order the end of the Wars,” Indra explained before continuing,

“Of course, it was not that easy so she had to insert her power and it took a few tries but the Trikru and our allies agreed to pull back. The Azgeda allies pulled back too but Azgeda was forcefully stopped on the battlefield by Lexa herself. Once the Great Wars were stopped, which took about 10 months before all 12 clans stopped all attacks, she started her idea of the Coalition. On her second year as Heda, she united Trikru and Floukru, long terms allies and started working on sharing goods between them,” Indra said and the admiration was evident.

“She knew that simply saying it was what was best for our people wouldn’t work, that they would need proof so she firstly started with us, for months, then she added, Broadleaf, then Rockline on that year alone. Once the people started seeing how prosperous the four clans were becoming, things started going better and slowly the other clans were joining in, asking for it themselves, wanting to be a part of this new Era for our people. All but Azgeda. Nia thought that soon enough, the Coalition would break so she kept refusing,” Indra went on.

“But four years passed and all 11 clans were in it and they were thriving. The fishes of Floukru were shared by the clans, even the Sangedakru were eating it, trade routes were made, the clans celebrated the Harvest season together in Polis, in harmony and friendship in a way it had never happened before and it took a couple of months after that for the Azgeda to join but they did and for the first time in forever since Praimfaya, there was peace among us and it was all because of Lexa. Which is why her death has turned us into this mess, she was our leader, our savior, our guiding light in the darkest hour,” Indra said finishing her tale.

“I had no idea she did all of that and so young too,” Octavia said shocked by everything she learned today. If everything Indra told her was true and she didn’t doubt it was, then wow. Lexa was much more than Octavia and the rest of Skaikru ever gave her credit for.

“Now, we can only hope that the next one would be good enough to fill in her shoes but whatever the case and whoever it is, it will be extremely hard,” Indra said and stood up walking away while Octavia thought about it all, imagined the scenes happening and could only shudder if that were to happen again.

It seemed that she was incredibly shaken by the tale because her stomach was not okay and she had to rush to a bucket so she could vomit into it, drawing Indra’s attention. “Are you okay?” She asked her second.

“I don’t know. I have been feeling like this for a few days, it must be a bug and picturing all you told me didn’t exactly help,” Octavia said as she went back to bed to lay down on it as Indra’s brows furrowed.

“Wait here. I will be right back,” Indra said to the girl with a knowing look on her face before she walked away and Octavia closed her eyes to fight away the nausea.

She didn’t even know how much time it passed but by the time she opened her eyes, Indra was returning with Abby and another woman that she had no idea who it was. The three women walked inside.

“What is going on? Why are all these people here Indra?” Octavia asked them and the woman she trusted in particular. She was not liking this by the minute.

“They are here to find out what is wrong with you. I have my suspicions but they will confirm what it is,” Indra explained to her and Octavia nodded.

“Okay, now I’m going to exam you, is that okay?” Abby said and asked the girl for permission and Octavia nodded as the doctor sat in front of her and started.

She went on for about a few minutes and stood up moving away. “Octavia, this is Amelia, she will check on you too. Let her,” Indra said to her second who nodded once again and the woman started touching her back, her stomach, even her breast which immensely surprised the young girl before she pulled back.

“You were right, Indra,” Amelia said to her friend and Indra sighed. “Abby?” She asked the sky doctor who smiled.

“Well, I could only know for sure if we made some tests but from I can see, I have to agree with Amelia,” Abby spoke up.

“Okay, can someone tell me what you all know is wrong with me?” Octavia asked them irritated. Abby sat down in front of her again and held her hands.

“Nothing is wrong with you, honey. You are perfectly fine,” Abby said to her and she was confused.

“Then what is it? Why am I always throwing up? What the hell is going on with me?” Octavia asked them and Abby smiled.

“Well, young lady, you are pregnant,” Abby said to her and shocked was an understatement of what she was feeling hearing those words.

“If I had to say it, about three months along,” Amelia said and Octavia looked at Indra. “Lincoln’s?” The woman nodded.

“You are having Lincoln’s child,” As soon as Indra said those words, the water floods were open and she started crying. How could she not cry when she just found out that she will have a child with the only man she ever loved and who died? Abby sat down beside her and hugged her.

“It is a shock and it will take a long while for it to truly sink in but it’s beautiful and wonderful news,” Abby said trying to comfort her.

“Lincoln is dead, Abby and he is not coming back ever. Or have you forgotten that? He is dead,” Octavia said in between her tears.

“Not anymore. Now, he lives on through you and this baby,” Amelia said gently to her and she was even more surprised to hear that.

“But he is dead, how am I going to raise this child by myself?” Octavia said to the three women, asked them desperate for an answer. She was not ready to be a mother, she knew nothing of what it meant to take care of a baby and without Lincoln, it will be even harder.

“In every gesture your child makes, in every smile your child gives you, in every word your child say, you will see his father reflected on him,” Amelia said to her.

“You will see that he is always going to be there, watching over his child and you. That he will never truly leave you and in that knowledge, you will draw the strength you will need to be the best mother this child could have and you will not be alone, the people that care for you will be there to help you when you feel like failing and they will rejoice in your baby. You may feel lonely but you will never truly be alone. You can count with me for once, any friend of Indra is a friends of mine,” Amelia said to the young girl.

“Well, Amelia is quite right. You have friends and family who will love to help you and you shouldn’t sell yourself short. No mother has a child knowing how to do everything. We learn with them as much as they learn with us. Day after day, moment after moment, you will learn how to take care of your baby, you will find out what works and what doesn’t, you will fail first before you succeed but that’s how it is,”

“There isn’t an exact formula on how to raise a baby, the two of you, you and your baby will create your own formula, your own way to make it work, that is the beauty of motherhood. At least that is how it was with me and Clarke. From the first day, she has thought me more than I have thought her and she turned out to be a wonderful person, with flaws and qualities but I am proud of her and love her more than anything in this world,” Abby said to her and Octavia nodded understanding what she was saying.

“You guys really think that I can do this right?” Octavia asked them and Indra answered.

“I know you will. You are strong, determinate and you want to learn what you don’t know. And there will be trying times, when you want to give up but in those moments, remember the night when you fought Pio and no matter how much he beat you, you found in yourself the strength to push forward. That is what it will take for you to do this, that strength that I know you have. Focus on your baby and what it will need first and you will be a good mother. And what you don’t know, we will be here to teach you,” Indra said and Octavia smiled at her.

“Thank you, all of you,” She said and she found she meant it.

“You’re very much welcome,” Indra said and the other two nodded.

“I am sorry to cut this short but I need to return to check on the King,” Abby said and stood up as she kissed the girl’s head.

“Congratulations, sweetheart. I am very happy for you. Anything you need, just call me. I will be more than glad to help,” Abby said and Octavia nodded.

“Thank you, Abby,” She said to the woman.

“I should be going back as well. Anything you need, come and find me,” Amelia said to her and Octavia thanked them as well.

The women left, Indra stayed outside talking to Amelia as Abby returned to the tower and Octavia nervously reached out her hand to hold her stomach and thought about the fact that a life was growing inside of her. A proof of the love she shared with Lincoln and as she realized that, she understood what they said about him never being gone. She didn’t know how to explain but as she closed her eyes, she could almost feel his hand on top of hers and a kiss on her head and she knew in that moment, that she would be the best mother her child could ever ask for. She would make Lincoln proud wherever he was.

“Let’s make daddy proud, shall we?”


	12. Knowing the Truth

Roan was in his room sitting down by the couch and with a drink in his hand thinking about his day. He had been warned by Kane and Octavia about Raphael and his challenge desire but apparently that had been taken care of before he could even have to worry about it which for him worked just fine. He knew he was still not in his best shape and as hard for his pride as it was to admit it, Octavia had been right when she said that Lexa had won their fight even without the wound he now had on his chest.

He had tried to portray himself as confident but deep down inside, there was a part of him that feared he wouldn’t be strong enough to defeat the guy who he knew would certainly try to hit him where he was hurt already. In the end, he was glad that Skairipa, as they called her now took care of the problem for him. At least that problem. Now, he had to keep the Coalition intact, however he had no concrete idea on how he would do that. He was not a bad King and he knew how to lead, his people, not all 13 clans.

Especially not clans who hated him and wanted him to be as far away from the throne as they did. The Great Wars really did a number on the hate people had for Azgeda and that hate was making his job ten thousand times harder. He drank the ale until its last drop and stood up to fill it when there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” He said and the door opened to reveal exactly who he thought it was, Echo. She would be the only one who would come to him at this hour if it was not an emergency.

“My King,” She said to him in respect as she entered the room and before closing the door.

“What do you want, Echo?” He asked her, not really feeling like having company and she sighed a little at him, seeing that they were alone.

“I came to check on you, see if you were feeling better and to congratulate you on yet another victory,” She said to him with a small smile/smirk on her face and he scoffed.

“I won nothing. I was given the victory only because I am keeping this Coalition intact for now,” He said to her and she shook her head.

“I still don’t understand why. Azgeda has the power, why don’t you just take it?” She asked him and he looked at her.

“Because if I do that, it will lead down a path we will not win Echo,” He said to her and now she was truly confused.

“When my mother fought for what you are asking me to do, the clans were independent and never truly worked together so if we were to fight, our force would be superior but after the Coalition, after they learned how to work together against a common enemy, us, tell me, how do you think we can survive on our own against 12 clans together?” He asked her finally.

“Not all clans support Trikru and you know that,” She said to him and he nodded his head agreeing with what she said.

“That is true but if push comes to shove, in the end, who do you think they will support more, Trikru or Azgeda?” he asked her.

She looked at him and sighed understanding what he was saying. “Trikru,” She answered because it was the truth and so he nodded.

“Exactly, some clans may not particularly like Trikru or even each other but what really matters is that they hate us more,” He said as he sat down and she sat on the chair across from him.

“I understand that but my King, we have Skaikru on our side as our allies, and what the massacre committed by them proved was that their weapons could mean the difference between victory and defeat,” She said to him and he nodded.

“Once again, very true and we would win, you are right. Except that Wanheda has told me that if a war breaks out, that all their weaponry will be on Trikru’s side so they will have a guaranteed victory either way. That is why we must do everything we can to keep this Coalition intact because the moment it breaks, it will be the end for Azgeda,” He told her and she nodded understanding his reasons.

“Besides, I am not my mother. She loved the fear she could install on people, she thrived when she heard her enemies scream. She was a monster and you know it. Just look at what she did to Ontari, the poor girl was a baby and my mother just snatched her away as if she was some tool she could use to have more and more power,” Roan said as he drank.

“You mother was harsher than anyone would have preferred it, yes but she wanted what was best for Azgeda and she always fought for it,” Echo said and Roan scoffed.

“I can see you are just as brainwashed as the rest of our people were for her. Tell me something Echo, how well did you know my mother?” he asked her.

“Not much, the general had more contact with her than I did. She only promoted me when she asked me to interfere with the summit and you know what happened after that,” Echo answered honestly.

“Do you know the story on how or the reason why she became the Queen of Azgeda?” He asked her and she nodded her head. Everyone in Azgeda knows the tale.

“Her father died, killed by Trikru spies and she took the throne as it was her birthright,” She answered and he shook his head.

“She wanted to wipe out Trikru since they were the biggest clan apart from us and her father didn’t want to, instead he wanted to focus on taking care of the hunger the people were feeling for food, real food,” He started,

“So one night, she poisoned her father’s food herself and killed him, claiming it was Trikru spies that did it. Her first order was to attack a village in Trikru territory which she had heard a nightblood child had been found because she could stand for anything except a Trikru Commander and the people suffered for it, for years. Then as if it wasn’t enough, 14 years ago, she threw us into the Great Wars, while her clan starved, you remember it, don’t you?” He asked her and she nodded since it was around the time she started training to become a spy to help in the Wars.

“She told the people it was our enemies who were starving us, that they were the reason why we were suffering so much but in reality, it was her. She was using our resources to keep us fighting in the war, a war she helped start. She was the one who broke us down, Echo, who put our people through all the suffering because she wanted power, not for Azgeda but for herself. Years later, I found out the truth and afraid that I would do something about it, she sent me to deliver a package to the Commander containing Lexa’s lover’s head, knowing I would have been kept here as a prisoner for it,” Roan said to her and she was shocked hearing all of that.

“My mother sold me out to who she claimed was her enemy to keep me away from my people and to prevent me from exposing her lies. The only reason she didn’t kill me was because I was her only son and the only one of our family still alive to become the King so you see, Echo, she was worse than anyone I have ever met and I will be damned if I ever become the cruel and heartless dictator and tyrant she became. I want what is best for Azgeda and that is for things to remain how they are right now,” Roan finished explaining everything to her.

“But why would she do all that to her own people? Why starve us out?” Echo asked him confusedly and shaken by what she was hearing from him and he shrugged.

“Power, it was always everything she wanted. Power, power, power, more power. As long as she had it, Azgeda could perish for all she cared, my mother didn’t give two craps about our people, about me, about you, about anyone that wasn’t herself or that was useful to her. believe me, if she thought you had done your part, she would have ordered you to be killed, that is how she kept quiet about her plans because those who knew always ended u dead. Always,” He said to her and she slumped back against the chair.

“I had no idea she did that. I had no idea,” She said to him and he nodded understanding her shock hearing the truth he kept with him for so long.

“Of course, you didn’t. No one does,” He said to her and she started rethinking everything she knew about the Queen, every order, every word, every encounter, everything and she started to slowly see what he was talking about and she couldn’t help but feel extremely betrayed by the woman she had trusted in blindly for years. The woman she betrayed someone she came to care for. She betrayed Bellamy for her Queen and now as she was coming to know Nia better, she wished she never had.

“If you’re thinking about Bellamy, you’re right. Mother used you to destroy his people in an attempt to destroy Lexa, nothing more. It was personal to her. She couldn’t stand that Lexa had done what she never could, rule all clans, command everyone, and literally have all the power in her hands so she used everything and everyone to cure her wounded ego, not caring of what she did to our lives, what she took in her incessant search for power,” Roan said to her and she nodded understanding it.

“So what are you going to do now as King? There are still those who refuse to acknowledge you as their leader here and back in our clan. People that truly supported your mother,” She said to him and he nodded.

“There is nothing I can do now. The threat of the Coalition breaking is greater than a few unhappy people. Whether they like it or not, I am the King and I will stay that way but for now, my concern is making sure we don’t become targets and prey to the other clans and I need your help to do that,” He asked her.

“Anything you need of me, my King. My allegiance is to you,” She said nodding her head and bowing down to him in respect.

“For now, what you are doing is enough but stop following my mother’s ideas. Even in death, she can still screw up our lives for the worse if we let her. Just an advice,” He said to her and she nodded.

“I understand. Anything else?” She asked him and he shook his head.

“No, I just need to sleep. Part of the doctor’s recommendation to heal faster is to rest a lot,” He said and she stood up.

“Then, I will be taking my leave. See you in the morning, Sire,” She said bowing her head to him and he nodded as she left him and he went to sleep.

However in her own room, Echo could not sleep or rest, not with everything she learned today about the woman she once admired so. The Queen left her people starve for years because she wanted what she didn’t have, instead of taking care of the people who she was in charge of, she poisoned them against the others so they would never turn their weapons on her, always believing she was their savior, their protector, when in reality she was the one who they needed protection and saving from all the while.

As she thought about Bellamy, Echo thought about how they met in the worst place under the worst circumstance and how he promised to come back for her and did, how he was so willing to trust her when she came to Mount Weather, only to realize she had been the one to betray him and help kill 49 of his people. Although she had never felt it before for anyone, she knew what she was starting to feel for him and she knew she had no right to. And even if she did, he would never want anything to do with her, not after everything she did to him and to everyone he cared about. He was lost to her and she had to accept that she deserved it.

And she couldn’t blame him. In his place, she wouldn’t want it either. He didn’t trust her and she was pretty sure he wanted to see her dead for what she had done and it would all be justified but as she laid down in her bed and closed her eyes seeing his face, she couldn’t help but wish that he could find it in him to forgive her. Bellamy was special, he made her feel things she had never felt before for anyone. He made her question her orders and almost not follow through with them and she had always prized herself in her loyalty to her clan.

Yet even if at the end said loyalty won, she had never questioned it before him. But now, she understood that her actions had consequences and one of those is that she has lost him, his friendship, his trust, the possibility of something more ever happening between them. And it hurts to realize the pain she feels for losing him when she never even had him in the first place. However from now on, she would be more selective of her loyalty, or rather who gets it from her. She follows Roan because he has proven himself worthy of it but if he isn’t, she will stay true to herself or the person she is discovering herself to be, no matter the consequences.


	13. A Lapse of Judgment

Two weeks have passed since the destruction of the City of Light, the fight with A.L.I.E and their return from Polis and things in Arkadia had finally seemed to fall into a normal routine again. With Kane and her mother still in Polis, of course the leadership of the camp fell to Clarke’s lap as it usually did so she was what she liked to call an Interim Chancellor, she was holding the post just until her mother returned and in the time she had been here, she decided to make a few changes. All of those changes, she talked with the two adults in the grounder capitol over radio and got their permissions first before making them.

The first one of those changes was to renew of the Council. The old Council was gone, may members were dead and the on the matters of those who were still alive, she wouldn’t let anyone who still shared Pike’s view to come near any seats on the Council or any position of power so she decided to make a council of the people she trusted, more or less. Monty, Raven, Harper, Wick, Bellamy and her made up the new council and so far, they haven’t found too much resistance from everyone else and that was partially because in the end, she was the one in charge and their people trusted her but she wouldn’t complain about it.

Bellamy was still a work in progress. Let him into the Council was a decision that she didn’t make it lightly despite most people thinking it was. She spent days talking to her mom and Kane about it because she was still apprehensive about him and his previous allegiance to Pike but Kane vouched for him and her mom also incited her to give him a second chance based on the fact that they both could see that he knew now what he did was wrong and that he was trying to do better so trusting them, she let him take a seat but she alerted him, one step wrong and he is out. He seemed to have understood her reasons and accepted it.

The second one of those changes was a public announcement Clarke made, not long after that, telling the people that the Sky People were in fact part of the Coalition and that anyone who tried to incite their people against the grounders or raise their weapons to the grounders without her permission would be either exiled from the camp or killed on the spot. They were shocked by that but she was firm in telling them that Pike almost started a war and killed all of them because of actions like those and they would not be tolerated again. They seemed a little scared to hear such harsh punishment awaited such actions but accepted it anyway.

The third one of the changes she made in these two weeks was to tighten the security on camp and around the camp, with Bellamy, Miller and Harper’s help since they were more familiar with how the Guard worked here in the ground than she was and also their schedules but she did make a double check on the names of everyone that was on the guard. Except for Bellamy and Brian, Miller’s boyfriend, no one that had supported Pike was allowed near the weapons or to be part of the Guard.

Raven and the others were doing okay, the mechanic seemed to be developing a nice friendship with Wick, who Clarke knew the girl had pushed away before and even Jasper and Monty seemed to be on the right track to mend their friendship which was good because Jasper needed the help, obviously. Clarke still felt pretty guilty about the way Jasper turned out after what she did at the Mountain. He had always been more sensitive than the rest of them and having his girlfriend killed in the way she was, it broke him.

How could she not feel guilty about it when ultimately she was the one who have the order to open the airlock and kill everyone inside? If he ever recovers from that, it will take a long while to happen and forgiving her for it, to her, it seems impossible that one day that can happen and she can't really blame him for it. She was sad that there was no other way for her to save everyone. That she had to make a choice that would cause him so much pain, she deeply wished she could have avoided that but she couldn’t.

When he said to her that he would have saved everyone and she told him she wished he could have, she wasn't lying but he was naïve to think that he would have been able to kill Cage and even if he did, who could guarantee that in retaliation, the guards wouldn't have killed their friends? There were just too many things that could have gone wrong if Clarke had waited a little bit longer to act, her own mother could have died before Jasper could get close to Cage. His plan was too risky and she couldn’t have risked it as much as she wished she could have.

She knew that but he didn't and he probably never will. No one can really understand what burdens she is forced to bear so they don't have to, like Dante said. He was right, as leaders that was their hardest job. To always put their people first. She remembered one thing Lexa said, ‘Victory stands in the back of sacrifice.’ It really does even if at times, they have to sacrifice themselves, as Clarke did when she pulled that lever. She was giving up a part of her soul to do it but as long as it got her people out, she would pay it.

Only thing left for her is that the remorse and guilt and horror of said action didn't leave her after it was done, instead it threatened to consume her as a whole and it would have if she had stayed. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself if she had stayed among the same people for whom she made the sacrifice in the first place. It was just too much. She needed that time away but it seemed that no matter how far she goes, she will always be back here. In the same situation, ready to save her people at any costs if needed. That was it means to be a leader and so that's what she became.

Now, she was in her room overseeing the new plans for better adjustments of Alpha station. There some places with deep problems that they would need to be solved if they wanted to live in better conditions and it was up to her to figure out a solution and present to the people. She also was deciding on organizing hunting parties and plans to make a living. She was deep in thought when she heard her name being called over the radio. She picked it up and it was her mom. “Clarke, sweetie? Are you there?” Abby said and Clarke answered.

“Yeah, Mom. I’m here,” She said sighed and leaning back against her chair.

“How are things going on there?” Abby asked her and she sighed.

“Well. We had minor trouble with some people but it has been sorted out,” Clarke said and they both knew who those people were. Farm Station or what was left of it. They tried to contaminate the people again with lies about the grounders so Clarke had them locked up to clear their heads a little and to cool down before she herself did something she could possibly someday regret it. Like killing them.

“What about on your end?” Clarke asked and Abby sighed.

“Besides the trouble with Raphael, we’re okay. Roan is healing and Kane is helping him stay in power,” Abby said and Clarke could picture the man sitting on Lexa’s throne and bile went up her throat. No one but Lexa should sit on that throne, not even Aden but it was what it was.

“How are you holding up, sweetie? Feeling any better?” Abby asked softly and Clarke sighed.

“If you’re asking if I’m feeling better about losing the woman I loved, then the answer is a resounding no. It feels like the opposite. The more time it passes, the worse the pain becomes,” Clarke said clutching the necklace she had Raven make for her and what she said was true.

Clarke had delved into work like it was the only way to keep her sane in the midst of the pain losing Lexa, dealing with living every day knowing the girl was gone forever but anyone that truly knew her, that knew what the Commander had meant for her could see the everlasting sadness in her eyes. Even when she smiled, which was a very rare sight nowadays, there was always something really sad about it.

Raven had been a lot of help. She had become Clarke’s confident and the ear that listened to her whenever she wanted to talk to someone about Lexa and she couldn’t be more thankful and grateful for the girl. If she couldn’t do that, open up to someone that didn’t judge or criticized her for it, Clarke believed she would have exploded, or rather imploded with the amount of pain she felt. Lexa’s death left a hole so big in her heart that Clarke knew nothing would be able to fill it.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I would give anything to be able to help you with this, to make it better,” Abby said to her with sadness in her voice and Clarke sighed.

“I know, Mom. But it’s still too soon. She died a little over a month. If it ever gets better, I will need a few years on the road,” Clarke said and Abby knew that it was the truth.

“I know, sweetie. And I hope it does get better or at least, more tolerable and less suffocating to deal with,” The woman said and Clarke sighed.

“I hope so too. Anyway, how is Kane? How are the two of you doing?” Clarke asked smiling, she was happy for her mother to have found love with Kane.

“He is fine. Kane is a very good diplomat and he is doing the best he can to deal with the Ambassadors despite their feelings for our people. And we’re good,” Abby said the last part shortly and Clarke frowned.

“Mom, is something wrong between the two of you? You know you can tell me,” Clarke said and Abby sighed.

“No, sweetie. Everything is fine, I just don’t like the idea of telling about me and him when you’re suffering,” Abby said and Clarke chuckled.

“Mom, believe me, knowing you’re happy only helps me, okay? Besides, one of us should be happy at least. And you deserve it. You mourned Dad. I’m still mourning Lexa but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hear of how happy you are. Tell me,” Clarke said smiling.

“Okay, if you’re sure about it, we’re very good. He is a great man and he completely understands the fact that your Dad will always be a part of me and that a part of me will always love him,” Abby said and Clarke smiled.

“Uh, Mom?” Clarke said. “Yes, sweetie?” Abby answered.

“I think you’re falling in love with him,” Clarke said and the older woman chuckle.

“You know what? I think you’re right. I think I’m falling in love with Marcus if I don’t already,” Abby said and Clarke chuckled.

“Well, make sure to tell him that I couldn’t have asked for a better stepfather than him and that I am really happy that you two are together. Oh and tell him that if he hurts you, he is going to have Wanheda to kick his sorry ass,” Clarke said and Abby laughed.

“Isn’t that supposed to be my line you know? Hurt my daughter and I will prove just how in many ways I can kill you and being a doctor can bring you back to life to do it all over again?” Abby asked teasingly and Clark chuckled slightly.

“There is nowhere that says that a daughter can say that to her mother’s new boyfriend so deal with it, Doctor Griffin and that is one nice threat,” Clarke said to her mom and they both chuckled for a while.

“Well, I’ll be sure to tell him that you gave him your stamp of approval, don’t worry,” Abby said to her and Clarke smiled before she turned serious again.

“Mom, how is Octavia doing? I’m sure Bellamy will want to hear about his sister. Is she okay?” She asked her mother who sighed.

“She is not much different than you are, I’m afraid. She is still mourning Lincoln. Except that there is something big that happened that I’m not sure she would want Bellamy to know now but I think he should know it,” Abby said and Clarke frowned.

“What is it? It’s something bad?” She asked worriedly. Ever since Lincoln died, Octavia has been really distant and cold and Clarke was maybe one of the few people who could understand what she was going through.

“No, it’s nothing bad. In fact, it’s very good. She is pregnant,” Abby said and Clarke was shocked. She wasn’t sure that she heard it correctly.

“Okay, hold on a second. Are you really telling me that Octavia is pregnant with Lincoln’s child?” Clarke asked her mom and Abby chuckled.

“Yes, and it’s Lincoln’s, obviously. She is about 3 months along,” Abby said and Clarke smiled. She was very happy for the girl, at least she would have a little piece of her lover to stay with her forever, even when he himself is already gone. Clarke envied her.

“Well, I’m very happy for her and I’m sure Bellamy will be as well,” Clarke said just as there was a knock on the door.

“Mom, Wait a second. Someone is at the door,” Clarke said on the radio before telling the person to come in and it was no other than Bellamy himself. “Mom, it’s Bellamy,” Clarke said and Abby smiled.

“Well, I will let you tell him and I will tell Marcus what you told me, okay? I love you, sweetheart,” Abby said to her daughter and Clarke smiled.

“I love you too, Mom. Talk to you later. Bye,” Clarke said and turned the radio off before she turned to look at the older guy.

“Tell me what? Is anything wrong that I should know about? Is it Octavia?” Bellamy asked her and she smiled standing up to meet with him.

“Well, I asked my mom about how Octavia was doing and she told me that they just found out that she is pregnant. 3 months along,” Clarke said and he had a shocked expression on his face.

“She is pregnant? Lincoln’s baby?” He asked her still in complete shock and surprise and she nodded smiling a little imagining how happy he must be.

“Yeah, you’re going to be an uncle,” She said and he seemed to finally absorb the information because he finally smiled.

“I’m going to be an uncle,” He said before chuckling. “I’m going to be an uncle,” He said and hugged Clarke who hugged him back, happy for her friend. “I’M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!” He said and twirled her around before putting her back on the ground and pulling away.

Their faces were too close and he couldn’t help himself before connecting their lips. Clarke was completely taken by surprise and didn’t know how to react. He pulled back and just looked at her waiting for her reaction. She didn’t know why but looking at him and having him so close, she didn’t seem to think, she just acted and kissed him against, this time more forcefully and he kissed her right back. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

Clarke pushed his jacket off and pulled his shirt up and he pulled hers right along with his before he walked forward until they fell down on the bed and continued kissing. Clarke didn’t know what she was doing and why she was letting him kiss her like this but it was almost like she didn’t have control over her body. She just needed the pain to stop a little, just needed a distraction. He slipped his tongue inside her mouth and she moaned before battling his with her own. He was a good kisser, she would give him that.

He kicked his boots off, pulled back and started undoing his pants as she did the same with hers until they were both in their underwear and she could feel him against her. He kissed her again and caressed her breast, down to her side, ending on her legs. He was very good but his hands were too rough, they were not as soft as Lexa’s. The moment she thought that, Clarke opened her eyes. Lexa. Bellamy then moved to start kissing her neck and she, unconsciously, tilted her head to the side to give him more access to it.

The she was met with the drawing she made of Lexa when the girl had been sleeping. One of the rare moments in which she had seen the girl completely lower down her guard in front of her. A moment so beautiful that she found the need to paint it. A moment in which she started opening up to the older girl again. A moment in which Lexa trusted her enough to sleep even after Clarke spit on her face and told her she would kill her. Even after Clarke held a knife to her throat and threatened to slit it.

Clarke then turned her head back to look at the body on top of hers and the wrongness of it all hit her, and it hit her hard, suddenly she could barely breathe. “Bellamy,” She said and her voice was so low that she didn’t even hear it herself.

“Bellamy,” She said but still didn’t come out.  She couldn’t believe that she was doing this. She had just told her mother how much she was missing Lexa and she was almost going to bed with someone else. What kind of lying slut was she? She didn’t deserve someone like Lexa, this was proving it. What would Lexa think if she saw this? Would she still love her despite this? The answer was no, she would not and with reason. This was wrong and Clarke wanted it to stop, and to stop it right now

The tears started falling down and she was choking down a sob and it was like she was just numb. She looked back at the drawing and closed her eyes think about the brunette. It seemed like doing that and gripping the necklace gave her the strength she needed because she finally find her voice. “Leave,” She said loud enough and he stopped and looked back at her and saw the state she was in.

“Clarke?” he asked worriedly. And it seemed like the fog that was over her mind was finally lifted. She was back in control of herself, of her actions and her feelings, control over her body.

“Leave, Bellamy. I need you to leave right now,” She said to him and pushed him away from her, feeling completely disgusted with herself.

“Clarke, what is going on? Talk to me,” he said trying to comfort her seeing how distressed she was but she couldn’t hold back the sob and the anger and the disgust and all of it just jumbled together and suddenly she was screaming at him.

“Leave!! Leave!! Get out!! Get out!!” She said and kept pushing him away from top of her and then she stood up from the bed and just kept on pushing him away while crying for him to leave. He didn’t know what to do so he just grabbed his clothes and left the room as fast as he could and she slammed the door on his face.

He just stood on the other side of it and he could hear her sobs. He didn’t know what the hell happened. Did he do something? Did he offend her? He didn’t know but he didn’t think that now was the moment to find out nor would she want to see him so he quickly put on his clothes back, thankful that the corridor was deserted and no one had seen his state of almost nakedness and went in search of Raven. Maybe she could help. He left to search for the mechanic, hoping she could fix whatever was wrong.

Meanwhile inside the room Clarke closed the door and slammed her head against it a couple of times, so hard that it made a cut on her forehead and blood started pouring down her face but the only thing she did was drag herself back to the bed and sit down leaning against it and she cried her heart out while looking at the drawing, feeling ashamed and disgusted with herself. How could she have done this? How could she have betrayed Lexa like this? Titus was right about her, she didn’t deserve Lexa and never would.


	14. Comforting Shoulder

After leaving Clarke’s room, actually after being kicked out of it by the crying girl, Bellamy made sure to walk as fast as he could, he was almost running through the halls in the direction of the engineering workshop in hopes to find Raven and ask for her help with the blonde but unfortunately, when he entered the place, he only found Wick in there. “Hey Wick, do you know where Raven is?” Bellamy asked the guy hurriedly who noticed he seemed distraught and stopped what he was doing to fully pay attention to him.

“Hey, you okay, dude? You seem a little out of it,” Wick asked him worriedly but Bellamy just shook his head. He appreciated the concern but it was misdirected, Clarke was the one who needed the help, not him.

“We don’t have time for this Wick. Do you or do you not know where Raven is?” Bellamy hissed at the guy and the engineer thought better than to ask another question.

“As far as I know, she was on the garage, checking the Rover. Why?” He said but Bellamy had already run out of there and left the guy feeling really confused.

“What could have happened to leave him like that? Another apocalypse? No, It was too soon. What could have been?” he spoke to himself feeling confused before he just shrugged and went back to work. Let Raven figure it out. He continued humming to himself.

As soon as the words were out of the engineer’s mouth, Bellamy ran as fast as he could as the situation started to really sink into him, so he really was not caring about bumping into people along the way, he was not even bothering to apologize. All he knew was that he needed to get to Raven fast and once he came to the garage, he started to look everywhere searching for the girl before he noticed her going under the car to check on it. He ran towards her and called out, “Raven!” He said and he heard a grunt.

“Ouch, Blake,” She said before she slid out massaging her forehead. “I just knocked my head because you decided to scare the shit out of me,” Raven said before she looked up to him and noticed his state and sighed.

“What is it? Did someone try to start another war and you need my brilliant brain to help you stop it cause I am just that awesome?” She asked him smirking.

“It’s Clarke. I’m worried about her. You need to go check on her,” He said to her and she immediately stood up as soon as she heard the blonde’s name.

“What the hell happened? Why don’t you help her?” She asked him completely worried now and he sighed at her before he decided to spill the beans to her.

“Because I may the reason why she is in the state she is in now. Look, we were talking and we got carried away and we almost had sex before she broke down crying and pushed me away. Can you go help her or not?” He said very fast and she looked at him.

“Tell me you didn’t do that, tell me you didn’t fucking screw up like that,” She said firmly and he looked at her like a lost puppy and she knew he had indeed done it. “Damn it, Bellamy. How many times are you going to screw up?” She said throwing the tools she had on her hand to the ground before running as fast as she could. He watched her go until she disappeared.

“I don’t know, Raven. I really don’t know,” He said to himself and sighed before he kicked a bucket away in frustration before leaving to go outside to clear his head and think a little.

Raven ran as fast as she could with a cripple leg and managed to get there quite quickly, thank God, and even from outside, she could hear the sobs so she didn’t even bother to knock, she simply opened the door and went inside looking for the blonde and when she found her, the sight broke her heart. Clarke was on her underwear sitting down on the bed clutching a drawing that Raven knew to be of Lexa, crying like she had never seen the blonde cry before. Raven just closed the door and moved towards her.

“Clarke?” She called to the girl. “Clarke, it’s me, Raven,” She said as she moved to sit down on the bed near the girl who finally looked up and Raven was shocked to see the blood.

“Oh my God, Clarke. Your head,” She said and got up to search for a med kit that she knew Clarke kept in her room. She found it and moved back towards the girl. “Here, let me,” Raven said and Clarke just stayed quiet as the mechanic cleaned the wound, both in silence.

“Well, I’m not you but it’s not that bad,” Raven said as she cleaned the wound and Clarke just looked at her with tear stained face in utter despair.

“How?” Clarke croaked out, her voice hoarse from all the crying she did and Raven looked at her trying to figure out how to help her.

“How what?” Raven asked gently, to not spook her and encourage her to speak and Clarke just looked at her lost in her own thoughts before coming back.

“How could I have done this to her?” Clarke managed to spit it out as a new wave of tears started falling down on her face and sobs wrecked her body.

“Hey,” Raven said moving to sit beside her and putting her arms around the girl, “You did nothing wrong, okay? You were, you are hurting and you thought that it would help but you realized in time that it wouldn’t and nothing else happened,” Raven said to her.

“I almost had sex with Bellamy, Ray,” Clarke said leaning her head on the girl’s shoulders still crying but finally speaking out.

“I know, I know. It’s okay,” Raven said to her comfortingly and Clarke cried.

“Lexa is not even dead for two whole months and I already get close to putting someone else on my bed? I almost let him touch my body like she did? How could I have done this?” Clarke asked her.

“The same way I had sex with Wick a few days right after Finn died. Because we needed the pain to stop for just a few moments so that we could breathe again and not feel it piercing our heart every time we did so,” Raven said to her as softly as she could before she continued,

“Because we needed a distraction from thinking about them all the time, from imagining what they would be doing at every moment, if they would have been with us, and Wick and Bellamy were there willing to offer that distraction, not knowing that that it’s all it was for us. That we didn’t have those feelings for them, that we just need to not hurt for an hour,” Raven said and Clarke nodded.

“I know what you’re feeling now. Believe me, I do. I’m the master of these types of situations. I did it twice because of Finn. One with Bellamy when I thought he had run off for a romantic stroll with you and another with Wick after we disabled the acid fog. I think in your case, it was more like with Wick. We were just happy and glad we were able to do our job that we got caught up in the moment and did it. Am I right?” Raven asked her and Clarke nodded.

“I spoke with my mom before he came in and she told me that Octavia is 3 months pregnant,” Clarke said and Raven was shocked.

“Okay, time out. Pocahontas is preggo? Like for real pregnant?” Raven asked and Clarke chuckled at what the girl said but nodded.

“Yes, she is really pregnant,, # months along and it’s Lincoln’s so she is very happy,” Clarke explained to her and Raven nodded.

“Of course she is, or would be happy. So am I, I mean a child really but you know, go on,” She urged Clarke to continue her story so she could maybe understand what truly happened to leave the blonde like this.

“Well, Bellamy came to see me for whatever reason and I just told him. He was happy that he is going to be an uncle so he hugged me and I hugged him back because I was, am happy for him,” Clarke said and Raven hummed.

“Then, when we pulled back, he was so close and he kissed me and it was like this fog went over my head and it was like my body was moving on its own. I kissed him back and we started removing each other’s clothes and he started caressing me and I remember thinking it was nothing like Lexa and it was like the fog was lifted. I saw the drawing and the next thing I know, I’m breaking down and I’m pushing him away and out of here,” Clarke said and Raven nodded.

“I understand it,” Raven said to her and Clarke pulled back to look at her.

“I love Lexa, Ray. I want her. I don’t want Bellamy, Niylah or anyone else. I want her, Raven. I just want her,” Clarke said and Raven nodded.

“I know, Clarke. I can imagine,” Raven said and Clarke shook her head.

“Why did I have to lose her the moment I found her again?” Clarke said as tears fell down and Raven wiped her tears away.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Raven said and Clarke just nodded.

“What am I going to do now? What should I do, Ray?” Clarke asked her and she sighed.

“Well, right now, put on some clothes, unlike everyone else apparently, this does nothing to me,” Raven said motioning to Clarke’s body who chuckled at that.

“Not even a little,” Raven said and Clarke laughed a little and Raven considered that a victory. “Here let me help you,” Raven said getting out of bed to get the clothes from the floor.

“No, Ray, can you grab new ones?” Clarke said and Raven looked at her understanding.

“Sure, any preference? Maybe some Chanel, what was the name of the other brands from the Old World? Gucci, wasn’t it?” Raven asked and Clarke chuckled before she thought about it.

“There’s a green shirt, can you get that for me?” Clarke said and Raven nodded. “Sure,” She said and opened the closet and saw the shirt.

It had a green tone to it and she grabbed it before going towards Clarke and giving it to her to put it on. Raven then grabbed a clear pair of pants and gave it to her to wear it. Once it was done, she sat down on the bed facing the girl.

“Now, I can fix a lot of things but wounds are not my strong suit so I think you need to get that cut checked or it’s going to get infected,” Raven said and Clarke nodded.

“Get me a mirror and I will do it,” Clarke said and Raven grabbed the mirror and the med kit and put in front of the blonde while she took care of it.

“How is Bellamy?” Clarke asked the mechanic after a while and Raven sighed.

“Well, he was very worried about you, that’s for sure but I don’t think he understands why you did that. He didn’t seem to connect it with Lexa. I don’t know what is going on in his head,” Raven answered honestly and Clarke nodded.

“It’s not completely his fault. It takes two to tango. He may have kissed me first but I kissed him back and got his clothes off of him,” Clarke said to her friend.

“Maybe but he should have known better. I don’t know if he has feelings for you or not. I’m not even sure he knows that answer himself but he should have known better than to kiss you in the first place. We all know that you love Lexa and that you’re still mourning her. He shouldn’t have tried anything at all. Not unless you were ready,” Raven said and Clarke sighed.

“Thing is Ray, I don’t know if I will ever be ready,” Clarke said finishing the stitches on her forehead and looking at her friend.

“If I think about it, if I remember kissing Bellamy, I don’t want that. I don’t want to be with anyone else. They will never be like her, they will never touch me the same way, kiss me with the same love, they will never be her and it’s not fair on anyone to be compared to a ghost, not even Bellamy,” Clarke said and Raven nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right. I think I can get that they will never be the same but don’t you think you can love anyone else eve if less than you loved her?” Raven asked her and Clarke nodded.

“I know that I can love some just for them look at my mom, she is in love with Kane. Difference is I don’t want to. I don’t want to be with anyone else that isn’t her. I don’t want to put in the effort to keep her locked in my mind to not hurt someone else’s feelings, you know? I didn’t have the courage to simply love her in life. I sure as hell will love her in death since it is the only thing I can do. What about you? Do you think you will fall in love again?” Clarke explained and then asked Raven who shrugged.

“I don’t think that it’s as impossible to me as it seems to be for you. I loved Finn but now I know it was more of a family love than a romantic one so yeah, I think I can if it is the right person. I mean, not everyone can handle all of this, you know?” Raven said motioning to herself and they laughed at that, even Clarke. When they stopped, she gripped her necklace.

“Lexa was my person,, she was everything I wanted, everything I needed, everything I craved, she was the one I know I was meant to spend the rest of my life with but I was too stupid to realize when I had the chance and being with someone now or later in life would mean having to give her up and I can’t. I can’t give her up, I don’t want to,” Clarke said looking at the object.

“Yeah, I think I can understand what you mean and you know you have my support no matter what you choose to do. Either be with someone else or stay a nun forever,” Raven said to her.

“Thanks Raven, that means a lot to me. Given what you just said, help me. What do you think I should do about Bellamy?” Clarke said looking at the mechanic.

“Right now, distance is the answer. He is shaken up by what happened and so are you. Emotions are running high, you both may end up saying stuff you don’t mean and may even be more hurt. It’s better to wait. I will talk to him and soften the blow and then you should talk to him and explain things. Make sure he understands he has no chance with you and that you’re better off as friends,” Raven said to her and she nodded.

“I think you’re right. I think I am not ready to face him and talk it out with him, at least not for now,” Clarke said to her friend and Raven nodded.

“Well, since you look a little better, I’m going to check on Bell boy to make sure he doesn’t do anything else of the same level of stupidity. We know how good at doing that he is,” Raven said and Clarke nodded.

“Be merciful, I know he was wrong but so was I so don’t skin him alive,” Clarke said to her and Raven sighed while shaking her head.

“I won’t skin him alive but I will make him realize what he has done and shake him up. It is time that boy realizes that he can’t keep doing stupid things all his life. He needs to grow the hell up but don’t worry, he will survive simply because I want him to,” Raven said and Clarke nodded her head at the girl who stood up, hugged her and went to the door.

“Thank you for taking care of me Raven. You are like the sister I never had. I love you,” Clarke said to the girl who smiled as she opened the door.

“I love you too despite the fact that you slept with my boyfriend. Although what kind of sisters would we be if you hadn’t?” Raven said and Clarke chuckled at that.

“See you later?” Clarke asked once she stopped laughing and Raven nodded her head. They really have come a long way since the blonde found the mechanic on that pod.

“Of course. See you later,” Raven said smiling at her before she walked out of the door and closed it behind her as Clarke was left with the drawing she made of Lexa clutching it as she laid down and tried to sleep for a while.


	15. Reality Check

After leaving Clarke’s room feeling a little more assured in relation to her best friend’s mental and emotional health, Raven slowly made her way through the station, her leg hurting a bit from all the running she did earlier. She had known from what Bellamy told her had happened that it was bad but she didn’t expect it to be as worse as it was when she got to the blonde’s room. Clarke was destroyed emotionally and feeling so bad about herself that Raven had never wished for Lexa to be alive more than she did in that moment just so the former Commander could take away that pain far away from her friend.

But the tough thing for Raven to know was that the girl wasn’t alive anymore and Clarke was still broken because of it and everything else she had been through ever since and it was up to her to be the support that the girl needed to pick up her pieces and try to put them back together enough so she can continue on living. Raven had to be stronger for Clarke. She already had one friend that succumbed to the pain of losing a loved one and she didn’t do a good enough job to help him, she damn right would help the blonde, even if all she needed was someone to hear her talking about Lexa.

Which is why she couldn’t understand how could Bellamy even think to do something like that? Even a blind person could see that Clarke was in no way over the former Commander and that it would take a long time for her to even open up herself to the possibility of love, if she ever did since according to the blonde girl herself, there was a pretty big chance that she never would. How did he come to the conclusion that this was the appropriate time for him to make a move on the blonde? Not even Finn would screw up like this.

She was lost in thought when she heard her name being called so she looked behind her to see Wick running towards her. “Hey Reyes,” He said catching up to her and she gave him a smile. Wick was a very nice guy and she should have never pushed him away, even if she didn’t want a romantic relationship with him.

“Hey Wick. What’s up?” She asked him as they started walking forwards, slower thanks to her leg. Running up to get to Clarke made her leg start aching, but she didn’t regret. The only thing was that now she just had to take it easy and it would be better.

“Bellamy came to me asking for you. He seemed pretty desperate. Did he talk to you? Is everything okay?” He asked her worriedly and she sighed deeply.

“Okay? Things haven’t been okay since Pike became Chancellor but yeah, I talked to him and let’s just say that stupid Bellamy strikes again times ten,” Raven told the guy.

“What did he do this time?” Wick asked her and she wanted to tell him but it was up to Clarke and Bellamy to tell people if they wanted to so she just shook her head.

“Ask him, I’ll not speak about it. It involves other people and it is just their business who gets to know it, not my place to tell,” She said to him and Wick nodded.

“Yeah, I get it and that is super cool of you to protect your friends’ privacy but all I am really asking is if it is solved now? If everything is good?” He asked her and she shrugged.

“I truly really don’t know. It was a problem between him and Clarke. I have spoken with Clarke and now I am trying to find him so I can talk to him about it and get it sorted,” She explained.

“More like nag him, you mean since I am guessing he is in the wrong about whatever happened between them,” Wick said to her and she nodded vigorously.

“Damn right, he is. After what he did today, he deserves the most nagging of nagging nags of all time and I plan to do just that as soon as I find his sorry ass,” Raven said and Wick nodded. Whatever the guy did, he feared being in Bellamy’s shoes right now.

“Well, if I’m not mistaken, I think that he went to the watch tower. I heard Monty talking about it when he came to the workshop to check on his stuff. He said that Bellamy’s face was scary again and filled with guilt. Maybe you should try it there first. If you can’t find him, just ask one of the guards, they will surely know how to find him. It’s not like this place is big enough that you can hide from everyone forever,” He said helping her and she nodded at him.

“Thanks Wick. Really. For everything,” She said sincerely and he smiled at her nodding his head with his signature little smirk/smile.

“You’re welcome,” He said as they parted ways and she went outside and when she walked through the doors of the station and looked up to the watch tower, there was the person she was looking for. She took a deep breath to try to calm herself since she was actually afraid of what she might say to him but anyway, she tried to relax herself before she crossed the camp until she came into the ladder and slowly started climbing all the way up, trying not to force her leg too much, favoring the other one.

“Of all the places to hide, you just had to choose the hardest one to get to for me,” She called out as she finally reached the top and he didn’t even look behind him, already expecting her.

“I knew it wouldn’t stop you from coming anyway,” He said to her and she nodded finally standing up and taking a deep breath before sighing and walking up towards the railing where he was leaning against with his arms crossed and she noticed he had taken his jacket off.

“How is she?” he asked her after a few seconds in pure tense silence as she stood beside him leaning against the railing as well.

“How do you think she is, Bellamy? That is a stupid question even for you right now,” She snapped at him and he sighed. He knew it was coming but still.

“I don’t want to fight with you Raven. I know I screwed up with Clarke, okay? I know that.” He said to her and she turned her head to look at him.

“Damn right, you should know and damn right, you did. I would ask what the hell were you thinking but the truth is you weren’t. You don’t think before you act. You don’t think about how your actions affect people so as long as you get what you want. Were you always this selfish and we were blind to it or did you become this person? If so, when did that happen?” Raven said to him and he sighed lowering his head staying silent.

“I asked you as question Bellamy. I want an answer right now. Which one of the options is the truth? Tell me,” She said as she looked at him and he shrugged,

“I don’t know the answer to that, Raven. Both options, probably,” He said to her and she shook her head disappointedly at him.

“For Christ’s sake Bellamy, we try and we try and we try once more to forgive you when you screw up in hopes that you will finally learn and do better next time but you don’t. You manage to screw up even worse. If Pike was the high of your stupidity, this certainly takes the cake. Do you have any idea what you actually done to her? I found her in her underwear, crying herself to oblivion and all because you couldn’t control your hormones and almost took advantage of her,” Raven said to him and he finally looked at her.

“I did not take advantage of her. I would never do that to her, to any woman ever. She kissed me firs, then she kissed me back, then she started to remove my clothes. I wasn’t forcing her to do anything, raven. I let her set the pace of what she wanted to happen. What was I supposed to think? That she hated every single minute of it? How could I think that she didn’t want it to happen when she initiated it? Besides, when she asked me to stop, I did it immediately,” He explained to her.

“She lost the love of her life not two months ago, Bellamy. That is how you know she is not ready. Clarke has been sad ever since A.L.I.E was defeated and she finally had a break from saving our asses to finally mourn the loss of the one person she truly loved in her life. Not even a month later, you think she would be ready to go to bed with someone else? With you?” Raven said to him raising her voice a little.

“How many times have we seen her eyes red and puffy from crying? How many times have you and I see her stare into nothing for long periods of time? How many times have you and I see her draw Lexa? Do you know how many drawings of Lexa Clarke has in her room, Bellamy? It’s up on the dozens, plural. She has been so sad and the only difference between her and Jasper is that she is not drowning herself in booze but she is just as sad, I dare say she is even more broken than he was when he lost Maya. How many times have we heard her say that she loves Lexa, present tense? Too many goddamn times for you to even remotely think that there is a small chance that she wants to sleep with someone else. Idiot!” Raven said passionately.

“You should have known that if she kissed you back, it wasn’t because she wanted to have sex with you, that maybe she was too broken to do anything else, that maybe she wanted a distraction from the pain, that maybe she simply couldn’t bring herself to stop you. She could have had a million reasons to kiss you back but none of them would have been because she wanted to have sex with you and you should have known that. You should have never kissed her in the first place,” She continued on her rant as he listened,

“If you wanted to try something romantic with her, you should have been slower about it. Talk to her, tell her of your feelings, let her decide if she wanted to give you a chance or not. If she did, you should have courted her, slowly, one step at a time. A date, then another, then another, then maybe hold her hand after if you had her permission, you could have given her a kiss, a small one to start, give her the right to dictate the pace. And if she didn’t want it, you should have respect it and avoided ever letting your feelings get the best of you so something like today never happened,”

“That is what you should have done Bellamy. That was the right, honorable and considerate thing to do in a situation like this. But no, Bellamy wants Clarke so to hell with Clarke’s feelings, Bellamy will have her,” Raven said and he looked at her.

“You make me sound like a rapist,” He said lowly looking at her and she just stared right back at him, not backing down from what she is saying to him. She means all of it and she will make sure he knows it and realizes what fucked up thing he did to their friend.

“If you had gone through with the sex, that is exactly what you would have looked like to me. Clarke’s emotional state is in shackles, she is hurting, she is vulnerable, she is in pain. She could have had a lapse of judgment based on that and perhaps given the illusion of wanting it, you but there is no excuse for you, Bellamy. Even if she had kissed you back, you should have stopped it from going further than that immediately,” Raven said to him.

“Did you even stop to ask her if that was what she really wanted? Did you make sure to let her decide if she wanted things to go further? Did you make sure she gave your consent verbally or did you just assume that because she removed your shirt, she wanted it and therefore you could have her?” She said and by the look on his face, it seemed that he finally understood the seriousness of his actions.

“Did I really do that?” He asked with a broken voice and if it was any other situation, she may pity him, but not with this. This time, he needed the unprotected truth of what he did and what he caused and she would gladly give it to him. Maybe this time, it will stick in his head that he can’t keep doing this to everyone. It needs to stop and it needs to stop now before someone else gets even more seriously hurt.

“Yes, you did. You know why? Because of your overwhelming desires that gives two shits about the consequences as long as you get what you want. You didn’t care about the deaths of 300 people in the culling, your own people that you pride yourself so much in protecting, as long as you saved your ass for shooting Jaha. You didn’t care about what it would happen once you killed 300 innocent grounders, you just cared about your own anger and your own pain. You didn’t care about Clarke as long as you got to have her. See the pattern here?” Raven said to him seriously and he nodded. He was finally seeing.

“If that is how I am then I don’t want to be like that anymore, Raven. I don’t want to keep hurting people just because I am hurt or because I want something. I admit that with the culling I was being extremely selfish, I really was. But with Pike, I really thought I was protecting everyone. I had made a mistake in trusting Echo and it cost our people’s lives, Gina’s lives and I didn’t want to make that mistake again. I was really trying to do the right thing,” He tried to explain himself to her but she just shook her head.

“Hell is filled with good intentions, Bellamy. Instead of trusting someone whose policy was good grounder is dead grounder, you should have used that stupid brain of yours to talk to Kane who is someone worth following. You should have talked with him not only about your fears regarding another attack but also about your pain. He would be right there to help you all the way through but you chose to go to Pike,”

“You chose to betray Kane and give Pike and his crazy band of baboons the weapons they wanted. You chose to incite the people to vote for that madman. You chose to follow him and participate in the massacre. You chose to turn your back on Clarke when she came to talk to you, yes she told me about that. You chose to attack yet another defenseless village, getting Monroe killed. You chose to put a bug in Kane’s room, betraying the one person who was actually trying to help you be a better man,”

“You chose to lock up Lincoln, the sick grounder, betray and imprison Sinclair, get Bryan to plant a bug in his own boyfriend, you chose to kill those two messengers. You chose Bellamy. All of it. There wasn’t a gun put against your head forcing you to do all of that. No, you chose the wrong path all on your own, screwing up the life of everyone in the process. I am sure in your head you thought you were doing the right thing for your people but never forget Bellamy that so did Pike when he was planning a war that would get us killed,”

“That so did Jaha when he forced all those people to take the Flame, when he chose to send a bunch of delinquents to a planet they knew nothing of, not even if they would survive.  So did the Mountain Men when they were drilling our friends and sucking their bone marrow dry. They all have something in common with you. They were all doing what they thought was best for their people too. Answer me this, does it make what they were doing any less cruel or awful or disgusting or monstrous?” Raven said to him and he shook his head.

“Can you finally see that you are become like the enemies we have fought so hard to destroy? That you are becoming like the people you used to hate for their screwed up decisions? That you are becoming a selfish, inconsequential, irresponsible, careless shell of the man we all believed you to be? The good and trustworthy man we all thought you were?” She said to him and he just looked ahead towards the horizon and gave her a short nod.

“Good, then take this time and think, think about everything you have done and see your mistakes. Maybe it will help you,” Raven said before continuing,

“Clarke will forgive you eventually. It is one of her most endearing and irritating qualities, that fact that she can forgive and give second chances even when the person does not deserve even one word of comfort from her. With what happened with you, she thinks she is to blame for what happened but we know better than that,”

“She will want to talk to you about it, not today or even tomorrow but she will one of these days and when she does, you better make sure to do it right this time. From all of us, Clarke deserves to be happy and okay the most so you better make sure to say exactly the right things or you will have me to deal with,” Raven said to him and he nodded.

“Of course. I will apologize to her for being all those things and for doing what I did to her, not only today but before as well and make sure she knows it was my fault and not hers. Don’t worry,” He answered her and she nodded before turning around to leave.

“One more thing. Are we still friends Raven? Or did I screw that up as well and lost your friendship forever?” he asked her sincerely and she took a deep breath before sighing.

“I hope we will be again. Right now though, I just want to kill you for what you did to my best friend. So make things right with Clarke and I may think about forgiving you. But if you screw up with her again, I swear to God, consequences be damned, I will make your life a living hell if I let you live at all. Got it Blake?” She said sincerely as he nodded understanding her position.

Raven started on her way down and once she finally reached the ground, she took a deep breath before she started on her way back to the station and to her previous work on the rover and Bellamy stayed in the tower reevaluating everything the mechanic had just said to him and everything he did, all of his choices and the reasons behind each one and he couldn’t help but think and agree that he was everything she accused him of being and he was deeply ashamed because of it and could only hope it was not too late for him to change and to mend things with the people he had hurt or at least die trying.


	16. Learning History

After delivering the false flame to Roan, all shattered and broken as it was planned between herself, Indra and the new Flamekeeper, Gaia that for her entire surprise was none other than Indra’s daughter and after making sure that she put on a good enough show that the King wouldn’t be suspicious of anything, Octavia went back to the place she was sharing with Indra to find the woman sitting down on her bed, still with her armor on and her sword laying on her lap. Octavia then sat down in front of her and relaxed against the chair.

“And? What did he say?” Indra asked her as she looked up at her second and Octavia sighed as she looked at her mentor before answering her.

“He believed the story. I showed him the broken flame and said what we agreed upon. He won’t be searching for her or the flame anytime soon,” She answered and the woman nodded.

“Good,” Indra said relieved that her daughter wasn’t in any imminent danger anymore and Octavia looked at her first before she spoke.

“Why did you never told me that you had a daughter that was alive and was also a Flamekeeper?” Octavia asked her and Indra took a deep breath.

“As you could see tonight, we don’t exactly have the best mother and daughter relationship,” Indra answered her sighing as she thought of the girl in question.

“I’m really sorry about that,” Octavia said to her sincerely and Indra shook her head at the girl who was trying to comfort her.

“Don’t be. Gaia was always more devoted to the faith than she was to training. I should have known that she would choose the path of the Flame. I just never wanted to accept it,” Indra said to the girl looking at her word.

“How old was she when she left TonDC to become a Flamekeeper?” Octavia asked her.

“She had just turned 15 when a group of them passed by our villagers looking for volunteers to their calling,” Indra answered her with a melancholic tone to it.

“Why did she join the Order of the Flame though?” Octavia asked her and Indra sighed before she decided to tell the story for the first time.

“I was only a warrior, the second in command of TonDC already when I met Gaia’s father, Trent. He was a warrior of the Commander’s guard and we met when the Commander at the time came to TonDC to speak with our chief. We got married not too long after that. We loved each other. He was a good and honorable man,” Indra started explaining as Octavia listened attentively, honored Indra trusted her enough to tell her about it.

“He would come to stay every weekend and then would come back here to Polis to do his duty. It took about two years before I got pregnant with Gaia and Trent was overjoyed when I told him. His dream was to be a father so, to be closer to us, he asked for the Commander to let him stay in TonDC permanently and the Commander Linus from Sangedakru let him. As the months passed and my belly grew, I had to stay away from my duties during the pregnancy as you will soon find out,” Indra said and Octavia immediately brought her hand to her belly.

“When I gave birth, I stayed three months away to take care of the baby but once those months passed, I went back to work. Trent decided then to stay at home, he didn’t want to leave her with someone else, I said yes and that was how we worked. I would go to war and he would take care of Gaia. Naturally, she grew closer to him than she did to me and I believe I was too hard on her sometimes but I only wanted what was best for her,” Indra continued,

“When our chief died and I took command of our people, Gaia was about 6 years old and it gave me the chance to be part of her life more than I had been before. She would accompany me when I would travel here to Polis, she even became friends with Lexa who was a nightblood here,” She said and Octavia was surprised.

“Really? She and the Commander were friends?” She asked and the older woman nodded.

“Yes, Lexa was only two years older so they would play when Titus would let her go. Gaia grew up as a warrior, training but she was always fascinated by the Order and the Flame, as well as the faith of our people,” Indra said and took on a tenser tone of voice.

“When Gaia was 10 years old, Trent decided to return to his duties. She was old enough to be by herself and he missed it, he was always devoted to being a royal guard to the Commander, it was an honor for him to be trusted as much as to be part of Lexa’s personal guard. When Gaia was 15 though, he died,” Indra said and Octavia could feel the trembling on her voice.

“How did he die? Was it at war?” Octavia asked her gently since it was a difficult subject.

“When Lexa was 17, she had a lover, her name was Costia. Nia, the Ice Queen, sent her assassins to kidnap the poor girl. Trent was one of the guards Lexa had always assigned to the protection of the girl. He died trying to save her but he couldn’t. She was taken and killed later on,” Indra said to herand Octavia was shocked.

She didn’t have a very good impression of the former Commander, not after the missile in TonDC , the betrayal, the kill order on Lincoln but she had no idea that something like that had happened to her. “Why did she do that?” Octavia asked her and Indra looked at her confused.

“Who and what are talking about?” Indra asked the girl to be situated on what she was really asking her about.

“The girl Costia. Why did Nia kidnap her?” Octavia clarified and Indra shook her head.

“Because the Commander was creating the Coalition and singlehandedly at the age of 16 was able to do what Nia spent 20 years trying to achieve, which was to have control over at the time, 11 clans. Because she hated Lexa, always did. Because we know now she had a nightblood of her own and wanted Lexa out of the throne. Because she wanted information and who better to know Lexa’s secrets than her lover,” Indra said disdain for the former queen on her voice, plain as day.

“Or plain and simple because she wanted to break Lexa and incite her to go to war. I don’t know. All I know is that she tortured the poor girl for information that she didn’t have and when Nia realized that it was a waste of time, she just killed her, cut off her head and send it to be put on the Commander’s bed,” Indra explained to her.

Octavia was shocked. That was another level of cruel. Pike had killed Lincoln because of the people he came from, not as a personal attack on her. She couldn’t even imagine being in that situation.

“Needless to say, her plan failed. Lexa was always too good of a Commander to fall for Nia’s plan. Instead of going to war, she forced Nia to enter the Coalition, winning the dispute without further bloodshed,” Indra explained. She had sworn to serve Lexa, not only because she had nightblood but because she believed in her.

She had seen the girl grow up. When she became Anya’s second, they were able to spend some time together and Indra could see that there was something special about her, something that she hadn’t seen in a potential commander in a really long time. She knew that the girl would one day become their Commander, their Heda, she just hadn’t expected her to accomplish everything she did. Her loss would be felt by all of their people. It was plain to see now how they couldn’t work without her.

To be completely honest, Indra wasn’t sure that even another Commander would be able to save the Coalition. To be able to continue on Lexa’s legacy, they would need to be as good as or better than her and that was not an easy feat to accomplish. Lexa was a one of a kind type of leader and even if Indra disagreed with a few of her decisions, she knew how lucky their people had been to have someone like Lexa in charge of them and she doubted that anyone else would be up for the challenge on stepping in her place and continuing on her work.

“So what happened after Trent died?” Octavia asked bringing her back to the topic at hand.

“Being close to him, Gaia took his death really hard. Too hard, I would say. She cried for days, she didn’t want to do anything. Until one day, apparently, according to her, she had a vision of him and in this vision he told her to be true to herself and what she believed in and then she saw the symbol of the Order and when she woke up, she was determinate to join them. I tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn’t listen,” Indra said.

“She prepared herself and when one of the Order members came to our village looking for volunteers to join them and to check the newborns to see if one was a nightblood or not, she went with him to their temple to learn of the faith and to join. Next time we met was here in Polis. Two years had passed when Lexa called me to discuss a matter of Trikru and our borders with the Azgeda when Gaia arrived, in her robes, with a nightblood child. Lexa took the nightblood to join the others and we were left alone. It was not a nice or an easy conversation,” Indra said to the girl who nodded. She could imagine.

“After that, we would see each other every once in a while, when she came here but after she left home, we were never the same again,” Indra finished her story and Octavia nodded.

“That maybe but she was jealous of me, of our relationship and that only tells me that she still cares about you, your opinion, your approval. She stills sees you as her mother and she wants to make you proud or at least that you feel proud of what she is doing with her life,” Octavia said to her and Indra nodded.

“I know and I am. She is a very good and a very loyal Flamekeeper, worthy of her position I am sure but I can’t say that I don’t wish she had followed the path I wanted for her, to be a warrior, to one day succeed me and rule over Trikru as our Chief instead of becoming a Flamekeeper,” Indra said turthfully and Octavia nodded.

“I understand but sometimes, we just need the support and the comfort from the people we love, not the reprimand and the disappointment. Maybe you can try to be more understanding of her choices. I am sure you can mend your relationship if you both put in the effort,” Octavia said and Indra nodded.

“Yes, but it is still hard. However, seeing her today, after more than a year, has made me see that I have missed her and that I do want us to be better than we are now,” Indra said and Octavia gave her a small smile.

“What about you? What do you plan to do now?” Indra asked her second who took a deep breath and let it all out before she answered.

“I don’t know. I am still thinking about what options I do have. I can’t stay here, not with a war brewing in these streets between Trikru and Azgeda and their respective allies. It would be too dangerous for me and my baby. I can’t go to Arkadia and be in the same place where Lincoln was killed and I am also not ready to be around Bellamy so that is also a no. Which only leaves me the choice of leaving and finding some place to live where I can raise my baby in peace and in safety or as safe as we can be,” Octavia said as she looked down at her belly.

“It seems the secrets of motherhood is coming to you easier than you thought it would,” Indra said to her and she couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I know and although I am currently in the process of hating him very much, I have to give the credits to my brother. Most of the times, he was more of a mother than my own mother was to me so whatever I do know about being one, I have learned from him,” Octavia said and Indra nodded before she asked the girl,

“Do you think you will ever forgive him?” Indra asked her and Octavia took a deep breath before sighing. That was a question she asked herself multiple times a day ever since everything happened and at first, it was a resounding no but now she knew it wasn’t like that.

“Right now, I am nowhere close to being able to forgive him for the part he played in Lincoln’s death. He might have not pulled the trigger but he made it possible for Pike to do that so in some way, he is responsible for the father of my baby being dead. Still, he is my brother, my blood and he was there for me all my life, sacrificing his own wants and needs for me more times than I know about and I can’t forget that. He is also, for better or for worse, my baby’s uncle and I know that deep down, one day, I will end up forgiving him but for now, I don’t want to see him or be anywhere near him,” She explained and Indra nodded.

“They can hurt us, we can hurt them, be pulled apart, be pushed together, hate and love, but in the end, the family bond we have with our own can never truly be broken,” Indra said and Octavia nodded her head.

“That basically defines my relationship with him right now. I can’t stand the sight of him but I also wouldn’t let anyone kill him. Kind of like only I can kill or hurt him, anyone else that tries and they will meet the pointy end of my blade, which can be very confusing in here,” The girl said pointing to her heart and Indra gave her a small smile.

“That is what it means to be a family. No family is perfect, forever happy or in sync, family fights, family hurts, family disappoints, family betrays but in the end, it is still our family and we will fight for them until the end, no matter what,” Indra said and Octavia nodded sighing.

“Yeah, well, the only family I do have to worry about right now is me and my baby and we are super tired so if you don’t mind, I am going to just crash on the bed. Good night Indra,” Octavia said as she stood up from the chair and went to lie down on her own bed.

“Good night Octavia,” Indra said and also laid down on her bed and both of them went to sleep thinking about mending the estranged relationship they have with their remaining family member, a daughter and a brother and thinking if it is even possible to do that after everything they have done and said to one another but both also silently and deep down wishing it to be, neither wanting to completely lose them.


	17. Teaching you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. I am back to posting this story and I will try my best to continue to update frequently so I hope you will give this story a chance. I know that since this first part doesnt have the Clexa reunion, you guys are not very interested in it but it is because this part will set many things that will affect their reunion as well as a broader look on the plot but anyway, thanks for everyone who is liking this story and I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit of fluff, it's a flashback from before the meeting with the generals in 2x10, before Quint and the Pauna. SO without further ado.

**_“I trust you know what to do. Raven must have explained everything to you?” Clarke said to Bellamy as he finished getting ready and he nodded at her, still worried about the way the blonde was acting. He wasn’t expecting her to be so cold, this was not like Clarke at all._ **

**_“Yes, don’t die, find the radio, disable the acid fog, don’t die. Got it,” He said to her and she gave him a forced smile as it was the only one she was capable of giving at the moment._ **

**_She was still trying to deal with what had just happened with Finn, having to kill him and having to burn his body as well as handling Raven’s angry feelings towards her and the guilt she carries for not only what she had to do but for what in her mind she drove him to do so it was extremely hard for Clarke in the moment to find anything that could make her truly smile or feel anything that isn’t this pain she is feeling right now. She wondered if she ever would smile again after everything that has happened._ **

**_“Are you sure you’re okay Clarke?” He asked her noticing how detached she seemed to be from everything that was going on and from everyone who tried to reach out to her._ **

**_He had noticed since last night when she said that the mission of infiltrating the Mountain was worthy the risks to his own life. Yes, he knew it was and he would sacrifice his life if he had to so he could save his friends but, it wasn’t a Clarke thing to say at all. She may know it but she wouldn’t say it just like that, not as if it meant nothing when only a few hours ago she had said that she couldn’t lose him too. He had been worried about what had been going on inside her head and he was even more worried now that she seemed to be the same._ **

**_“Focus on being selected for the blood transfusion, that is where you can work on getting inside or else you will only be turned into a reaper,” She said avoiding his question and he noticed, however he decided it would be better for him not to push her even because they didn’t have the time for it._ **

**_“I know. Raven and Lincoln already explained everything to me. I will try my best to get there as soon as I can but it might take a while just so you know,” He said to her and she nodded her head understanding._ **

**_“We will be waiting for you otherwise we can’t do anything for the grounders and for our friends so do try to hurry,” She said to him and he nodded._ **

**_“Bellamy. It’s time. Let’s go,” Lincoln called out to him and they both looked at the man who was back to wearing his reaper clothes and Bellamy nodded his head before he turned back to look at her and spoke._ **

**_“Clarke, please keep Octavia safe for me while I’m gone, will you? I don’t want anything bad to happen to her,” He asked her and she nodded her head at him._ **

**_“Of course, I will try my best though you know how stubborn she can be,” She said to him and he nodded before he moved forward, said goodbye to his sister one last time along with a hug and followed his brother-in-law into the woods as Clarke watched them go until they disappeared behind the trees and she sighed. It had started. The battle has started on their side and now it was up to Bellamy to give them the advantage they needed to win this thing and save not only their friends but the hundreds of grounders inside that place._ **

**_Clarke had just spent the night talking to Lexa about the plan to have him infiltrate the Mountain and the older girl had agreed it was a good plan if only he could do what Clarke had asked of him and Clarke also explained the situation, that they were still stuck, they couldn’t move forward until Bellamy did his part and that could take a long while and Lexa nodded understanding it. Now with Bellamy gone, Clarke found herself without anything to do, anything to occupy her mind with and she knew that certain thoughts would be flooding in soon but she was spared from that when a voice called out to her._ **

**_“Clarke,” She heard her name being called and she turned around to see the Commander coming up behind her and walking towards her._ **

**_“Commander,” Clarke said respectfully nodding at the woman. Something about the brunette intrigued her and Clarke didn’t know what it was or if she would ever find out but right now, she just paid attention to the woman._ **

**_“I was wondering if you would come with me somewhere. There is something I feel you must know if we are to do this,” Lexa said to her and Clarke immediately worried about it and it seemed to have showed on her face because Lexa seemed to know what she was thinking._ **

**_“It is nothing bad, I guarantee you. Please. Come. I promise I will not hurt you,” She said and motioned for Clarke to pass by her and the girl, for some reason, trusted the brunette._ **

**_Clarke moved forward and the Commander joined her as they walked through the village. “I assume you said goodbye to your friend Bellamy,” The Commander said as they walked towards the woods, Clarke being confused by it but following nonetheless._ **

**_“Yes, I did. Still had a few instructions to give to him so he knew exactly what he had to do but yes, I said goodbye,” Clarke said to her and Lexa nodded her head._ **

**_“How are you feeling? If I may ask you, of course,” Lexa asked her and her first response was to deny she was anything other than fine but Lexa interrupted her before she could._ **

**_“I understand that the boy that died was your lover and even if he was a murderer, you still felt his death deeply. It is understandable to be upset about it, I will even understand if you are upset with me,” Lexa said sincerely to her and Clarke sighed, something in Lexa’s voice made her feel safe enough to speak out her feelings and thoughts so that was what she did._ **

**_“I’m scared, or better yet, I am terrified,” Clarke admitted those feelings out loud for the first time and to a somewhat stranger yet she felt like she knew the girl for far longer than just three days as they continued walking through the forest._ **

**_“Of what would you be terrified of?” Lexa asked her concerned but without being nosy and the blonde knew the brunette would not push her to reveal anything she didn’t feel comfortable telling her about so Clarke looked at her for a moment but shook her head._ **

**_“If I tell you, you will think I am crazy and I wouldn’t blame you. I am thinking that myself,” Clarke said to her and Lexa shook her head._ **

**_“I highly doubt anything you could say or feel would make me see you that way. If you are okay with saying it, go ahead and try me,” Lexa said to her and Clarke looked at her once again before nodding and sighing._ **

**_“I saw Finn,” She said and gauged Lexa’s reaction but except for a title of her head, there wasn’t much of a reaction so she just continued, “I know that it was his ghost, phantom, spirit, I don’t know what you call it but I saw him. He was the one who showed me the cup that made me realize what had truly happened at the feast and how I could prove we were innocent. He had appeared to me all day long and when we were at the pyre, he guided my hand with the torch and at night when I was walking to speak to you, I saw him again and told him that love is weakness, like you told me and then, he just turned around and left, disappearing from view,” Clarke finished her tale and looked at the girl._ **

**_“You think I’m crazy, don’t you? I mean, how could you not? I am seeing dead people or at least I am hallucinating I am seeing dead people. That is crazy,” Clarke said mostly to herself and Lexa gave her a small smile before she shook her head._ **

**_“No, I don’t think you are crazy, at all. There are two explanations I can find for that. One is that your mind projected him because perhaps you were not ready to let him go and when you said what you did, you were forcing yourself to push him way. And two, he really did appear to you because perhaps he was the one who couldn’t let you go and when you said what you said, he realized he had to. Which one do you prefer?” Lexa said to her and Clarke was surprised by her understanding of the situation._ **

**_“You don’t think I have lost my mind?” Clarke asked her curiously because she had thought she had lost her mind and was afraid of who else she would start seeing. Her father? Wells? Lexa simply shook her head in denial._ **

**_“No, the appearances of our loved ones after they passed away are fairly common. It was even in the Old World, there is nothing wrong with you. Believe me if there was, there would be with me as well. I saw Costia multiples times after she died and sometimes, I still feel her presence but I have learned to let go of her a long time ago, so she doesn’t haunt me anymore, at least not on daylight or while I’m awake,” Lexa said to her._ **

**_“Nightmares then? That is when she haunts you?” Clarke asked her and Lexa nodded her head. There was no reason to deny it, many things haunted her in her sleep, Costia was just one of them and perhaps the one she feels most guilty about._ **

**_“Yes, she usually comes at night and usually it isn’t a pleasantry visit so don’t worry, you’re perfectly fine,” Lexa said to her and Clarke sighed before shaking her head._ **

**_“I feel like I will never know what that word means again. Being fine, being okay, being safe, being normal. That is all in the past,” Clarke said to her and Lexa stayed silent for a while before she spoke._ **

**_“Clarke, come here,” Lexa said motioning for the blonde to come closer to where she was standing and Clarke stopped to follow her towards a tree._ **

**_“What is it?” Clarke asked her once she got close enough._ **

**_“Do you know what this is?” Lexa pointed at something on the tree and Clarke looked at it and nodded._ **

**_“It’s a caterpillar. Why?” She said looking at Lexa who nodded her head at her answer._ **

**_“Now, all her life, she was only a caterpillar, that was all she knew, all there was for her to know, that was her normal. But then, life struck her and now she is in there, turning into a butterfly that will grace the sky of the Earth. That will be her new normal,” Lexa said to her as she continued, “Just because what you knew about your life, about yourself is changing doesn’t mean you’re losing yourself, it’s just means you’re finding a new you and you need to welcome the change as a caterpillar welcomes hers and instead of fighting it, embrace it, turn this new you, this new life into your life. Make it your new normal and you will see in the end, there is beauty in it,” Lexa said as the amber opened in front of them and the caterpillar, now a butterfly got out of it._ **

**_Testing its new wings, took a few second of adjustment before it flew away from them and Clarke watched in awe of the animal and the girl in front of her. “How are you so wise? You’re not that much older than me,” Clarke said and Lexa smiled before motioned for them to continue their walk._ **

**_“Wisdom is not tied to age, Clarke. A child of 5 years old could be wiser than a person in their late fifties. Wisdom comes from taking what happens to you and around you and learn from it,” Lexa said to her and Clarke nodded._ **

**_“So where are we going exactly?” Clarke asked her and Lexa gave her a small smile before they came to a clearing in the woods and Clarke saw a horse there. Lexa’s white horse._ **

**_“Well, I thought it would be a good idea that you learnt how to ride a horse to make the trip between Camp Jaha and TonDC better and I didn’t think you would want anyone else teaching you so come along,” Lexa said to her as the brunette waked to the side and got rid of her shoulder pad, coat but changing the sword from her hip to around her shoulder._ **

**_“Come on,” Lexa said and without noticing Clarke smiled and shook her head before moving forward until she came close to the girl noticing she was wearing her black shirt underneath the coat._ **

**_“Okay so first things first. His name is Thunder. Greet him like this. I promise he won’t bite,” Lexa said and pulled Clarke along by putting her hand on the blonde’s back and Clarke couldn’t explain what she felt when Lexa did that. “Go ahead,” Lexa said as she motioned for Clarke to do it and Clarke put her hand forward and the horse nuzzled it._ **

**_She smiled and chuckled at the feeling of the horse’s nose and mouth on her hand, “That tickles,” Clarke said and Lexa smiled seeing the blonde start to enjoy herself and come out of the gloomy shell she hid inside since she had to kill the boy._ **

**_“Yes, it does. But it means he knows you and likes you or else he would have bitten your hand,” Lexa said to her as she moved away towards the side of the horse._ **

**_“You said he wouldn’t bite,” Clarke said to her as she continued to let the horse smell her hand and lick it and Lexa smirked._ **

**_“And he didn’t,” Lexa said and Clarke just looked at her and shook her head before she followed the girl. “Now, your left foot goes in here and you can either grab this or the hair to propel yourself up.” Lexa said explaining._ **

**_“Won’t it hurt him if I pull on the hair?” Clarke asked her fearful of hurting the beautiful animal in front of her and Lexa smiled._ **

**_“No, it won’t. Come on, let’s try it,” Lexa said and Clarke nodded. “Once you have yourself up, swing your right foot over to the other side,” Lexa said explaining as Clarke tried to pull herself up but failed._ **

**_“One more time. There is no need to rush. Just take a deep breath and do it,” Lexa encouraged her gently and Clarke took a deep breath before she pulled herself up and did what the brunette said and suddenly, she was sitting on top of a horse._ **

**_“Oh my God. It’s so high,” Clarke said once she was adjusted and Lexa chuckled._ **

**_“A girl who came from the Sky think this is high?” Lexa joked and Clarke smiled at her._ **

**_“Yes. I actually do,” Clarke said to her stubbornly and Lexa shook her head smiling._ **

**_“Okay now, put your right foot in and grab the reins,” Clarke did it, “Very good. Now, if you want him to walk, you have to kick him in the stomach lightly,” Lexa instructed but the moment Clarke pulled her legs forward to bring it back Lexa knew it would be bad and she was right. Clarke kicked it too hard and Thunder just ran forward with Clarke’s screaming._ **

**_“Oh my God, make him stop,” She said to Lexa fearing for her life. “It’s okay, just pull the reins back,” Lexa called out and Clarke did it_ **

**_The only thing was that she pulled on the right side so he turned to the right and continued running and Lexa almost smiled if she wasn’t worried about the girl’s safety. “_ ** _Thunder, stop **,” Lexa called out and the horse immediately stopped. “** Here **.” She said and he started trotting until he came to her side.**_

**_“Please, get me out of here,” Clarke said pleadingly, and Lexa stepped forward. “Just swing your right leg to the front so that you’re sitting facing me,” Clarke did that as Lexa gripped her waist, as Clarke put her hands on the girl’s shoulder, and pulled her down._ **

**_“Are you okay?” Lexa asked her as she looked over the blonde who was shaking a bit._ **

**_“Your horse just tried to kill me.” Clarke said and Lexa smiled relaxing._ **

**_“No, he didn’t. If he wanted to, you would have been dead. Believe me it happened before,” Lexa said and Clarke looked at her._ **

**_“Really? He has actually killed someone before?” She asked baffled by those news and Lexa nodded her head._ **

**_“Yes, he is a battle horse so he can be quite aggressive and violent. I usually ride him when I have to fight because of that aggressive quality, if you could call it that,” Lexa said and Clarke was once again surprised by the woman._ **

**_“What happened was that you kicked him too hard and that usually translate that you want a horse to run faster, he was only following orders. The mistake, I’m afraid, was yours,” Lexa said and Clarke smiled._ **

**_“Great. How am I going to do this then?” Clarke said to her sighing and Lexa smiled._ **

**_“Do you want to keep trying or do you want to stop? It is up to you,” She asked concerned for the girl who looked at her and saw that concern._ **

**_“Yeah, you were right, I have to learn this if I want to make it down here,” Clarke said determinate and Lexa nodded._ **

**_“Very well, then get back on it. I will help you out this time,” Lexa said sincerely and Clarke trusted her for some reason so she did it. She hoisted herself back up on the horse._ **

**_“Okay, move forward a little,” Lexa instructed and Clarke did just that, slowly and gently moving forward as to not spook the horse again and with one swift movement, Lexa was suddenly sitting right behind her. Clarke was shocked and awed by the skills displayed._ **

**_“How did you do that? That was incredible,” She asked and Lexa chuckled at the blonde’s enthusiasm for something so meaningless to her but she guessed many things you would be that way for them, with Clarke in awe of trivial things for her and Lexa in awe of trivial things for Clarke._ **

**_“Years of practice. Now, slowly kick him on the stomach, slowly,” Lexa instructed as she reached forward her arms and gripped the reins. It was distracting Clarke having the girl so close to her. “Clarke kick him slowly,” Lexa said again and the blonde nodded._ **

**_She kicked being extremely careful to do it lightly. She tapped him but he didn’t move. “A little harder. Just a little,” Lexa said and Clarke nodded and tried it a little harder and it worked. The horse started walking normally and Clarke smiled._ **

**_“I did it.” Clarke said happy and proud of herself for achieving it on her third try and Lexa smiled at her too._ **

**_“You did it. Now, for him to turn right, you need to pull the reins to the right, left to the left side. Try it,” Lexa held out the reins and Clarke held it and tried to the right side first and then the left and he went both ways._ **

**_“Now, if you want him to trot, kick him again,” Lexa instructed taking the reins again and Clarke did what she said and he started trotting._ **

**_“Wow. This is amazing.” Clarke said and Lexa nodded._ **

**_“Let’s try to run again?” She asked the blonde._ **

**_“Are you sure?” Clarke asked her and Lexa chuckled._ **

**_“You tell me,” Lexa said and Clarke sighed before she nodded. “Then, kick him hard,” Lexa joked and Clarke smiled before she did it and suddenly he was running. “To stop, pull the reins toward you, not to the side,” Lexa instructed and Clarke did it._ **

**_“He stopped,” She said breathing a sigh of relief._ **

**_“Yes, he did. Now, you’re trying on your own,” Lexa said as she got down from the horse._ **

**_“What? Are you sure I can?” Clarke asked missing the warmth of the girl who nodded at her._ **

**_“You’re ready. Go ahead. I will be right here,” Lexa said and stepped a little aside and Clarke took a deep breath._ **

**_“Okay, let’s do it,” She said and kicked him to get him to walk, then trot, to the side, to run and then to stop. “I can ride a horse,” Clarke said and Lexa nodded as the blonde got down from the horse._ **

**_“Thank you for teaching me and for being patient,” Clarke said really grateful for the time Lexa gave it to her and the brunette shook her head._ **

**_“It was not a problem. Now, we should be going back, the meeting with the generals will start soon and we both need to be ready for it. Especially you, remember Clarke, they don’t like you or respect you. Most likely they want to see you dead,” Lexa warned her before she walked away to put back her clothes._ **

**_“Do you?” Clarke asked her boldly and Lexa understood the question._ **

**_“You’re still breathing, aren’t you?” Lexa said to the blonde and smirked and Clarke smiled finally realizing how much she smiled during this time she spent with Lexa._ **

**_Wasn’t she only hours ago questioning if she ever would smile? Now is it a matter of how many times can Lexa make her smile in one hour? Clarke shook her head from those thoughts and just focused on what was coming her way this morning and tried to keep her mind way from the way the brunette makes her feel. It was definitely safer that way but the questions and answers would continue there waiting for her to hear them._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys enjoy it? Please leave your comments, i will like very much to read them. Until the next update.  
> Kisses, Kisses  
> Your Author.


	18. Childhood

A week had passed since what Clarke called ‘the incident’, more like the disaster that happened between her and Bellamy. She had taken some time away from everyone to recompose herself after what happened that day. Not because she was as broken as when Raven first saw her but because she needed to feel strong enough to get out of the room and face everyone, potentially Bellamy again. She had been feeling bad about Lexa’s death and she came close to making one of the biggest mistakes of her life by almost sleeping with Bellamy.

Doing that or getting close enough to do that did something to Clarke’s emotional side that she needed to fix before feeling strong enough to deal with whatever came her way next. The guilt she felt for even entertaining the idea of being intimate with someone so soon after the death of the person she knew to be the love of her life was something that she wasn’t sure she has forgiven herself for or that she ever will. She spent a lot of time clutching the necklace she had asked Raven to make her for her and she developed a new hobby along with drawing. Raven, her guardian angel in this whole situation, was able to secure a notebook which was unused and gave it to her.

Instead of making a diary like most people expected it, Clarke made it a habit to write about her day as if it was a letter to Lexa, as if she was telling the older girl about how her day went, what she did, who she met, what she ate, about every little thing she was feeling and it helped wonders. It was almost like she was talking to the girl she loved again, almost as if Clarke could feel her presence with her and that gave her some of the peace she needed to feel strong again so she didn’t stop and Raven managed to get her a few more just in case one was not enough. She couldn’t thank her best friend enough.

She could live a hundred lifetimes and never be able to repay Raven everything she was doing for her now. Raven would bring her food, in the morning, at lunch and in the night. They would spend time talking about everything and anything. Raven came back that same day and told Clarke what she talked about with Bellamy and at first Clarke thought the mechanic was a bit harsh, putting all the guilty in Bellamy and it was unfair to do that after all it takes two to tango. He didn’t exactly force Clarke to anything. She may have not been in the right state of mind to even consider such a thing but she had participated on it as well. She was guilty too.

But Raven explained why that would not apply on their case. Why Clarke’s emotional side was too weak to make that call and how he should have known that and stopped from ever getting as far as it wen, and Clarke couldn’t help but understand what she was talking about and realizing that it was true. She still wouldn’t completely blame Bellamy but, she wasn’t as guilty as she thought she was. At least, not more than he was. Knowing that still didn’t make it any easier to face him again so Clarke let Raven know that she wasn’t ready to see him and to keep him away until she was. The mechanic readily did just that and Clarke overlooked the need to know how, she was just thankful she was given the time she needed to strengthen herself.

Clarke also talked to her mom. At first, she had been reluctant to tell Abby what had happened between her and Bellamy but, Raven insisted and told her that Abby was her mom and that if Clarke wanted them to create a better relationship, she needed to start letting Abby be a part of her life, instead of just a bystander. It was hard hearing some of the truths Raven told her about the way she treated her mother, as it was always hard to admit our own errors, but Clarke saw it and decided to change her approach so she called her mother on the radio and told her about it. Everything. She didn’t hide anything from her this time.

Needless to say that Abby was beyond furious once Clarke started telling her. Any good image the doctor may have had of Bellamy was knocked out of the park once Clarke was half way through the story. She had never seen her mother as angry in her entire life as she was then and Clarke was almost scared of what would happen once she returned, Bellamy would be in serious danger. Raven just nodded in agreement with the curses Abby threw his way, even went as far as applauding her for some of the names her mother came up with to insult him.

She was so angry that Kane had to step in. Abby had told her that he was in the room with her and he asked if she wanted him to leave but he was part of the family now. He was, for all purposes, her stepfather now given the nature of his relationship with her mother so Clarke asked him stay and it was a good thing she did that because Abby was ready to leave Polis in the middle of the night to come to Arkadia just so she could kick Bellamy’s ass. Kane was able to calm her down and along with Clarke, they were able to convince her to stay where she was for now. Raven also helped saying she already told him off and she really did.

“How are you feeling about all of this, sweetie? You’re the only thing that really matters,” Abby said through the radio. Clarke sighed.

“I don’t know, Mom. I feel weird, ashamed, regretful, angry. I feel a lot of things about what happened but regret definitely takes the top spot. You all know how I feel about Lexa and to think that, even for a second I entertained the idea of having sex with someone so soon after she died, I think that is what is bothering me,” Clarke said as she was sitting down on the bed, Raven was sitting down across from her.

“It makes it seem like my feelings were not true and not a strong as I say they are. It almost makes my feelings look like a lie. How could I love her so much and not even wait a full month before I’m jumping on bed with somebody else? You are with Kane now, but it took you a year before you felt comfortable with the idea of being with someone else who wasn’t Dad. I’m nowhere near that stage yet, if I ever am. To be honest, I told Raven, I don’t think I will ever be ready to be with someone else,” Clarke said to the radio.

“Is it because you think Lexa wouldn’t want you to? Because we all know she would want you to be happy even if it was with someone else,” Kane said to the radio. He and Abby were also sitting down by the couch of their room in Polis, they were both talking to Clarke. Kane felt very happy that she would let him step up like this.

“No, I know. I believe that Lexa would want that for me 100%. All Lexa wanted was for me to be happy even if it was not with her. She would want me to move on, I know she would but the thing is I don’t want to,” Clarke said being honest with her small family. Her mother, stepfather and her friend who was like a sister.

“I know that I can’t say that it’s impossible for me to love someone because it can happen. I know it can but I know for sure, without a doubt, that if I wake up and turn around to look at my side, I will always be expecting to see her and I know I will be disappointed when I see it’s not. I mean, isn’t it wrong for me to be with someone who will know that I would have done anything for them to be someone else? How can I be with someone when the only person I truly ever wanted to be with, to have a life with is another?” Clarke said to them.

“Can I really, do I have the right to put someone through that? To spend their lives, always second to a ghost? Isn’t it too selfish for me to do that? I wouldn’t want to be that person,” Clarke said and the adults looked at each other.

“Yeah, you’re right. That would be unfair to them but you don’t think that you will ever be able to let her go just enough for you to be happy with someone? Maybe not as much as you would with her but enough?” Kane said.

“Yeah Sweetie. Don’t you think you could do that? I told you once and Marcus know that Jake will always be the love of my life but that doesn’t stop me from loving Marcus all the same,” Abby said and Clarke sighed.

“There is one big difference between you with Dad and me with Lexa, Mom,” Clarke said as she gripped her necklace with her other hand.

“And what is that, sweetheart?” Her mother asked her and Clarke said with all the sincerity and the certainty she had about what she was going to say.

“Lexa was my happiness,” Abby and Kane looked at each other as she continued, “She was my person. She is in everything I see, in everything I do, in every thought I have. She is everywhere. There isn’t one moment in the day in which I don’t think about her, I don’t imagine would we would be doing if she was still alive, in which I don’t picture what our life would be like together, in which I don’t wish she was alive with everything I am. How do you let go of someone that is a part of you? That marked herself in every cell of your body? How do you let go of someone who loved you so completely and so beautifully? That showed you a version of yourself you didn’t even know about? How?” Clarke said as tears fell down her eyes.

Raven moved over to take her friends in her arms again and Clarke cried silently while the mechanic tried to comfort her.

“I don’t know, sweetheart. I don’t know. I wish I did,” Abby said as she looked at Kane who also hugged her tightly trying to comfort her as well. She wished so much that she could help her daughter be with the woman she loved again but she couldn’t. She could only help her deal with the pain as best as she could.

After that, Clarke was feeling a little better and she decided that it was time to have a hard conversation with someone. Clarke put on her green shirt, her pants, boots, and jacket and left her room in search of a particular person. It was not Bellamy, obviously. Clarke needed more time to put her thoughts straight for that conversation to happen but thanks to Raven and Wick, they would both keep him away so she wouldn’t have to worry about running into him while she went to do something that she should have done a long time ago but her cowardice didn’t let her. Though that cowardice would end today.

She went to the dining hall and looked around, finally finding her target. She took a deep breath and walked towards the table and came to stand in front of him. “Can we talk Jasper?” She asked the boy who looked up at her and he seemed to think about it before nodding.

“Be my guest, oh great Wanheda. Mountain Slayer,” He said sarcastically pointing to the seat in front of him and she sat down across from him. “So what does the Princess want from the servant?” He said and she took a deep breath.

“I would like for you to let me speak without interruptions. There are some things I need to say to you, important things and I would like for you to just listen to me before you spoke. Can you do that?” She said to him and he frowned looking at how serious she sounded and nodded.

“Go ahead, princess. The floor and the mic are yours. I am all ears,” He said to her and she nodded taking a deep breath before she found the courage and the words she would need for this particular conversation and with that, she started.

“I know that the first thing that comes to my mind to say to you is that I am sorry. I am sorry for everything I did to you, for the pain I caused you by killing Maya. I have spent this past three months reliving that night and wishing I could have found another way to save them. I know you think you could have killed Cage and that it would have been over, but it wouldn’t because Cage wasn’t the only problem. Outside the control room, Emerson was there with a bomb and guns to kill Bellamy, Monty and I. There were more things happening around us that time than what you knew,”

“And I wish I could have found another way to save us and them as well. I wish I didn’t have to sacrifice them to save our people but at that time, I couldn’t find that solution, neither could Bellamy or Monty. We were out of options but more than that we were out of time so I made a decision to open the air locks and it cost me so much to ask Monty to do that, to pull that lever but at the end of the day, I am a leader to my people and I had to choose between them or us, I couldn’t have chosen different, no matter how much I wanted to,”

“But none of that, none of my reasons for making the decisions I make will ever soften the pain you feel for the consequences of those decisions, I know. I know that my reasons could have been the best one and still they wouldn’t matter two shits to you because they still took away the person you loved the most. I know because it is exactly how I feel right now. The love of my life was taken from me and no matter the reason the person who killed her had, it will never be more important to me than the simple fact they took her from me,” Clarke said as tears came to her eyes at the thought of that fateful day when Titus killed Lexa.

“I understand now how you feel about me. I understand your rage, your pain, your brokenness because I feel all of those things to. I am drowning in pain. She was the best thing that ever happened to me but she isn’t here anymore and every time I remember that, it is as if I am losing her again, and again, and again and the pain comes every time, never letting me forget how broken I am without her, how much I miss her, how much I love her and how much I hate who took her from me,” Clarke said to him as the tears finally fell down her face.

“Before I lost her, if we were to have this conversation, I would have asked for your forgiveness but now I know I don’t deserve it so I won’t even try. In reality, all I really wanted to say is that I am sorry for doing this to you. I am sorry I was and did to you what Titus is and did to me. I am sorry I took her from you, no matter what reasons I had for it. I am sorry you paid the price for my decision and I completely understand your hate towards me, it is completely warranted, and I earned it. I just wanted you to know that I finally understand,” Clarke said to him as he listened to her.

“Despite everything you did, I didn’t want for you to really understand me. I wouldn’t want this pain to anyone, not even you,” He said to her and she nodded wiping her tears away.

“Yes, but karma came for me and now I do understand. And to be honest, I have no idea how I am even moving forward. I just miss her so much, I would do anything, give anything to see her one more time,” Clarke said to him and he nodded.

“Oh, I understand that. It’s what I have been thinking for the past three months and I don’t think I am moving forward. I am on a loop of that moment and the pain of every second I remember she is gone, and I am utterly stuck. I am not moving forward, and I don’t know if I can,” He said to her and she nodded at him.

“I get it but the way I am moving forward now is thinking that it is what she would want me to do and I am not going to disappoint her. Maybe you can start with that same reason since we both know Maya wouldn’t want you to keep suffering,” Clarke said to him

“Fake it till we make it kind of philosophy. Is that what you mean?” He asked her and she shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s not like we have that many options to achieve that so why the hell not? Fake it till we make it. I’m getting pro at that,” She said sincerely, and he nodded before asking for drinks for both of them and once it came, each grabbed one cup and clinked together.

“Welcome to the miserable club,” He said, and she nodded as they both took their drinks and continued talking about their losses, in a way they couldn’t talk to anyone else since they wouldn’t understand it as well as they do, and Clarke was glad she made the choice to come and talk to him. She hadn’t come looking for forgiveness, she knew he was nowhere near ready for that but, they could at least talk about it and maybe start healing together, although either one of them doubted it would be so easy, however, today was a start.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay. I had some trouble with the computer but it is finally fully operational and I will be posting new chapters for all three of my stories. I hope you guys enjoy it now and comment a lot. Thank for the patient.  
> Kisses, kisses  
> Your Author.


	19. Your Childhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so this is the start of the second act of this story. Now, we will be focusing on what happened with Lexa after the events that followed the end of this chapter, since we all know she is alive and will always be. I hope you guys are excited for it. I am too so withouth further ado, here is the chapter. Enjoy.

_The two previous nights, which had followed the arrival and consequential banishment of Emerson, had been quite tiring especially for Clarke, given everything that happened between the two of them regarding her past actions in Mount Weather. The nightmares had toned it down a little since she had arrived here in Polis but his presence had stirred them up again with a force that she wasn’t expecting so it was safe to say she had a restless couple of nights, not being able to sleep throughout the entire night, staying awake for the last part of it, watching the sunrise from her window, at least one good thing was that she got to appreciate the amazing view she had of the horizon from her room in the tower._

_And in those nights, she had done a lot of thinking since there wasn’t much else she could do, with everything that was going on with her and her people and the mess she had found herself in thanks to Pike and whether she liked it or not, Bellamy as well. She still couldn’t believe he would have done something so cruel and unfair as to murder 300 innocent people like that or let Pike take control of Arkadia but then she would remind herself of what he was like in the beginning of this journey, when they fell down, with his mentality of whatever the hell we want or when he threw Raven’s radio on the river to save his ass and suddenly it wasn’t so farfetched that moved by his impulses and egoistic tendencies, that he did do something like that._

_Bellamy had changed from that asshole he had been in the beginning, that was undeniable. He had come a long way from that guy, becoming someone their people trusted to protect them but loss had a way of changing people whether for the better, as it did with Kane after the culling or for worse, as it did with Pike during his time in the Azgeda territory. Bellamy unfortunately, fell on the latter. He let his emotion get the best of him, along with the pain and the influence of Pike, and he made a series of bad choices. Choices which Clarke begged him to turn away from but instead he had delved in further, and she was scared that the guy she cared about so much, one of her best friends would be lost forever._

_His experience at helping her co-lead the 100 had given him a new meaning after he realized that his sister had her own life to live now and didn’t need him as much as he wanted her to, or as much as he needed her to. Bellamy liked taking care of people as it was what he did for his sister for 16 years of her life. And after he stopped thinking only about himself and Octavia, he took on the role of protector of the 100 and then of his people, and although that meant he was not the same asshole, it also meant that anything done against his people or those he cared about and he would retaliate, retreating once again into that person._

_Clarke couldn’t help at times like this, when she is alone with her thoughts, but wonder if she had stayed if things would have been different for him. If he would have still followed Pike, if her presence could have stopped him from falling into Pike’s crutches, if the Mount Weather destruction would have happened at all, if she could have kept Pike’s claws far away from her people and certainly from the position of Chancellor, but she also knew that she couldn’t blame herself for other people’s choices. Bellamy chose to massacre those people and it was not her fault he did it. It is his sole responsibility what he did to those grounders and now it was up to her and Lexa to fix this before war is the only solution left._

_Thinking about Lexa was another situation she found herself in that she was not expecting or even wanted to be in given everything that happened and happens between them whenever they are together. Ever since the night of the summit, where Lexa knelt before her and made those vows, things had changed between them whether Clarke had liked to or not. As much as she wanted to stay angry at the brunette girl, Clarke found herself opening up more and more for Lexa to crawl her way back into her heart and her mind as if she had never left and Clarke was utterly powerless to stop it, and the thing she was scared of the most was the simple yet very complicated fact that she wasn’t sure that she wanted to stop it, that she wanted to push the other girl away from her heart._

_Clarke couldn’t deny that she was beyond extremely attracted to Lexa, it was impossible for her to go as far as lying like that to herself or to anyone else. She wanted Lexa in a physical way, Lexa was beautiful and sexy and her eyes drove Clarke crazy. No one had ever made her feel so beautiful, so sexy, so desirable, so perfect with one look the way Lexa does. The brunette had no idea what she did to Clarke. But beyond the physicality of it all, the blonde also wanted Lexa in an emotional way and that was the part that she wasn’t sure she should pursue, given everything that was forcing them apart again, which is why she was keeping her ever growing feelings inside of her and carefully tucked away._

_After the sun rose in the Sky and she had breakfast served in her room, Clarke decided to take a stroll around the tower to get to see the inside of the imponent structure. There were no meetings with the ambassadors given that things have not gotten worse with her people, at least not yet which she was thankful for. Maybe Kane would have some lucky to get the situation under control and she wouldn’t have to leave this place to go deal with whatever bullshit they came up with. A girl could hope, right? Clarke walked around the halls greeting the guards who were patrolling the tower to make sure that everything was secure and no unwanted presence that can be a danger for their commander have made their way inside._

_Clarke ended up getting to a hall on the 30 th floor and saw the guards stationed outside the door, looking positively murderous so she judged that it could only mean that Lexa was inside the room and Clarke wondered why she was there, what was that room and what was she doing there so Clarke thought about going in but didn’t know if she would be welcomed however since she had been granted access to the girl room, she shook that thought from her mind and moved towards the door expecting the guards to stop her but they didn’t, which should have surprised her but in fact didn’t, so she grabbed the door handle and pushed it open and the scene was one she had never thought she would see._

_The nightblood kids were running around the room and while she would expect them to be training, it was clear to see by the smiles and laughter that they were simply having fun, that they were just playing around like the kids they were always supposed to be, not as potential leaders of an empire, and Lexa was playing along with them, pretending to catch them and laughing along with them which was a sight so beautiful that it honestly took Clarke’s breath away. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, this beautiful moment, this carefree side to Lexa she had not seen before but was infinitely grateful to be seeing now._

_It didn’t take long for Lexa to sense that someone was watching them so she looked towards the door expecting Titus to be there to reprimand her once again for indulging the playful side of the nightbloods but was pleasantly surprised to find that it was Clarke at the door watching all of them as they locked eye with one another. At first Lexa wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact Clarke was there but the moment she saw the look of awe in Clarke’s face, she couldn’t help but give her a smile which the blonde promptly returned. Lexa then put one of the nightbloods she was playing with down as she joined the others and walked towards the entrance as Clarke stepped inside and closed the door behind her._

_“I wasn’t expecting your visit. No one but Titus and a few guards ever come here,” Lexa said stepping front of the blonde who nodded._

_“Yeah, I know. I was just walking around the tower when suddenly I saw the guards and thought you might be here and when I heard the noises, I got curious. Sorry. If you want me to leave, I can go. I didn’t mean to intrude,” Clarke said and moved to reach for the door, but Lexa stepped forward and held her arm back to stop her from doing that._

_“No, there is no need to apologize. I am not bothered by your presence Clarke, neither will they be once they realize you’re here,” Lexa said motioning with her head to the kids playing like crazy behind her, completely ignoring the two adults._

_“What exactly are you doing? Is this some kind of training/playing time?” Clarke asked her as Lexa stepped to her side letting her get the view of the kids._

_“No, this is just playing time. One day, every week, I release them from any classes for the day and bring them here so they can play like this and if the time and demands of my job allows me to, I join them. They might be novitiates, preparing one day to succeed me but, in the end, they are still just children and although the Commander before me would have forgotten that detail, I try my best not too and at least give them a day where children is the only thing anyone expect them to be,” Lexa explained and Clarke was in awe of her._

_“Was the Commander before you very strict with you and the other nightbloods?” Clarke found herself asking and Lexa chuckled sarcastically._

_“Strict? No, strict would be a compliment for him. That man was a monster, one of the worst Commanders in our history. Your people may hate me as much as they want for my actions but it is undeniable that you should be glad you’re dealing with me and not him. I wanted to get to know your people when you first arrived, he would just have sent his warriors to massacre you, the moment you landed. He was the kill first, ask question never kind of guy,” Lexa explained._

_“Was he ever that bad with you and the other novitiates?” Clarke asked finding herself really curious to get to know a bit of Lexa’s past, of course the parts she wants to share with the blonde, and Lexa tensed a little._

_“I would dare say he was even crueler with us than he was with anyone else, so yes. Many of us hated the idea of being a Commander because of what kind of Commander he was.” Lexa said to her and Clarke smiled._

_“Not you though,” She said more than she asked, already knowing that Lexa wouldn’t have felt that way and the twitch upward of the brunette’s lips let Clarke know she was right._

_“No, not me. The worse he became, the better I swore I would be. Not sure how well that oath is holding up right now, but I sincerely do try my best,” Lexa said and Clarke looked at her._

_“Despite everything that happened, you are a good Commander and all of your people know that. They love you for it and so do those kids,” Clarke said to her and Lexa nodded._

_“I certainly hope so. I don’t want my people or them to have of me the same thoughts I have about Taurin,” Lexa looked back at her and they kind of got lost in the intensity of each other’s eyes until a cough was heard and they broke the eye contact in search of the source of the sound and they found Aden standing in front of them looking at them with a smile on his face._

_“Heda, we were wondering if Wanheda would like to join us?” Aden asked as the outspoken person of the small group and Lexa smiled at him. He would be a good leader one day._

_“Well, then you should ask her directly,” Lexa said to him motioning for him to go for it and he faced the other blond and giving her a smile, he asked._

_“Wanheda, would you like to join us?” Lexa stared at her waiting for an answer as well. Clarke looked behind him to see the other kids looking at them expectantly and by her side she could see Lexa doing the same and those green eyes were becoming more and more irresistible so she did the only thing she could and nodded._

_“I would love to, if you’ll have me,” She said to him and he smiled at her before motioning for her to come with him and she did._

_He had her sit down on the floor as the others crowded around her leaving only the space beside her for Lexa to join in so once they were sitting down, Aden took the initiative again. “Clarke, would you tell us what your first impression of Heda was when you first met her?” He asked her on the spot and all the others looked at her expectantly and even Lexa did so and she knew there was no way out of this so she decided to answer._

_“When we first met, she was wearing her full armor, war paint and was thrilling her dagger so I was quite scared at first. And just before I entered the tent, Gustus had said that if I so much as looked at her the wrong way, he would slit my throat. It was not very welcoming so I was a little bit scared but not so much of her as I was of the situation we were in, in the brink of a war against each other, with the Mountain still threatening the lives of my friends and your people, so in that meeting there was a lot at stake, a lot depended on the success of it so that was more terrifying to me than Lexa, truthfully speaking,” Clarke explained to them and they nodded at her._

_“What about you Heda? What were your first thoughts when you met Clarke?” A girl named Mina said and Lexa smiled at the girl before she looked directly at the blonde who was watching her and started speaking._

_“I wondered if she was the girl I had heard so much about, the one who brought the ring of fire, the one who feel from the Sky and was trying very hard to figure out her intentions and what she wanted so it was quite a formal meeting, I would say. Like Clarke explained, a lot was depending on that meeting and it was definitely something I will never forget.” Lexa explained and as she said the last part she looked straight at Clarke._

_“I don’t think I will ever forget it either,” Clarke said and both of them could feel the hidden weight behind those words though neither would acknowledge it, not yet at least. The nightbloods continued to ask them questions about how it was like to live in the sky, how far was traveling to the plain riders and for a few hours, there was no thought of massacre, of Pike, of Bellamy, of Mount Weather. It was just Clarke and Lexa, being young and reckless and enjoying the company of the children. It was a day Clarke would carry with her in her heart forever, along with all her memories of the brunette girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys enjoy it? Then, please comment a lot. I look forward to read them. Until the next update.  
> Kisses Kisses,  
> Your Author.


	20. Flashback

_When Octavia left her room after telling her to say her goodbyes before meeting with her or else Clarke wasn’t the person she thought she was, clearly meant that the other girl knew that at least Clarke cared about Lexa, even if the younger Blake had no idea just how much she truly loved the brunette, Clarke had not known what to do. Her mind was a mess with everything that had happened in a matter of minutes. Once again, her people had screwed up and she would have to pay the price having to leave the woman she has fallen madly in love with. It was so complicated and now things was even worse, especially for her._

_On one hand, Clarke wanted to stay and try to work a good solution for her people from Polis, especially since doing that, she could also stay close to Lexa, who had warmed her way back into the blonde’s heart without warning or without a way out of it, not that Clarke was looking for one anymore. She has accepted the fact that she loves Lexa more than she has ever loved anyone in her life, that she wants to be with Lexa, whatever that might mean, that she wants to stay with the older girl forever and the thought of having to leave her, not knowing when they will see each other again, even if they ever will brings an excruciating pain on her chest._

_But, on the other hand, she knew, deep down Clarke knew that the only way to truly end this streak of madness that had seemed to fall upon her people and help them come back from it was for her to go back to Arkadia, once again take on the mantle of leader that she had left behind before leaving camp, deal with Pike herself, stay a little to help clean up the mess he has made, help set things right with the grounders and only once everything was stabilized could she even think about the possibility of returning to her position of Ambassador here in Polis, where she could finally be with Lexa again._

_She was torn between love and duty, head and heart and now she understood better than ever why Lexa had no choice but to leave them, leave her at the door at Mount Weather. It was the same choice, save her people or stay with the one she loved. They were leaders, above all and were responsible for their people and no matter how much they may wish otherwise, their duty needs to come first. So Clarke knew what she needed to do, what she had to do so she made up her mind, left her room and went towards Lexa’s room. She didn’t know how the conversation would go but she hoped that Lexa would understand her._

_She opened the door, not even bothering to look ask the guards given that Lexa had extended to her permission to enter her room any time she wanted. Clarke closed the door and walked inside the room, searching for the brunette and not finding her until she heard footsteps and turned her head to the right and saw Lexa come out of a passage, with her hair out of the braids, herself without her armor, looking like an angle or a goddess, the very definition of what Clarke would call beauty. Clarke was starstruck, that was for sure._

_“When do you leave?” It took the blonde’s breath away the way Lexa’s eyes had been able to see inside hers to know the reason why she was here and suddenly, the distance was too painful for the blonde who walked closer to the brunette._

_“I’m sorry,” Clarke needed to apologize. She knew how much Lexa had hoped she would choose to stay because she had hoped for the same thing. However, reality had other plans for them._

_“Don’t be. You have to go back, they’re your people. That’s why I,” Lexa said and Clarke felt all the breath leave her body at the anticipation of what Lexa would say after that, “That’s why you’re you,” The brunette finished and Clarke was sure she knew what the other girl really wanted to say but more than anyone else, Clarke understood why she didn’t say it which was why she gave Lexa a small nod in acknowledgement._

_“Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people,” Clarke said and she could see the tears that were forming in those beautiful green eyes and the way Lexa’s voice seemed to tremble when she replied, “I hope so,” And Clarke’s heart broke once again for them._

_But when Lexa extended her arm, to which Clarke took on her own, and uttered the words, “May we meet again,” the tone she used seemed so final, as if they wouldn’t ever see each other again and the memories of the same words being uttered at the foot of the Mountain as Lexa left her behind, weighed on Clarke and suddenly, she didn’t care about anything else. She needed Lexa so she took a step forward, grabbed the other girl by the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. Lexa then took a step back, looking at Clarke for confirmation that she really wanted thins and when she got it, they clashed together in a heated kiss._

_The kiss was needy, hungry, sad, and passionate, all in one as they lost themselves in it. Clarke started to try and get Lexa’s shirt off, without breaking the kiss before she backed Lexa against the bed and when the brunette fell sitting down on it, she looked up to gaze at blue eyes she loved so much fearing the moment she would have to say goodbye to them, maybe for good. And with the sunlight hitting them and with her hair down like that, Clarke could only think she has never seen someone look more beautiful than Lexa did at that moment. She was the personification of perfection. She looked ethereal and as she thought that, Lexa moved up and grabbed her by the neck, pulling her down as they connected their lips._

_Clarke could only register Lexa’s touch, her lips kissing Clarke’s, her hands roaming Clarke’s body, everything else just faded away. Suddenly, there was no Titus, Pike, Bellamy, Coalition, Sky People, nothing that mattered, just the two of them. Clarke kept kissing her before Lexa suddenly changed their position, putting her on top as she looked down at Clarke and motioned for her to scoot up in the bed and the blonde girl did as she was asked willingly and then, Lexa crawled on top of her as she fully removed her top, leaving her only in her chest binding. After that, Lexa moved her hands to the hem of the blonde’s shirt and looked at her._

_“Can I?” Lexa asked her and Clarke sat up and lifted her arms up as an answer and the girl pulled the shirt off throwing it somewhere in the room before she kissed Clarke as she softly guided Clarke to lay on the bed and she positioned herself in between the girl’s legs, as her weight was being supported by her arms, which were on each side of Clarke's head. They kept kissing as Clarke moved her hands to caress the other girl's back and found it to be so soft, there were scars here and there as Clarke expected given Lexa’s life as a warrior._

_But to Clarke, they just added to the complex beauty that was Lexa, who started trailing down kisses down to her cheek, then her jaw then finding her pulse point by her neck making Clarke let out a moan. Lexa took that as an incentive and kept her pace, not wanting to mark her, she was never the possessive type of person to do so unless Clarke wanted her to. She trailed the kisses down and kissed the top of Clarke's left breast as the girl took a deep breath at the sensation that Lexa’s lips were creating upon her skin. It was electric. She could feel her heart beating faster and faster by each touch Lexa delivered._

_Lexa then looked up as her hands came to stop at Clarke's bra and she asked for permission to get it off which Clarke obviously said yes and once removed the piece of clothing, Lexa promptly resumed her work. It was safe to say that they spent their time mapping each other's bodies with their touches and kisses while whispering sweet nothings to each other. Making love to Lexa was so beautiful that Clarke was sure she had never experienced something like this before, this amount of love, of need, of want, of connection, of belonging. And never would experience it again with anyone that wasn’t the brunette. She knew that. 1000% certainty._

_It was intoxicating. Lexa was intoxicating and Clarke couldn't get enough off her so even after it was over and they were both spent for the many rounds they went through with each other, she still felt the need to touch the girl. So, once Lexa moved to her side to put her headpiece on the bedside table she had and stayed in that position, Clarke started to caress her arm, the one with the tattoo she had only seen once before when Lexa had come to her room the day of her fight with Roan, wearing that black dress, which by the way, was totally hot. She kept doing it until she remembered what was waiting for her soon. She didn't want to but she had to go._

_“If Octavia and I are gonna get behind the blockade by dawn…,” She trailed off the phrase leaving unfinished as Lexa shushed her._

_She smiled understanding the need to not break the beautiful moment they had just shared and were still living in it with thoughts on the imminent goodbye they were both dreading, Lexa wanted to enjoy every last second she could with Clarke and wanted the girl to do the same by forgetting even if only for a few more moments what would happen once she walked out of this room. Clarke agreed with her, smiling still as she moved her attention to the art piece Lexa had tattooed on her back as the blonde trailed her fingers down the girl's spine following the design, admiring it and who it belonged to._

_“This is beautiful,” She couldn't help saying as it was the truth. Not only because of whose back it was drawn in, but from an artist point of view, it was a beautiful piece._

_“I got it on my Ascension Day. A circle for every natblida who died when the Commander chose me,” Lexa explained softly as Clarke still tracing the patterns on the drawing noticed it something about the drawing and the information Lexa was giving her._

_“Seven circles. I thought you said there were nine novitiates at your conclave,” Clarke said confused with the information Lexa had given to her way before during one of their talks about the event which was not much._

_“There were,” Lexa answered shortly and now Clarke was curious to know but she also didn’t want to pry but in the end her curiosity won._

_“What happened to number eight?” Clarke asked the girl and waited for any response from the girl, good or bad. Either way, she would respect it._

_She noticed that Lexa seemed to tense a little, she could feel the muscle going rigid before relaxing again, and took more time to answer it and Clarke wondered if it was a touchy subject for the other girl. She had her own of those so if it was, she wouldn't pry on it. She only wanted to know about the brunette’s personal life if Lexa chose to tell her. She respected Lexa and wouldn't want to push for something the girl was not ready to talk about since she knew the brunette would do the same for her if the roles were reversed. Lexa turned around to look at her with pleading eyes._

_“Can we talk about something else?” She asked a little afraid and Clarke decided to make the other girl comfortable so instead, she simply said._

_“We don't have to talk at all.” She had hoped that with that suggestion, she could at least make the girl smile a little at her and it worked._

_Lexa smiled at her and moved on top of her again and kissed her while smiling as Clarke returned the kiss and one thing led to another and they made love to each other one more time, but this time it was raw as if their hearts wanted to rip open from their chest to find each other. And this time when Clarke came to herself again after another mind-blowing round of sex, she was laying on her side, tucked into Lexa’s side with her right arm draped over the girl's waist as Lexa’s right arm was wrapped around her and her head was resting on the Commander's chest with Lexa’s hand caressing her hair._

_“I would want nothing more than for you to stay here, especially now that I have you like this with me but it seems it is time for you to go home,” Lexa said softly though her arm tightened around Clarke who lifted her head as the girl looked down and blue met green._

_“You have to know that if only I could, if it wouldn’t make things worse for everyone involved in this mess, that I would stay with you here in a heartbeat. But my people…,” Clarke left hanging as she sighed._

_“They need you and you need them. Don't worry. If there is something I can understand, it’s one's duty towards their people,” Lexa said to her in that comforting tone she always used with the blonde and Clarke smiled._

_“Maybe someday,” She said and Lexa smiled before she leaned down and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss much like their first one. Clarke pulled back to memorize Lexa like this, stripped down of her title, being the young girl she was behind the armor and war paint._

_“Maybe someday,” Lexa said as she did the same and they shared one more kiss before they pulled away and sat up on the bed before getting up to search for their clothes which were a mess on the floor. They stole glances and shy smiles at each other as they got dressed. Once they were finished, Clarke stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and the girl did the same with her waist._

_“As soon as the situation with Pike is solved, I will come back and we can talk about this. We will talk about what we didn’t say but know it’s there,” Clarke said talking about a certain four letter word neither said but both of them felt it and Lexa nodded._

_“If you come back,” Lexa was saying but Clarke interrupted her, “ **When** I come back,” She said and Lexa smiled at that and nodded, “When you come back, I promise you I will hold nothing back of what I am feeling for you. I will say it in every way I know how,” Lexa said to her and she nodded her head._

_“I will reply in every way I know how until you believe it and then you and I will have our someday or at least the start of it. Together, the way it is supposed to be,” Clarke said kissing the brunette’s lips who readily responded to the kisses before she pulled back._

_“There is only one thing I need to know before you go, something that can’t wait for you to come back,” Lexa said seriously and Clarke waited for the question, “Are you sure you want this? Us? It won't be easy,” Lexa said seriously and Clarke nodded her head._

_“Yes, it won't be easy. It will be hard and difficult but everything worth fighting for always is. And, you, Alexandria kom Trikru, you are worth it and I'm so very sure I want this, us and if I didn't show enough in the past hour for you to know that already, then I must not be doing something right,” They both smiled at that before they shared one last kiss that ended too soon for their liking._

_“May we meet again,” Lexa called out to her from her spot in the middle of her room as Clarke opened the door and turned to look at the girl she loved one more time._

_“We will meet again. I will accept nothing else Heda,” She said before she stepped through the door closing it behind her, wanting nothing more than to go back to Lexa’s arms but her duty called for her and she could only think of how once again she has to pay the price for their stupidity. How once again she has to sacrifice herself to clean up their mess. A mess that could have been avoided if only Bellamy had listened to her and given her Pike._

_If only his hurt and pride and ager hadn’t gotten in the way and clouded his judgment, things could have taken a completely different turn and right now, she wouldn’t have to be saying goodbye to the girl she loves, uncertain of when they would see each other again, if they got to see it. If none of their enemies didn’t get the best of them first. Either way, what was done was done and the only thing now was that the faster she got to Arkadia, the faster she could deal with Pike and the faster she could come back to Lexa so she pushed herself forward, going back to her own room where Murphy was tied up and Titus…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is the beginning of the second act of this story and we will be focusing on what happened to Lexa fater the events that happened at the end of this chapter so i hope you're excited, I am too. Dont forget to comment a lot, i love reading your comments. And stay tuned for the next update.  
> Kisses, Kisses,   
> Your Author.


	21. Miracles Happen

_"May her spirit choose wisely," Titus said, his voice cracking at the pain, guilt and shame he felt over what he has done as he carried the body of his fallen Commander out of the room she died in because of his own actions. As he heard the door close and the guards following behind him to make sure no one interferes with the rituals he will soon have to perform, he thought about the people inside that room, especially Wanheda._

Yes, he has promised Lexa in her dying moment that he would not try to hurt the sky girl again and for the harm he has already done to her today, he would fulfill his last promise to her if it was the last thing he would do and the best way to do it was to keep both Wanheda and the boy locked inside the room. It would keep them from running away and getting caught by the rest of the people that want to hurt them. Especially now the blockade around the Sky People’s camp was in place since the sun has gone down already and any Skaikru caught outside of it was ordered to be killed on the spot.

He had believed that Clarke was using his Commander and her feelings for the blonde to sway Lexa to do her binding in order to protect her own people. He had believed that removing the girl from near Lexa was the right thing to do to protect her as well as her legacy and her rule. She shouldn’t be influenced by someone who didn’t know anything about them, a simple intruder, an invader from a people who kept murdering theirs. From all the girls Lexa had ever brought to grace her bed, Clarke was the most dangerous one. She was a leader herself and the first one since Costia to have Lexa’s heart in her hands to do with it as she pleases.

He looked down at the young girl in his arms, a girl that at times felt much older and bigger than she truly was, that made him believe that a new dawn was coming for their people, a girl that made the impossible possible more times than anyone could count, a girl who defied the odds and came out victorious time after time, no matter how many times her enemies tried to break her down, she would always come right back up on top, victorious against them. Titus had no doubt whatsoever that given the chance that she could have been the best Commander their people had ever seen, even greater than Becca Pramheda herself.

Yet because of him, because of his actions, by his own hand, her spirit was released from her body before she had the chance to accomplish all the dreams she had dreamed and envisioned for her people, dreams he believed her capable of achieving, dreams they had planned to accomplish together. He knows now that he should have trusted her and because he didn't, she is now nothing but a lifeless corpse. A shell that used to hold one of the strongest spirits he had ever met, or ever will meet again. Now, all there was left to do was for him to prepare her body for the ritual and start the preparations for the Conclave.

He took her to the chamber that was used by every Fleimkepa before him to prepare the bodies of the fallen Commanders, a ritual he has done three times before and had hoped that he wouldn't be forced to do it any time soon, especially with her but will have to thanks to the same hands that will prepare her now. His own. He had killed her and would forever hold himself in shame and guilt for it, even if he never let anyone else see it. Even if he serves the next Commander with the dedication that is required of him to, he will still wish that it had been her to forever sit in that throne and lead their people.

As much as it pained him to do this to his protégée, the one novitiate he had believed in, the one he had always been sure it was meant to receive the Flame, to take on the mantle and the responsibility, it was his duty as Flamekeeper and he could not fail, not like he did on in his other duty which was to serve and protect the Commander. He would do her justice in death, even if he didn’t do it in life. He proceeded to deposite her body on the table and as he looked down at her young face, he caressed her cheek, letting the fatherly feeling he always had for her to shine through in the loneliness and privacy that these cold chambers allowed him to do.

"Forgive me, Lexa. I have never wanted for you to get hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing for your protection. When you found Costia and fell in love with her, I told you it was a bad idea, that love was weakness. I said that because I knew that your enemies would always see her as the perfect target to get to you and that you would be destroyed if that happened, as in fact you were when you found her head on your bed. If only you could have seen the emptiness that fell on your eyes, it was alarming to me that you would lose yourself in the pain. I feared that Nia had finally done it, she had finally broken you, that she had won," He sighed as he continued speaking to her.

"But you proved everyone wrong and against all the odds, you came back from that darkness and that pain, stronger than ever, and got her on her knees as you swore her into your Coalition. You had won, against what she had expected and I couldn't be more proud of you but I always feared that should you give your heart again to someone, that it would be even worse and you would not come back from it victorious as you did before. So I tried harder for you to abide by my teachings and once you agreed with me, I thought I could finally breathe relieved that you were back on track and would continue the great rule of our people that you had been doing since you took command."

"Which is why I panicked when I saw you and Wanheda together for the first time as Roan brought her to you. Why did I panic? Because I saw your face, your eyes as you looked at her. The level of devotion and the amount of love I saw in them was more than alarming. I had never seen you look at someone like that before, not even Costia. And all I could think was that the sooner she was gone from your life, the less time she would have to infect you with her presence, with her love, with her ideas. But when you pronounced Blood must not have blood even after what her people had done to yours, I knew that there was little to nothing that you wouldn't do for her if she asked you to,"

“You had already made so many conceptions for her, allowing her access to the nightbloods, to your room, giving ears to her opinions, listening to her advices, you changed our tradition for her, because she asked of you to protect her people from paying the price for their cruel actions against us. What else would you do for her? What else could she ask of you that you would comply? How much more power would she have over you if she continued in your life? I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let you be blinded by your feelings for the girl, when she might not even feel the same for you and was simply using you for her own gain,”

"So I tried to fix it by my own methods but instead I was the one that destroyed you and for that I will never forgive myself and I will not ask you to because you should never forgive me either. You trusted me more than anyone else and I betrayed that trust, making you pay the price for my mistake. I don't deserve forgiveness. But I promise that I will make sure the next Commander follows in your legacy. I swear, my child. Your sacrifices won't be in vain or forgotten. You will not be forgotten," With that said, he bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead for a few seconds when a sound startled him and he pulled back. The sounds was a lot similar to the sound of a ....

No, it can't be.

It is not possible.

It shouldn't be possible.

Yet as he looked at her belly, he saw the small rise and fall of her chest. He was right in his assumption. The sound he had heard was the sound of a breath. She was breathing. Shallow and fought for as the true warrior that she was, is but it was there, nonetheless. He put his head on her chest and listened to the weak but at the same time strong heartbeat and he pulled back his head to look at her with an unfiltered level of hope in his eyes and in his heart that maybe he hadn’t destroyed her life yet. Maybe there was a chance that she could come back from this and as he watched her, he had the confirmation he needed.

She was alive.

His Commander was still alive and fighting for her life and he could not, would not fail his duties to protect her once again. He wasn’t a healer. He needed help to save her life and as he thought had about it, there is only one healer that had the ability and that he trusted enough that could save her. He had to save his Commander even if it meant he would have to beg for help from them. He quickly put a dagger on the candle to heat up and as it did, he put the burning blade on the wound that started to bleed again as her heart started to pump again so that she would not bleed to death during their trip.

He covered her face and his, picked her up in his arms and walked them through a secret passage only he knew about it and quickly came to the stables, got them both on the horse and started on his way. It took him about an hour and a half to get to the village and luckily it was late enough that no one was out to see him. He quickly got off the horse with Lexa in his arms and made his ways to the house of the only person he knew that could save her. He knocked on the door and after a few minutes, the door swung open and the person behind it was shocked to see who was standing in front of her house.

" ** _Fleimkepa. What are you doing here? Who is that?_** " The woman said surprised as she looked at the limp body he was carrying especially when he lifted the good of her face and the person realized who it was, " ** _Lexa_** ," She whispered in surprise to see her like that. It has been such a long time since she last saw the Commander.

" ** _She needs your help, Cara. You are her only chance at survival. She is alive but barely. Only you can save her. I wouldn't be here if I had any other choice. I know we had our differences in the past. But I'm begging you. Please save her_**." He said and looked at her with the most sincere and desperate look he could muster and she seemed to have understood as she made way for him to get inside, once she did she stepped out and looked around before closing the door behind her.


	22. Saving the Savior

“ **Put her here. Gently, as to not make things worse** ,” Cara said as she knocked everything off from the table to make room for the girl and Titus did as she asked, he put Lexa down on it and stepped aside as Cara ran around gathering everything she would need. This was not looking good for the brunette woman in his arms at all. Lexa was looking really pale and seemed to be in a bad shape, however, there was no chance in hell that Cara would let her die. She would save Lexa, no matter what she had to do. She came back and started assessing the damage.

“ **What the hell happened Titus?** ” Cara asked him as she started preparing the tools that she would need to save the girl that was currently still unconscious.

“ **I…** _,_ ” He said, not quite knowing how to explain what had happened to get his Commander in this situation as shame and guilt threatened to swallow him whole and she looked at him.

“ **The truth old man. What happened to my sister?** ” Cara asked him and he sighed and hung his head down in shame before he spoke.

“ **I shot her. With a gun** ,” He said in one breath as he waited for her reaction as Cara stopped on her tracks in shock and looked at him.

“ **You did what?** ” She asked before she moved again and cleaned her hands in alcohol and had him remove the cloths that were surrounding Lexa’s body and she finally saw the wound. The blood was dripping and so she put pressure on it.

“ **I thought that she was in danger because of her feelings for Wanheda and how much she was willing to change our ways because of the girl so I…,** ” He started explaining but she already filled in the blanks.

“ **So, you decided to kill Wanheda using one of her own people’s weapon, but it backfired and Lexa got shot instead. Am I right?** ” Cara said with venom in her words as he stood and watched her work.

“ **Yes. I thought I was doing the best for her, that I was protecting her from Wanheda and her influence but in the end, I was the one who almost killed her** ,” He said shamefully, and Cara nodded at him.

“ **That’s what happens when you do something as stupid as this, Titus. I know you worry for her and for our people, but Lexa is a grown woman who can make her decisions about her personal life any way she wants, and you had no right to meddle in it even if you were worried about her,** ” Cara said to him.

“ **Can you help her? Can you save her?** ” He asked her, after some time that they stood there in silence with Cara trying hard to make sure that Lexa survives this, and she nodded her head.

“ **Yes, but I will need help. Down the road on the third house down from mine, there is a woman there. She is the official healer of the village, I work with her and she is specialized in bullet wounds. Go get her** ,” Cara instructed him.

“ **But is she trustworthy? No one can know about the Commander, Cara. The Conclave has to happen, if any of her enemies found out about her, they would come to kill her,** ” He warned her, and she nodded at him.

“ **Yes, I know that, but this woman is trustworthy, she is a loyal subject and someone that loves Heda, she will want to help her, now go or we just might lose her** ,” She said to him and he nodded leaving her hut to do what she asked. Cara looked down at the limp form of her sister and that was when the brunette stopped breathing and Cara panicked. She stopped what she was doing and started doing the procedure Joana had taught her for situations like this and started pushing on her chest.

“ **Come on** ,” She said while pushing, “ **Come on, little Lexie. Don’t do this to me** ,” Cara said not stopping, she was beginning to feel desperate, she couldn’t lose her sister, “ **What am I going to tell Mom and Dad? That I let you die? Nuh uh. You’re not going to do that to me. You’re not going to get me in trouble with them** ,” Cara said as she continued pumping on her chest. “ **Breathe. Please, Lexa. Breathe** ,” Cara said and almost as if she was heard, Lexa sucked in a good amount of air and Cara sighed in happiness. “ **That’s right, little sis. Breathe. Just keep breathing,”** Cara said smiling.

“ **Cara.** **I am here** ,” She heard, and she looked up to see Joana coming towards her with Titus right behind her looking worried as his eyes went immediately to Lexa.

“ **Is she alive?** ” He asked her and Cara nodded her head, calming down her heart from the moment she just had when Lexa almost die in front of her.

“ **Barely. I lost her for a few moments, but we go her back. Joana, can you help me save her**?” Cara asked her and the woman took a good look at the wound before she nodded.

“ **Yes, but we need to hurry. The bullet needs to be taken out immediately. As long as it is inside her body, we may lose her,** _”_ Joana said as she cleaned her hands and the two women started on the work as Titus just watched from the sideline as Joana made the preparations to remove the bullet.

“ **Flamekeeper, come, we may need your help,** ” The older woman said, and Titus came forward. He would help in any way he could, “ **Remove your robes and hold her shoulders and arms,** _”_ Joana instructed, and he didn’t even protest that the robes are important to stay in place. Right now, the only thing that was important was saving Lexa. He removed the robes and went to help them.

“ **Cara, get a hold of her legs. When I start removing the bullet, she may wake up because of the pain and start trashing around and we need to keep her still so I can get the bullet out as fast as possible to avoid further damage** _,”_ Joana explained to them.

The other two nodded and held Lexa down by her limbs as the older woman took a deep breath before she inserted her fingers inside the wound to search for the bullet and much like she had expected, the pain woke Lexa up and for the first time since he carried her body out of the room, Titus saw her eyes open and with life on them, he couldn’t help the burst of happiness that passed through his body at that sight. Lexa grunted in pain and tried to move around and away from whatever was hurting her but he held her down.

“ **Lexa, please, stay still. She needs to remove the bullet** ,” He said trying to appease her and calm her down but when the woman would move her fingers, Lexa would move too.

“ **Okay, Commader. I’m almost there. I need you to hold on just a little longer and let me do my job, okay?** ” Joana spoke and Lexa looked at her and could not speak so she settled for nodding her head to let the woman know she understood what she said. Joana nodded.

“ **That’s very good. Now, I’m going to try one more time and I need you to be strong, okay?** ” Joana said and Lexa gave a small nod again. “ **Here we go,** ” Joana said and pushed her fingers in deeper and Lexa only grunted in pain this time, but she stood still.

Joana tried one more time, and Lexa ended up passing out from the pain and the blood loss she suffered right before the woman caught the bullet. “ **I got it. I got it. Now I just need to pull it out,** _”_ Joana finally said and started pulling it out and she removed the bullet dropping it on the table, “ **Very well now we need to close the wound** ,” She said and Cara moved up to start helping her and Titus moved out of the way to let them work in peace. Now, he could only be happy that Lexa survived his stupid actions, thanks to Cara and Joana.

It took them about 1 hour and a half to close it up as well as to make sure that Lexa could properly heal from the wound and the blood loss. Titus just stood by the side watching as they saved his Commander. Once they were done, Joana turned to him. “ **It will be better to put her on the bed, I think she will be more comfortable that way** ,” She said, and he nodded knowing what he should do. He went to the table and gently grabbed her and took her in his arms before going to where Cara was pointing him to. He stepped inside the room and went to lay Lexa down on the bed before pulling away.

“ **Will she be okay**?” He asked them. Cara went to check on Lexa and make it more comfortable for her so Joana was the one who answered his question.

“ **We removed the bullet, stopped the bleeding and closed the wound. Now, we need to worry about the infection and most importantly, the blood loss she suffered. It was a considerate amount and since the nightbloods cannot donate for her, I say that it will take her body weeks before it has replenished everything that was lost so she will most likely be unconscious for that period. To give her body time to rest and fix itself** ,” Joana said to him.

“ **I had hoped I could push the Conclave a few days to give her time to take her place again, but the people and the Coalition cannot wait weeks for her to wake up. They need a Commander now. The conclave must happen then**.” He said to them and Joana nodded.

“ **Yes, we need a Commander now and she is nowhere in capacity to go back to that position but I’m sure her Spirit will make a good choice** ,” Joana said to him and he nodded.

“ **Let us hope so** ,” He said as Cara covered Lexa and joined them as they all watched the sleeping form of their now former Commander.

“ **It would be terribly dangerous to take her anywhere now in her condition and from what she told me, one of the nightbloods is ready to succeed her. Let him. My sister has done enough, has sacrificed enough for the people, she almost died today. She deserves to be free and to have a normal life. If Luna can have it so can she** ,” Cara said firmly, and he nodded.

“ **You are right. She deserves this chance and I will give it to her** ,” Titus said as he moved forward towards the bed and sat down beside her and took Lexa’s hand in his.

“ **When she wakes up, please tell her that what I did will forever be my biggest regret and that, although I will never forgive myself, I selfishly hope one day she will. That it was my life’s greatest honor to serve her and that I will make sure to keep her legacy intact** ,” Titus said and Cara nodded.

“ **I will**.,” She said, and he took a deep breath before he stood up and turned to them.

“ **I will return to Polis for the Conclave** ,” He said, and they nodded before he stepped out of the room and grabbed his robe and put it back on.

“ **She loved you like a father** ,” Cara said to him as he opened the door and he stopped.

“ **And I loved her like a daughter** ,” He said and stepped out closing the door behind him and Cara could hear the horse galloping away and she sighed, going back to check on her sister. Joana was still there looking intensely at the former Commander.

“ **We must keep her safe and alive, Cara. It is imperative that she survives,** ” Joana said to her and Cara looked at her and noticed her eyes as they looked at her sister.

“ **You’re a Seer, what do you see Joana?** ” Cara turned to her friend and asked her.

“ **Troubled times are ahead of us** ,” Joana said in a dream like voice as she continued, “ **Her time with the Flame is not over yet. Our people can only thrive with her in charge, and she shall rise to the challenge as she always has before. The Flame and the rightful vessel will be reunited once more** ,” Joana said before her eyes turned back to their natural color and the woman looked at the younger girl.

“ **You must keep her safe and prepare her for when the Spirit calls for her again, Cara. She is the future of our people and that future is now in your care** ,” Joana said to Cara who could only look at her and nod.

“ **I have to go. Anything you need, you only need to call, and I will come** ,” Joana said, and Cara nodded and gave her a small smile.

“ **I know. Thank you for everything** ,” They hugged before Joana left and Cara was alone with her sister and watched her as she slept.

“ **Seems like the Flame is not done with you yet, little Lexie. But I will keep you safe until it’s time for you to return, I promise** ,” Cara said and kissed her forehead as she stood up and walked out of the room, leaving her sister sleeping and recovering.

 

* * *

 

 

**_In Polis, a day after that, Titus had just given the Flame for Clarke to take to Luna. He had failed Lexa again, he failed to keep the nightbloods safe and now Ontari will destroy everything that she worked so hard to create but perhaps there was still hope if Luna would for once think about anyone else besides her and do this for the person who used to be her best friend, who let her go and who let her have a normal life like she wanted to. In all honest, he doubted. There was a reason Lexa had won, despite being the youngest._ **

**_She was born to lead them, that was her destiny and now he only hoped she could get better soon to take her rightful place again and save them from the dark times Ontari has coming for them for as long as she fancies herself the title of Commander. He was in the temple waiting for someone to arrive and they finally appeared. “Gaia.” He said greeting one of his helpers as the girl approached him in the Order’s robes._ **

**_“Flamekeeper,” Gaia greeted him back and she seemed scared, “What will happen to our people and the Flame now?” She asked him._ **

**_“That is exactly why I called you here. I left something of great importance with Cara, when I leave here, I need you to go to her house and check on it for me. It is of the utmost important that you do this, you understand?” he told her, and she seemed confused._ **

**_“What would that be, Flamekeeper?” She asked him and he shook his head._ **

**_“It’s not safe to say it but what I can tell is that it will be our people’s salvation from the madness of Ontari, so you need to swear on your faith that you will do everything in your power to keep it safe,” He said to her._ **

**_“Well, if you say it is so important then yes, I will. But what about you? Where is the Flame?” She asked him and he shook his head._ **

**_“What happens to me doesn’t matter anymore. I need you to leave now and don’t return here until Ontari is defeated. The Flame is secure and getting as far away from that girl as possible and that is all you need to know for now. If Ontari gets a hold of the Flame and you, she may force you to perform the ceremony, so you need to leave immediately. Go to Cara.” He said to her and she nodded understanding it._ **

**_“Yes, I will,” She said to him agreeing to do the task he had asked of her and he nodded thankful she wasn’t asking more questions._ **

**_“Now, go. Get the others out of here.” He said opening the secret door of the temple. Gaia went to the door and let the other Order’s members to get inside, they all greeted him as they passed by and went through the tunnel. She was the last one and just before he closed the door behind her, she spoke._ **

**_“May the Spirit of the Commanders be with you and guide you to the next life,” She said to him. He nodded and she walked away as he closed the door behind her and looked at the pod of Becca Pramheda and prayed to her._ **

**_“Pramheda, guide the Spirit and the Flame back where it belongs. May my sins be repaired. May our people not suffer because of my thoughtless actions. Let me suffer the burden of those decisions alone. Let her rise to her place and to her destiny and guide her when I am no longer here to do so. May your Spirit and the Flame guide her towards the future our people deserve. From the earth, we will grow. From the ashes, we will rise,” Titus said as the doors to the temple were open._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, don't forget to comment a lot. Your comments are what keep me inspired to keep writing. I hope you guys enjoyed it and get ready to delve further into Lexa's life. Until the next update  
> Kisses, Kisses,  
> Your Author.


	23. Terrible News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold: Trigedasleng

“ **Mom, Aaron is picking on me** ,” A little girl came running through the house towards the kitchen where her mother was making their lunch.

“ **Aaron, stop picking on your sister** ,” The woman said as the little girl grabbed her leg and buried her face against it making the woman smile.

“ **Mom, I wasn’t doing anything** ,” He said as he came to the kitchen but one look from his mom and he sighed. “ **I was just playing, I didn’t hurt her or anything** ,” He said innocently and his mother nodded at him.

“ **Good because Dad and I don’t want you hurting one another even if it is for a joke, right**?” She asked them and they nodded. “ **I didn’t hear you. Could you say it out loud again**?” She said to them.

“ **Yes, Mom** ,” They said in unison and she smiled at them.

“ **Very well. Aaron, can you go fetch your Dad? He is sleeping** ,” She said, and her son smiled and nodded before running through the house and the little girl stepped away from her mother’s leg. “ **Lia, can you get this to the table**?” She said giving her daughter two plates and the little girl nodded walking away.

“ **Dad. Mom said lunch is ready** ,” Aaron said opening the door to his parents’ room and running and jumping on the bed, on top of his father who grunted in response.

“ **Hey, bud. Someone is hype already** ,” The man said, and the boy laughed.

“ **Dad, you didn’t go to work today** ,” Aaron said, and his father shook his head.

“ **Not yet. I will go after lunch. Let’s go. Mommy doesn’t like when we’re late** ,” He said to his son and turned around in bed and like in cue, he heard his wife’s voice calling for him.

“ **Vernon, the lunch will be cold. Aaron, get down here. Both of you before I have to go up there and drag you down myself** ,” She said, and the two men chuckled.

“ **We’re going, Margot** ,” Vernon said and got off of the bed. “ **Let’s go buddy before your Mom makes valid of her promise** ,” He said, and Aaron joined him as they went towards the kitchen and the table was already set with the food already on the plate.

“ **Hey** ,” Vernon said as he kissed his wife’s lips and his daughter’s head. “ **What a beautiful sight.** ” He said as he sat down, and Margot smiled. He sure knew how to charm her.

“ **Well, I cooked today so you know what that means** ,” She said to him as he smiled.

“ **Yes, I will wash the dishes. See, kids? Equality is important in a marriage. Always remember that and you will have a happy marriage** ,” He said to their children. Margot smiled at her husband and he smiled right back at her.

“ **How about Lia say our prayers** **today?** ” Vernon said and smiled at his little girl who smiled back at him and nodded.

“ **Okay, let’s close our eyes**. **Lian, honey, go on,** ” Margot said, and they did just that as the little girl started speaking in a very cute way that made all of them smile.

“ **We thank the Spirit for the safety of our family, for our house, for our food, for our people, for our Commander. May the Spirit guide us wisely** ,” The little girl said, and the family repeated the last part.

“ **Let’s eat now**.” Aaron said jumping on his seat with excitement at the sight of the food in front of him, the boy surely liked to eat and soon, they all started eating.

“ **What are you going to do today?** ” Vernon asked his wife.

“ **Samuel is in need of help so I think I will go check on him after the kids go to the lessons** ,” Margot said, and her husband nodded. “ **What about you?** ” She asked him and he sighed.

“ **I have a meeting with the Chiefs of Beda, Nadal and Rockburn to see in what ways can we help one another. It will not be an easy conversation. After that, I will send a word to Lexa about what we discussed,** ” He said and she nodded understanding the position in which her husband was in.

“ **Have you spoken to your sister yet?** ” She asked him and he shook his head negative.

“ **Daddy, when can we go see Aunt Lexa?** ” Lia asked him and he looked at her smiling.

“ **Very soon. But there are things Daddy and Aunt Lexa need to do for our people before we can see her again** ,” Vernon said, and the little girl smiled.

“ **Okay** ,” She said already focusing on something else and he shuffled her hair.

“ **Once I’m done here, I will go to Mom’s house so that we can go to the meeting** ,” He told his wife and Margot nodded.

“ **Very well. After the meeting we can go and have dinner in her house,** ” She spoke, and he agreed as they continued eating and talking about what was going on in their life.

Once they were done eating, they all finished getting ready for the day and walked out of the house together. Vernon and Margot kissed before he bent down and kissed both of his children. “ **You two, be good at school and learn a lot** ,” He said to them and they nodded.

“ **Bye, Dad**.” They said and he smiled before he walked away in the opposite direction in which they were going. He passes by and greeted people. The thing about living in the same village all your life is that you end up knowing everyone.

After about a 5-minute walk, Vernon came upon what they called the Office, which was an old house claimed by the chiefs of the village as a place to conduct meetings and all. It had a private office and a round table. When Vernon got inside, he heard voices and so he took a deep breath and opened the door, coming inside and seeing that the village chief was already sitting down and so was his mom and one of their warriors, so he walked around and sat down on his place besides her. “ **Hello, Mother** ,” Vernon said politely, and she smiled at him.

“ **Well, now that my son is here, I believe we can start with this meeting** ,” She said to them and they nodded. “ **So you have come to discuss in what ways our villages can help one another?** ” Mary started the meeting and the other chiefs nodded their heads.

“ **As you know, Beda had many of the warriors killed by Skaikru so now we are defenseless and I’m assuming you heard about Semet’s village?** ” The chief of Beda, Teni said to Mary who nodded.

“ **Yes, I’ve heard of it but Semet was much smarter than the Skaikru and his people were safe in the end** ,” Mary said to the fellow chief.

“ **Yes, but what if it is not enough? What if they just keep coming? Beda is the next village in their path,** ” Teni said and Mary nodded her head at her.

“ **I understand your concern. Cain, what say you about Rockburn?** ” Mary asked the other chief to see what his concerns were for his village.

“ **Well, we supplied about 20 warriors to the army, but we still have enough warriors to defend ourselves. Our biggest problem is that those were our farmers and now we found ourselves without one. How are we to grow our own food?** ” Cain said to Mary who listened and looked at him.

“ **I’m sorry to hear that** ,” She said to him who nodded back at her. “ **Very well and you Fael? What about Nadal?** ” Mary asked the man responsible for the village.

“ **We are out of hunters and most of us are children that are not old enough to go hunting yet. We are surviving with the nuts and berries and what we can grow ourselves, but we need meat to have strength**.” Fael said and Mary nodded.

“ **Very well, I have heard of your complaints and I think we can come up with a solution that can benefit all of us, Xandria included,** ” She said to them and they nodded waiting.

Mary was a wise and fair leader and everyone around Trikru knew that. Xandria was the third biggest Trikru village, staying behind of only TonDC and Reva so many amongst the Trikru would come to them and to her for help if they needed before they had the need to send message to their Ambassador so he could intercept with Heda for them and they had always tried their best to help and when they couldn’t, they would help send word to Heda. “ **Very well. Mary, in what ways can you help our villages?** ” Cain asked her.

“ **Well, Nadal is in need of hunters, Beda is in need of warriors and Rockburn of farmers, did I get that right?** ” She asked them and they nodded. “ **Very well. Woodstock to the south are all farmers, I can put in a good word for Laila to send a few to Rockburn. You don’t have problem with her or her village, do you Cain?** ” Mary asked the man who shook his head.

“ **Not at all. Rockburn only had a disagreement with Nopar but that was a long time ago** ,” He said and she nodded.

“ **Very well. Vernon, I want word sent to Woodstock today** ,” Mary spoke to her son and Vernon promptly nodded his head.

“ **Yes, Mother. As soon as the meeting is over, I will do that** ,” He agreed.

“ **For Beda, I believe TonDC has warriors to spare. Indra passed by them on her request for the army. I can call in for her to send some to your village so that you can have the help and for them to train your people as well so that you don’t have to worry about this so soon,** ” Mary said to Teni who nodded.

“ **And for Nadal, Xandria has hunters to spare, we can send them to you tomorrow for, I think, a period of three moons. Will that be enough?** ” Mary said to them and they all looked at each other and nodded.

“ **We would all be very thankful** **if that can be arranged for our villages** ,” Fael said to her and Mary nodded her head at the chief.

“ **I’m glad we can be of help. And if it is not enough, say the word and I will reach out to the Commander myself,** ” She said to them and they nodded standing up and she did as well as her companions and they all shook each other’s arms. “ **Levi, accompany them outside, if you may** ,” Mary said, and the man nodded before escorting the chiefs outside of the office leaving her alone with her son.

“ **Thank the Spirit the demands were fairly easy to comply** ,” Vernon said sitting back in his chair and slumping against it as did his mother, though much more elegantly.

“ **Yes, indeed but it will not always be this way so you must keep your head straight when it is not. In these meetings, emotions can run high and it will be up to you to contain those emotions. Remember that, son** ,” Mary said to him.

“ **The kids are asking after Lexa. Do you think she is having too much trouble today with Semet? He would have gone there, wouldn’t he?** ” Vernon asked and Mary sighed, worried for her daughter.

“ **Your sister’s dream of a new tradition is beautiful but unrealistic in the middle of these attacks from that madman from Skaikru that they call Pike. I worry that this decision will cost her more than she thought she would have to pay,** ” She said to him and he nodded, he had similar feelings himself.

“ **Lexa is a good leader and her blockade will work and once that man is done with, we can finally have peace again. We just have to trust her,** ” Vernon said and Mary smiled nodding at him. Her daughter was too determinate to let a few complains stray her away from her goals and once she had set them, there was little that could stop her from achieving them.

Mother and son continued working and as promised Vernon had sent a message to Woodstock in his mother’s name. He couldn’t help but think about his sister and his brother. Lexa was in Polis and Kaleb was Spirit knows where, he hoped the idiot was okay wherever he was, and he hoped that Lexa would have the strength to face everything that was coming her. Vernon truly believed she could. They continued working for a few more hours until it was finally time to call it a day and then they walked out of there together and in the direction of her house.

When they got there, they heard laughter going around and loud voices and they both smiled. They entered it and were faced with the sight of their family together, playing around. “ **Look who has arrived** ,” Jon said as he noticed his wife and his step son’s presence.

“ **Grandma** ,” The kids ran to her and hugged her, and she hugged them back.

“ **Hey, little ones. You look so big every time I see you** ,” She said to them and they smiled before she stood up again and walked inside. “ **Hey girls** ,” She said greeting her daughters, Dove and Erin.

“ **Hey, Mom. Dad is cooking tonight,** ” Dove said, and their mother smiled as she moved towards her husband and kissed him.

“ **Hi** ,” She said to him and he smiled back at her.

“ **Hi yourself** ,” Jon replied pecking her lips.

Losing Aaron was hard, she had loved him so much, but she found another love in Jon and she was very happy for it. He was one of the best men she had ever met, and she knew that wherever he was, that Aaron would be happy with her choice. Jon never tried to overstep boundaries or expected Vernon, Kaleb and Lexa to call him Dad. In fact, he made sure that they only referred to him as Jon or Uncle Jon so that they always kept their father’s memory and place intact. It was one of the many things she loved about him.

“ **How was it?** **The meeting, I mean,** ” Margot asked her husband and mother-in-law.

“ **It was surprisingly good. We will have to let go of a few hunters for three months but other than that it was a nice conversation. Much better than the talk we had with Alan from Kenty,** ” Mary said as Vernon sat down with his wife.

“ **And you? How was your day?** ” He asked his wife and she was about to respond when there was a banging on the door. They all turned to it. Mary, Vernon and Jon pulled out their weapons as Vernon walked to the door.

“ **Who is it?** ” He asked and waited.

“ **Gabriel. I need to speak with Chief Mary. It’s urgent news from the capitol,** ” The boy said, and they all relaxed a little and Mary nodded for Vernon to open the door and once he did, he saw a boy, not older than 15 on the other side.

“ **Come in,** ” He said, and the boy nodded entering, coming face to face with the entire family. Vernon came to his wife and kids and stood guard just in case.

“ **Speak boy. What news do you bring from Polis?** **So urgent that you would almost bring down my door with your knocking,** ” Mary asked him, and the boys gulped before he spoke.

“ **I was given the mission to warn the villages of TonDC, Reva, Xandria and Etom that the Commander is dead. The Conclave will happen in two days’ time.** ” The boy said in one breath and all they heard was the sound of a sword falling to the ground. Mary couldn’t believe what she just heard. It can’t be. It can’t be.

“ **No, it’s not true,** ” She whispered as she felt her husband’s arms wrap around her and support her weight as she almost crashed to the ground.

“ **What do you mean she is dead? How?** ” Vernon asked in disbelief himself. Dove and Erin just started to cry and even Margot was feeling a lump on her throat.

“ **Apparently the Flamekeeper tried to kill Wanheda with a Skaikru weapon and ended up killing Heda instead,** ” The boy told them. Mary broke down crying and Vernon’s tears started falling down too.

“ **Thank you. You can go now** ,” He said with a strain in his voice and the boy nodded before walking out. And as Vernon closed the door, his mother’s cries grew louder.

“ **No, not my baby girl. Please, Jon. Tell me this is a nightmare. Tell me that my daughter is okay. Tell me this is a lie. Please,** ” Mary said crying against Jon’s chest wo tried to comfort his wife as best as he could while also feeling the loss of one of their family members.

“ **Mommy, what happened? Why is Grandma crying?** ” Lia asked her mother and Margot held them close to her.

“ **Aunt Lexa has joined Grandpa, sweetheart,** ” She said to her daughter who understood what that was supposed to mean, and the kids started crying too.


	24. Waking Up

It had been three days since Lexa had been brought to her care and so far, she was still asleep. Cara had been making soup of vegetables and forcing Lexa’s mouth open, massaging her throat to help with the swallowing so the brunette could eat and keep her body health even in this state, but it was not easy. Even water had to be given to her like this and very slowly, very carefully so she would not choke on it and although someone else may have thought that this was it, Cara believed that her sister was going to wake up.

Lexa had always faced worst odds than this and she had always come on top and this time would be no different, sure it was taking longer for her to wake up than Cara would have liked but if she survived the bullet wound so far, she would do so again and wake up ready to go back to her people which was something that worried the blonde immensely. Lexa’s destiny, her fate has always been tied to helping and leading their people and it didn’t surprise anyone in their family that she became Commander, they all knew she would.

The only reason Vernon was the one helping Mary lead the village and preparing to succeed her in it was because Lexa wasn’t there. If the brunette had not been born a nightblood and destined to become Commander, then there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she would have been the one to lead their village as the new chief and they all knew she would have done it beautifully. Lexa was a natural leader. She was born to command people, one way or another and what was even better was that she was someone worthy of being followed. Her morals code was something not many clan leaders or Commanders before her even had.

She had stopped bloodshed when she could have continued with it. She would have used the power that she earned with the Coalition to submit all the clans to her wishes, but she didn’t. she always made sure that the clans had a relative independence. They still answered to her but unless it was something big enough to need her input or something that threatened the safety of the rest of their people, Lexa let them solve them problems however they saw fit. She respected the culture and customs of each clan, letting them express those differences and more than that, accepting it, making sure that they knew it was okay to be who they were.

Given that, Cara knew that soon after she wakes up, Lexa will want to return to Polis and she didn’t think it would be the best thing for her sister, not right now anyway. She was still weak and wounded and she still had too many enemies, one of which Cara heard was an Azgeda nightblood who would do anything to kill her and prove that she was the rightful Commander. She needed to rest, regain her strength and then perhaps think about returning and revealing herself to her people again. At least that was what Cara hoped she would be able to convince Lexa to do, which would not be an easy task, that much she knew.

In the meantime, as Lexa slept in her bedroom, Cara was reading one of the books she had just recently acquired when there was a knock on the door. Cara looked up, silently put the book down, grabbed a knife that was near her and stood up, she wasn’t a fully trained warrior but she knew enough to defend herself and her sister if need be so she slowly walked towards the doors and put her head against it trying to hear any sound of weapons or anything. “ **Cara, it’s me, Joana,** ” She heard and she immediately relaxed, opening the door and letting her inside.

“ **You almost scared me to death,** ” Cara said to the woman who nodded at her as Cara closed and locked the door behind her.

“ **I’m afraid I don’t bring good news. Is Lexa still asleep?** ” Joana asked and Cara nodded as they walked to her living room.

“ **Yes, she hasn’t woken up yet so what is it?** ” Cara asked her friend who seemed completely worried which in turn was making her worried.

“ **My father just received word that the Conclave was a farce,** ” Joana said, and Cara was confused. Joana was the daughter of Etom’s village chief and so she had access to information that only he had.

“ **What do you mean?** ” Cara asked her already worried. Whether for her people or her sister, she didn’t know at the moment. Probably both.

“ **The Ice Nation’s nightblood murdered the other nightbloods in their sleep and sat on the throne drenched in their blood with the bodies lying around at her feet with their heads cut off,** ” Joana said, and Cara took her hand to cover her mouth who opened with the shock of this information. Lexa’s nightbloods, she will be devastated once she hears about this.

“ **So, she is the new Commander of our people? This Ice Nation scum?** ” Cara asked her friend who shook her head confusing Cara.

“ **No. Apparently, Titus gave the Flame to Wanheda and she fled the capitol before the Ascension could be performed and Titus is dead, cut his own throat to avoid being used by the girl, Ontari. However, apparently, she is claiming the throne even without the Flame. This is a disaster, Cara. We are without Commander and with an Ice Nation lunatic bloodthirsty scum on the throne,** ” Joana said sitting down and Cara had to do it as well as she agreed with Joana’s opinion. The situation could not be worse than this, especially for Lexa.

“ **Without Lexa or a good enough Commander, the Coalition will shatter, and we will be at war with each other again, Trikru and Azgeda leading it. I heard my Dad saying to my brother that this just may be the starting signs that the Great Wars will happen again, Cara. I hate to say this, the Spirit knows but Lexa needs to wake up as soon as possible, she is the only one that can kill the usurper, reclaim the throne and save us all from facing a terrible thing like the Great Wars. She is our people’s Savior once again,** ” Joana said, and Cara nodded.

She couldn’t deny the truth in her friend’s words. Lexa was the only one capable of saving them now and in the long run, but they needed to be realistic and she spoke to Joana exactly that. “ **I understand, Joana and I have to say that I agree with you on everything, but you are a healer and you know that Lexa is in no state to think about a fight with an Azgeda murderous nightblood. This Ontari would crush her and then we would be truly facing the Great Wars. Our best chance to avoid that is for Lexa to make a full recovery,** ” Cara said and the woman sighed.

Joana knew that the younger girl was right and as a healer she knew Lexa could not think about a fight for at least a few weeks. “ **So, I guess we will have to wait and see what Wanheda will do with the Flame,** ” Joana said, and Cara had a sudden thought go through her head.

“ **Do you think Titus told her where she could find Lexa and she is coming here to put the Flame into her head?** ” Cara asked but Joana shook her head.

“ **No, I don’t. However, I do think he has told someone in the Order, they would have to know right?** ” Joana said and Cara nodded.

She already knew who that person would be, the only friend Lexa had on the Order, Gaia, Indra’s daughter. She didn’t think that Titus would have trusted anyone else in the Order with the knowledge of something so important other than the girl in question since he knew of how close she was to Lexa, personally, the friendship that they had formed while living in TonDC and how she would want to see the Flame back to its rightful owner so, Cara guessed she would have to prepare herself for the visit from the girl sometime soon.

“ **Well, I should be going. I just thought you should hear about it first. I believe tomorrow everyone will be talking about it. We know it was the Conclave but the way she butchered them like cockroaches was a testament to her upbringing as Nia’s little pet,** ” Joana said as she stood up and Cara stood up as well walking her to the door and opening for her.

“ **Yes, Joana, thank you very much for bringing this information to me. I cannot thank you enough for all the help you have given me and Lexa these past couple of days,** ” Cara said sincerely, and the woman nodded before she walked out of her house.

Cara closed the door and locked before leaning against it and sighed. Things had just gotten ten times more complicated that they were 20 minutes ago for her, for Lexa, for the entirety of the Coalition that has fallen in the hands of a mad woman and more than ever, it seemed that the fate of their people would one more time rest on Lexa’s shoulders once she woke up and recovered from her wound. Cara worried about that and how the girl would react to the murder of her nightbloods. From what the two of them talked about Lexa treated them almost like they were her own children, especially Aden, it will be a blow to her.

The blonde girl sat down and looked at the small fire she had going on as her mind went around every possible outcome and without noticing, she ended up falling asleep right there. It wasn’t until early in the morning when she woke up and stretched out her body from being in such an uncomfortable position for so long and unbeknownst to her, inside the room, Lexa was finally opening her eyes. She had a hard time adjusting to the sun light entering through the small window but soon enough she was used to it and looked around.

This was Cara’s room, she recognized it from the times in which she had visited but she wondered what the hell she was doing there until she remembered her last memory, Cara and someone else telling her that they were removing a bullet. Bullet. Titus. Clarke. Everything seemed to come rushing back in, all the memories of what happened in Clarke’s room and here and Lexa remembered everything, and she was about to call for Cara when she heard it and immediately recognized it. The ascension horns. Aden.

They must believe her to be dead and now so were most of her nightbloods. A sudden sadness rushed in over her and she felt a tear fall down from her eye and down to the side of her face as she thought over her hopes of changing the Conclave so that her natblidas wouldn’t have to kill one another, so that Aden wouldn’t have to live with the kind of memories she had of her own conclave and the guilt of killing his brothers and sisters of the blood. But she failed him and their people as she almost lost her life thanks to Titus as well.

Thinking about it, she could understand why he did what he did, but forgiveness was another story completely. Lexa decided to call for Cara, she would have the answers to whatever questions were running through her head. “Cara,” Lexa called, her voice hoarse from not being used for however long she had been asleep. “Cara,” She called louder, and two times was all that was needed before the door to the room burst open and Cara appeared in front of her. The blonde had almost not believed her ears when she heard her name being called by a voice she had hoped to hear these past three days.

“ **You woke up** ,” Cara said as she walked towards the bed sitting down beside her sister.

“ **Yes, and apparently to the news of a new Commander** ,” Lexa said and Cara tensed a bit to what the girl said and she knew right now that she had to make a decision and as Lexa tried to sit up and grunted in pain, Cara realized that there was no choice, she had to do this, for her sister’s sake as well as for their people’s sake in the long term view of the situation.

“ **Stop, you’re still healing,** ” Cara said warningly, and Lexa nodded not really feeling up to argue about it, the wound was hurting like crazy. “ **And yes, a new Commander has risen. Aden, like you suspected,** ” Cara lied and inside she felt bad about it, but she knew her sister and knowing the truth right now was the last thing she needed. Cara could deal with the hurt and the disappointment Lexa would feel for her once she learned the truth later. Right now, she needed to make sure she was alive and well enough to be angry at all.

“ **He will be a great Commander. Our people are in good hands,** ” Lexa said to her and Cara nodded her head at her sister’s words.

“ **Not better than yours but I guess it will be enough,** ” Cara said, and Lexa gave her a small smile before her face turned serious.

“ **What the hell happened to me, Cara? How did I end up here? How am I still alive?** ” Lexa asked her and Cara sighed.

“ **I will answer that but first, you have to drink some water. Your body needs it to help replenish the blood you lost. Wait a second,** ” The blonde stood up and grabbed the jar and the cup pouring the water.

“ **Do you need help, or do you want to try yourself?** ” Cara said and Lexa looked at the cup.

“ **I want to try myself,** ” She said, and she grabbed the cup, feeling herself in need of focus not to let it drop, she really was weak if a cup of water was a hard task. She was able to drink it.

“ **Slowly, slowly** ,” Cara instructed, and Lexa obeyed her.

“ **Talk**.” Lexa said to her in between gulps. Cara sighed and nodded.

“ **Well about three days ago, Titus appeared in my doorstep in the middle of the night with you in his arms, looking dead,** ” Cara started,

“ **I ushered him in, and he said he needed my help to save you. We put you in the table and I checked your wound and it was bad. Given that I’m not an expert in bullet wounds and Joana was, I asked him to get her and between the two of us, we were able to remove the bullet and close the wound, but you feel asleep and would not wake up. Titus knew that our people would need a new Commander and that we couldn’t wait for you to recover so he left to prepare the Conclave and I have been taking care of you ever since,** ” Cara explained, and Lexa nodded.

“ **What instructions Titus gave you?** ” Lexa asked her and Cara looked at her before speaking.

“ **Since you are no longer Commander, you will be given the chance to have a normal life if that is what you want** ,” Cara said although she knew what would happen once her sister recovered, she would wage war against Ontari to avenge the deaths of her nightbloods as well as to rise to the throne again but she couldn’t say that now.

“ **I never thought it would come the day that I would be given that chance without involving me dying** ,” Lexa said, and Cara nodded understanding.

“ **Your whole life had revolved around becoming and being the Commander is understandable the difficulty that it will be to find out what it’s like to live while being just Lexa,** ” Cara said and Lexa nodded her head looking at the ceiling before an idea came on her head and she looked back at her sister.

“ **Have you warned Mom and the others that I am okay, or do they still think I am dead?** ” Lexa asked her and by the way Cara’s eyes widened, she knew the answer.

“ **By the Spirit, Mary is going to kill me** ,” Cara jumped out of bed and ran out of the room, to what Lexa judged was to send word to their family about her condition and she couldn’t help but chuckle at her sister’s antics before the conversation they were having came back to her. She would have to find out what it was like to live just as Lexa and she had absolutely no idea on how to do that. She guessed her family would be there to help her find out. She also couldn’t help to let her thoughts wonder to a certain blonde.

What would Clarke be doing now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COmment a lot. I appreciate it. Until the next update.  
> Kisses, Kisses,  
> Your Author.


	25. Plan to Escape

Cara was berating herself for having forgot to warn their family that Lexa wasn’t dead. She could only imagine what must have been for Mary the past three days thinking that she had lost her daughter. Actually, she couldn’t even imagine, and she was feeling very guilt for letting the woman suffer for so long unnecessarily, she only hoped that once she explained what had happened that they would forgive her for her failed memory. She quickly left Lexa’s room and was about to go call a young boy to go deliver a message when there was a knock on the door, leaving her with her senses on high alert.

“ **Cara, are you there? It’s Gaia. Titus sent me** ,” She heard from the other side of the door and recognized the girl’s voice and finally relaxed before opening the door revealing the young Order member.

“ **Gaia, I was kind of expecting you** ,” Cara said as she made way for the girl to enter her house before she looked around and closed the door locking it behind her.

“ **Titus told me that there was something important in your care and that I should come her and help protect it. What is going on?** ” The young Trikru asked.

“ **Well, that is a long story, but the short version is that Titus didn’t manage to kill Lexa** ,” Cara said as the girl was surprised by what she was hearing.

“ **What do you mean he didn’t kill her?** ” Gaia asked her and Cara motioned for her to sit in her living room and the young woman followed her lead.

“ **He didn’t kill her. He wounded her badly, but she was able to survive and is currently recovering in my room. She is the important package he left for you to help protect** ,” Cara explained, and Gaia went white.

“ **You’re telling that Lexa is alive? Is that it?** ” Gaia asked her to be sure that was what she heard, and Cara could only nod her head.

“ **Yes, she is but she is still really sick. It is going to take a while before she will be okay again which is why I haven’t told her anything about what happened at the Conclave** ,” Cara said to her lowering her voice so that Lexa wouldn’t hear them.

“ **And what exactly did you tell her?** ” Gaia asked the blonde older girl who motioned for her to wait in silence as she stood up and went towards the room, opening the door and peeking inside before closing it behind her and walking back to take her seat.

“ **It’s okay, she is back asleep. I knew that the moment I told her that Ontari had massacred her nightbloods and that she had risen to the throne that she would want to go there and fight to avenge them as well as to protect her people, but she is too weak to even get out of bed. If she went in search of a fight, Ontari would have no problem cutting off her head. So, I lied, told her that Aden had won the Conclave and that everything was okay, just for a while. When she is okay, I will tell her the truth and whatever she does then, I will support her** ,” Cara explained to her and Gaia couldn’t say she didn’t agree with her reasoning.

“ **Well, if she is so badly injured like you are telling me, then you did the right thing. We will definitely need her at her best for what is coming** ,” Gaia said, and Cara frowned.

“ **Do you mean Ontari? Has she risen to power yet? Has she ascended?** ” Cara asked and Gaia let out a dry chuckle shaking her head.

“ **No, she has not. Titus gave the Flame to Wanheda to take it to Luna to see if she would take it and save everyone. He then sent me and the other members away. He knew that if she ever got the Flame, she would force him to insert in her and he wouldn’t do it, so he slit his own throat to avoid being a pawn on her game. Titus is dead, Cara** ,” Gaia told her, and the woman gasped in surprise. She didn’t expect that form him.

“ **I am sorry of your loss. I know he was your mentor. It must be difficult for you** ,” She said to the other girl who shook her head.

“ **It’s okay because that it is not even the worst part of what is happening to our people at the moment** ,” Gaia said to her and Cara felt herself getting worried.

“ **I am afraid to ask but I know I have to. So, what is going on?** ” Cara asked the other girl.

“ **I don’t even know how to explain but I will try my best. When I knew that Titus had given the Flame to Wanheda, I went after her to secure it. It is the Order’s duty to protect it, not hers. So I followed her back to her people’s camp in Arkadia. I was hoping to catch her before she would get in but there was something wrong. There were gunshots flying around and I saw one of their vehicles break the gates before they stopped near her and her own people started shooting her** ,” Gaia said before she continued,

“ **Wanheda then got inside the metal thing and got away from them. I stayed to observe them, and I saw them talking to an invisible person and I remember one of the stories that was told to us in the Order. Becca Pramheda had tried to create another version of the Flame but apparently it didn’t work, and it started to want to destroy humanity by taking then to this place inside their mind where it controlled their actions. I think that s what is going on. People are getting mind controlled by this thing and it is spreading** ,”

“ **I heard the talking of getting others to take a chip, which is what I suppose it uses to control them and I think they will be coming to the closest villages until it has taken over everyone. We are in danger, Cara. Especially if these people find out about Lexa still being alive. We need to get her somewhere safe or we won’t stand a chance against this thing** ,” Gaia finished explaining and Cara was truly scared.

An enemy that could control their minds? Now, that was what you could call something monumentally bad. And the first thing that came to mind was her family and she knew that she couldn’t let them fall in the hands of whoever or whatever this was so, she made her decision before she stood up and looked at Gaia. “ **I will be right back. Don’t open the door unless it is for me. Do you understand?** ” She said to the woman who nodded her head before she went and walked out of her house.

She looked around her village and she wanted to warn them, these people that had always been so good to her, always so willing to help her whenever she needed help but then, if she did that, it would draw to much attention to her and she couldn’t have that. Right now, Lexa’s safety was her priority and she couldn’t fail that, so she quickly put a small smile on her face and schooled her features before she quickly found who she was looking for. A young boy she usually called when she needed to deliver a message. Once he saw her coming his way, he stood up and straightened his spine.

“ **Hey Tony. I need a favor from you** ,” She said to him and he nodded his head to her.

“ **What do you need from me Cara?** ” He asked her.

“ **I need you to go to Xandria and find my brother, his name is Vernon. Ask anyone and they will tell you where to find him and once you do, I need you to deliver him a message. Pay close attention. Tell him three words: Pack, Blood and Etom. Tell him that** ,” She said, and she saw the confusion in his face.

“ **Pack, Blood and Etom? What does that mean?** ” He asked her but she shook her head.

“ **It’s not important. He will understand. I need you to be as fast as you possibly can, okay? It’s urgent** ,” She said to him and he nodded.

“ **Okay, I will go now** ,” He said, and she nodded before she saw him take off in the direction of her previous village and she let out a deep breath before she turned back towards her house. She knocked the door and once she identified herself, Gaia let her in before she closed the door behind her and sighed as she leaned against it.

“ **Is everything okay?** ” Gaia asked her and Cara sighed before nodding.

“ **I sent word to my family. Soon enough, they will be coming here, and we will leave to wait for this danger to pass before we return. I couldn’t let anything happen to them** ,” Cara explained to her and Gaia nodded.

“ **But won’t it be too dangerous to tell them what is going on?** ” The Oder member asked her.

“ **No, we have a code we use to communicate with each other without other people understand the message even if they hear it so we will be fine. The problem is that they don’t know that Lexa is alive. I forgot to send word of that so for the past three days, they have grieved after her and she was alive here with me** ,” Cara explained, and Gaia nodded.

“ **I am sure that they will understand that there was a lot going on and that you had a lot to take care of in regard to Lexa’s health and safety. They will forgive you even because they will be too happy to know about her that I doubt they will even register your lack of memory to warn them. Relax, a little** ,” Gaia said encouragingly, and Cara was grateful for it.

“ **I certainly hope so. I just don’t know how to send word to our other brother Kaleb** ,” Cara said as she sat down as did Gaia.

“ **Why not? Does he live in another village?** ” Gaia asked and Cara shook her head sighing.

“ **No, we don’t know where he lives. After their real father, Mary’s first husband died, Kaleb took it the hardest. He was the last one to warm up to my Dad and to me because of that. When he was old enough, he simply left, saying he needed to seek justice for his father’s death and we only saw him again when my niece and nephew were born and once a year when they get together for their father’s death anniversary** ,” Cara explained as she continued,

“ **Lexa had always been the one closest to him. He was the most protective over her so only she knows how to contact him but given everything that is going on, I am thinking that the further he is from here, the safer he will be. Once this nightmare with this new enemy is finished, I will ask her how to contact him and send a message asking for him to come** ,” Cara finished talking.

“ **That is certainly complicated but which family isn’t? I couldn’t even get to my mother to warn her because of how dangerous it was and now, she is out there, possibly in the hands of either Ontari or this thing. Only the Spirit knows if she is even still alive** ,” Gaia said, and Cara nodded.

“ **I’m sorry. I wish you could have gotten to her in time but if I know Indra, she is going to survive this. Your mother is one strong and extremely stubborn woman. If anyone can survive this, then it’s her. Have faith in her** ,” Cara said comfortingly, and Gaia nodded.

“ **I really hope that you are right** ,” The Order member said as she took a deep breath before letting it all out.

“ **Hey, how about you help me pack whatever we will need for this trip? You can fill your mind with other thoughts instead of those pessimistic ones** ,” Cara said and she nodded before they both stood up and went to work on packing supplies, like food and blankets as well as every medical supply that they judged that Lexa would possibly need as they continued talking about the situation, lowly so that even if Lexa woke up, she wouldn’t hear then and all the while both of their minds were in their families and if they would be okay.


	26. Family Code

In the village of Xandria, in particular, in the house of the chief, grief was installed in everyone. Ever since they heard of Lexa’s death, no one has been the same. Mary could barely eat and mostly stayed in her bed clutching a small toy that used to be Lexa’s when she still lived with them, Jon tried to give her some food but even if she tried, it would all come back up. Every time she remembered that she lost her daughter, she would start crying silently, sometimes sobbing and she couldn’t feel like it would stop anytime soon.

It was even worse than when she lost Aaron. No parents should ever have to lose a child, especially not one as young as Lexa was, she was barely 23 years old, she had her whole life ahead of her but now there was nothing. There was nothing left to dream about what her baby girl would get to live and experience because she was no longer alive. There was no hope that she would win against Titus and be able to find love, have a family and be happy because she was gone. There was nothing left of her, there wasn’t even a body to mourn because of the rituals performed with it. She was dead.

All because of that damned man. Titus. Mary always knew that he was not a good person and she never liked having him around her daughter. She always told Lexa to tell the order to start the training of a new Flame keeper and get him away from her, but Lexa would say that he raised her, he taught her, and he was someone she could trust. And in the end, he was the one who took her life, the result of a mistake he committed while trying to kill Wanheda which Mary was sure was because of the feelings Lexa had told her she had for the Sky Girl.

“ **He killed her** ,” Mary spoke as Jon who was lying down on their bed with his wife’s head resting on top of his chest as she clung to him. He had chosen to stay home with her for as long as she needed him to. Jon couldn’t believe what had happened either. He knew he was not Lexa’s father and he never pretended to be, but he had loved her like she was his own since the moment he met her as well as the boys. They were all his family and he couldn’t believe that they had lost her, just like that.

“ **I know** ,” He said knowing who she was talking about.

“ **I never liked him since the moment he came to pick her up. I never once liked him and never knew why. I just looked at him and knew she wouldn’t be safe around him and, in the end, he has proven me right** ,” Mary said as Jon felt her tears falling down on his shirt.

“ **But it was not on purpose though. He was trying to kill Wanheda** ,” He said to her gently and she nodded at him. She knew it wasn’t.

“ **Yes, but he was only doing that because of his beliefs. He wanted her out of my daughter’s life because of their feelings for each other** ,” Mary said angrily, “ **His beliefs that Love is weakness and that to be Commander is to be alone s what drove him to do that. He couldn’t stand to see her have someone by her side, and not just anyone but someone as powerful as Wanheda. He knew Lexa was listening to her advices more than his and he couldn’t stand. He killed her because he was losing his influence over her. He took my baby from me because he wanted power,** ” Mary said, and Jon tried to comfort her as best as he could. He agreed with her, since they knew Lexa so well, that was the truth of it.

Meanwhile in another room of the house, the twins were sitting on Dove’s bed as they held each other’s hands. Lexa was their sister and their role model. Whenever she came to visit or they visited her, she always made sure to spend some time with each of them separately as well as together. She was someone they confided in, someone that they loved very much and despite their distance, they knew, and she told them multiples times, that she would always be there if they needed her. Not anymore though.

“ **Have you checked on Mom?** ” Erin asked her sister. Between the two of them, Dove was always the one closest to Lexa since Dove had dreams of being the Ambassador of Trikru when she was old enough and Lexa would always give her some book to read to prepare, not once discouraging her while Erin was closest to Cara since she was training to be a healer like her oldest sister and was always exchanging words and messages with the girl or going to Etom whenever she needed help with something.

Dove shook her head. “ **Dad has been with her ever since the Ascension horns had sounded yesterday** ,” Dove said as she rested her head against the wall. “ **I can’t believe she is gone,** ” She said with tears on her eyes and Erin looked at her.

“ **I know. Me too** ,” Erin said agreeing with her sister.

“ **It just feels like a nightmare, that I’m going to wake up and she will walk through the door and smile saying it was just a joke. That she is going to ruffle my hair and tell me not to doubt her skills** ,” Dove said as she used the back of her hands.

“ **I know. I feel that way too. It doesn’t feel real, it’s like we are living a nightmare and that we will wake up from it soon** ,” Erin said and Dove nodded.

“ **How do you think Vernon is doing?** ” Dove asked her sister and Erin shrugged.

“ **Not much better than Mom, I guess. I went to his house yesterday and his eyes had been red and puffy from crying. I don’t think he is any better today** ,” Erin explained, and Dove nodded at her.

“ **Do you think he was able to send word to Kaleb or not?** ” Dove asked and Erin shrugged.

“ **I don’t know, Vernon says he doesn’t know where Kaleb is but he will find out soon if he doesn’t already** ,” Erin said and they stayed silent after that.

At Vernon’s house, he was watching his kids sleep when he heard his wife lean against the door. “ **Kaleb and I wanted a sister so bad that we talked our parents into it and when she was born, we were so happy. She was perfect. Perfect** ,” He said as Margot listened to him.

“ **We learned that day that she was a nightblood and we knew that the Order would come for her and we were so scared that for a month, we would take turns watching her sleep, to protect her just in case they tried to take her during the night** ,” He said as he smiled.

“ **Kaleb, in particular, was the most worried one. He was only 7 but he would wake up with the slightest of noise from her. If she breathed wrong or coughed, anything, he would be in her room within a second and many times, Mom and Dad went to check on her only to find her sleeping on his chest with his arms wrapped tightly around her** ,” He said as the tears came up again, “ **She was our baby sister, Margot** ,” He said as she walked up behind him and hugged him and he leaned back against her.

“ **Did you send word to your brother?** ” She asked him and he shook his head.

“ **I don’t know how to. The only person that knew how to find him was Lexa so no, but I think he will find out so enough and I can’t imagine how destroyed he will be** ,” Vernon explained to his wife and she nodded.

“ **Do you think he will come here to see you and your mom?** ” Margot asked him and he shook his head. Of this, he was sure.

“ **He will be too angry and when he is like that, he doesn’t like being around those he cares about for fear or saying or doing something that can hurt them so he will be avoiding all of us for a while** ,” Vernon said sighing.

“ **It was the same way when Dad died. He avoided us even while living in the same house** ,” He said and sighed when they heard a knock on the door, and he tensed.

“ **It can’t be worst news that the one we just received of the Conclave, can it?** ” Margot asked her husband. What they heard that had happened at the event and who was in charge of their people now also made the pain worse. He shrugged and left the room before going to the door and opening it to find a small boy there.

“ **Are you Vernon, Cara’s brother?** ” The boy asked and Vernon nodded. Cara?

“ **Yes, I am. Why?** ” He said crossing his arms.

“ **She sent me to find you with a message** ,” The boy said, and Vernon tensed again.

“ **What message?** ” Vernon asked.

“ **She told me to say the words Pack, Blood and Etom. That was all** ,” The boy said, and Vernon’s eyes went wide at what the boy spoke to him.

“ **Are you sure those are the words she said?** ” Vernon asked to be sure and the boy nodded.

“ **Yes. Pack, Blood and Etom** ,” He said, and Vernon nodded.

“ **Thank you. You can go now** ,” Vernon said, and the boy nodded running away as he closed the door behind him.

“ **What was it?** ” Margot asked when he went back inside.

“ **I need you to pack some essentials and clothes for us and for the kids,** ” Vernon said to her and grabbed his sword.

“ **Vernon, what is going on?** ” Margot asked him, afraid of what was going on with him.

“ **My siblings and I created a secret code when we need to send important messages to each other. A boy just came to say that Cara sent the words Pack and Etom. Pack means family. Blood means that we are in danger where we are and need to leave as soon as possible and usually the escape place comes later in the message, in this case Etom** ,” He explained to her and she nodded.

“ **Okay. I understand** ,” She said to him and he nodded.

“ **I will go warn Mom and the others, get the kids ready** ,” He said, and she nodded, he kissed her and ran to the door as she watched him go before going to her children’s room.

“ **Kids, wake up** ,” She said to them. Meanwhile Vernon crossed the distance to his mom’s house and knocked on the door. He was frantic. Cara wouldn’t give him such a message if it was important that they left Xandria.

“ **Who is it?** ” He heard Erin ask.

“ **Vernon, Open the door,** ” He said, and she did just that as he quickly got in closing behind him. She noticed the sword and his look.

“ **Vernon, is everything okay?** ” Erin asked him and he shook his head.

“ **Cara sent a message. Pack, Blood and Etom** ,” He said to her and she understood. A few years ago, Vernon and Lexa explained the code to the girls, so Erin nodded.

“ **Mom is in her room with Dad, I will get Dove** ,” She said and ran to her room as he went to his mother and opened the door startling the couple who seemed to have been asleep.

“ **Vernon. What are you doing here?** ” Mary said seeing her son by the door.

“ **Cara. Pack, Blood, Etom. 10 minutes** ,” Was all he said to her and she understood as did Jon.

The couple jumped out of bed and started packing right away and Vernon went back to his own houses to find the kids in the living room, with Aaron holding his sister protectively, which warmed his heart. “ **Dad. What is going on?** ” Aaron asked him and Vernon went to them.

“ **I’m scared** ,” Lia said to her father and he gave her a small smile.

“ **Nothing is going to happen, okay? We are just going to visit Aunt Cara, that’s all** ,” He said to them and he saw them relaxing.

“ **Really?** ” Aaron asked and Vernon nodded.

“ **Really. Now I’m going to help Mom pack so the two of you stay here, don’t open the door. Come and get me even if it is Grandma,** ” He said to them who nodded.

Vernon got up and moved inside the house towards the room where the noise was at and found his wife finishing pack another bag. “ **Did you warn your Mom?** ” She asked him and he nodded.

“ **Yes, I gave them ten minutes before we need to leave** ,” He said as he helped with the rest of the clothes.

“ **This is our bag, it has enough clothes for the both of us, there is one for the kids and one for food and supplies, just in case** ,” She said to him and he nodded kissing her before picking it up and going to the living room where the other two bags were already by the kids’ side when there was a knock on the door.

Vernon grabbed his sword and went towards it. “ **Who is it?** ” He asked.

“ **It’s me, Vernon** ,” He heard Jon’s voice and opened the door.

“ **We’re ready** ,” Jon said to him and he nodded.

“ **We are as well. Kids, Margot. Come on** ,” He called for them and went to pick up the bags as the kids followed Jon leaving Vernon to close their house and to carry two of the packs, Margot having the third. They went to the wagon where the others were, and Jon helped put the kids inside as well as Vernon put on the bags.

“ **Vernon, you and Margot go inside with kids. Your mother and I will drive** ,” Jon said to him and he nodded.

“ **Very well** ,” He said and got inside as Jon went to drive the wagon and soon enough, they were leaving Xandria. Etom was not too far away so in about two hours of driving without encountering any trouble along the way, the family finally arrived in the village, luckily it was night already so there weren’t a lot of people outside when they arrived, but one person was there waiting for them and that was Cara.

She waved at them and motioned for Jon to lead the wagon to the back of her house and so he did. Once everything was done, Vernon was the first one to get down and hug Cara who readily hugged him back as tightly as possible, she had been worried for them. “ **Hey big brother** ,” She said to him and he chuckled before pulling back.

“ **You had us worried** ,” He said to her and she nodded as the others joined them.

“ **Dad, Aunt Mary** ,” She said greeting them, along with the twins, Margot and the kids. “ **I know that I worried you but unfortunately the situation is to be worried but first let’s get you all inside the house. Leave the bags by the wagon, we will not be staying here much longer,** ” Cara said to them.

Which surprised them, given her message but even with a million questions in their minds, they followed her inside. As she closed the door behind them, she moved to stand in front of them all. “ **There is a lot I need to say to you, and I wish there was more time for me to say them with the right words but there isn’t so I will just go straight to the point and bear with me** ,” She said to them and they nodded as they waited for her to speak, “ **First, I want to tell you how much I missed you all** ,” She said giving them a smile who was returned.

“ **Second** ,” She took a deep breath before saying, “ **Lexa is alive** ,” She spoke the words and all of them were shocked and were about to speak but she raised her hands and shook her head, so they stopped.

“ **Let me explain. About 3 days ago, at night, Titus came to me carrying her body, he had shot her and for a while she had died but breathed again, so he brought her to me to take care of her wound and so I did. She was alive but she went into a deep sleep and only a few hours ago did she finally wake up, that is why the Conclave was supposed to happen. She is in this room right now** ,” Cara said and pointed to the room by her side that had the door closed and they all looked at it.

“ **However, she went back to sleep not too long after that and we received dire news that makes me believe that letting her stay here will put her in danger, which is why I have secured a cave not too far from here where we can stay and wait out for this danger to pass** ,” She explained to them as best as she could.

“ **Does she know?** ” Vernon asked her and Cara shook her head.

“ **No, she doesn’t know anything that happened after she was shot. I told her that Aden ascended and that everything was fine. She can’t know the truth yet, but she is still asleep,** ” Cara said to them and they nodded.

“ **Can I see her now?** ” Mary asked and Cara nodded before walking towards the room and opening the door.

“ **Gaia, her mom is here** ,” Cara said, and the girl nodded before she walked out of the room, greeting the family before Cara motioned forward for Mary and Vernon to enter.

“ **Two at a time. She can’t get crowded** ,” She said, and everyone nodded. The two of them held each other’s hands as they came to the door and saw her in the bed sleeping peacefully and Mary couldn’t hold back the sob. Her baby girl. She really was alive, Mary couldn’t believe it, neither could Vernon so they kind of just held each other before moving towards her bed ad they watched her chest rise and fall signaling that she was indeed alive. Her prayers had been answered. She would make sure that her baby would be okay again as Vernon also promised to keep his sister safe from whatever danger was waiting for her now.


	27. Sticking Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold: Trigedasleng

Lexa had not woken up during their visit. Mary had been worried, but Cara assured her that it was because of the amount of blood that she lost, and that sleep was the way her body made sure she recovered from it. She was the healer, so they had no choice but to accept her explanation, the others came to see her too, but she was still deeply asleep. Jon and Vernon had picked her up from the bed and taken her to the wagon where they secured her before they all got inside and left Cara’s house and the village in the dead of the night as they made their way through the forest until they found the cave Cara had secured for them to wait out the danger they had yet to learn about.

When they finally arrived at the cave, it was still night, which was extremely good since it meant no one had seen them leave and they made sure that no one had followed them. The cave was one Cara had found many years ago, during one of her adventures throughout the forest and never told anyone about it, always making sure never to be followed. Her mother who had been a warrior had thought her to always have someplace she could go if she was in danger so throughout the years, she started filling the cave with what she needed, which included furs, table, chairs, and many other things. It was practically a house inside a cave, the entrance was covered by many leaves and no one would look at it twice.

Once they arrived there, she guided Vernon and Jon who carried Lexa to put on the small cot she had and as soon as they did, she checked on the wound to see if the stitches had opened or not during the trip, but luckily everything was still looking good and she sighed in relief. She told them to get the bags and put the wagon and the horse inside so that no one would see them and luckily the cave was big enough and the wagon small enough for that not to be a problem, the horses were also very quiet so everything was working out okay. Margot took care of the kids as the twins helped start a fire and Mary went to stay by her daughter’s side.

Gaia stood by the side sitting down against a rock as she watched the family and thought about her mother and how she was doing. They hadn’t talked in a long time. The last time they had talk Lexa had been the mediator, giving them the opportunity and words were said on both sides and they had not talked since but that in no way meant that she loved and cared for her mother any less as she hoped the woman still felt the same way about her. She prayed to the Spirit that her mother could survive this so maybe they could work on their difference.

It took them all about an hour to get properly settled inside the cave and for Aaron and Lia to fall asleep, they were excited about this trip as well as the fact that their Aunt was still alive, they had wanted to stay up but the trip from Xandria to Etom and then to the cave had worn them out, and they passed out almost as deeply as Lexa and once they did, the questions started. “ **What danger exactly are we running away from? We still have no idea** ,” Vernon asked Cara as the adults all sat around the fire, including the twins.

“ **I’m not sure exactly how to describe it or what it is, but it seems to want the Flame and if it wants the Flame, it might need a night blood for a vessel and I just don’t think Lexa is safe even if no one knows she is with me or alive** ,” Cara said to them and they nodded.

“ **If Lexa was alive, why did Titus call for a Conclave? Couldn’t he just have waited for her to heal? Then, none of the nightbloods would have died and that Azgeda scum wouldn’t be sitting in my sister’s throne** ,” Dove said to her. She had been so happy to know that lexa was alive, she had thanked the Spirit for giving her back.

“ **Lexa was asleep at the time, and we didn’t know when she would wake up and even when she did, she would be too weak to fight. If her enemies, like Ontari, had learned of her condition, they would have hunted her throughout the 13 clans until they killed her. Besides our people needed a Commander, we just had no idea what would happen during the Conclave** ,” Cara explained to the girl who nodded her head.

“ **So, to be clear, she doesn’t know anything, and we can’t tell her?** ” Jon asked his daughter and she nodded her head at him.

“ **All of us here know how Lexa is when it comes to her people and her duty, the moment she hears about it, she will want to go to Polis and claim her throne back from the impostor, but she can’t, she can barely stay awake for too long given the amount of blood she lost. She needs to recover first so she can be strong enough to challenge Ontari and win, otherwise this time she will really die. Besides, what good would come from telling her everything now? She would just suffer without any means to avenge her nightbloods. It would just tear her up** ,” Cara explained to them and they nodded.

“ **So, what do we do now? We can’t leave, can we?** ” Erin asked her sister.

“ **We will stay here until it’s safe for us to come out and we will take turns to keep watch and to feed the horses. Whatever it is out there is a danger to her, I don’t think it will last for very long, not with Wanheda fighting against it so it will probably be a few days only but we need to be very careful, no matter what Lexa needs to be protected, she is the only chance our people has at surviving when this is over** ,” Cara said to them and they nodded.

“ **Aunt Mary, you’re staying with her?** ” Cara looked at her step mother who nodded.

“ **I’m not leaving her side** ,” Mary said as she caressed her daughter’s hair and Cara nodded.

“ **Well, then we got Vernon, Dad and I to take watch and girls, you can help Margot with the kids. Gaia, you’re on watch duty over Lexa**.” Cara said to them and they all nodded, “ **Who has rested better?** ” She asked her Dad and Vernon.

“ **I have, been lying around all day with Mary** ,” Her father spoke out loud and she nodded.

“ **Okay, dad will take first watch, then it’s me, then it’s Vernon. Alright?** ” She asked them and they nodded once again, “ **Then, everyone else, let’s go to sleep. Dad, anything, call for us?** ” She warned him and he nodded as they hugged.

“ **I got this. Have a nice sleep, baby girl** ,” He said pulling back and kissing her head before he grabbed his axe and moved towards the entrance of the cave to keep watch to make sure that no one came through as everyone else adjusted themselves around with the furs Cara provided for all of them and the ones they brought in themselves and soon enough, everyone fell asleep given how tired they were from all the traveling and the strong emotions these past few days had brought to them.

It was very early in the morning, the first sun rays when Cara felt her dad shake her awake, it didn’t take much for her to sit up immediately. “ **Your turn** ,” He said to her and she nodded, grabbing her bow and arrows and getting up, motioning for him to take her place and he did as she went to keep watch for the rest of the morning.  It took her family a few more hours before they woke up, but when they did, they started going about their morning mostly the same way they would if they had been back home. Thankfully, they had packed food so there would be no need to go hunting and risk being seen.

The day went on with little to nothing going around, which given the danger that was lurking over their people they were all thankful for, the twins made sure that the horses had water and grass to eat but the time was mostly spent together. By midday, it was Vernon’s turn and Cara went to check on Lexa. “ **Anything strange happened during the night?** ” Cara asked Mary as she changed the bandage on the wound and took care of it.

“ **No, nothing. She slept peacefully** ,” Mary said as she watched her stepdaughter work. “ **When do you think she is going to wake up? I fear I won’t fully believe she is okay until she opens her eyes and I can look at them** ,” She asked the blonde woman.

Cara smiled at the older woman. “ **Well, she lost a lot of blood which makes one very weak so until her blood replenishes the blood, she will stay like this, but I think that in the next couple of hours, she should be waking up and don’t worry, Aunt Mary. I feel the same way** ,” Cara said as she finished her work and went to play a little with her nephew and niece and when night finally came, they gathered together to tell the kids stories of adventure Vernon, Kaleb, Cara and Lexa had gone through when they were children with Mary sweeping in to add some more things they did.

They had a few good laughs while telling them some crazy story about how the boys dared the girls to jump from very high on the tree. Lexa did it and almost broke both of her feet while Cara refused to join in, with Lia telling her Dad that it was very mean of him and with Vernon trying to defend himself to his daughter who pouted and accused him of being the reason Aaron teased her so much making the entire family laugh at that and Gaia who was not part of the family was treated as such since Indra and Mary had been friends for many years.

And that was how the family passed by the day, repeating the same thing for the next day as well always making sure that they had security covered and at one point, during the second day, they heard voices near the cave and Margot and the twins took Aaron and Lia and held a hand over their mouth to make sure they didn’t make a sound to draw the attention of whoever was out there towards the cave as Vernon grabbed his word, Jon his axe, Cara her bow and arrows and Gaia her daggers. Jon and Gaia stayed with the family as Cara and Vernon stayed by the entrance waiting to see what would happen.

Everyone was very tense at that moment, as the voices seemed to get closer, and closer, and closer to the entrance and Cara even recognized some of them, but she wouldn’t appear to anyone who wasn’t her family. She heard them talking about this Alie who she had no idea who it was but probably the one behind the reason why they were hiding here in the first place and she pulled her arrow back as Vernon gripped his sword and they waited but the voices seemed to not have found the entrance to the cave and the two of them got closer so they could hear the fading steps of the people as they walked away.

Even with knowing that those people had left, it was hard to lower their guard down and not wait for a surprise attack. It wasn’t until hours later when they didn’t hear anything else for a while that the family finally relaxed, knowing they had not been found by those people. Vernon stayed to keep watch as Cara went back inside to the others and told them that they were safe and everyone finally breathed in relief and as the night fell, Jon went to take his watch, more focused than ever as the others sat around together to eat, Cara having delivered a plate to her Dad and as they were eating, they finally heard a hoarse voice say,

“ **Can I have some water?** ” They all stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the bed as they saw Lexa’s head turned to them. “ **Water, guys** ,” She said and everyone chuckled smiling, Mary leaving her food forgotten as she ran to her daughter, cradling her face with tears in her eyes.

“ **My baby** ,” She said kissing all over Lexa’s face as the young brunette smiled and sighed in relief to see her mother again.

“ **Hi, Mom** ,” Lexa said as Cara came to her with a glass of water and helped her drink.

“ **You finally woke up** ,” Cara said jokingly as Lexa looked around finding her surroundings unfamiliar before she turned to look back at them frowning and saying,

“ **Where the hell are we?** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment a lot, guys.  
> Kisses, Kisses,  
> Your Author.


	28. Sibling talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold: Trigedasleng.

Another day passed since Lexa finally woke up from her sleep. She had been surprised, to say the least when she woke up to find herself surrounded by her almost her entire family why there inside a cave. They had previously decided that they weren’t going to tell her about this danger to their people since they were afraid she would try anything to save them so they decided to tell her that they received words that they could be in danger and by extent her since no one knew she was alive and staying with Cara, so they decided to protect the entire family while the ‘Commander’ made sure that they were safe.

Lexa hadn’t been sure that she was believing them, that they were telling her the truth, but why would they lie to her about this? She knew how her family was protective of her, the same way she was protective of them and killed everyone who had ever dared to threaten them so she could understand their need to keep her safe. She didn’t want them to worry more than they already have the past couple of days thinking she had died, so even if she had her doubts she decided to wait for a better time before questioning them.

After they realized that she had accepted their lie, things have finally settled down between the group that was staying together inside the cave, Mary in special had finally been able to breathe in relief knowing that indeed her daughter was alive and well and that was the best feeling any mother could ever have which is exactly why she still hasn’t moved from Lexa’s side ever since they had arrived in this hideout. “ **Mom, I’m fine**.” Lexa said to her mother while sitting down by the bed which she could already do by herself, but Mary just shook her head.

“ **I know you can sweetie, but I feel like if I look away, this will all be a dream and I will lose you for real this time and I can’t even imagine that happen. Thinking I did one time was more than enough. I don’t think I could do it again** ,” Mary said sincerely, and Lexa moved to hold her mother’s hands. This would not be an easy conversation. She knew it.

“ **Mom, you and Dad, Vernon and Kaleb always knew I was meant to be Commander which probably meant not living for very long** ,” Lexa said to her and Mary nodded, it was true. Since the moment they learned she was a nightblood, something told Mary and Aaron that their daughter was meant for something greater than herself, that she had a higher calling.

When she was taken by the Order to Polis, they all knew that she would become the Commander one day. Lexa had always been a mature kid, always appeared to be much older and wiser than other kids her age. She had always been so smart and intelligent, and cunning and generally great at everything she did while also always showing her talent to lead, be it with her brothers, or her friends, or even some adults. With all those signs and with Lexa’s prowess in the art of combat, there was no way they would have no reason to believe that the Conclave, whenever it happened, she had already won it even before participating in it.

So, when the time came and the conclave finally happened, it was no surprise to anyone who really knew, least of all her family, when she was announced the new Heda. It was more of a confirmation of their beliefs than anything else, but Lexa was also right when she said that Commanders don’t live for very long and that had always been at the back of her mind, reminding her that at any minute she could hear the news of her daughter’s death and she did. A couple days ago, that was exactly what she heard, and she felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and crushed it into ashes. She never wanted to feel that way again.

“ **Would you have changed it if you could? Your blood. Would you change it to red if you could? To have the chance to have a normal life, no impossible expectations and demands from anyone? To have the freedom that your brother and sisters are allowed to enjoy?** ” Mary asked her daughter and Lexa seemed to think about her mother’s question, it was one she had long since asked herself and even now, the answer has always been the same.

“ **No, I would not change the color of my blood even if I could** ,” Lexa said firmly as she looked into her mother’s eyes. Of this decision, she could say that she completely sure of.

“ **Why not? After everything that happened to you because of the title you held, why not change it?  Why not have a normal life? Be a farmer, a teacher, a healer?** ” Mary asked her.

“ **Because being Commander was a choice I made, not a choice made for me. When Luna killed Leon and decided to flee the conclave, she asked me to come with her and I could have. It was just us there, the order members focused on another fight going on and I could have said yes and be alive without the responsibilities or the dangers being commander entails, but I made a choice to stay for my people, because I knew that I could do more for them than any of my classmates. I knew as well as I knew my name that I was meant to be Commander and that it was my destiny. How does one run from their destiny? They don’t. I didn’t. I wouldn’t** ,” Lexa explained to her mother who nodded.

“ **Even if it gets you killed? By the Spirit Lexa. You are in this bed fighting to recover after you almost died because of choices you made as Commander that Titus was not happy about it, but if it hadn’t been him, you could have been someone else who had tried to kill. How many times over these past eleven years that you have been Commander has people tried to assassinate you, in one way or another?** ” Mary asked her daughter seriously.

“ **You know the answer to that Mom. Too many people to count have tried, I don’t think I even remember all of them** ,” Lexa answered honestly. There was no point in lying about this, it was actually common knowledge of the many attempts made on her life by her enemies.

“ **Exactly, sweetheart. Many times, my heart came up to my throat at the news of yet one of those attempts and I can’t tell you that each time it happened that I didn’t pray to the Spirit that you would give it up. You could simply request to leave and have the Flame taken from you and live a happy, normal and safe life if you wanted it. Let others deal with that. Be free, be happy, find a good girl, marry her, adopt a child and have the life you would have had if you had not been a nightblood to begin with** ,” Mary said to her as Lexa sighed.

“ **I could never do that, Mom. I could never give up on my people. I know you won’t understand, not to the extent of what I feel but I have always felt drawn to them, all of them, all clans. I am Trikru and I am proud of it but my heart calls for all the clans, it always has. You have no idea how much it irritated me when Linus would push for yet another war when he could clearly see that our people were famished and tired, in need of guidance, not having to fight and lose their loved ones for his amusement. I sincerely contemplated killing the man myself. As a nightblood, I could have access to him and do it, no one would have known** ,”

“ **I didn’t, not because I couldn’t. But because I didn’t want to become someone like him so I waited for him to die and while doing so, I had to watch my people suffer during the Great Wars and I couldn’t wait for the moment I could claim the throne and save them from that. I knew what accepting my fate would mean for me, I knew I would never have a normal life, that I would never enjoy the freedom that my brother and sisters enjoy, that I would never be able to find a girl, marry, adopt a kid and live happily ever after in a small house in a Trikru village. I knew that and when the Conclave came, I fought as hard as I could because I had realized early on that although that was everyone’s desire, it was not mine** ,” Lexa said.

“ **No? You didn’t want those things for yourself?** ” Mary asked her daughter confusedly.

“ **Yes, I would like to marry and have a family and if it happened, great, but I wasn’t seeking it out and I never would because my desire has always been to have the opportunity to offer that dream to my people. To give them the chance to enjoy that freedom accompanied by peace. To create a family for themselves, without the constant worry that they would lose someone, to pointless conflicts or uncalled for wars. My desire was to give my people the chance at a good life where they could find and enjoy their happily ever after. I chose to be Commander, Mom. It was not chosen for me. And I would make that choice again and again and how many times I would have to** ,” Lexa said to her.

Mary sat there watching her daughter passionately speak about her devotion to her people and her job and she knew that Cara was right. The moment she was okay and learned of the truth, nothing would stop Lexa from going back to her place as Commander. She couldn’t say she hadn’t hoped that not being the Commander would tempt Lexa to turn her back on it, but she knew now that she should be worried of what would be of her daughter if she didn’t go back. She didn’t think Lexa would know how to be herself, how to be anything but be Heda. She understood that her daughter would always be Commander, Flame or no Flame so she could only offer the girl her support and nod her head.

“ **Hey guys**.” They were interrupted by Vernon coming to them, “ **Do you mind if I get a turn?** ” he asked their mom who only shook her head and smiled at them.

“ **She will be in good hands, I don’t see why not. Thank you for explaining things to me sweetie. I will talk more later if you want** ,” She said to him and kissed Lexa’s forehead who nodded her head at her mother’s words before Mary moved away from the bed as Vernon came closer.

“ **Scoot away, I’m getting in** ,” He said to her and she chuckled before slowly moving sideways to give him some space and as he sat down, he put the sword on his lap, wrapped his arm around her and she leaned her head against his chest.

“ **Do you remember when you would have nightmare about Azgeda coming to kill you and Kaleb and I would come and sleep with you? Do you remember what we would always say to you to get you to relax?** ” Vernon asked her and she smiled at the memory. When she first learned about the hate between Azgeda and Trikru, she was only 3 and worried that they would come for her so she would ask for one of her brothers to sleep with her at night and they always did, Vernon one night, Kaleb the other but they always did, no matter how tired they were.

“ **You two would hold me like this and say that the power of our bond and our love would keep the cold hearted Azgeda monsters away since they were allergic to it** ,” She said to him chuckling as Vernon nodded joining her, laughing at the explanation.

“ **Well, it will. Always. Not just Azgeda but any other enemy that tries to tear us apart. They never will be able to. Never forget that, little monkey** ,” Vernon said to her and Lexa wrapped one arm around him as well.

“ **I wish Kaleb was here too. Then I would be in the middle of you two smothering me just like old times** ,” She said to him wishfully and he scoffed.

“ **Am I not enough for you? Is that what you are saying? You don’t love me, is that it?** ” He said pretending to be hurt and offended by what she said as Lexa chuckled lightly to not cause pain and put any strains on her injuries.

“ **You know what I mean, you idiot** ,” She said to him and he laughed nodding his head, but he still enjoyed teasing her, even if they were adults and supposedly wiser than that.

“ **I know. So do I, but you were the only one who could find him wherever the hell he is so I haven’t been able to get in touch with him, not to say you were dead or to let him know you’re alive. But like I told Margot, he must know that you are presumed dead. The Ascension horns sounded and no matter where he is, those things are loud enough for everyone that knows what they mean to hear it from across the clans** ,” Vernon said to her and she nodded.

“ **I can only imagine how he was feeling. You and Mom even after seeing me alive still look miserable. And Kaleb, who still thinks I am dead?** ” Lexa said and Vernon nodded his head.

“ **But that is what that idiot gets for leaving his family to do what exactly? Roam around the lands without somewhere to go? Without a clan? Like one of the nomads?** ” Vernon said to her and she sighed. Out of everyone, Vernon felt the most betrayed by Kaleb’s departure and still was a sore subject with him. They were closer in age than they were with their other siblings so Vernon had counted on him to help him take care of everyone the way their father would have wanted them to do but Kaleb just packed his things and left one day, just like that.

“ **According to him, he needed to find justice for Dad and peace of mind for himself. He never meant to hurt any of us, he just needed time and space to deal with things his own way and to bring father’s killers to justice one day, no matter what it cost him or how long it took, his words not mine** ,” Lexa said to him and Vernon scoffed.

“ **He was a selfish bastard and he knows it. Hell, we all know it. What was he thinking? That I didn’t care about Dad and get justice for him? But what good would it do? I had to take care of Mom and thanks to Jon, I was able to see a smile on her face again** ,” Vernon said to her before he continued,

“ **We talked, you know? He and I. I think it was when you became Commander. As soon as he heard that there would be a Conclave, he came to wait for news with us and we had a talk. More like a fight. You know we were never good expressing ourselves when we were angry at each other and boy, was I angry at him for bailing on me, on Mom, on the girls, on our entire family** ,” Vernon said to her and she looked up to him.

“ **And?** ” She asked him, curious to know how that particular encounter went, knowing how her brothers could be when they were angry with each other.

“ **I told him everything I thought about what he did. How he wasn’t the only one who lost Dad. How Mom still needed him to be there. How I needed him to be there for Dove and Erin and how he was selfish. He just said he knew he was, but he couldn’t help himself. He had to leave. We fought, exchanged punches then we sat down on the ground and he told me he was worried for you and we bonded over that. You were always a calming factor we both had so thanks for that monkey** ,” He said to her as she smiled at him.

“ **I wish he hadn’t left either. But I think I understand that although we all lost Dad, each of us dealt with it in our own way. Mom was sad but she decided to take care of us and the village and that gave her an outlet to help with her grief. You took over some of dad’s responsibilities and it helped you. I became Commander and found my calling as it helped me. Kaleb found that his search for Justice was what worked for it. We can’t fault him for that** ,” Lexa said to her brother who shrugged his shoulders.

“ **I just hate that what works for him ahs to take him away from us. I needed him to help me, to be there for me and with me, taking care of all of you and he wasn’t. He isn’t and it is his own damn fault** ,” Vernon said as he took a deep breath.

“ **I miss him** ,” Lexa said to him as she snuggled further into her brother’s side, seeking his comfort the same way she would do it when she was a young child.

“ **Me too, monkey. Me too** ,” Vernon said as he tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head as they fell into an easy and comfortable silent, just enjoying being in each other’s presence, spending the time the same way they used to when they were kids, only difference was that there was an empty space besides them that belonged to someone that they both felt should be here with them but wasn’t. And that way, the siblings fell into sleep remembering their childhood memories, when nothing had yet pulled them physically apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment a lot. Hope you enjoyed it. See you the next update.  
> Kisses, Kisses,  
> Your Author.


	29. Old Legends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold: Trigedasleng

It had been three days since Lexa talked with her mother and Vernon and three days since she started to walk again and although she didn’t know why they wouldn’t let her walk outside without at least two of them going along with her, she still didn’t fight them about it. Cara was constantly checking on her to see the pace of which she was recovering which was considerably faster that a normal person and when the others asked her about it, Cara could only attribute that to the fact that Lexa was a nightblood and her body recovered a lot faster than those who had red blood, it was the only explanation any of them had for it.

It was during one of these walks outside that they were met by Gaia who had come to the cave to check on Lexa’s healing, and who was shocked to see Lexa by the entrance playing with the horses and the kids. The Flamekeeper had left the cave after one more day to go check on how things were going for their people and this new enemy they were facing, and things had not been good. The villages were deserted and the one that weren’t had a lot of bodies so it was obvious that things were getting serious but she overheard some people claim that Wanheda had destroyed the thing so she had gone to Polis and learned about a great deal of disturbing news and then decided to return to tell them the news that the nightmare was partially over.

But she had not expecting to see Lexa up and about. She had expected the girl to be better but not to the point in which she would be walking around, sitting down on the ground, much less playing with her niece and nephew. Things were looking better for their people now. Lexa seemed much better and very well recovered so the new Flame keeper moved towards her to talk to her and perhaps explain the situation but, instead, she was intercepted on her way over by a hand grabbing her and pulling her inside the cave before she could get any closer to the girl and Gaia was met with the face of Cara looking at her with a frown.

“ **I know that look and she is not ready yet** ,” Cara said to her and Gaia was shocked. Cara was very good at reading people and when she saw Gaia see Lexa, she could see that the girl thought she was ready to take back her place as Commander, so she intercepted her.

“ **She is walking already. She is much better than she was last time I saw her and if the rate of her recovery continue, by the time this enemy is dealt with, Lexa will be in perfect shape to challenge whoever stands in the way of her throne and she will be ready to take the Flame once again** ,” Gaia said to the older girl.

“ **Don’t speak too loud, she may over hear you. And yes, she is recovering and looking much better, but it is still slow, she can walk a little bit, but it is not enough to fight an Azgeda assassin who wants to stay on her throne more than anything** ,” Cara said to her and Gaia grimaced as the blonde mentioned Ontari and Cara noticed.

“ **What is going on? Why that face? Did something worse happen?** ” Cara asked her.

“ **I supposed we should find somewhere more private to speak if you don’t want her to hear what I have to say** ,” Gaia said to her and Car looked at her before nodding and leading her inside where only Margot and Mary were making food for them, now that the boys went to hunt some animals so they could eat meat.

“ **Gaia, you have returned and unharmed. I am glad. How is your mother? Did you get any news about her or how things are outside?** ” Mary asker her and Gaia gave her a small smile.

“ **She is alive and is in Polis, helping our people in this new obstacle** ,” She said before looking at Cara. “ **Can they hear?** ” She asked the blonde who nodded.

“ **Gaia has news from Polis that Lexa cannot know about** ,” Cara told the women who looked serious and nodded as they all sat down.

“ **Very well, tell us** ,” Mary said to her and Gaia started speaking, “ **Do you know the enemy that made us come here?** ” Gaia asked them and they nodded.

“ **Well, she was a technology, similar to the Flame but evil. She wanted everyone to join her in the City of Light by taking a chip that made it possible for her to control someone’s mind** ,” Gaia told them and they nodded. Cara had told them that already.

She started to tell them about the information she had gathered in her latest travels. Apparently, Wanheda and her friends had tried to take the Flame to Luna because apparently only the Flame could destroy this A.L.I.E and since only a nightblood can merge with the Flame, she was their only option, but Luna, in her own words being the coward and the traitor to the blood that she is, refused to take it if only to help them destroy this Alie thing and Wanheda was forced to come to Polis to try to put the Flame into Ontari’s head so that maybe she could help stop the Alie from taking over everyone’s mind and finally destroy her once and for all.

But that A.L.I.E got the nightblood to be killed to prevent that from happening and that Wanheda using a method from Mount Weather was able to insert Ontari’s blood into her long enough for the Flame to accept her and for her to go to the City of Light herself and destroy it along with Alie and give the people their minds back. Gaia told them of how Polis became a blood bath, filled with bodies of those that fought on both sides and how family turned against family, lovers turned against lovers and how the people were doing in the moment with Azgeda taking over the city and control of the Coalition as well as the Flame.

“ **By the Spirit. Azgeda? In control of Polis, the Coalition and the Flame? That is a nightmare come true** ,” Margot said once Gaia was done and the other two felt the same way.

“ **Lexa cannot know about this right now. If she does, not having to fight Ontari will make sure that she goes back immediately, but there are still those who would defy her even challenge her to a fight and then she would be dead. She needs more time** ,” Mary said to the Flame keeper and Gaia sighed at them.

“ **I know that you are all worried about Lexa. I get it, you’re her family, you recently went to a traumatic experience thinking she was dead and believe me I am worried for her too, but how much of this is true concern for her health or simply fear that she will be Commander again and you don’t want that to happen?** ” She asked them.

“ **We are concerned for her health, that is all. We have always known that she would be Commander and that knowledge hasn’t gone away** ,” Cara said to her.

“ **Yes, I know but shouldn’t it be her choice? I know she is not 100% recovered but neither is the King, he was shot in the chest as well. If she came with me, all the other clans would unite behind her to get Azgeda out of the City. He is unworthy and she is the only nightblood that will take the Flame, the people need her now more than ever. They need a true Commander to lead them from this darkness** ,” Gaia said to them, but Mary shook her head.

“ **Yes, he is. Yes, the people need her and yes, it should be her choice in any other circumstance except this one. She has only begun to walk long distance yesterday and even so she needs to stop to take a breath, she is no condition to rule anyone or to protect her people and that is what she will want to do. Besides, you told us that the King will honor her Coalition and that he will keep everything in order until a new Commander arises, will he not?** ” Mary asked her and she shook her head.

“ **That is what he said to the people, but he is Azgeda. We all know better than to trust their word** ,” She said to them, not having any love for the cruel and ruthless clan.

“ **I know that your faith doesn’t allow you to stand for a red-blooded King in charge but if you force her to go back now, we will all lose her and the only chance of fixing this. It’s better to wait and have her fully functioning again than to speed things up and end up with her really dead this time, don’t you think?** ” Mary said to Gaia who had to think about it and while doing it, she could see that the older woman has a point, if Lexa went back now they would probably try to kill her or challenge her to a fight she was not ready for.

“ **Very well. But once she finds out that you have all been lying to her and she will, you know she will not take it well** ,” Gaia warned them, she knew that Lexa hated when those she cared for lied to her. “ **Especially after what happened with Titus and how he took her choice away from her when he tried to make the decision to get Wanheda out of her life** ,” She said to them and they sighed since they also knew that.

“ **We know but we have to do it** ,” Cara said although internally she was dreading the day Lexa found out about it. She would lay thick on them for doing it even if it was for her own good.

“ **I know her people is important but so is her health. Lexa will have to understand, eventually** ,” Mary said as the women looked at each other before a voice stopped them.

“ **I will have to understand what eventually?** ” Lexa asked them and they turned to see her standing at the entrance with a look of confusion and suspicion in her face. And Gaia had been around her enough that whatever they say, she is going to buy it.

“ **That you need to take things slow. Your body is still healing, you can’t expect to be running through the forest after so little time** ,” Cara said trying to sound as convincing as possible but Gaia could see that she had been right.

Lexa knew they were no telling her the truth. She may not know what they are hiding from her or even why, but she knows that they are hiding something. Recognizing when someone is lying to her has been a skill she developed in the many years as Commander and she was using it now with her family and she could see that they were all lying to her. However, she is not yet physically ready for a confrontation since something tells her that whatever it is, she is not going to like it one bit, so she simply decided to let it go for now.

“ **Yes, I understand. I will not force myself more than what my body can handle. You may think differently but I know how to take care of myself** ,” Lexa said to them before she turned towards Gaia and spoke, “ **I need to talk to you in private** ,” She said to the girl and all the other three women tensed, not knowing how to act.

“ **Sure** ,” Gaia said and walked towards Lexa, ignoring the look from the others before the two of them walked away from the scene, leaving three worried women behind.

“ **You think she will tell Lexa about it?** ” Margot asked her mother and sister in law and both women looked at each other before looking back at her and shrugging.

“ **We don’t know. We can only hope that she doesn’t** ,” Cara said as they nodded and went back to whatever they were doing. Meanwhile, Gaia and Lexa managed to find a place at the cave where they could talk alone. Dove and Erin were playing with the kids, across from them so it was perfect for Lexa to keep an eye on the young ones. She turned towards Gaia and didn’t waste any time before speaking what was on her mind.

“ **My family is lying to me and you know the truth, correct?** ” Lexa asked her and Gaia chuckled. She knew they wouldn’t be able to deceive Lexa, she was too smart for that, so she knew there was no point in lying to her anymore.

“ **Yes and yes, however, I am not going to tell you. This is between you and them so don’t ask me anything, I will not say it** ,” Gaia told her, and Lexa believed her.

“ **I won’t. I figured whatever it is they are keeping from me, I will find out one way or another so don’t worry, that is not why I need to talk to you. I need to ask you something that I want to be left between the two of us** ,” Lexa said to her and Gaia frowned hearing the seriousness of her voice, whatever it was, it was important to Lexa, so she nodded.

“ **Of course, whatever you need. Is it something bad?** ” Gaia asked her worriedly and Lexa took a deep breath before titling her head to the side.

“ **Not necessarily but first, I need to know. Do you know anything about Clarke? Is she okay? Did Titus do anything to her?** ” Lexa bombarded her with question about the girl and Gaia smiled.

“ **You really are in love with her, aren’t you?** ” Gaia asked her and Lexa smiled, a genuine loving smile and Gaia was happy for her friend. Then, Lexa grimaced as she turned to Gaia

“ **Please, don’t tell me you’re into the whole love is weakness and to be Commander is to be alone thing** ,” The former Commander said to her and Gaia gave a small chuckle.

“ **No, I am not. I am more of a be careful with who you love and to be Commander is to be smart kind of girl** ,” Gaia said and they chuckled at her words before she continued, “ **When I heard about what Titus had done, I assumed that he wouldn’t go so far to get rid of someone so important to you if it wasn’t for the fact that you might have developed feelings for her. I know that I don’t need you to remember what happened to Costia because I am sure you never forget** ,” Lexa nodded, “ **but I do urge to think this through** ,” Gaia said as Lexa listened.

“ **Although misguided and completely disrespectful, Titus’s concern was not at all unfounded. I know you and I know the kind of Commander you are, but I also know how you love. You may have chosen to change the tradition because you believe in it however you cannot deny you also did it because she asked you to** ,” Gaia said to her and Lexa sighed, slumping her shoulders.

“ **But even if she had asked, if I didn’t truly wish for that to be our reality, I wouldn’t have done it** ,” Lexa tried to defend herself and Gaia nodded.

“ **I know but it calls to speculation whether or not she has some power over you and that is why I say be careful who you love. Do you think if the need rose, she wouldn’t take advantage of you, of your position, of your power? Do you think her reasons to be with you were noble or premeditated? If the answer to the first question isn’t a no, she wouldn’t and the answer to the second question is the former, then you need to rethink your relationship with her** ,” Gaia said to her and Lexa could see that the girl had a point, but she didn’t believe Clarke would do such a thing. She was not that manipulative.

“ **But since the answer is she wouldn’t and the former, what would you have me do once I return to the world of the living?** ” Lexa asked the young Flame keeper.

 **“I will tell you to go for it. You have sacrificed way too much for our people and something tells me that if asked to do it again, you would in a heartbeat. This, what happened to you has shown us that in a second your life can be taken, unexpectedly, and it shows that we don’t have time to waste. If you love her and she loves you, if she is worthy, go for it. All the way** ,” Gaia said and Lexa smiled at her and nodded.

“ **Thank you for understanding, Gaia. I wish Titus could have thought the same thing. If he had, I wouldn’t be in this situation right now** ,” She said to the girl and the Flame keeper nodded.

“ **I understand and you are very welcome. Now, was that what you wanted to ask me?** ” Gaia asked her and Lexa shook her head.

“ **No, what I really need to ask you is regarding a dream I had. I know I don’t have the Flame anymore, but this dream seemed as real as the vision the previous Commanders would show me in my sleep** ,” Lexa said to her and Gaia was curious.

“ **That is very interesting. I don’t know if I have the knowledge on why you felt that way since we never had the Flame removed from a Commander that survived the injuries so this is new territory for me, but I will try to help you however I can. Tell me what the dream was about** ,” Gaia said to her encouragingly and Lexa smiled before speaking.

“ **The dream was as real as any other and I could swear it was Becca Pramheda in it. She was speaking to someone else about one of the side effects that having the Flame and being a nightblood could inflict on a woman’s body. She was talking about an old tale about something that has been long forgotten. A certain side effect that can cause an incredible thing to happen and I know there is a legend about it. I was hoping you could confirm it for me** ,” Lexa said, and Gaia nodded as the girl started to tell her the details.

And the surprise on the new Flame keeper’s face was big. She had not expected Lexa to ask her about such a thing. She actually knew what the other girl was talking about, it was a legend long lost once the policy of Love was weakness was implemented but she had knowledge of it and was surprised that such information came to Lexa in a dream even after the Flame no longer provided her with the means to access that kind of information. Once Lexa finished and she thought about it, Gaia turned to look at her.

“ **You want to know if the legend is true or if what it says is possible?** ” Gaia asked her and Lexa seemed to think about it before she answered, “ **Both** ,” She said, and Gaia nodded.

“ **Well, then the answer to both is yes. The legend does exist, I was actually studying a transcript about it when I heard of your incident so I can confirm that, and it is also possible. On the transcript, the cases in which it happened had been related in detail, but it was forgotten. I am surprised you have thought about it at all. Is there a particular reason for it** ,” Gaia explained before she looked at Lexa who seemed deep in thought.

“ **Thank you, Gaia for telling me. That is all** ,” Lexa said in her Commander voice and Gaia knew it better than to try to push her, so she let it be. However, she couldn’t shake the feeling that was settling on her stomach. Why was Lexa asking about this particular legend involving nightblood women and the Flame? Could it…. No, no. there was no way it happened with her but then it would explain why she was thinking about this. It made sense. There was no way this was a coincidence. Gaia took a deep breath.

**_Lexa, what did you do?_ **


	30. Return to Etom

Once Gaia came and gave them the news about the fate of their people and that the enemy had been defeated, they decided that it was time to go back to Etom so that Lexa could sleep on a real bed, with comfort and with more chances to heal faster as well as the homesick feeling they all had to return to their own homes, to their village was bigger with each day they were away so that very same night, they started preparing and gathering their stuff back so that they could make the trip during the night, since it was important that no one saw Lexa, that she remained hidden. However, explaining that to her was a little more difficult.

“ **Why do we need to hide?** **Are we running away from someone? Have we done something wrong?** ” Lexa asked her family, at least the adults who just looked at each other.

“ **Because it’s safer that way for everyone, you more than anyone else. People don’t know that where you are or that you are alive, for the matter and, at the moment, that is for the better** ,” Cara said to her, but she only frowned at what her sister said.

“ **Why is it better for everyone to think that I’m missing or worse, dead?** ” Lexa asked them, knowing they were not telling her the whole truth and hating the thought of them lying to her face like this. Why were they doing it?

“ **Sweetie listen, Aden’s rule is still fairly new and if you were to come out, people would question his legitimacy and there would be a problem**.” Her mother said looking at her, “ **By leaving things like this, we are giving him a better chance to strengthen his rule as Commander before you can appear again** ,” Mary said, and Lexa looked at them.

“ **So, no one knows where I am, and they can’t know for now because it will weaken Aden’s claim to the throne? Is that what you are telling me?** ” Lexa said to them and they nodded.

“ **Yes, only for now. You’re still recovering from your wound but once you’re healed and if that is what you want, we will send word for Aden where you are, and you can decide what you want to do with your life then** ,” Mary said, feeling guilty for all the lies she had spilled to her daughter for the past few days but knowing she had to.

Lexa seemed to think about what they were saying and looked at them. She had no way to find out the truth now, but she already had a way to do it however for now, she would need to play their game. Despite the fact that they can’t see to effectively lie to her without her knowing, even if she doesn’t know what and why they are lying, she can lie convincingly to them. She had trained herself for years on how to do that without being discovered. The only person in the world who seems to know when she is lying is Clarke, since Lexa cannot manage to keep her walls and mask up whenever the blonde Sky Girl is around.

“ **Okay, if that is why, then I guess I understand. I wouldn’t want to complicate Aden’s life for this. We will go tonight and I will stay hidden** ,” She lied to them and she knew they believed her since they all breathed a sigh of relief that was mixed with guilty and fear of what would happen once she figured out the bold faced liars they had become right now. But that was for later, for now, they were finishing putting everything on the wagon again and getting in as Jon and Mary lead them away from there and back to Cara’s house.

Lexa spent the trip playing with Lia who was sitting on her lap while thinking about Aden. How was he dealing with what must have happened in the Conclave? The nightmares of what she did in hers plagued her mind every day, or better yet, every night for the first few months of her rule. She wondered if the same was happening to him and how was he dealing with it? Was he crying? Was he screaming? Was he shutting his emotions down? She wished she could be there to avoid letting him go through all of that by himself, but she was sure that the part of her that lived in the Flame would be there for him in her place, at least for the moment.

She also thought about Clarke. She remembered the pain in the blonde’s face as she had to watch Lexa die at least temporarily, she wondered how Clarke was feeling. Was she wondering where Lexa was? Did she ask Aden to send parties to search for her the way Lexa did to find her all these months ago? Did she feel as defeated when they came back empty handed as Lexa did? Was she looking to the sky and wondering where the brunette could be and why she hasn’t returned yet? Lexa willed Clarke to know that she would come back, soon enough, she would come back to her, no matter what and prayed for her to have a little more of patience.

She also wondered how Titus was doing. Was he beating himself up for what he did? Was he fulfilling his promise to her not to harm Clarke? Was he being a better adviser to Aden that he was for her the last month? She hoped so. She hoped that what he almost did was enough to shake him all the way to his core and show him that some of his beliefs were wrong and there was nothing wrong in a Commander loving someone or being loved by someone. That being commander didn’t mean to be alone for the rest of their life. Hope was all she could do.

And what about her people? How were they doing with a new Commander? Aden was a good warrior and he was quite merciful, perhaps even more so than Lexa would advise him to be but he was also young and would learn a lot. She used to say that much of what she learned she did so while being Commander. Were her people being well fed? Well taken care of? She remembered making sure all her nightbloods knew that taking care of their people was their primary concern and to always do so to the best of their abilities.

Aden would be a good Commander for them. He had always been interested in the Coalition so she knew he would do his best to uphold it, no matter what kind of trouble he may have. It would be hard given how the Ambassadors could be sometimes, they managed to make her wonder why she created the Coalition in the first place but she knew that he would do the right thing for their people, would take care of all them and she believed in his capacities to deal with quarrels between the clans very well. She also hoped that he was helping Skaikru be better accepted in the Coalition now that Pike was dead.

They continued the trip with Lexa’s mind far away, with many thoughts and questions about what was going on in her people and her successor’s lives as well as wondering about exactly what her family was lying to her about. It took them about an hour before they came to a stop, having arrived in Cara’s house through the back, obviously. Vernon got down first from the carriage and offered his arms to help Lexa get down and she grunted in pain a little as he put her on the ground but other than that, she felt fine. She went inside the house and helped her family as best as she could without overexerting herself.

Once everyone was accommodate on the inside of the house, Lexa went to the room she had been given by Cara before shutting the door and changing her clothes before going to sleep while the others stayed awake for a little longer settling in as well and luckily, everyone was able to sleep the whole night through, peacefully which was very good. The next day, Lexa was the first one to wake up since she had always been an early riser. Unless she was sick, she would always wake up with the sun rising to the sky and today was no different.

So, she got out of bed, changed her clothes, walked out of the room and in the direction of the kitchen where she started working on making breakfast for everyone. Not many people knew but Lexa was an amazing cook and she loved cooking. She didn’t have much time for it with the amount of responsibilities she had to deal with on a daily basis but whenever she had free time she would go to the kitchen of the tower and work with the cooks to make delicious meals for everyone that worked there.

One of the many memories she had with her father was the two of them in the kitchen making food for their family. Her father had loved to do these kinds of normal things, cooking, cleaning and he was amazing at it so even after he died, she decided to carry on with the tradition she had formed with him and she wanted to make sure that she was as good as him so whenever she had time, she would go to the kitchen and ask to learn something new from the cook and according to Dana, she was very talented, a natural around the kitchen even if she didn’t go there as often as she wished she could.

She knew her way around a kitchen and she started preparing everything. It took her about an hour, an hour and a half to finish but once she did, she went to wake up everyone before leading them back to the kitchen so they could eat together, since they usually didn’t do this and once they took the first bite, the compliments just came flooding in and she just shook her head saying it was nothing. She had always been a humble person, she never really was a person that enjoyed being showered with compliments and never felt extremely comfortable when it happened, so they quickly stopped.

The family had spent a great time these past few days together, especially because it was something that didn’t happen quite as often as one would like, it was hard to whisk Lexa away from Polis, from her role and duties as Commander so if for nothing else, then what happened served at least to have them spend some time together like this and they were all very grateful for it, and Lexa would keep these past few days locked in her heart to remember when she was missing them again and wanted to remember the amazing days they had spent together.

It most certainly had not been easy for them these past two weeks, starting for when Lexa got injured, to receiving word that she was dead, hearing about how it happened before hearing the horns of ascension meaning that a new Commander had taken her place just like that, then to knowing what the Azgeda nightblood did to Lexa’s legacy and her nightbloods, finding out Lexa was alive, to have to run away to keep her safe from danger that they didn’t even know about or ever heard of before, from having to lie to her every time she asked something about what was going on, to dreading the moment she learned the truth of what happened.

It had definitely been an adventure and they were happy that at least whatever they went through, they went through it together as a family, holding each other’s hand, being united when it counted, even if they were missing someone. And out of everything that is what worried Vernon the most. Kaleb was a wild card and the eldest brother had no idea how the guy would react to any of the news but how could he reach him to say anything? Lexa had told him that there was someone in Polis who could reach him, but he wouldn’t dare go there.

Not with how things seemed to be and are now. It was too dangerous, and he had his children and wife to think before putting himself in danger. If Kaleb wanted to be notified of anything that happened with someone in his family, if he still considered them that way, then he would have found a way to make a connection with them to tell them of a way to reach him, but since he didn’t, Vernon could do nothing more than to let him find out all by himself even if he knew how difficult it would be for Kaleb to learn of Lexa’s supposed death. He still remembered when the Order came for Lexa.


	31. Arrivals and Goodbyes

**_FLASHBACK 17 YEARS AGO, XANDRIA, TRIKRU TERRITORY._ **

 

**_It had started as a normal day like any other. Mary, their mother was the first to wake up and her husband Jon woke up after her. Mary met Jon, two years after losing Aaron, her husband and the father of her kids, during an attack on the village by Azgeda warriors many years ago. Jon had lost his wife from a disease when they met and in each other, they healed their broken hearts, mended their wounds, found out they could still have happiness even after the traumatic experience of losing their spouses and married not too long after that._ **

**_Jon had a daughter from his previous marriage, she was six years old when they adults feel in love with each other. Her name was Cara and she didn’t have any trouble becoming part of the family the same as Jon, all the kids loved the new additions to their family with ever forgetting who they lost. It was something beautiful, especially since it was Jon the one who always, always made sure that the kids remembered their father and the great man, warrior and chief he was and Mary did the same with Cara, always talking about her mom so the girl wouldn’t forget her or even think she was trying to take her place._ **

**_After waking up, Mary to get the kids while Jon went to start making breakfast since he worked as a blacksmith while Mary worked as the chief of their village. “Vernon, Kaleb, it’s time to wake up,” she said through the door as she knocked when it swung open and both boys were already dressed and very much awaken._ **

**_“Good morning, mother,” They said in unison, and she smiled hugging each of them._ **

**_“Good morning boys. Why don’t you go downstairs? I will be down in a minute. Just need to get the girls,” She said, and they nodded before moving past her._ **

**_She turned around to the door across the boys’ room and knocked the door, this time opening and coming inside. And the view was one she was accustomed to since it was a daily occurrence. Her daughter was already dressed, hair tied up and was reading a book Bran got for her two days before on her birthday and her step daughter was still sprawled out on the bed, sleeping. “Hi, Mom,” Said a small voice and she smiled at her daughter as Mary went to her bed and sit down by it, caressing her daughter’s head._ **

**_“Hi. Awake for long?” She asked and the girl shook her head._ **

**_“Not much. Vernon and Kaleb’s noise woke me up. They don’t know how to be quiet,” She said, and the woman nodded smiling at her._ **

**_“What about your sister?” She asked and they both looked at the blonde girl on the other bed and they both smiled at her._ **

**_“I’ve checked. She is still breathing,” Lexa said and her mother chuckled at her little girl._ **

**_“That is very good, but I think it’s time we wake her up so do you want the honors?” Her mother asked smiling and Lexa smiled as well and nodded excitedly, “Well, then by all means,” Her mother motioned towards the girl and Lexa jumped from one bed to another and onto her sister’s back._ **

**_“Wake up, Cara. Wake up. It’s time to eat,” She kept saying and the girl groaned as Mary watched them and was glad her daughter still knew what it meant to be a child._ **

**_Though she knew their time was coming up. Every nightblood child can have contact with their family and even stay with them for big periods of time until they are six years old and then they are taken to Polis to start their training, cutting every contact they have until they have reached the age of 15 years old. Lexa turned six two days ago and Mary was dreading the moment she would have to departure with her baby girl so she cherished every moment they had and every memory she could keep like this one of her laughter, of her playing around for it would be the only thing she would have left for many years to come._ **

**_“Lexa get off. I’m up,” Cara groaned as she was forced awake by her little sister being obnoxious and Lexa stopped, sitting on her belly._ **

**_“You sure?” Lexa asked her and the girl nodded, “Mom, she’s awake,” The small brunette turned to her mom and the woman nodded smiling._ **

**_“Well done sweetie. Good morning, Cara,” She said to the girl who finally opened her eyes all the way as she shuffled Lexa’s hair and pinched her cheeks making the smaller girl smile._ **

**_“Morning, Mary. Did you really have to ask her to wake me up? She almost killed me,” She asked, and the woman smiled._ **

**_“Would you prefer one of your brothers did it then? Perhaps, Kaleb would have been a better choice for the task at hand?” She said and the girl looked terrified. Kaleb was a prankster, so she knew what was best._ **

**_“No, no. I’m good with Lexa. Leve Kaleb out of this,” She said hugging the girl to her._ **

**_“Okay, get dressed. Your father is making breakfast for us,” Mary said to her and the girl nodded. Lexa joined her mother and they came to the kitchen as the boys were laughing as Bran finished preparing the food and was putting in the plates and all and they all sat down, Cara joining them a few moments later._ **

**_“Good morning, Dad,” She said to the man and he smiled at his daughter, she was getting so big and at certain times like this, he wished Bia could have seen her._ **

**_“Good morning, sweetheart,” He said as she looked at her brothers._ **

**_“Boys.” She said and they smirked._ **

**_“Let’s eat.” Mary said and they started eating and talking about various things, what they would be doing next and all those kinds of stuff when suddenly there was a knock on the door and Jon stood up to go check who was it as his family continued enjoying their breakfast while making small talk, with Cara and Kaleb teasing each other as it was normal for them. Jon had a smiled on his face for something funny the kids were fighting about until the moment he opened the door and saw who was there on the other side of it._ **

**_“Now?” He asked them, not beating around the bush since he already knew what was happening and the man nodded as the one beside him looked apologetically._ **

**_“I’m sorry, Jon. I really am but you know how this works,” Hector, who worked as the chief healer of their village said to him, and he nodded at the man he considered a friend._ **

**_“Let me be the one to tell them. I promise we won’t be resisting anything,” He asked them, and Hector nodded his head._ **

**_“We will wait here. Go do what you have to, Jon,” He said to him and Jon nodded._ **

**_“Thank you,” He said before closing the door and sighing before he started moving back to where his family was eating, and he sighed as he came to stand before them._ **

**_“Who is it, dad?” Cara asked none the wiser._ **

**_“He is here,” He said and with those three words, Mary understood what her husband was talking about and the tears already welled up on her eyes as they fell on her face and she pulled Lexa closer to her and hugged her tightly._ **

**_“Who are you talking about? Who is here? Mom, why are you crying?” Kaleb asked him and his mother who just kept hugging a confused Lexa._ **

**_“Jon, what is going on? Why is Mom like this? Tell us what is happening,” Vernon asked him as well and the man sighed, this was harder than he thought it would be._ **

**_“You know that Lexa is special, right? That she is not like the other kids? That she is different from the rest of them because of something, right?” He said and the three of them nodded._ **

**_“Her blood is black and ours is red so what?” Cara answered him, they all knew that made Lexa different from them but it was the only thing. It wasn’t like she had a third arm or something like that, so she wasn’t understanding her Dad and Mary’s reaction._ **

**_“That means she is a nightblood. One of the many children who can become Commander one day. And because of that, she needs to go to Polis to receive the training required for that,” He explained to them waiting for their reaction to the news._ **

**_“So we will be moving to Polis and leaving the village?” Kaleb asked his step-father and his mother shook her head finally finding her voice despite the tears._ **

**_“No, sweetie. It’s forbidden for the family to make contact with the nightblood unless on specific dates stipulated by the Order of the Flame.” She said and the girl hugged her mom tighter._ **

**_“Why?” Cara asked, understanding what they were talking about and feeling the tears well up in her eyes as well at the thought of not seeing her sister._ **

**_“Because the nightbloods have to cut ties with their family and devote themselves to their calling, to learn everything they can to be the best Commander our people can have and for that they can’t be distracted by their previous family,” Jon said to them._ **

**_“That doesn’t mean we can’t move to Polis. We can still be there for Lexa, even if they can’t let her stay with us,” Vernon said to the adults hoping it would work._ **

**_“You can’t come. The Commander will never allow it. I have to go to Polis on my own, it’s my duty as nightblood to go alone,” Lexa said surprising everyone including her parents._ **

**_“Sweetie, how do you know about that?” Her mother asked her, surprised and not surprised, her daughter wasn’t only special because of her blood, but because of her intelligence._ **

**_“I heard you and Dad talking about it one day when you were discussing how to tell me and then I asked Mason about it and he told me,” Lexa explained. Mason was the eldest person in the Village and knew much about the laws of their people._ **

**_Lexa continued, “He told me who I was and what I was and what I had to do when the time came, and it has. I’m ready Mom,” She said firmly, and her mother smiled amid the tears._ **

**_“Spoken like a true Commander.” She said and the little girl nodded her head, wiping her mother’s tears from her cheek before giving her a series of kisses._ **

**_“They are waiting outside,” Jon said to them. Lexa looked up at him and she nodded. She was already expecting them since the moment she turned 6._ **

**_“Mason said I should be expecting them soon since I’m already 6 so I got my stuff prepared. I’ll go get it,” Lexa said getting out of the chair and running to her room._ **

**_“Mom, can’t we stop it? Can’t she stay here with us? We’re her family, they can’t take her from us. Not her too,” Kaleb said as sobs threatened to make their way out and Mary shook her head as she pulled him towards her._ **

**_“Oh, honey. I know. I know it will be hard for all of us, but she can’t stay with us. She has to go. It’s the law, if we don’t abide by it, the Commander will have all of us killed and then she will be left alone. We have to be strong for her,” Mary explained to her son as Lexa came back with a backpack._ **

**_“I’m ready to go now,” Lexa said with a innocent but resigned smile on her little face and her mother stood up as did the others and one by one, they hugged her crying._ **

**_First, it was Cara. “I love you little one, no matter what happens. We will always be sisters, okay? Nothing will ever change that,” She said and Lexa nodded her head._ **

**_“Okay.” The girl pulled back and Vernon was next. He picked her up and put her upside down as he would always do it and she smiled._ **

**_“I’m going to miss you, kid.” He said smiling at her and she smiled right back at him. He was an amazing big brother and she was happy she got to spend so long with them._ **

**_“I’m going to miss you too, V,” She said to him as he put her back down on the ground and then Kaleb came to her and hugged her. From all of his siblings, he was the closest one to Lexa, so he was feeling the goodbye the most._ **

**_“Give them hell. Don’t let them scare you. Show them that you are better. That you are from the Tree People and the daughter of Aaron of the Tree people and kick their sorry asses,” He said in her ear and she nodded._ **

**_“I love you, Kal,” She said as she pulled back to look up at him and he almost let a sob escape but held it in for her sake and because he wasn’t sure he could stop once he started._ **

**_“I love you too, Lexie,” He said before pulling back as her mother and Jon hugged her and said goodbye before she looked at her brother and offered her hand to him._ **

**_“Can you take me?” She asked him and he nodded smiling at her before grabbing her hand, moving towards the door and opening it. There was a bald man in robes and Hector._ **

**_“Kaleb, Lexa. This is Javi of the Order of the Flame. He will be taking you to Polis.” He explained and Kaleb looked at him with anger on his face._ **

**_“You better take care of my little sister.” He said firmly, no place for politeness. This man was taking his sister from him, he hated him already._ **

**_“She is a nightblood.” The man said as if trying to dismiss his words but Kaleb would not let him so he squared his jaw and clenched it tightly as he spoke once again to the man._ **

**_“She is my sister and you people will not take that away, no matter what you try and when she becomes Commander, she will be greater than any Commander before and even then, she will still be my little sister. So, you better take care of her and I will come for you.” He said to the man before turning to her. “Remember what I said, Lexie.” He said and she nodded._ **

**_“I won’t forget it and don’t worry. I will never forget any of you. You will always be my family. Commander or not, that won’t change so relax. I will be fine,” She said to him and nodded at him and at her family standing behind him._ **

**_“Bye.” She said and they replied it back before she moved towards Javi who picked her up and was escorted by Hector to his horse as two royal guards followed him as he took her to where she called for. It would be years before she would see all of them again, but Lexa knew that she had a calling and it was time she took charge of that and learn everything she could to be the best Commander she could be for her people and for her family. She would make them all proud, it was a promise, and, in her family, promises were never broken._ **


	32. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day after 4x03 happens.

After the family had breakfast, Gaia had excused herself from the house telling them that she had to go to Polis to check on everything and make sure that her mother was okay and that hopefully she would bring back good news for them and left Etom. The rest of their family decided to stay in Cara’s house for a few more days, just for precaution in case things were not that good and also to make sure that Lexa was okay since they were so worried about her. They spent the day together, laughing, telling stories, just being grateful for this moment.

Lexa had gone to sleep early. Even though she was recovering, she still got sleepy fast and would sleep for more hours than she ever did in her entire life, which was not something she was enjoying. She was an active person and being confined to stay inside not doing anything productive was starting to wear her patience down and she knew herself enough to know that soon she would reach a breaking point and it was never a pretty sight to behold when she was out of control or so people have told her, at least those that had lived after witnessing it.

It was early a couple of days later when the family was having breakfast. Lexa was still fast asleep, and they all decided to let her rest for a little longer before waking her up. Cara and Vernon were teasing each other when they heard frantic knocks on the door, leaving everyone on edge. Who could it be? Ad what did they want at this hour of the day? They each grabbed a weapon before Cara moved towards the door asking who it was, being relieved when she heard Gaia’s voice from the other side of the door. Cara opened it and let the younger girl in.

“ **Hey, we were not expecting you back so soon. Is something wrong?** ” Cara asked the girl as her family filled out the living room of her house. Gaia looked at them and nodded.

“ **Something was very wrong, but I was able to fix it. Not without help but it doesn’t matter. What matter is that I got this back from that red blooded Azgeda King** ,” Gaia said to them before she fished her hand out of her pocket and showed them the object she had on her hand, all of them widened their eyes recognizing what that was, not believing what they were seeing, but it wasn’t until another voice spoke that they broke out of their frozen straight.

“ **Why do you have the Flame and why do you say you stole it from Roan?** ” All of them turn to look at the intruder, seeing Lexa standing at the door of her room looking at everyone with a confused look on her face as she waited for her answer. The entire house was in silence as Lexa looked at every single one of them, waiting for an answer as she also looked at the tiny little object on Gaia’s hand, but it seemed that everyone had lost their ability to speak the moment she walked further into the living room and spoke again.

“ **I asked you a question Gaia and I expect an answer immediately. Why are you with the Flame and why do you say she stole it from Roan?** ” Lexa asked them again in her Commander voice, showing them she meant business and Cara was the first one to recover as she sighed. There was no escaping this now, they all knew this day would come and it was here at last.

“ **Girls, can you take the kids outside while we talk to Lexa?** ” Cara asked the twins who nodded their heads before each grabbed one of the kids and took them out to the back while Lexa crossed her arms around her chest.

“ **Why don’t you sit down before we start explaining everything to you, honey?** ” Mary said to her daughter who just shook her head not taking her eyes off of Gaia and the Flame.

“ **I’m perfectly fine like this, Mother. Now, someone better start talking before I lose my patience** ,” Lexa said to them frowning and not liking where she believed this to be going. She started to think about what this could mean and only one thing came to her head.

“ **You have all been lying to me, haven’t you?** ” Lexa asked them seriously and they looked at her, shocked that the first thing she would ask would be that.

“ **What?** **Why do you think we have been lying to you Lexa?** ” Jon asked her, she looked at him and scoffed.

“ **I have been Commander for over a decade, Jon. If you think I survived so long in my position not being able to identify when someone is lying to me than you have underestimated me beyond measure. I have known you were lying to me for days now. I just had no idea about what. I thought that you would tell me before I had to find out on my own, but I guess that was asking for too much consideration** ,” She said them as if she was talking to a child and Mary sighed.

“ **Sweetie, you have to understand** …” She was saying but Lexa didn’t let her finish.

“ **I don’t have to understand anything Mother. What I have to know is the truth** ,” She said to her mother and to all the others while looking at them, “ **so which one of you are going start telling me the truth because if you don’t, I swear by the Spirit, that I will walk out of this house and ask the first person I see it to tell me**.” Lexa said to them, not raising her voice but making the massage clear that they were no longer dealing with their daughter and sister but rather with the Commander of the 13 clans.

“ **Okay, we will tell you the truth, but you need to promise that you won’t do anything crazy**.” Vernon said and Lexa shook her head.

“ **You really think you are in a position to demand anything from me Vernon? Because you are not. Seeing as the Flame is in Gaia’s hand and not on one of my nightbloods’ neck, I am assuming it will soon find its way back to me so do remember that I am your Commander now, not your sister and as such, I get to make the demands, you get to obey me. Period. Now start talking before I lose my temper. I guarantee you it is hanging by a thread at this moment** ,” Lexa said as she looked at her brother and he reeled back at the sight of her anger.

“ **I am sorry. We will tell you** **everything**. **Just please try to understand that we did what we thought was best for you** ,” Vernon said, and Cara took a deep breath and stepped forward.

“ **I guess it starts with me. When Titus brought you here, you were very much in the brink between life and death, we even lost you a couple of times but was able to bring you back. When we finished treating your wound, you went to sleep, and we didn’t know if you would wake up, so Titus warned me that there was no choice but to call for the Conclave and he left you to me while he went back to Polis to deal with that. That is the truth** ,” Cara said to her and Lexa nodded before Gaia stepped forward.

“ **I went to Polis along with my fellow order members to help the Flame keeper as it is our duty, but something happened, something we haven’t told you** ,” Gaia said and Lexa waited for her to continue, “ **Roan brought Ontari to participate in the Conclave as it was her birthright but we underestimated her and paid a high price for it**.” Gaia said and by the tone of her voice and the sorrow look in her eyes, Lexa didn’t need her to say the words for her to know what had happened.

“ **She murdered my novitiates in cold blood before the Conclave had the chance to happen so she would be the only one to survive and get the Flame, didn’t she?** ” Lexa asked with a strain in her voice. Gaia nodded.

“ **The nightbloods were sent to sleep to wait for the Conclave at dawn but she killed them all when they were asleep. Slaughtered them and cut off their head. She had the horn of victory sound and when we went to see why, she was sitting on the throne covered in their blood with their bodies and heads lying around at her feet. Aden’s head, she held in her hand and showed to everyone before throwing on the ground.** ” Gaia explained and Lexa felt as if the air had completely left her lungs, but her face remained impassive.

“ **And?** ” Lexa asked and Gaia took a deep breath before continuing the tale,

“ **Well from what I know, Clarke reminded Titus that there was still a nightblood alive that could take the Flame and kill Ontari so he gave her the Flame and the book and helped her escape Polis with that mission before he helped the order members escape though the tunnels giving me the mission to come and check on you**.” Gaia said and Lexa sighed.

“ **Luna would never accept the Flame even if it was for noble reasons**.” Lexa said and she knew she was right. She knew Luna better than people thought, they still kept in contact and Lexa knew the girl would rather die than to take on the role.

“ **In Polis, Ontari wanted Titus to perform the ascension but he refused and slit his own throat to prevent her from using him to do it** ,” Gaia told her and Lexa had to swallow it down, this was becoming even worse than she could have ever imagined, “ **I came here as he instructed me and found you. Cara told me about your condition, and I told her about what had happened and we both thought it would be best to wait before telling you about it**.” Gaia said to her before Cara spoke up again.

“ **That was when I received a visit from a small boy I had sent to check on Arkadia. If Clarke had the Flame she would go back to her people first and that was when he told me that Arkadia had fallen by the hands of an invisible enemy. Like they were being mind-controlled by someone so I sent him to get our family and took us to the cave where we could keep you and the rest of us safe from that threat**.” Cara explained and Lexa paled. She knew exactly what that enemy was. Becca had warned her about it once, told Lexa the things she had done.

“ **Well, after the first time you woke up, I decided to go to Polis to find out what was going on and it was very bad. This enemy, A.L.I.E was forcing everyone into the City of Light. She controlled everyone who took a chip, similar to the Flame. She had the people torture one another to force them to take the chip. Family tortured family brother killed brother, son killed mother, she turned everyone against each other and made the clans into a blood bath. Polis included**.” Gaia said and Lexa had to reach out to the wall to steady herself.

“ **Lexa, are you okay?** ” Mary moved to reach her daughter, but Lexa shook her head and it stopped her mother’s movement.

“ **I don’t need any more of your help right now** ,” Lexa said coldly to them before she took a deep breath and straightened herself and her resolve, “ **Go on**.” She said to Gaia who nodded before she continued with the story.

“ **Like you said, Luna didn’t accept the Flame so Wanheda came up with a different plan, she was hoping to put it on Ontari but the girl had already been corrupted by the enemy and was killed to prevent that Clarke did what she wanted. So Wanheda, with her people’s help, transferred temporarily Ontari’s blood to her body so she could take the flame and she was able to destroy the City of Light**.” Gaia said and Lexa figured Clarke must have used the same technique she had explained to her that the Mountain Men used with her people’s blood.

“ **And what happened after that? What happened to Clarke? Was she okay? What about my people once this enemy was destroyed? How were they?** ” Lexa asked her and Gaia sighed.

“ **Wanheda was okay and still is so you don’t have to worry about that** ,” Gaia said to her and Lexa let out a small breath of relief after hearing that but waited for Gaia to continue with the news, “ **Your people were freed from the mind control but was faced with the memories of what they had done and those they had killed and lost because of it**.” Gaia said and Lexa could only imagine the pain of realizing everything that had happened, everything they had done to those they loved. They must be devastated.

“ **But the thing is that when Clarke destroyed the City of Light, there were about a thousand Azgeda warriors inside the City and although Roan had been shot, much like you, he survived so his warriors decided to take over the City and control of the Coalition. Your Ambassadors tried to fight it. Mina, the Trishanakru ambassador tried to remind them about the law you put in motion that in the absence of a Commander that the Ambassadors were to have the control until another Commander ascended again but an Azgeda general killed her and took control of the City**.” Gaia said and Lexa could only close her eyes to contain the tears and the anger she was feeling right now hearing about everything that was happening to her people.

This was a disaster. This was even worse than what she had expected her death would warrant. This is exactly what she had been afraid of. That the Coalition was not strong enough to hold if a situation like this aroused, that Gustus was right when he said that she was the Coalition, meaning that without her it would shatter and he was proven right. She was proven right, especially when there was Azgeda involved but she would take care of this clear sign of disobedience once she returned, she would make sure of it.

“ **What else happened? I want to know everything Gaia. Don’t hide anything from me** **anymore that you already have.** ” Lexa said to her and the girl nodded.

“ **Well, once that happened the Sky People was imprisoned after they helped save Roan and to secure her people’s survival and to force Azgeda to uphold your Coalition, including the 13 th clan, Clarke gave Roan the Flame to give the Azgeda the tool they needed to stay in power and in control. I was against it and recently was able to steal the Flame from his quarters and faked the destruction of it**.” Gaia said as she showed Lexa the Flame and the brunette could feel the object calling for her, but she ignored it.

“ **Apparently from what I have heard, the King has been advised to tell the people a lie without knowing it is the truth. He has said that the thing that angry people destroyed was nothing but a totem, and that the real Flame was safe in a place where it could not be stolen anymore, and they believed it. It is the truth since my Faith totem was used as a fake flame to be destroyed and I have the real one with me, but he doesn’t know that and neither does the people. However, for him to stay in power, they had to believe he still has it**.” Gaia explained it to her, finishing the tale and waiting for Lexa’s response.

The young brunette closed her eyes as she tried to process everything that she has learned and no matter how much she tried to calm herself down, she could not for the life of her put out the fire that was burning inside of her, making her blood boil. She was sad, angry, disappointed, devastated, and a whole bunch of other things and absolutely hating the lack of control she was showing over her emotions at the moment. But who could blame her? Who in her position wouldn’t feel the same way? She took a deep breath before exhaling it all out.

“ **How could you keep any of this from me?** ” She said opening her eyes and looking at her family, “ **How dare you lie to me about this? How dare you look me in the eye and tell me that everything with my people was okay when they were the furthest from okay as they had ever been?”** She said to them, with disappointment shining in her eyes.

“ **Lexa…** ” Her mother tried to say but Lexa shook her head stopping her from speaking.

“ **I don’t want to hear anything you have to say right now. I need to breath. I am going out for a walk before I lose what little restraint I seem to still have and say things that I don’t mean. And don’t even think about coming after me or I swear by the Spirit, I will forget you are my family**.” She said to them as she grabbed her coat, put it on, pulled the hood up, walked towards the back, opened the door and walked out slamming the door on her way out.


	33. It Hurts

Lexa left the house and started walking away from it towards the forest. She needed time alone to clear her mind and digest everything she had just learned happened to her people while she was being kept on the dark by her family and was laughing and enjoying her time with them. Her people were suffering as they haven’t since the Great Wars ended and she was playing around like a child without worries, without responsibilities, as if she didn’t even care even a little about what was happening to those she was sworn to protect until her last breath.

It was true that she hadn’t know about what was going on with them until today, but she also had known that her family were obviously lying about something and she had asked herself some questions, trying to find out what it was they were keeping from her while analyzing the information they had given her about what was going on with her people after her accident. If Aden had won, why would they be hiding in a cave? Even if there had been dissent over his rule, Lexa knew that Aden would have done anything to bring her back to Polis, to have her by his side to help him rule and do this best he could for their people.

He would have never let her stay hidden like that just so he could cement his place as Heda. He was not that type of boy and it was exactly because of that, of the knowledge she had of his personality that she knew he would be a good Commander for their people and why she chose him as her favorite and most promising novitiate. It was not only because he was the best fighter among his classmates but because he was the one who better possessed all pillars necessary to be a good and fair Commander, someone she could trust to carry on her legacy and continue on the path of peace she had put them on.

Someone that would understand her dreams and hopes for the future and who had the best chance at fulfilling them should she not be able to do it before her death. She knew that all the others were good kids, smart, resourceful, brave, caring and she trusted the education she gave them since they first came to Polis, to her care when they were nothing but a small child in awe of her. She was not their parents nor would have tried to be, knowing very well no one can replace their family but she was the one who raised them for the past 6 years, Aden even longer given he was an orphan and came to her care when he was only 3 years old.

She trusted all of them to do right by their people the way she would have wanted them to but she trusted Aden to do even more than that, to go beyond her expectations, to move forward with her plans for their people’s future. She knew that he wanted for them, for all clans the same thing she did, that he believed in what she believed in and that he would take upon himself the challenge of succeeding her and continue on with her work with absolute dedication and she knew that he would put his all into finishing what she started. That was why she had always believed in him more, because she saw much of herself in him.

But what did it matter now? He was gone and so were all the others. Killed and murdered dishonorably by that mutt Nia created and raised with the sole purpose of killing her and taking her place. Lexa had never been a person that would be describe as angry or cruel but cruelty and anger is all she felt that girl deserved for what she did to her children and if she had been alive, it would have been Lexa’s utmost pleasure to kill her slowly, making her pay for every life of her nightbloods she took that night.

Lexa couldn’t help but ask herself, how the hell didn’t she notice that everyone was lying to her about this? How the hell didn’t she realize that their story about how everything was okay with her people was too good to be true? That there was something that didn’t quite fit with what they were telling her? That all the secrecy had to mean something more than just what they were saying? Perhaps it was because she didn’t want to think of another end than the one they were telling her about. Because deep down she wanted to believe that everything was fine, that Aden had won the Conclave and that her people was safe and she had been afraid to hear a different story than that.

Maybe she needed the lie to feel better, to have a moment of peace, to placate her feelings about not being the Commander anymore, maybe she didn’t want to know that her people were in need of her and she couldn’t help them even if she wanted to. She didn’t want to feel incapacitated, or as the failure she was feeling like right about now. Because that is what she was feeling about herself, she was feeling that she failed her people tremendously and now they were paying the price for that and nothing except helping them escape from said suffering would placate that although the guilt she would carry for as long as she lived.

And what about Clarke? Everything that happened to her? The things she must have been forced to do or witness? Lexa didn’t even want to go there for fear of breaking down and not picking herself up anytime soon. She remembered how hard the girl fought and tried to keep her alive but Lexa had thought to be useless and now? What was the blonde feeling now? Was she feeling guilty for not saving her? Correction, for thinking she couldn’t save her? Did she still hope that she was alive? She didn’t know and had to admit was afraid of finding out but apparently her feet seemed to think different because even without realizing, Lexa knew she was coming closer to Arkadia.

She knew she shouldn’t appear to anyone right now but if she could just get a glimpse of the blonde, if she could just see with her own eyes that Clarke was indeed okay, that no matter what happened that she hadn’t lost Clarke as well, then she would be happy so she continued on her path that would take her to Arkadia, arriving there, trying to find a way to get a good glimpse inside the Sky People’s clan until she started hearing some noises, more like voices and knew that someone was coming her way so without the possibility of running because of her wound and because they could think it was an animal and shoot her, there was only one option and it was to hide.

It was painful to fit herself in between the tress and leaves without doing any damage to her wound but she found a way and also used the branches of the trees around to hid herself even further from view from anyone coming from the side she judged the voices were coming from but in a way in which she could also see who it was that was coming her way and pretty soon, she saw two men carrying what looked like a boar and by the sound of one of the voices, she was able to immediately identify one of the two men and it was someone she hasn’t seen in weeks and was in no hurry to see ever. Bellamy kom Skaikru.

She watched as he came and stopped a little near where she was so she was able to perfectly see him and his companion and also she was able to clearly hear whatever they were talking about so she stayed quiet so she could hear to see if there was any information she could pick up on their conversation over what she wanted to know the most which was that Clarke was inside their camp, safe and sound as well as any other important information they may have. She could see the other guy, but she wasn’t familiar with him. He was tall, blonde, with a little beard, but she was sure she had not encountered him during her time working along with them for the Mountain battle that never happened.

“So everything is okay now with you and Raven?” Bellamy asked the guy as they seemed to stop to catch a break from the carrying.

“Yeah, she came to talk to me and apologized for pushing me away when I was trying to help her and promised that she wouldn’t do it anymore.” The blonde guy said, and Bellamy nodded.

“That is very good Wick. I had tried to talk to her before to change her mind about that but you know how stubborn she was back then. Still is.” Bellamy said to the guy, Wick was the name.

“What about Clarke? You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Wick asked him and Lexa’s heart started beating like crazy as she listened to Bellamy taking a deep breath.

“I don’t know if I am in love with her, but I do have feelings for her. Very strong feelings.” Bellamy said to the guy who nodded.

“Since when?” Wick asked him as Lexa kept on listening.

“I don’t know, man. I think since the beginning, she was very annoying thinking she was the moral compass of the 100 and I disliked her very much,” Bellamy started before he continued, “but the more time I spent with her, the more I got to know her, the more I saw that she wasn’t the person I judged her to be, that she was more than just a judgmental and bossy princess and that she was much more centered and smart and passionate than I had thought and once we started working together instead of against each other, I think that was when it started to grow, my feelings for her, but by then she was already with Finn, so I kept everything to myself.” Bellamy said to him and Wick nodded.

It wasn’t a surprise for Lexa to hear about Bellamy’s feelings for Clarke, it had been plain for her to see that he cared about the blonde girl as more than just friends from day one with the way she had seen him look at Clarke. It was pretty obvious during the whole Gustus ordeal back in TonDC, how he had protected her above everyone else, how he was by her side at all times, how much worried for her safety. Lexa had just never been sure about Clarke’s feelings in regard to him. Even now, she wasn’t sure if Clarke just cared about him as a friend or as something more and if she was honest, she dreaded finding out the answer.

“And after Finn, why didn’t you say anything?” Wick asked him and Bellamy shrugged.

“Because she had just killed the guy she loved, and I knew it was not the right moment besides, I wasn’t sure how she felt about me. We were both focused on getting our friends back and once I went inside the Mountain, there was just no time to think of anything except staying alive, disabling the acid fog and getting everyone out of there safely and when that was over, she just left so there had not been any chance.” Bellamy said to him.

“But now, there is time to think about that so do you plan on telling her now that you might have a chance to get her to go out with you on a date?” Wick asked him and Bellamy sighed.

“She already knows.” He said and both Wick and Lexa were surprised.

“She knows? I mean, you told her you had feelings for her?” Wick asked him and Lexa’s breath hitched as she waited for Bellamy’s answer.

“I didn’t tell her.” He said and both Lexa and Wick were confused.

“No, then how do you mean she knows?” Wick asked him and Bellamy shook his head.

“She knows because I kissed her.” Bellamy said and Lexa froze as she heard that.

“You kissed her?” Wick asked and Bellamy nodded.

“I did.” He answered.

“And she kissed you back?” Wick asked him and Lexa hoped for a no but was heartbroken when she heard.

“Yes, she kissed me back.” Bellamy said and she wasn’t sure she wanted to keep hearing this, but her feet wouldn’t also move away so she was stuck there.

“And how was it?” Wick asked him, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It was amazing. It was everything I had imagined it would be. I was a little resistant, but she was the one who made it more passionate,” Bellamy said to the guy, “It was so good to hold her like that, to feel her heart beating so close to mine.” Bellamy said and Lexa could feel the tears coming down her face as she heard those words.

“And what else?” Wick asked him.

“We just kept on kissing for a while until all of a sudden, she removed my holster and pushed my jacket off, then got rid of my shirt and one thing led to another and suddenly we were in bed, in just our underwear.” Bellamy said and as she heard those words, Lexa finally found the courage to walk out of there.

She didn’t make a sound so they heard nothing but she left as fast as she possibly could. She needed to get away from there, she needed to stop hearing those words, hearing him talk about what he and Clarke had done. She needed to stop the tears from falling down her face, she had come here to hear news about Clarke and she did, just not the ones she was hoping for and she had to accept that. Clarke had moved on from her and on top of that, with Bellamy of all people. As much as she tried, the tears kept coming and it didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon, and she hated it. She hated this day altogether.

It didn’t take long before she was nearing her sister’s house again and, on the walk back, Lexa had used the time to think about her family so it would help stop her from thinking about Clarke and it did, thankfully. She wiped the tears away once she stopped crying and focused on what she should say to them. Once she opened the door and came in again, she found them pretty much in the same place she left them, and they all stood up when they saw her coming in. She just shook her head and motioned for them to sit as she stood up in front of them.

“ **I have done some thinking as I walked around the woods and there was a lot I would like to say so just listen** ,” She said to them and they all nodded, “ **I understand why you all lied to me. I understand that you were trying to protect me, to help me heal before you would tell me, that you were trying to do what was best for me. I can understand that, and I appreciate the knowledge of how much you all love me**.” Lexa said to them and they nodded.

“ **We do love you very much sweetie**.” Her mother said and Lexa nodded.

“ **I know and I love you all as well. But now, I want you to understand that the thought you had about lying to me to protect me was the same excuse Titus gave when he tried to kill Clarke and ended up shooting me. The same reason Gustus gave when he disobeyed my order and tried to incriminate the Sky people for attempting to kill me** ,” She said to them as they looked at each other. “ **They both tried to do what they thought was best for me without considering the simple fact that _I_ know what is best for _me_. Not them, not you**.”

“ **I am a grown woman and the Commander. Not only do I know what is best for me, but I have, for the past 11 years, also known what is best for thousands of my people. I don’t need any one of you to protect me like this. I don’t need you to make decisions about my life without my consent. It’s my life, no one gets to decide how I live it except me. You can advise me not to do something or warn me about the danger of doing it but in the end, it is my choice and my choice only if do it or not.** ” Lexa said to them seriously.

“ **We’re sorry Lexa. We didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s the last thing any of us wanted to do**.” Vernon said to her and Lexa nodded at her brother’s words.

“ **I know, Vernon but you have. Not because you lied to me but because just like Titus and Gustus, you didn’t trust me enough to let me decide what to do for myself. You treated me like a child who doesn’t know right from wrong. I am not a child. I am as far from it as possible and I have been from a very long time. I am not as irresponsible as you all judged me to be** ,” Lexa said to them and they looked at her confusedly, “ **I know very well that you all thought that if you told me about it before, I would go running back to Polis, injured to take back my place. Wasn’t it?** ” She asked them and they nodded.

“ **We know how much you care about your people and your nightbloods, we didn’t think you would stay here instead of going back there**.” Cara said and Lexa shook her head.

“ **I understand why you thought that but there is just one problem with it. You were all wrong because I would not have done something as reckless and stupid as that** ,” Lexa said to them and they all looked shocked at her answer, “ **I have just recently been able to walk long distance, I know more than you do what I can and cannot do, what I should and should not do. I would be a complete idiot if I didn’t know I wouldn’t be of any help to my people in the state I was** **in when all of it was happening**.” Lexa explained it to them.

“ **Knowing the truth would just have inspired me to get better sooner so that I could go back to my people completely healed. See how none of you can say you know what is best for me?** ” She asked them before she continued, “ **I love you all and I understand your worry of losing me again, I do. But I don’t need you to make choices for me, to know what is best for me, to take away my choice over what I do with my own life. I don’t need that. People thinking they can do that was exactly what goes us into this mess to begin with, someone thinking they could make such a choice for me almost got me killed**.” She said to them and they nodded understanding where she was coming from.

“ **The only thing I truly need from all of you is your support of the choices I make for myself, the direction I choose to give my life. I just need you to be there by me, not for me**.” She said to them sincerely.

“ **We are very sorry for the way we acted, Lexa. We understand now that while we tried to protect you, we went about it the wrong way**.” Jon said to her and she nodded.

“ **Yes, you did. Now, I have forgiven you for it. You’re all my family and I love every single one of you very much and although I can understand you had noble reasons for doing what you did, I cannot say that I am not extremely angry and disappointed in all of you because of it, which is why I think is best you all return to Xandria. Today if possible, tomorrow at the latest**.” Lexa said to them and they were surprised by what she said.

“ **The people there need you now more than ever and I need time and space to process my feelings in a way that won’t end up with me hurting any of you with my words or my actions. Once I am ready, I will get Cara to send word that you can come and visit. Until then I think distance will be the best remedy for me,** ” Lexa said to them even though it pained her to do it, “ **As I said before, I love all of you so much and nothing you have done is going to change that. Nothing. But I need you to respect me now as you haven’t done these past few weeks. I need to be alone**.” She said to them and moved to hug every one of them, lingering on her mother and her brother before she pulled back.

“ **I will be in my room. Goodbye. I will see you guys in a few days**.” She said to them before she walked away and went inside the room the kids were in and gave them her goodbyes before she went back to the room designated for her and closed the door before she fell on the bed after removing her clothes and just closed her eyes hoping that this day would be over and she couldn’t start tomorrow from scratch. She knew what she needed to do now and she would do it. She needed to get better, back in shape and return for the sake of her people. With that in mind, Lexa ended up falling asleep.

 

 

 

Unluckily for her and for Clarke, Lexa left before she could hear the rest of the conversation between Bellamy and Wick, a decision that cost them precious time together now and even in the future. Why did people never eavesdropped until the end of the conversation? So much misunderstanding could be avoided if only people stayed until the end instead of leaving in the middle of the conversations. Tuning back to the two guys, “Did you have sex with Clarke? Did it really happen?” Wick asked him and Bellamy sighed shaking his head.

“When we were in bed, kissing and all, she kind of freaked out and kicked me out of the room. Raven then came to talk with me after talking with her and told me, reminded me that Clarke was in love with Lexa and that the Commander was the love of her life, that she was still grieving and didn’t want to be anyone now and that I was wrong for not respecting that and I agree. I was an idiot.” Bellay said to him and Wick was shocked.

“So Clarke didn’t truly want to be with you? She is in love with the Commander that died?” Wick asked him and Bellamy nodded.

“Clarke had told me so herself and I forgot about it or just didn’t care at that moment and pushed my feelings onto her. But from what Raven has told me, since Clarke has avoided me as much as she possibly can, Clarke is still very much in love with the girl and is still in pain over Lexa’s death and doesn’t want to be with anyone in the foreseeable future. That Lexa was the only one for her and will always be.” Bellamy explained to him and Wick shook his head.

“You really screwed up if that is true, man.” Wick said to him and Bellamy nodded.

“It is and I did. I just wish I could apologize and tell her that it will never happen again, unless she is 200% sure that she wants it and that she is ready for it,” Bellamy said to the guy and moved to hold the boar, “The only thing I can do is wait and ask her to forgive me if she can. We should go back, the others are waiting.” Bellamy said as Wick picked up the other end of the animal and they continued on their way back to Arkadia.


	34. Having The Talk

Back in Arkadia, Clarke was sitting down by one of the tables along with Raven, which was the usual settlement, part of a routine they had fallen into ever since Clarke had been back in camp. The two girls had grown pretty close these past few weeks and they were each other’s confident. Raven knew everything Clarke was going through and the same went for the mechanic, she trusted Clarke and talked to her about her fears and all of that, which was good because the only true friend she had before was Finn and even then he was also partially her boyfriend and it ended badly so the girls were both happy to have each other.

“So how have you been doing with that particular subject you don’t like talk about?” Raven asked her and Clarke looked at her best friend.

“What particular subject I don’t like talking about are you talking about?” Clarke asked her and Raven leaned in to make sure that only Clarke heard her.

“What happened with Bellamy. Any closer on talking to him about it?” Raven asked her and Clarke sighed. Raven was right. Clarke didn’t like talking about it. At all. Ever.

“I don’t know. I feel like there is just so much going on that I even forget that it happened so why bring it up? But then, if we never talk about it, we can never fix our friendship and I don’t want that so what I do know is that it is a mess.” Clarke said to her and Raven nodded.

“Look, you know I am still pissed off at him for what he did to you but putting his romantic feelings for you and his stupidity aside for one moment, you two have an amazing friendship. A bit hypocritical and passive-aggressive as you have already noticed by the fact that you two are always ready to forgive the wrong things the other does even when you shouldn’t, but that aside, you two are good friends and a friendship and partnership like the one you two have shouldn’t be broken by avoidance.” Raven said to her and Clarke nodded.

“Look, you talked it out with Jasper, faced someone who had every reason to hate you and that did just that for a long time but these past couple of days, things have gotten better between the two of you, haven’t it? He says good morning, afternoon and night. He doesn’t scoff or says any snarky remarks when you are around. If you talk to him, he will answer. It’s still awkward but on the right path and you didn’t achieve that by ignoring him, you did by facing it head on. It was the same with me and Wick and now, we’re best buddies again.” Raven said to her.

“You really think I should talk to Bellamy? Face this head on like I did with Jasper?” Clarke asked her friend for advice and Raven sighed.

“Look, I’m not trying to force you to do something you don’t want, if you’re not ready to face Bellamy, then don’t. But if you’re just running away from it because you would rather avoid him to death, then you should just face it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon or else the wedge will grow between you and I don’t think you want that.” Raven said to her and Clarke nodded. She truly didn’t want to lose Bellamy’s friendship, but she was afraid there was no fixing it what was broken between them that fateful day.

“Yeah, I know. I will.” Clarke said to her and Raven nodded.

“How are you feeling about Lexa?” Raven asked her gently and Clarke clutched her necklace.

“I still want her back, every second of everyday but I’m learning to live with the pain.” Clarke said shrugging it off, “She is always there, you know? Every time I do something, feel something, see something, I just want to share it with her. I just want to tell her about my day or to hear about hers. But that will never happen, so I have to deal with it and live with it. Don’t I?” Clarke said to her and Raven nodded.

“I know what you’re talking about. I felt that way when Finn died. Everything we would accomplish with Bellamy in Mount Weather, I wished I could talk to him about it, but he wasn’t there, and I went through with having sex with a friend for all the wrong reasons and felt terrible about it. You escaped falling into that trap just in time, be thankful for small reprieves.” Raven told her and Clarke nodded.

“I know and I am really grateful that I didn’t go through with it. I just can’t help but wish it hadn’t come close to happen at all.” Clarke said to her and Raven was nodding her head when she looked over Clarke’s shoulder and saw Bellamy with Wick.

Ever since she fixed her friendship with Wick, Bellamy had spent a lot of time with him. Raven judged it was because the two guys were around the same age, with Wick actually being one year older than Bellamy so she believed he finally found the right guy friend for him to talk to. Like Clarke and her found each other. “Hey, no pressure but Bellamy is right behind you talking to Wick.” Raven said to her and Clarke looked up from her drink to her friend before looking over her shoulder and seeing him.

“You think I should talk to him now?” Clarke looked back at Raven who shook her head.

“I think you should do what you want to do. Want to ignore him? Do it. Want to talk to him? Do it. Choice is yours, always. Only you can decide what you are up for and what you’re not, I’ll support you either way.” Raven said to her reaching out to hold her hand and Clarke smiled at her before she nodded.

“I think it’s time I talk to him. Can you get him for me?” Clarke asked her and Raven smiled.

“Sure thing, Griff.” The mechanic stood up and walked in the boys’ direction. Once she got to where they were, both guys looked at her.

“Hey Reyes. What’s up?” Wick asked her and she scoffed at him.

“Shut the hell up for a second Wick. The matter is serious.” She said to him and he did just that before she turned to Bellamy.

“Clarke is ready to talk to you.” She said to Bellamy who was shocked as he looked at the back of the blonde’s head.

“She is?” He asked her and Raven nodded.

“Yes, she is. She told me to come and get you.” Raven said and he was about to move when she held him back and looked straight at him.

“Listen to me, Blake. I will be staying right here. Any sign that this talk is hurting her, I will kick your sorry ass to the next planet so watch your words carefully because if you hurt her again, you better start praying for whatever God is out there to show you mercy because I will be coming for you and I will not. You got that?” Raven said to him and he nodded.

“Got it.” He said to her and she nodded letting him go.

“You better not screw this up, Bellamy.” She said to him and he nodded as he took a deep breath and started walking towards Clarke’s table, finally coming to stand in front of her.

“Hey.” He said to her and she looked up at him and nodded.

“Hi. Sit down,” She said motioning for him to take Raven’s previous spot and he did, “I think it’s time we talk about what happened.” She said to him and he nodded.

“Before you say anything, I just want to apologize and tell you how sorry I am for what I did,” He said to her as she listened, “I really didn’t mean to hurt you or disrespect you, much less force a situation on you that you didn’t want. I would never do that. I was stupid and let things get out of control. I am so sorry for that.” He said to her and she nodded.

“I know you are and I know that you wouldn’t. Although in that moment you should have known better than to engage in anything, I was not blameless in the situation either. I was in pain and a wreck and I tried to use you to feel better about it and that was also not right or respectful of me in regard to you so I would also like to apologize to you for my part of the blame for that day.” She said to him and he nodded.

“You didn’t have to apologize for that but thank you anyway.” He said to her and she nodded before she took a deep breath and decided to breach the real topic they needed to discuss.

“You have feelings for me,” She said to him and he was surprised for a moment before deciding that he at least owed her to be completely honest and nodded his head in affirmative, “Is it love?” She asked him and he shrugged.

“Wick asked me that a few weeks ago when we went out in the forest to hunt and the answer is the same. I don’t think it is yet, but it could be. However, I do have strong feelings for you and would like for us to see where this could go, only if you wanted it too. Obviously.” He said to her and she nodded.

“I understand what you said and what you are feeling better than you think.” She said to him as he paid attention to her before she continued speaking, “You were there through the entirety of my relationship with Finn. When I met him, he was that cute rebellious guy who had a moral compass and wanted to do the right thing, who believed in a better world, same as me and he was really handsome so obviously while working together, we ended up developing feelings for each other and slept together.  But when Raven came down and I found out she was his girlfriend, we tried pulling away from each other but the feelings were still there so we would always find ourselves working together and being close again.”

“But after the battle that night and my disappearance, his feelings turned into an obsession with finding me and mine became tainted with what I saw him do to that village and even if I didn’t want him to die for it, I couldn’t look at him the same way as I had once done even if he had survived it. I still had feelings for him and when I drove my knife into his heart, I told him I loved him because it was what he wanted to hear and what I thought I felt for him. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t love the same way what you feel for me isn’t love either.” She said to him.

“Love, real love is meeting someone and with one look, seeing past their walls and barriers. Real love is looking at someone and feeling like you know them deep down to their core as they know you. Real love is about meeting someone who takes your world and changes it upside down and having it finally make sense for the first time in your life. Like everything was a mess, like you were a mess until they came and sorted you out. Real love survives distance and time and anything that happens between you. Even if they hurt you, they are as much part of you as your arm, your heart, your brain.” She said gripping her necklace before continuing.

“They are there, in every cell on your body, they consume you, from the inside and out and are able to bring you to life. To make you see the world through the eyes and through a whole new way. One moment with them can be worth a thousand moments with anyone else. It’s trusting them with your heart even if, especially when it terrifes you because no matter the risk of hurt, you know that they are worth it. That is what real love is to me. That is how I felt, how I feel, how I will always feel about Lexa.” She said to him as he looked at her before his eyes dropped to her necklace.

“But she is dead Clarke,” He said gently, “I mean no offense, I swear but dead people can’t love you back.” He said to her and she smiled shaking her head as a tear feel down her eye.

“That is how I know you haven’t truly loved anyone Bellay, because if you had, you wouldn’t say that. Our love was stronger than death. I know as well as I know that the sun will rise tomorrow that wherever she is, she loves me the same way she did when she was alive or even more. The way we felt about each other was special. We were one of a kind and we knew that.” Clarke said to him as she continued,

“We didn’t say it with words but with looks and gestures, we said it a thousand times over and over. A love that strong, that happened so fast and so consuming. A love that survived everything it did, the betrayals, the distance, the time apart, the anger, the hurt, a love that was only made stronger by those feelings, a love like that will never die, Bellamy even when we stop breathing. I will never stop loving her as I know she will never stop loving me.” Clarke said to him as more tears fell on her face.

“And yes, I know that she is dead and can’t physically be with me. I know that you are alive, here and that you could love me if I let you. I know that but I also know she will always be with me,” She said remembering Lexa telling her that while Clarke was in the Flame, “She will always be there in everything I do, in everything I am, in the love I have inside of me that hurts right now but only continues to grow. She may be dead out here but in here,” Clarke said pointing to her heart, “She will always be alive in here, which is why I can’t be with you or anyone else for the matter.” She said to him sincerely.

“She would always be there between us, a ghost hunting you. I would always compare anything we did with something I could have done with her. I would always wish she was the one with me. I would always wish she was the one I got to spend the rest of my life with and nothing, not even time, can change that so it’s better if you move on from me. It will be easy, you don’t love me like that. It might take a while, but you will get over those feelings and you will find your person, as I found mine.” She said to him as she reached out and held his hand.

“You deserve more than to be someone’s second choice, Bell. Because that is all anyone can be for me. A second choice. A rebound. A consolation prize. A seat holder for the real deal. You deserve someone who you will talk about you the way I talk about Lexa and I am sure you will find it, sooner than you think,” She said to him before she continued, “All I will ever be able to offer you is my friendship, nothing more nothing less.” She said to him and he nodded at her.

“I think that is more than enough for me Clarke.” He said to her and she nodded before they stood up and hugged each other.

“I do love you Bell.” She said to him and he sighed nodding against her shoulder.

“I love you too Clarke.” He said and they both knew they meant that based on the friendship that they have and nothing more. Clarke pulled back from him before she turned around and waved Wick and Raven over to join them. The two others did just that, Raven sat down with Clarke and Wick with Bellamy.

“You okay, Griff? Do I need you rip his balls off?” Raven said and they all laughed.

“There is no need for that, Ray, we’re fine now.” Clarke said to her best friend.

“Besides it would be a loss for womankind.” Bellamy said joking with them and Raven scoffed.

“Please, we slept together, remember? I will say you were better at it than Finn, but it is still not that good. You need to improve on your mouth skills, if you know what I mean.” Raven said and they laughed.

“You too Wick. You are definitely lacking stamina.” She said to him and the small group of friends laughed even more as things were starting to get back on the right track. Slowly but it was, and Clarke was more than happy for that even if she would never be truly happy again, she was grateful for happy moments like this and could only hope she could have more of them before things went to shit again because, come on, this was Earth. Did anyone think the danger was over? They couldn’t be that naïve. Clarke sure as hell was not anymore and was more than ready for whatever came their way.


	35. New Crisis Arrive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the timeline of this story goes like this:  
> Chapters 1,2,3,4,5- 4x01  
> Chapters 6,8,9,10- the next day  
> Chapter 7- 3x06  
> Chapters 11,12- 4x02, two days after 4x01  
> Chapters 13,14,15- two weeks after 4x01  
> Chapters 16,18- 4x03, 17 days after 4x01  
> Chapter 17- 2x10  
> Chapter 19- two days after 3x06  
> Chapters 20,21,22,23- 3x07  
> Chapter 24,25,26- three days after 3x07  
> Chapters 27,28,29- 3x10 and forward  
> Chapter 30,31- 4x01  
> Chapter 32,33,34,35,36,37,38,40- a day after 4x03  
> Chapter 41- a month after chapter 40

The four friends were talking and ended up being joined by the rest which consisted in Monty, Harper and even Jasper, Miller and Brian staying out of this reunion since they were on guard duty. It was quite fun to be around her friends like this and Clarke was quieter than usual still recovering from her talk with Bellamy and for speaking some of her feelings about Lexa to someone other than Raven out loud, so she listened more than she talked but that was okay by her. She has never been much of a funny person anyway, had always been on the more serious side and that still hasn’t changed.

Finn had been right about that. She knew how to drink and get drunk but it wasn’t something she liked doing, she much preferred to get lost in her paintings and her drawings than to pointlessly drink herself to a stupor but being like this with all of them was nice and something she had missed and feared she would never get a chance to do it again, especially where Jasper was concerned. She had feared that the ship had sailed and she would never be able to one day be his friend again but since their talk, things have gotten much better between them. Raven had been right about that as she was right about a lot of things, Clarke was learning.

He wasn’t 100% back to the Jasper he had once been but neither was she nor would they ever be. There was a Jasper before and after Maya and there was a Clarke before and after Lexa and she guessed that it helped to start fixing their friendship the fact that he could see that too and that he knew that whatever he feels in regard to Maya’s death, she is feeling it as well. She hated that she could only have him back because she lost Lexa, but it was what it was and she would the most out of it, after all, not everyone gets a second chance.

“So, Clarke, what is going on with the Coalition? Any news from Polis?” Monty asked her directly as the talk turned to a more serious tone and they all looked at Clarke since she was the one with those kinds of answers.

“Not really. There was a slight trouble with one of the Ambassadors but from what Kane told me that was solved, and Roan is still on the throne. So, we’re good for now.” Clarke said to them and they nodded.

“What happens if he doesn’t stay in the throne? What happens if the Coalition falls and the clans no longer follow him?” Harper asked them and Clarke sighed.

“There will be an all-out war. Now, if it will be all the clans against us or if they will be against the Ice Nation given their track record especially with Trikru, I don’t know.” Clarke said to them and they nodded.

“But if that happens, will we side with Ice Nation? Aren’t we their allies?” Monty asked her and she sighed. She wasn’t looking forward to discussing this with anyone, but she promised herself to be honest with them. It was the least they deserved from her after everything.

“For now we have the same goal which is keeping the Coalition together so yes, we are working together with them but not really allies. However, if the Coalition truly breaks, we will not side with them and Roan already knows it.” Clarke said to her friends.

“Do you think it will though? The Coalition? Will it really break and be every clan for its own?” Wick asked her and she nodded.

“The Coalition was a fairly new system and as we saw in Polis, not one very respected by the clans, not without a true Commander to unite them all like Lexa did. And since the only one with capacity to do that is Luna and she wants nothing to do with the Flame, we can only hope that it will hold long enough for another nightblood child to come and take the place and the throne so that doesn’t happen.” Clarke explained to them.

“So we are hoping for a miraculous child to come and save us from doom this time?” Jasper asked them and Clarke nodded.

“Unfortunately, yes.” She said to them and they nodded.

“That is fucked up.” Jasper said and Clarke could only agree.

“Yes, it is. Really fucked up.” She answered.

“Have you guys seen Jaha lately?” Monty asked them and they shook their heads.

“I haven’t talked to him at all.” Clarke said.

“I don’t want to see his face for the next 200 years and even then, it will be too soon. Nuh uh.” Raven said to them in true Raven fashion, making them smile.

“Why are you asking that Monty?” Bellamy asked the boy.

“I saw him, working along with a few others and I felt bad about him. I mean, yes, he screwed up and almost brought world destruction 2.0 and we don’t agree with what he did, not by a long shot but don’t we understand better than anyone why he did it? He lost his wife, his son, he lost his place as Chancellor, the trust people had on him. He had no purpose, just pain and A.L.I.E offered to kill all those birds with just one small cybernetic stone. Is that too hard to understand? Why it was so easy for him to surrender to that?” Monty said to them.

It got them all thinking about it and they could see his point, Clarke more than anyone. “I know exactly what he felt. I lost my father, my best friend, my first love, I was forced to kill more than 600 hundred people in less than two weeks to save my people, I lost the love of my life, was tortured by my own mother. I know pain as does everyone in this table. Raven lost Finn and her leg. Bellamy lost his mother, his sister won’t look at him. Harper lost her friend, you lost your parents. Jasper lost his parents and his girlfriend. Wick lost his friend and father.” Clarke said to all of them about their losses.

“Everyone has pain. The pain reminds us of one very important fact, we are human. We feel, we love, we cry, we yell, we care. All of our emotions are connected one to the other because one emotion doesn’t exclude the other. I can hate and love a person at the same time. I can wish them closer and wish them away at the same time. I can feel good and bad about something at the same time. And that is why A.L.I.E’s chip if used would make us forget things like it did with Jaha, like it almost did with Raven.” Clarke said.

“Every memory Jaha had of Wells and that Raven had of Finn was tainted by the pain of losing both of them so when the chip would block the pain, it would block the memories too and that is why when A.L.I.E offered me the chance to be a part of her new world, I refused and told her something I have always known. You don’t erase pain, you overcome it.” She said to them as she continued, “There was no amount of pain in this world that would make me want to forget one minute that I spent with my father, Wells, Finn, especially my time with Lexa.” Clarke said.

“The pain we feel thinking about those we lost can serve to remind us that we lost them in the first place, but it can also remind us that we loved and were loved in return by amazing people who will stay with us forever. So yes, I think we can all agree that he had his reasons but, in the end, it was his choice to try and take the easy way out of the pain and it almost destroyed the rest of the human race. His actions had dire consequences and now he needs to learn to live with it as do we about our own choices every day.” Clarke said to them as she finally finished.

“Preach to the church, sister. Amen.” Raven said jokingly and the serious tone they had taken was dropped and everyone laughed at the mechanic and they started on lighter topic but all of them heard her words and they couldn’t help but to agree with what she said about it. Even the ones who took the chip had to admit she was right. It was an easy out who took more than it gave, and they could all agree on how glad they were that it was destroyed. They continued with their talk until Miller came running in towards their table.

“Miller, slow down. What’s wrong?” Bellamy said to the guy who was panting.

“I’m sorry but it’s something urgent,” He said to them before he looked at Clarke, “The team that was returning from Polis today, along with your mom, they were attacked on the way here. They are almost arriving back in camp. The Lieutenant in charge just radioed that they are close but most of them are badly injured. I send a team to greet them and help them get safely back.” Miller informed them and Clarke felt her breath hitch before she shook her head.

“I have to go. Miller, get Jackson and the others.” Clarke said back in leader mode before she stood up and run away with Miller following right behind her.

“Bell, go with her, I’m on my way,” Raven said to him and he nodded before running after the blonde, “Sorry guys, rain check after this next crisis.” Raven said as she stood up and followed them along with Wick in a slower pace, thanks to her leg while the others only sighed.

“And here we go again.” Jasper said sarcastically as he raised his glass and the others clunked theirs with his, knowing that he was right.

Once they got outside, Clarke headed straight to the gates to wait for the team to get back Miller was right beside her and Bellamy arrived as well. It took a little longer for Raven to get there but she did and held Clarke’s hand the moment she came to stand beside her friend. “Abby will be fine.” Raven said to her and Clarke nodded squeezing her hand.

“I hope so.” She said and suddenly the gates were being opened and the Rover was driven inside the camp first before the tuck as the gates closed and Clarke didn’t wait before she ran towards it as the guard came out of the driver’s side.

“Where is my mom? Is she okay?” She asked him and he nodded.

“Yes, she is in the back taking care of the others.” He said and she went towards the truck and saw her mom holding a guy’s leg as blood was all over her clothes and others moaned in pain.

“Mom, you okay?” Clarke asked and Abby nodded.

“Yes, but they are not. We need to get them to medical. Now.” Abby said and Clarke nodded.

“Come on guys. We need the stretchers here.” She said before she pulled herself up on the truck and went to check on the others.

“Bellamy, I need you to double the security around camp. We don’t know what this attack means or who did it or if it was a single on instead of more, so we need to be cautious. I want patrols around the clock throughout the camp’s perimeter, no shooting unless attacked first, at night we might shoot allies. You got that?” Clarke said to the guy and he nodded.

“Got it.” Bellamy replied to her as he started moving around gathering the guards and giving them the orders and organizing the patrols as quickly as possible, just in case, these attackers tried anything right now.

“Raven, I will be helping my mom with the patients, so I need you to take charge of camp while I’m busy.” Clarke said and the girl nodded, “Mom, do you know who it was?” Clarke asked her and Abby shook her head.

“No but it was not the grounders. This was a different group. They wore all black except for a symbol in the middle of their chest that doesn’t fit with the clans’ sigils.” Abby said to her and Clarke looked at Raven.

“Okay, make sure the people know it was not the grounders that attacked us, we don’t need more hate spreading around.” The blonde said and her friend nodded as mother and daughter continued to check on the patients.

As fast as it was possible, the guards helped carry the injured out of the truck and towards medical and Clarke went to help her mom. “There are three of them that need immediate surgery. So Jackson, you and me will have to do one each simultaneously. Are you up for it?” Abby said to Clarke who nodded her head.

“Yes, just tell me which one is mine, and let’s get it started.” Clarke said as she went to get prepared for surgery as did her mother and Jackson, luckily there were enough assistants to help all three of them as the surgeries were done simultaneously.

Clarke was given the surgery of the guy with the messed up leg and she tried her best to save it but the leg was too badly injured and the amount of blood he was losing was too much and too fast so she had to make a call and she did what needed to be done, she had to cut off his leg. So, she grabbed the saw and started cutting it, he was in anesthesia so he wasn’t feeling a thing but it was the first time she had to do something like this. Once she was finished, she started closing the wound as best as she could and luckily, the rest of the surgery went well and he was still alive, although there was a moment in which his heart stopped beating which was what prompted her to cut the leg off. It was killing him.

Once the surgery was done and he was being taken care of after a few hours, Clarke shrugged out of the surgery attire and went to check on the others guards, the less injured one and took care of their wounds, once that was over, both her mother and Jackson came out of their own surgery and her mom wasn’t looking too good so Clarke immediately excused herself and went to them. “And? What happened?” She asked them.

“I lost mine and Jackson’s will make a recovery.” Abby said to her daughter as she sighed. Clarke knew her mother hated losing patients, especially in surgery but she knew there was nothing more her mother could have done that she didn’t do already.

“I’m so sorry, Mom.” Clarke said and hugged her as Jackson excused himself.

“It’s okay. What about yours?” She asked and Clarke sighed.

“I almost lost him a few times, but I managed to get him back. The leg, on the other hand, was killing him so I had to cut it off but other than that now he will have to live with one less member, he will be perfectly fine.” Clarke said to her and Abby nodded.

“That is very good to hear, and you made the right choice, sweetheart. I am sure he will understand,” Abby said to her and Clarke could only nod her head before she let her eyes roam over her mother’s body in search of any hidden injury she didn’t see before.

“What about you, Mom? Are you okay? Are you injured anywhere?” Clarke asked her and Abby smiled before shaking her head.

“No, except for a split lip and a bruised eye tomorrow, I’m fine. I promise. They didn’t hurt me.” Abby said to her, assuring and Clarke hugged her again.

“I missed you Mom.” Clarke said honestly and Abby tightened her hold on her daughter.

“I missed you too sweetie. So very much.” She said as the Griffin women stayed like that for a long while, drawing comfort from one another.


	36. Double Bad News

After a while like that, both Clarke and Abby pulled back from the hug and went around checking on the patients again to make sure that they took care of everyone and luckily, everything was fine. They were still in MedBay after a couple of hours had passed since they had received word of the attack when Raven and Bellamy came towards Clarke who was watching her mom work along with Jackson. “How is everyone holding up here? How many did we lose?” Bellamy asked the blonde who sighed before answering them.

“We lost one of the critical ones and a funeral needs to be prepared for him but the rest are okay, more or less. What about on your end?” Clarke asked them.

“Well, those who saw the state they were in were discreetly told that a new group has come out of the shadows and attacked out teams but that it was not the grounders so the words has been spreads and question on who this new group is and if they will be attacking camp is the only doubts they have so you’re welcome.” Raven said to her in her way and Clarke smiled.

“Thank you very much, Raven. We don’t need the people thinking it was the grounders and reprising Pike’s xenophobic tendencies.” Clarke said to her and Raven nodded.

“And on your end? Is security covered?” Clarke asked Bellamy who nodded his head at her.

“I did what you asked. There are two guards on each clock point and two more ready to take over when the first ones are tired. The no shooting unless attacked order has been expressed emphatically by Raven,” He said, “We can’t leave to chance with how well things turned out in the past, can we?” The girl said before he continued, “and we have our weapons ready just in case they decide to attack our camp. Anything else, we are waiting on your orders.” Bellamy explained to her and Clarke nodded at him.

“Thanks.” She said and he nodded, “First, we need to talk to my mom and with Kane as well because if this is an attack on us, the Coalition is obliged to offer aid and if it is an attack on all of us than all the clans are in danger and they need to know.” Clarke said and they nodded before she turned around and called for her mom and Jackson to come to them and they did.

“What is it sweetie?” Abby asked her.

“We need to talk. Jackson, can you hold this place alone for a while? I need to steal my Mom for a few minutes.” Clarke asked the guy who nodded.

“Yes, I can. Go on.” He said to them and she nodded.

“Come on Mom. We have to go.” Clarke said as she pulled her mother along with her until they got to the Chancellor’s office. Clarke sat down on the table with her mother sitting in front of her as Raven and Bellamy sat down by the couch, “Mom, I need you to tell us everything that happened.” Clarke said gently and Abby nodded.

“Well, the Rover and the guards arrived in Polis last night, so we waited to leave today, early in the morning and there was no problem at all with any of the grounders so we left. The trip was long so I ended up falling asleep and I only remember waking up with a shake of the car as it stopped suddenly.” She continued,

“When I woke up, I noticed the tension and how the guards were all holding up their weapons so I asked them what was going on and they said we were being attacked but nothing was happening, we were in the middle of a clearing in the woods but then out of nowhere the back door to the rover was opened from the side and the guards started shooting, only there was no one there so they stopped and when they did, somehow, someway the rover got flipped, turned upside down.” Abby told them.

“How the hell did that happen?” Raven asked and Abby looked at the girl.

“I have absolutely no idea but once it did, these people appeared and yanked the guards out of the Rover and me as well. The guards tried to fight them but it was just like they were playing with them, having fun of our guards trying to fight them. I couldn’t do anything one of them was holding me and he was too strong. So I watched as the beat up our guards and the ones that were critical condition were the one who talked back at them.” Abby told them.

“And then what happened?” Bellamy asked her.

“Once they were finished with the guards, one of them came up to me and told me that he wanted me alive so that I could give the people a message.” Abby said.

“What message Mom?” Clarke asked and Abby took a deep breath.

“That the Ice Nation will fall, the Coalition can either leave them to die alone or be killed along with them.” She said and Clarke sighed as she looked at her friends. This was getting worse by the second. A new clan with a problem with Azgeda. Great.

“Before anything else could happen, they heard noises of horses coming as a group of Roan’s guards came and went after them so they left me there and the Lieutenant radioed our people and we didn’t see either group again. Roan’s guard must have returned to alert him by now that whoever this clan is, they have a problem directly with their people and that they are ready for war.” Abby said and Clarke nodded.

“Was that everything that happened?” Clarke asked and Abby nodded.

“Yes, everything I can remember.” She said and Clarke nodded.

“Thanks Mom. You should go back to help Jackson and check on the others and then go to rest. You went through a lot today.” Clarke said and Abby nodded before she stood up as Clarke did as well. She hugged her mom, “I’m glad you’re okay.” She said and Abby nodded.

“Me too, sweetie. Me too.” She said and pulled back before leaving the room and closing the door behind her as Clarke sat back down on her chair as she sighed.

“This is another level messed up.” Raven said breaking the silence and Clarke sighed as the mechanic continued, “I mean, we knew that the Ice Nation, like, took the trophy of most hated clan in the Coalition, though we gave them a run for their money on that one recently but an entire different clan, intent on going to war with them and inciting the other clans to leave them to fend for themselves, that is mad crazy.” Raven said and they nodded.

“I didn’t even know that there were more clans out there, did you?” Bellamy said as they looked at Clarke who shook her head.

“That is not the problem. The real problem is that once that message gets to Polis and to the Coalition, how long do you think it will take before they abandon Azgeda, the Coalition shatters and God knows what more happens after that?” Clarke said to them and they nodded, understanding what she was saying.

“Not long at all, is it?” Raven said and Clarke sighed.

“Try immediately.” Clarke said before she grabbed a radio that was on the table and synchronized before speaking to it.

“Kane, it’s Clarke. Can you hear me? Over.” She said as she waited.

“Clarke, it’s me. Is everything okay?” Kane asked her.

“Not really and they will only be getting worse.” She said to him.

“What is it? Is Abby okay?” He asked her.

“She is but not the rest of the guards. Earlier today, they were attacked by what we believe is an entire different group of people. They left all the guards in a very dire condition, three in critical, we lost one. But they gave mom a message that they were coming for the Ice Nation. That the Coalition could either choose to leave them to handle themselves or die with them. Have you heard anything on that?” Clarke told him as she waited for his answer.

“No, but how sure are you that this is another clan?” He asked her.

“I’m not but Mom said that they were different, their clothes, their sygil. And she also said that a number of Roan’s guard went after them. Maybe they were able to capture one. I need you to find out what Roan knows about this and if he doesn’t, warn him. No one wants to see this Coalition falls, me least of all and we need him to keep in check.” She warned him.

 “Yes, I understand. I will go talk to him right now.” Kane said and she sighed.

“Okay, we will talk later. Tell me of anything you find out.” She told him and was about to shut it down when he spoke. “

Clarke, there is something I need to tell that I am guessing your mother didn’t.” He said and she looked at her friends, nervous with the tone he was using.

“What is it?” She asked already dreading the answer.

“I don’t know how to say this in a way that it will lessen the pain you might feel so I will just go straight to the point.” He said and as soon as she heard those words, Raven stood up and went to Clarke’s side, ready to keep her together if it was that bad.

“The Flame had been stolen from Roan’s room and he asked Octavia to go find it. He believed it was the new Flamekeeper who had stolen it. Indeed it was and Octavia found them both.” He said to her as her heart started beating fast.

“So, they got it back? The Flame is safe?” Clarke asked him as she held Raven’s hand.

“Unfortunately, a group of people who suffered greatly because of the chip and A.L.I.E found them and destroyed the Flame, I’m so sorry Clarke.” He said to her and she didn’t know how she didn’t drop the radio right away, instead gripping it tighter.

“Tell me this is not true, Kane. Tell me that the last thing I have of Lexa is not gone. Kane. Tell me that the one place she is still alive in is not destroyed!!” Clarke yelled at the radio.

“I’m sorry Clarke. I wish I could tell you that. I really do. I’m so sorry.” Kane said apologetically but Clarke could do nothing except throw the radio hard against the wall breaking it.

“Bellamy, leave us please. Now.” Raven said to him and he nodded before leaving them. He wanted to help Clarke, but he also knew that there was no need for him to be there, that she won’t need him, just Raven. Clarke just broke down on the floor and Raven had to kneel down before her and take the girl in her arms as Clarke sobbed loudly so.

“It’s gone, Ray. The Flame is gone. She is gone.” Clarke said to her and Raven just held her, trying to offer comfort, knowing that it wouldn’t help much with the pain the blonde must be feeling right now. But she didn’t know another way to help her out, so she just nodded.

“I know Clarke. I’m sorry.” Raven kept repeating over and over while comforting the crying girl.


	37. Threats are Made

Kane heard a noise before the connection with the radio was lost and he sighed as he leaned back against his couch, he had not wanted to be the one to give her the news about what had happened with the Flame but it was needed and judging by what happened with Abby, she wouldn’t have told her daughter about it so he took it upon himself to deliver the blow and it was a blow. He knew that Clarke would react badly, given the amount if pain she was in because of Lexa’s death, he just hoped that she had someone on her side to comfort her as she went through this difficult time.

Now, he had a mission and he needed to do his job. The news Clarke gave him were most worrying if it was true and the talk he had with Indra after Raphael’s death told him it was. The Ice Nation was very well disliked amongst the clans because of their cruelty and Farm Station was witness to that so that there was a clan of people that hated them enough to incite the Coalition to turn their back on them was not surprising at all. In fact, Kane wondered if there weren’t more of them around, waiting to strike again.

He needed to talk to Roan immediately so he quickly stood up, put on a shirt and his jacket, wore his boots and left his room in direction of the throne room, where he knew Roan would be at this hour. The meeting with the Ambassadors had ended not too long ago and the King liked to stay in the room for hours after it, thinking about his next move. So, he went directly towards him and waited for the guard to get him permission to enter and once the door was opened for him, he went inside and indeed found the man sitting down on the throne.

“Ambassador Kane, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit at this hour?” Roan said sarcastically and Kane shook his head.

“I’m afraid I’m not here to tell jokes. The matter I have to talk with you is quite urgent and serious, especially to Azgeda in particular.” Kane said to him seriously and it seemed that Roan picked up on it, so he turned serious as well.

“What is it?” Roan asked him and he sighed before starting.

“The team of my people that went back to Arkadia today, including Abby, were attacked on the way home.” Kane said to him.

“I hope that she is okay but what exactly does that have to do with Azgeda?” Roan asked him.

“She is okay, but the guards are not. This group beat them up, leaving them in dire situation but before they left, they gave her a message to send to the Coalition. That they were coming for Azgeda and that the Coalition would either stand by you and die or leave you alone in this fight and live.” Kane said to him and Roan straightened up in his seat.

“Are you sure that this is the massage?” He asked the older man and Kane nodded.

“Yes, it is. Abby was left untouched so she could deliver it.” He answered, “She said it was a group of people who looked different from the rest of the clans, they were all black with the sigil of Azgeda with a red X over it. Do you know who they are?” Kane asked him and Roan sighed as he sighed. He was about to answer when Echo burst in the room.

“Sire, forgive the intrusion but I have a grave matter to discuss with you. Privately.” She said to him as she looked at Kane.

“Is it about the attack on the Sky People? Kane already knows and has come to tell me about it. You can speak freely in front of him Echo.” Roan said to her as she looked at the Sky man.

“There were survivors?” She asked him and Kane nodded.

“All but one, that died in surgery. What have you found out about it? Maybe we can help each other figure it out what is going on.” He said to the younger woman and she looked at her King and seeing his nod, she spoke.

“As you asked for, a team was sent to make sure that there was no problem with the return of the Sky people to their camp when they heard the attack, they came to their aid as fast as they could, but the mess has already been made so our people chased them down. We ended up losing all of them. All but one. We managed to capture one of them and the warriors have brought the man here, for you to deal with him, Sire.” She said to him and bowed her head as he nodded at her.

“Send them in.” He ordered her and she nodded before she went to the door and opened it motioned for the warriors to bring the man inside and, once they did and the door were closed, the bag he had over his head was removed and the cloak around his body taken off. Revealing a man in the clothes and wearing the mark Kane had just described. The man looked around as Echo stood beside him with her sword near him.

“Try anything and you die.” She said to him as he looked at her and only spit on her face.

“Azgeda scum.” He said to her, she was about to strike him when Roan stopped her.

“Echo, leave him.” He said and she nodded.

“Yes, Sire.” She said before going back to her place.

“I have heard about the attack on the Sky people. Why did you attack them?” Roan asked him.

“Because they dirtied themselves allying with people like you and they served as an example to the Coalition what will happen if they choose to stand by you. They will die but I don’t think they will want to do that for your people, especially without a Commander to tell them to. They will turn against you and you will be all alone and defenseless and then we will kill you one by one, slowly, ripping limb after limb until Azgeda becomes nothing but a memory.” The guy said quite proudly of their goals.

“Why do you hate them so much? Is there any way we can solve this peacefully?” Kane asked the guy, trying to find a solution to this new problem.

“The only one who could that was the Commander, but she is dead and we will not allow Azgeda scum to rule everything. We will make ice burn and be careful or the Sky people will burn along with them.” The man said to Kane.

“They are not ruling everything, they are just taking care of the Coalition until a Commander ascends.” Kane said to him and the guy chuckled.

“We had heard that Skaikru was like children and they were right. You really are as naïve as a young child.” The guy said before he continued, “Whose throne is he sitting on now? The Commander’s. It’s not his to be sitting on, yet he is. Do you really think they will let go of the power they have now for a new Commander? Especially one that doesn’t come from Azgeda? No, Sky Man. As soon as a nightblood child is found in a clan that is not theirs, they will kill the child to avoid losing their power because that is what they do, they kill without remorse, they are monsters running around freely and we swore not too allow that to happen and we will not.” The man said to him motioning with his head towards Roan and Kane got to think if the man wasn’t right about his assumptions.

“And what will you do huh?” Roan asked him as the man looked at him.

“The same thing Azgeda has done to all the people you have killed. We will fight ice with fire, and we shall see who will win in the end.” The man said to him with a smirk.

“You said that the Commander stopped you from doing this. How?” Kane asked the man.

“You are wrong once again, Sky Man. The Commander didn’t stop us. She stopped them. Kept them in check but now that she is not here to do it, we will gladly step in and finally get rid of such scum and I guarantee you, the world will be a better place once we are finished with their kind.” The man said fervently, truly passionate about every word he was saying about it.

“You will not win. The Azgeda army outnumbers yours by far.” Echo said to the man who turned to her and smirked.

“Numbers can only help you so much. We have patience. We will kill you slowly, one by one if necessary but we will get rid of all of you. We don’t need numbers to win. We have knowledge and a good leader on our side. We will destroy you and you won’t even notice it. Why don’t you go check on your village, Bec? See if there are any survivors to tell the tale and see how your numbers are overrated.” The guy said and Echo looked at the King.

“Have you received any news from Bec?” He asked her and she shook her head.

“No, but I will send a rider to go check it out.” She said to him as he stood up from the throne and came down to look the am eye to eye.

“What do you want to leave my people alone?” Roan asked the man.

“Your people’s body rotting in the ice you love so much. That is all I want.” The ma said to him.

“Well, now you will die for all that you have done.” Roan said as the man smirked swallowing down.

“You will die, King of Azgeda, but not before you see your people pay for the crimes they committed against everyone.” The man said as he started choking blood.

Everyone was surprised as the man feel down to the floor. Kane moved towards him to check on him, but when he went for the pulse, the guy was gone. “He is dead.” He said as he looked up and Roan nodded.

“Poison pills. Standard procedure for spies.” Echo said to him.

“Do you know these people? You didn’t seem so surprised.” Kane asked him and Roan sighed as he walked back to the throne and sat down on it as he nodded.

“Yes, I do know who they are.” Roan said and both Kane and echo stepped forward.

“Who are they, Sire?” She asked him.

“They are called the Rebels, a clan that was formed from people who had their families, homes and villages destroyed by Azgeda. They aren’t part of any clan anymore instead they are a group of people who hate us and want nothing else but to see all of us dead.” Roan explained.

“I have never heard of them before.” Echo said to him and he nodded.

“No one in Azgeda talk about them, my mother forbid it and they stopped attacking us ever since the Coalition was put in motion by Lexa all those years ago.” Roan said to her.

“Why did they stop when the Coalition was formed? Why did they respect the Commander enough to not do anything?” Kane asked him.

“When Lexa was forming the Coalition, my mother refused to join in at first. Until all other clans were together and the attacks form the rebels were getting more frequent and she didn’t know how to stop, the Army was losing too many warriors and she couldn’t find a way to stop them so she decided to join the Coalition for the promise of having all the clans army to come to their aid.” Roan explained to them.

“But there was never a war. Apparently, Lexa knew their leader and was able to work out a deal with whoever they are to stop their attacks and they did so ever since then, there hasn’t been an attack, not until now and since she is not here, they will not want a deal with us so we need to find another way to defeat them which will be hard since they really do work in the shadows. You can never predict when they are going to attack.” Roan said to them.

“So, what do you plan on doing now Roan? You must now that without a Commander, there is no way the clans will defend Azgeda from any attack from these Rebels.” Kane said to him.

“Yes, I now but there has to be something I can use to get them on our side. I just need time to think. You both can leave now.” Roan said to them as he sat back down.

“Are you sure of that Sire?” Echo asked him and he nodded. With his dismissal, both the spy and the Ambassador left him alone to his thoughts. He knew that Lexa had been the only one who had known of a way to keep those people in check. Now, without her, he didn’t know how to do that or even how to convince the other clans to help them. More likely they will join the Rebels and fight over who can kill his people first. He needs to find a solution or he fears this just might be the end of his clan.


	38. Her Good Grace

Back in Cara’s house in Etom, Lexa woke up early in the morning and stayed in bed thinking about what had happened a while ago when she found out the truth about what had been going on with her people and later, what she learned had happened between Clarke and Bellamy and she couldn’t help but still feel a deep pain on her heart, thinking about the guy having his hands on Clarke’s body, touching her and pleasuring her in the way Lexa had done, she couldn’t even imagine him kissing Clarke on the lips or having her in his arms. It was absolute torture to think that she would never get another chance to be with Clarke again.

Coming back to her people was a great motive for her to recover, for her to try her best to get better so she can take her rightful place as their Commander again but the thought of coming back to Clarke had also been what she had been holding onto, dreaming about it even, but now, Lexa would have to forget about her and any idea she had about the two of them ever being together and would have to focus only on her people and getting back to them, even because they were the ones in dire need of her and of guidance and she couldn’t fail them like this ever again. She needed to be better and get better so she could get back to them.

With those thoughts now floating in her mind, she got up and off the bed, freshened up, changed her clothes, got dressed and went out of the room to find her sister, Cara making breakfast for them, so Lexa helped make the table and sat down on it. The situation with her family was also a bit complicated because it has been two weeks since they had left, per her request and she still hasn’t reached out to them. With Cara, Lexa has only recently started to treat her the same, like two days ago and that was because they lived together, had to see each other every day. Her family, on the other hand, was far away from her so the distance was making it harder for Lexa to want to call for them.

“ **Mary has asked for news about you once again** ,” Cara said to her as she put the plate in front of Lexa and sat down across from her little sister.

“ **I know. I heard Tommy when he came** ,” Lexa said as they started eating.

“ **Are you planning or not to talk to them soon? I know you’re hurt by what we did, Lex but we were just trying to do the right thing by you** ,” Cara said to her and Lexa sighed.

“ **I know and understand that. I can even appreciate the intention, but I don’t need anyone making decisions for me, Cara** ,” Lexa said seriously to her sister, “ **Like I said, since I was twelve I have had to make decision that would affect the lives of thousands of people and I did a good enough job so one would think that I would be trusted by everyone who cares about me to make good decisions about my own life, it’s not that hard to understand why I am angry, is it?** ” Lexa said to her and Cara shook her head.

“ **No, it isn’t hard to understand but I hate this situation. You don’t usually fight with them, with any of us. I guess we’re all just not used to it** ,” Cara said and Lexa nodded, “ **I would even dare say that Mary is worried you will turn out like Kaleb** ,” Cara said and Lexa was surprised.

“ **Wait, what? Why would she think that?** ” Lexa asked her sister.

“ **Truthfully, I don’t know. I think she is overreacting on that one but according to Dad, she would fight with Kaleb about the choices he wanted to do and he wouldn’t talk to her for a while then would make up until one day, he just told her he was leaving. She’s fearing that the start is the same as it was with him** ,” Cara said and Lexa sighed.

“ **Mom is definitely overreacting**. **I am not Kaleb, nor do I have any desire to act like him** ,” Lexa said shaking her head and Cara nodded.

“ **Yes, but you know how she is when it comes to her children. Mama Bear times ten**.” Cara said and Lexa chuckled knowing how protective her mother is of her children, Cara included.

“ **Yes, I know** ,” Lexa said as she thought about the whole situation as well as her feelings about it and decided that she was not angry enough to keep her family away for longer than they already have so she sighed as she looked up to Cara, “ **Very well, you can send Tommy to tell them that I’m okay with them coming here** ,” Lexa said to her sister and Cara smiled at her.

“ **Thank the Spirit. Now, Mary can stop driving me crazy with her incessant messages. Poor Tommy, having to go there and back here almost every day** ,” Cara said and Lexa got to thinking about that.

“ **I have a way to fix that once I do come back to my place as Commander. The Skaikru have radios which serve for long distance communication, it will be much easier if they could make more and distribute throughout the clans, wouldn’t it?** ” Lexa said to Cara and the blonde nodded her head at that.

“ **Yes, it would be but do answer me one question** ,” Cara said, and Lexa looked at her.

“ **Ask me** ,” She said, and Cara smiled.

“ **Don’t you ever take a break from being Commander even when you’re not the Commander?** ” Cara asked and Lexa chuckled shaking her head.

“ **The Flame may not be inside of me but that doesn’t mean I have stopped being the Commander. I dare say I will always be. It’s a part of who I am** ,” Lexa said to her.

“ **I think I can understand that vaguely** ,” Cara said to her trying to wrap her mind around that concept and Lexa simply nodded at her, knowing that would be as far as understanding could go for anyone that hadn’t been Commander.

“ **I have to go and run a little, then I will go train** ,” Lexa said to her and Cara nodded.

“ **Be careful, please** ,” Cara said and Lexa nodded. She stood up from the table, out her dishes in the sink, cleaned them out and then, she went to grab the hood she was wearing every day when she would leave, putted it on and started running from the house into the forest and started running through the woods. She had been getting better at this by the minute, given that she was a nightblood Lexa was healing faster and she was glad for that, she needed to get back into shape and as she ran through the woods, Lexa let her mind wonder and as usual, it always brought her back to Clarke as she remembered a moment they had together.

 

_It was early in the afternoon. Lexa had finished her duties for the day, her meeting with the Ambassadors had been exactly what she expected and she couldn’t blame them. The news that she decided to forgive Skaikru on the same ground that her people had been butchered in had not gone well with them and if it had, she would have been worried. It didn’t sit well with her either, but she knew that in the large scale of things this was exactly the decision she needed to make to ensure that peace came to be known amongst her people so she shouldered their complaints and their looks and stood her ground on what she believed in as she always did._

_During the meeting, she could feel Clarke’s stare boring a hole into her head. She suspected that the blonde was afraid that at the sight of the dissent from her Ambassadors Lexa would change her mind and declare war on her people, which was a valid fear but Lexa showed her that she had nothing to worry about. Her decision had been made and she wouldn’t change it, not unless the Sky People absolutely forced her hand beyond what even her peaceful nature was okay with, only then would she go back on her word and order their deaths._

_So once the meeting was over, Lexa dismissed Titus before he could begin his speech about how she shouldn’t have done what she did, how blood must have blood and all of that. She honestly had no more patient for anyone trying to tell her what she should or shouldn’t do so, once he was gone, Lexa could finally relax a little. She loved these moments in which she could just be for a little while, without any threats, or any more threats hanging above her head, moments when she could have peace of mind and just relax. They were really few and far between so Lexa tried to enjoy them as best as she could._

_When she got to her room, the first thing she did was let out a big sigh as she leaned against the closed door before she shook her head and started moving forward towards her bed. Once she was close to it, she proceeded to unclasp her shoulder pad, putting it on top of her bed before undoing her coat and setting it beside the pad, leaving herself free for a moment of the clothe pieces that make her the Commander and instead, now, she is left with only Lexa. Once that was done, she moved to her small book shelf and took out one book she had recently acquired and was dying to start reading before moving to her couch. She was half way into the book when there was a knock on her door before it opened revealing Clarke._

_“Hi. I hope I’m not interrupting you.” The blonde said as she entered her room and Lexa gave her a small smile. Seeing Clarke feel comfortable with her again, even if slowly, was everything Lexa had dreamed of after Mount Weather and she was glad they were getting there._

_“You never interrupt, Clarke. Is there something I can help you with?” Lexa said as the girl came to stand across from her and Clarke nodded her head._

_“I would like to know how can I get material for drawing? It’s been a while since I felt relaxed enough to do it and I was wondering if you could tell me where to get it,” Clarke asked her and Lexa smiled at her before she stood up and walked around her room._

_“I had no wanted to seem too forward before, given how upset you were with me so I held onto this until you asked for it.” Lexa said as she grabbed a wooden box and brought it forward passing it to Clarke who took it in her hands before opening it and seeing, drawing materials inside of it, paper, charcoal and a few other things._

_“This is for me?” She asked in awe at the gift. It was really a beautiful set and Lexa could only smile seeing the happiness etched on Clarke’s face._

_“Of course. I had hoped that drawing could be a relaxing therapy for you as cooking is for me,” Lexa said and at her words, Clarke looked up at her._

_“You cook?” She asked, not being able to believe it and Lexa chuckled at the shocked look she had on her face imagining it._

_“Yes, Clarke. I cook. Very well, in fact. It is very relaxing for me. Cooking is a very helpful method of relaxing when I feel myself drowning in my memories, it reminds me that even when I am so good at destroying things, I am also good at create something good. I only imagined that drawing for you could have a similar effect. The knowledge that your hands are not only meant for destruction but creation as well is… invigorating,” Lexa explained to her and Clarke was awed at the older girl’s words._

_“Thank you. That is a very beautiful thought to have and you are right. Drawing does help me, always have,” Clarke said to her and Lexa nodded her head._

_“You are very much welcome, Clarke,” Lexa said as she could see Clarke pondering about something, she wondered what it was._

_“Would you mind if I stayed here to draw?” Clarke said and Lexa was definitely not expecting that, although she could not be happier for it if she tried._

_“Of course, feel free,” Lexa said motioning for the chair beside the couch and Clarke nodded at her before moving towards it, settling her wooden box on the small table in front of her and taking a few papers and charcoal before sitting down which prompted Lexa to sit down too. She went back to focus on her book as Clarke started to draw, a comfortable silence falling over them as they continued with their respective hobbies._


	39. Flashback II

_“Can I ask you a question?” Clarke said breaking the silence between them. Lexa paused her reading before she turned her head to look at the blonde girl and nodded._

_“Of course, but I do retain the right to not answer it if it makes me uncomfortable,” Lexa said to her and Clarke nodded her head._

_“How old are you? Like in years,” Clarke asked her seriously and Lexa looked at her surprised before she smiled and even chuckled at the question Clarke asked her, earning herself a smile from the blonde as well._

_“I am one month away from turning 23 years old,” Lexa answered her, and Clarke looked up at her in shock. She had not expected Lexa to be that much older than her._

_“Wow, I had no idea you were 5 years older than me,” Clarke said to her and Lexa smiled nodding her head, “And your birthday is next month?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded again._

_“Yes, it is. I assume we don’t celebrate birthdays the same way your people do but yes, mine is next month. March 9 th, I believe it’s the exact date,” Lexa answered her, and Clarke was interested now, pausing one of her drawings._

_“How do your people celebrate a birthday?” Clarke asked her and Lexa smiled._

_“The person whose birthday it is gets to spend the entire day in whatever way he or she may want to and the people surrounding them must go along with it. For example, one time, when we celebrated Anya’s birthday, she got everyone around her to stop talking, myself included, for the entire day since according to her, she had enough of them chit-chatting all day long. Then, by the end of the day, they can have a small party as celebration or not, it’s their choice,” Lexa explained to Clarke who smiled._

_“Anya really did that?” She asked and Lexa nodded._

_“Indeed, it is torture to want to speak but consciously refrain to but she always said that was one of the best birthdays she ever had so every birthday that was what she would ask for,” Lexa explained to Clarke who nodded._

_“What about you? How would you spend your birthday?” Clarke asked her and Lexa took a deep breath before sighing._

_“I ask to spend the day with the people that truly love me without being bothered by anything Commander related, although this year there will be fewer people, given Anya and Gustus’ death” Lexa answered her, and Clarke looked intensively at her._

_“I am sorry for that. I wished I could have saved Anya and that Gustus didn’t have to die,” Clarke said sincerely, and Lexa nodded her head at her and took on a faraway look as she started to reminisce her past with both of them._

_“I met Gustus when I was 7 years old. I had only arrived here in Polis for over a year that he had spent far away, dealing with war and battles all in the name of the Commander before me, who was a bloodthirsty tyrant, worse than Nia. I was running around tower looking for a rabbit I had found injured and nursed back to health. Then, I followed its trail up to the throne room where I found him on the hands of Linus, the Commander. I remembered my blood froze as Linus held him up, staring at him before I stepped forward and claimed the rabbit as mine. Linus then looked at me and with one single flick of his thumb broke the small animal’s neck before throwing its corpse back at me, telling me there was no place for animals here,”_

_“I felt the tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall in front of him. So, I took the rabbit’s corpse and walked away. I went all the way down until I managed to get out of the tower before I walked a little into the forest, finally letting the tears fall down my face as I clutched my small friend against my chest until I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped in fear before looking up at this huge man in guards clothes. I should have been afraid but the comforting look in his eyes told me I could trust him so he told me his name was Gustus and that if I wanted to, he could help me make a funeral for the rabbit so I nodded,”_

_“Then, he helped grab a few small branches from the tree until we made a small pyre before I put the rabbit on top of it. I said a few words to it before he gave me a small torch and I lit the fire. He stood there with me until there was nothing more than ashes before he took me back inside and was there for me from that moment until his last,” Lexa said to her as Clarke watched her in awe of the woman in front of her._

_“I met Anya when I was 8 years old, just before the Great Wars started. Linus decided that it was time for me to go out in the field and since Anya had more or less displeased him over something I don’t remember now, he decided that becoming my frits would be punishment enough for her and for the first and only time in my life, I saw her beg. She begged him to not do it, not force her to teach me and that rejection stung, a lot but I shouldered it. The more she didn’t want me, the more I wanted to show her she was wrong,”_

_“Linus, of course, didn’t listen and out the two of us together and at first, she would treat me like shit, but I was defiant back then. I would stand my ground, no matter the consequences, much like you do now, Clarke. And somehow, someway, Anya saw something in me, something she judged worthy which would make you think she went easier on me,” Clarke nodded her head making the brunette smile, “She made my life a living hell. You see it was the opposite, the more she saw in you, the more brutal she was so that you could become the best version of you possible,” Lexa explained._

_“Soon, after that, Linus decided that for his own amusement he would start a war between Trikru and Azgeda. He was from Sangedakru so he didn’t attack his people. Anya was a general of the Trikru army and I was her second so naturally, I went to war along with her, staying by her side, fighting for my clan for three long years. The things I saw in that time Clarke were things no child, no one should ever have to witness. The longer we were there in that cruelty, the more I became determinate to not only become Commander but to change that for my people, which was when I started formulating the Coalition in my mind and today, her it is,” Lexa said with a faraway look on her face as Clarke observed her._

_“Were there for the entirety of these Great Wars?” Clarke asked her and Lexa took a deep breath before sighing._

_“The Great Wars lasted for three years, until Linus was poisoned, calling for the Conclave which I won, and I became Commander, finally having the power to stop that brutality from continuing to destroy us,” Lexa said, trying not to lose herself in those memories._

_“It must have been horrible,” Clarke said to her and Lexa nodded._

_“It was pure darkness, Clarke. Your people think we are barbaric now. If you had fallen down from the Sky in the middle of that time, you would have seen humanity at its worst. We weren’t people back then, just animals killing each other for no reason at all,” Lexa said as Clarke looked at her before the brunette continued, “The things I witnessed people doing, the things I had to do it myself were things I swore I would never let my people do it again. So, I created the Coalition and hoped it would be the start of our way back to peace,” Lexa finished._

_“I can only imagine how hard it was and I can only be glad you were strong enough to overcome all of that to create the Coalition,” Clarke said to her. Lexa looked at the blonde and nodded suddenly feeling drained of the talk._

_“It was not easy convincing the Clans, I tell you that. They are all so stubborn and so set in their ways and back then, things were even worse, so they didn’t make it easy for me. I had to start slow, getting Floukru into it along with Trikru and even then, people were suspicious but for the next few months, they started to see how working together was helping and then other allies started to join in and it took me 5 years to get all 12 clans to work together and with many sacrifices along the way but I did it,” Lexa said and Clarke nodded._

_“You are a good leader to your people, Lexa. I could have doubted everything about you, but that is one thing I have always been sure of. I am glad we are your people now too, even if we make stupid choices, most of the time,” Clarke said to her and Lexa nodded._

_“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa said to the girl who nodded her head before she noticed the way Clarke seemed to want to speak about something but was refraining herself from doing so and it got Lexa’s attention, “Is there something you wish to speak to me about, Clarke?” She asked._

_“Yes, but it is a really personal question and I’m not sure I should say anything about it at all,” Clarke said and for her to be so worried about her question could only mean that is was about one particular subject that she knew Lexa didn’t usually talk about with anyone. Costia._

_“If my assumption is right and your question is about Costia, go ahead and ask me,” Lexa said and Clarke was actually surprised that Lexa seemed to know what she was thinking about, however she decided to focus on the question that seemed to be on her mind lately._

_“I was just wondering, Titus doesn’t seem to like me and that has nothing to do with my people’s stupidity but rather because he knows that your feelings for me go beyond those of Commander and Ambassador into a more romantic category, doesn’t he?” Clarke asked her and Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the bluntness the blonde woman was showing._

_“Yes, he does. Titus has been with me since I was 6 years old. He knows me pretty well, enough to pick on my feelings for you. Why you ask that?” Lexa asked her._

_“How did he behave when you were with Costia? Did he treat her the same way?” Clarke asked her and Lexa had to admit it was a very important question._

_“No, he did not,” Lexa answered honestly, and that answer got Clarke confused._

_“Why not?” Clarke asked her, now more curios than ever to know about this._

_“For a number of reasons but I believe the biggest one of them was the fact that Costia never, ever, in the amount of time we were together tried to interfere with my Commander duties or decisions the way you have,” Lexa answered Clarke who seemed to get the idea._

_“She didn’t? Not even when you were alone?” Clarke asked Lexa who shook her head._

_“Unlike you, Costia was raised in our culture and from a young age, she learned that the Commander is above reproach, above questioning, that the Commander’s word is the law, period. And before me, that was the general consensus of the people since no other Commander before had ever given them a voice, not like I did when I created the Coalition and permitted the Ambassadors to participate in the decisions I make in the name of my people,” Lexa explained before she continued,_

_“However, Costia was not an Ambassador and never felt that she had any right to know my decisions or even give me her opinion on anything work related. In fact, she never liked when I started talking about work because she was reminded of the difference between us and I was no longer, just Lexa her girlfriend but rather, her Commander. So, because of that, I assume Titus never felt as if she was a treat to our, or rather his agenda. He mostly ignored her presence entirely as if she wasn’t even there,”_

_“You are different Clarke. Even if we are not together like that, I find myself looking forward to hearing your thoughts and your opinions, even more so than I do with the other Ambassadors and not because of my feelings for you, but because you challenge me. Most of my Ambassador think as the rest of my people do with simply variations of it. For the Flourkru, it’s more of a don’t do anything at all police. Other clans go by kill first, ask questions later and in Azgeda cases, torture first, kill later, ask questions never. You are different. You think different and you challenge me to think outside the box as well,”_

_“You bring a third option to the table. You help me see things in other perspectives, you question me, you help me make decisions and I find myself agreeing with you in most cases,” Lexa explained to her and Clarke nodded._

_“And Titus is afraid that I have too much influence on your decisions. Though I bet anything he thinks that you make those choices just to please me, like blood must not have blood. If that is the reason why, no wonder he can’t stand me,” Clarke said to her, and Lexa chuckled._

_“Well, to answer the unspoken question, I did not make that particular choice to please you or based on my feelings for you, though I cannot attest if you deliberately tried to appeal to those feelings to get me to agree with you or not. My decision, even if shared with someone else, will always be my decisions and mine alone. I can separate feelings from duty, even if it is my feelings for you. Titus should trust that, trust me but I am afraid he does not,” Lexa said to her and Clarke nodded her head at her before she took on a more serious stance, making Lexa straighten up her posture in return._

_“Do you regret your decision the night at the Mountain? Do you regret taking the deal? Do you regret leaving us behind?” Clarke asked her seriously and Lexa sighed, relaxing a little bit. She knew this question would come one day._

_“Do I regret taking the deal that would save my people’s lives? No, I don’t. I can’t and deep down as a leader, you understand that. Faced with the same situation and the same choice, you would pull that lever again and again to save your people’s life, despite the outcome and the people you hurt because of it because you know that above your feelings that night, there was your duty to save them, to protect them and that, for you and me, always comes first,” Lexa said gently, as to not spook Clarke the way similar words did the last time they spoke about this subject and the fact the blonde is still listening to her proves that._

_“Do I regret leaving your people behind? It was most unfortunate that it had to be done and that in the situation they had to get to the short end of the deal and had to be subjected to the outcome of my decision, which was to possibly die at the hands of the Mountain Men. I did not wish for that to be the case but it was. And although I won’t say it is regret I feel about the situation, I do feel terribly sorry for it,” Lexa said as honestly as she could. If there was anyway for the two girls to move forward, honesty was the way, Lexa knew that._

_“Do I regret leaving **you** behind? It was the hardest decision I have ever made in over a decade of being Commander, even harder than forgoing my right for revenge against Nia and instead accepting her and her people into my Coalition, and I do regret that I couldn’t have chosen you, no matter how much my heat begged me to,” Lexa said looking Clarke straight in the eyes to show her how true her words were and by the intake of breath she heard from the blonde, she knew Clarke saw it._

_“I don’t know if I can forgive you for that at this moment, but I do understand what you are saying and I appreciate you being honest with me,” Clarke said to her also showing her that she meant the words she said to Lexa._

_“Will you ever be able to forgive me?” Lexa took her chance and asked the question she had been wanting to ask the blonde for quite some time now, three months to be exact._

_“Keep your Spirit where it is and we will see,” Clarke said to her and Lexa could not help but chuckle at that, remembering the day Clarke said those words to her which also brought a small smile to the blonde’s face._

_“I shall try my best, Clarke,” Lexa said and they both knew it was the end of the conversation, so Lexa picked up her book and laid down on the couch as Clarke continued drawing before changing from yet another drawing of the Earth to one of Lexa in that relaxed position. She knew that she was on her way to forgive Lexa but that didn’t mean she had to make it easy for the brunette. It was time someone made the Commander work for it and Clarke was more than happy to do it. Soon enough, Lexa ended up falling asleep and Clarke carried on drawing her, making no sound to disturb the brunette, instead admiring her beauty._


	40. Dealing With Pain

It felt as if she was drowning and no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t breathe. Hearing the news that the Flame had been destroyed and that there was nothing left was truly like losing Lexa all over again. A part of Clarke had been placated with dealing with Lexa’s death because somehow, she knew, first hand, that Lexa was still alive inside the Flame, a part of her would never truly die but apparently, Clarke was not going to be given even that and once again, someone came and took the most person she loved the most in her life from her once again. How do you survive losing the love of your life two times? Answer is you don’t.

“Clarke,” The blonde could faintly hear Raven calling for her, but it was as if she was far away, when, in reality, she was right beside Clarke who knew she was having a panic attack and who in their right mind could fucking blame her? She was just barely beginning to deal with better and no longer felt like staying in her room forever, she was once again starting to smile but how could she now when this happens? She had no idea losing someone could hurt this much or that it could hurt more than it already did but once again, she was proven wrong.

The blonde could hear raven calling for someone and talking to them, but Clarke had no idea how, she had her eyes closed and couldn’t hear anything that was going around her. She could only focus on the pain, but she still felt herself being picked up from the floor and being carried in someone’s arms through the station, though she didn’t particularly care who was helping her. The only thing she wanted was Lexa with her again. She wanted to hold her, to touch her, to kiss her, to smell her, to feel Lexa’s arms wrapped around her and the safe feeling they brought to her, as if nothing could ever harm again. She wanted Lexa.

Meanwhile, Raven was really getting worried about her friend. Clarke has had a few bad episodes ever since Lexa died, the worst one when the whole incident with Bellamy happened but now, this one certainly claimed that title. Clarke had fallen to the floor and started having a panic attack and no matter how much Raven tried to bring her back, get her to focus on her, she didn’t have success. So, she had called for Bellamy who she knew was standing outside of their door and asked him to help her bring Clarke to her room.

He readily agreed after getting over the shock and worry over seeing Clarke so utterly devastated and broken. He picked her up, bridal style and carried her through the halls of Alpha Station while Raven asked some kid to go and get Abby as fast as possible. They were both really worried about the blonde who seemed so completely out of it. They both looked at each other and silently wondered if Clarke would be able to get through this pain she was feeling and what was worst was that, at the moment, the answer wasn’t a pleasant one.

Thankfully they arrived at her quarters and Raven gave the password, opening the door so that Bellamy could get in and instructed him to put the blonde on the bed and he did just that. Immediately Clarke curled in herself, taking to a fetal position clutching her stomach as she continued to silent cry, tears soaking her sheets. Bellamy pulled back from the bed, doubtful that he could, or should try to offer any form of comfort to the blonde. Most likely he would make things worse, so he simply stood back, watching her.

“Raven, what the hell do we do? I have never seen her like this before,” Bellamy said to her and Raven nodded as she looked at him.

“I really don’t know. The worst I have seen her was that day when she broke down with you but even then, it wasn’t as bad as this. Then, it was a breakdown based on guilt for almost betraying her memory with you. This, I think is exactly how she felt inside the day she lost Lexa but then, there was too much at stake for her to fully express herself, what she is doing now,” Raven explained to him as he looked at her before looking at Clarke.

“Do you think she will be able to recover from this?” He asked her and she looked at him.

“I don’t know, Bell. I hope so,” She said as they continued to Look at her before there was a frantic knock on the door and he readily opened to see Abby there, looking very worried.

“Abby, you have to help her,” Raven said before either of them could say anything. Abby only entered the room before her focus went to her daughter and tears sprung to her eyes and seeing her daughter that way. She knew what she had to do, so she readily pulled a syringe and moved towards Clarke on the bed before plunging it on her daughter’s arm, watching how in a few seconds, the blonde girl seemed to start to relax until she went a little limp on bed and Abby sighed a bit in relief for now.

“What did you give her?” Bellamy asked her before she looked at him.

“A sedative. Did Marcus tell her what happened with the Flame? Was that what triggered this?” She asked them and they both nodded.

“He told her, she threw the radio against the wall, begun to cry and started having a panic attack. I tried to help but I couldn’t, so I ask Bell to help me bring her here and sent Bennet to get you,” Raven explained, and Abby helped her daughter get better settled in the bed.

“I was afraid this would happen but don’t worry. She will have a little while to relax but we will have to do some damage control when she does wake up. Bellamy, I know you patched your friendship with her but I don’t think your presence will do her any good, so go and Raven will keep you posted about anything important,” Abby said to the young man who nodded his head looking at the girl on the bed before turning and leaving the room.

“What are we going to do Abby? I had never seen her like this,” Raven said as she came to sit on the bed on the other side of Clarke. She looked peaceful sleeping.

“We will help her in every way we can and let her figure things out on her own. Her biggest problem is that she never allows herself to properly grief her losses. When her father died, she shut me everyone out. I tried to visit her, but she refused it. And down here, it has been one thing after the other and although these months in exile were supposed to do that, I know my daughter. She shut down then as well, not letting herself thinking about it, feel the pain and then overcoming it,” Abby explained to Raven who nodded.

“But why is she doing it now? Why is she breaking down now? Why not when she had to kill Finn or after the bomb in TonDC or after what she did in the Mountain? It’s not like she can’t shut down now if she wants to,” Raven asked Abby. She had been curious about that for some time now but had no idea who and Abby seemed to know what was going on.

“Because although all those things took their tool on her, none of them has killed a part of her. It took me some time, but I was able to figure it out. Have you ever known about twin flames?” Abby asked Raven and she shook her head.

“No, I had heard about soulmates though,” Raven said shrugging her shoulders, but Abby shook her head at the mechanic.

“A soul mate is someone who you have a significant connection with. This can be a friend, lover, or family member. Essentially, it is anyone who you feel bonded to. A soul mate will help you grow in life and will help you evolve and grow into your true self. For Clarke, you and Bellamy would be her soulmates,” Abby said, and Raven nodded before she continued,

“A twin flame shares many similarities with a soul mate. A twin flame can also be your soul mate, but to a more extreme level. According to what I have read, twin flames derive from the same soul, and are separated into two when they are created. Often times, people believe two twin flames are halves that make up one whole, however upon splitting, they become their own soul. And for Clarke, that is Lexa,” The doctor continued explaining,

“That is why Clarke is reacting this way now. Because she has not simply lost someone she came to love, but the person she is destined to love more than anyone else, she lost the other half of her soul, her perfect complement. How could she not react this way? And now through losing the Flame, Clarke feels as though she has lost her all over again,” Abby said.

“Do you really think that the connection Clarke had with the Commander was that deep?” Raven asked her and Abby nodded her head.

“Taking out the three months Clarke was away, she only been around Lexa for a little more than two weeks, can you explain the kind of love they had for each other as anything else other than this? Other than simply two people who are meant to love one another? A love that defies distance, time, logic?” Abby said to her and Raven could only shake her head as they continued to watch over the blonde who stayed asleep for a few more hours before she finally started to wake up and noticed who was with her.

And soon after that, she remembered what had happened and she couldn’t help the sobs that threatened to come out and the movement of trying to keep it all in seemed to have been enough to wake her companions who finally took noticed that she had woken up. Abby readily moved over to the bed and pulled Clarke up until she could gather her daughter in her arms as she used to do when she was younger whenever she would have a nightmare and would wake up crying. Raven sat down beside Clarke and took her other hand in hers for comfort.

“Mom, is it true?” Clarke managed to say, and Abby only tightened her arms around her before she gave her an answer.

“Yes, sweetheart. Unfortunately, it is,” It broke her heart to have to shatter her daughter’s like this but there was nothing else she could do about it except support her through it.

“Tell me what happened. Please, I have to know,” Clarke croaked out and Abby nodded before she started retelling the tale of what happened that day at Polis. She told both girls how Roan had noticed that the Flame had been stolen and had asked Octavia to help find it, already suspecting that it was in the presence of the new Flamekeeper. And apparently it was, however, a group of people that had been extremely angry over the whole City of Light thing decided to get rid of the chip since it reminded them of the other one and destroyed it.

“I lost her again. The last thing I had of her and it’s gone. I should have never given it to Roan. I should have kept it with me and she would have been safe,” Clarke said as silent tears feel from her eyes and onto her mother’s shirt.

“What happened was not your fault, Clarke. It was anyone’s fault but yours. It was Roan’s who didn’t manage to keep it safe. It was those people’s fault for destroying it. It was even Jaha’s fault for bringing ALIE to us, but it was not your fault. You know Lexa wouldn’t have blamed you for this so you can’t do it either,” Raven said to her friend and Clarke gave her a dry chuckle in response.

“And that is what ultimately got her killed. She didn’t blame me for anything even when she should have. She should have just killed me and taken the power of Wanheda for herself. If she had, she would have still been alive,” Clarke said as Abby continued to caress her hair.

“Would you have killed her?” Abby asked her and Clarke remembered a memory.

“I almost did once. The day you arrived in Polis for the summit, Roan had given me a knife and told me to kill her, that he would get me out of there safely so I asked her to come to my room and when she did, I held the knife to her throat and she let me,” Clarke said to them.

“And why didn’t you do it?” Raven asked the blonde who turned her head a little to the side looking at her best friend.

“I could never kill her, Raven. I loved her even if it took me too long to realize it,” Clarke said, and the mechanic gave her a small smile at that before Abby took over conversation.

“And she loved you right back, sweetheart. What the two of you had was a love that very rarely are we able to witness and even more rarely get to experience it. I loved your father very much and he will always be the love of my life, but I can’t say that what I had with him can compare to what I know you and Lexa had. You two found each other even when all the odds were stacked against you and now, she is dead, it’s true but you haven’t lost her, sweetheart. A love like that will never truly die, she will always be with you and as long as you live, she will live on through you,” Abby said to her and Clarke gave a weak smile.

“When I was inside the Flame, she saved my life and before I went inside the lever room, that was exactly what she told me. ‘ _I’ll always be with you,’_.” Clarke said.

“And when has that woman ever been wrong when it came to you? You really should start believing in her, Clarke. I mean, if she said it, I, for one, will not doubt her word. Not even in death I dare piss her off or she will find a way to haunt me and I do not do ghost,” Raven said jokingly, and it manage to get a real chuckle out of Clarke.

“You’re both right. She will always be with me and like I told Bellamy, even if in this world she is long gone, my heart will always continue to beat for her and in here she will always be alive,” Clarke said to them and they smiled at her before she started yawning, suddenly feeling very tired from the emotional day she had.

“That is very good to hear, sweetheart. Why don’t you try to sleep some more? I gave you a sedative, but it is good for you to relax and rest on your own. We will be here with you when you wake up again. It is not going to be ease so these next few days, try to take things slow. Allow yourself to grieve, we will help you every step of the way,” Abby said and by the time she was finished speaking Clarke had already fallen asleep again.

“Do you think she will be okay Abby?” Raven asked the older woman who took a deep breath as she looked down at her daughter before looking up at the young mechanic.

“Not immediately but she will get there and wherever she is, I know Lexa will be helping her too so between us, I have faith we can get her through this,” Abby said and Raven nodded as they continued to watch the blonde girl’s chest rising up and down as her dreams were once again of a brunette who had changed her world and who she knew one day, she will get to meet again. There was no way this would be the last time Clarke will love her, she just needs to wait for the next one, a second chance that once she gets it, she will never waste it again.


	41. Second Best News

A month has passed in the blink of an eye for some, while for others it took way too long. Ever since the attack happened on the team, security has been as tight as it was that day, double security around the perimeter, clock wise. Clarke didn’t trust that they wouldn’t attack when they lowered their guard down, so they didn’t. She along with Bellamy made sure that they didn’t overdo it and had time to rest so they created a schedule that was to be followed so everyone could do their duty without putting their health at risk.

However, there was no further attack on their end and what Clarke heard from Kane on their daily talks was that everything appeared to be fine in Polis as well. The word of the first attack and the message didn’t reach the Ambassador, Roan and Echo made sure of that, so they didn’t know about anything. All 11 of them were clueless about the proposition this new group, the Rebels, were offering them in regards of one of their most hated clans and that meant that despite everything, the Coalition was still going strong, or at least hanging there, day after day, which for Clarke was enough for now.

In Arkadia, things settled down as well after that day and although people were still fearful of an attack, keeping their guard up just in case, they all went back to their normal routine of work and things have been going well for them as well. With her new Council, Clarke has been able to adjust a few more things, especially a few laws and punishments and Raven and Wick were working on some camp modifications to be done. Monty was helping with the growth of the crops outside and it was safe to say the camp was prospering and Clarke was glad that everything was going fine for her people.

As for her in a personal level, the news of the destruction of the Flame hit her hard and she was in her room, for about five days straight after her talk with Raven and her mother before she finally came out, feeling ready to face the world again. No matter what anyone believed, Lexa had been alive inside the Flame and it had been a relief for Clarke to know that at least the girl she loved was alive in some sort of way inside the device but with the Flame gone so was Lexa completely, except from her mind and from her heart. And once she was done crying, she picked up herself and went to work every day.

She had been counting a lot with her friends’ help, even Jasper and they helped get her mind away from the painful reminders that came every once in a while. They meet every day at dinner time in what has been labeled the Power Table, the same table they would use every time. They gather together and talk about their day, what happened, things they missed or not from the Ark, some good memories they made from their time at the dropship and so on. It was a nice moment during the day especially since Clarke has been named Chancellor after her mother abdicated from the position to focus on being a doctor.

Kane was still in Polis as Ambassador and she was doing a nice enough job so the people were more than happy, actually, to have her in charge and although it was hard at times, Clarke couldn’t run away from what seemed to be her destiny. Every time she tried to run from the calling of leadership, it found her, and it sucked her back in without mercy so now that she accepted it, it was a lot easier to deal with the demands the position asked of her. She had to deal with petty problems and big ones, but it was good to keep her mind busy.

By now, she had too many drawings of Lexa that she did in her spare time. She also wrote on her journal every night to Lexa, telling her about her day, what she had done, what had happened, her fears, her hopes, her plans, everything. It had been a good idea and she would feel almost as if she was telling everything she was writing to the real Lexa, so it was one more thing she had to thank Raven for since the mechanic was the one who gave her the idea on one of her recluse days when they were talking about it. She owed a lot to Raven for what she has done for her ever since Clarke returned to their camp.

As for her friendship with Bellamy, things took a little while to be back the way they used to be before the incident that shall not be named, but after the news of the Flame and her reaction, it seemed that he was able to finally understand and accept that she wasn’t available and wouldn’t change her mind anytime soon so slowly, they worked their way back into their usual friendship before the whole disaster happened. It wasn’t as hard as they had thought it would be but also not as easy as they had hoped. But what really mattered was that they were okay again and working well together as they always did.

All in all, life wasn’t that bad. Except for the part of her that was constantly in pain because of Lexa, Clarke was moving on with her life as she knew Lexa would have wanted her to do. She was no longer stuck in her room, she was working, giving them her best, and she was with her friends, letting them help her with her pain. Clarke was also making sure to spend some quality time with her mother since she felt that the three months she spent away and the whole thing in Polis with ALIE and all of that hurt them more than they would admit it so she had been talking to her mom, opening up about her feelings and Abby had done the same with her.

Just like Raven, Abby knew some of the pain Clarke has been in because of Lexa by experience and by what the blonde had been telling her and has been amazingly supportive of her daughter which for Clarke was awesome. She had always been closer to her father to do this kind of talk with but now, her mother was the only blood related family she had left and she didn’t want their relationship to go bad again. She wanted it to get better so they were working towards that goal together which was an enormous victory for her.

In the moment, it was middle afternoon and Clarke was meeting with the Council to receive the daily reports on what was done during the day by each of their designated sectors. Clarke, Wick, Raven, Bellamy, Monty, Abby and Kane through the radio were in the council room discussing some modification the engineers came up with and she swore she was trying to pay attention, but Clarke wasn’t feeling very well. She had her insides kind of fuzzy in the moment and was brought back to reality when Raven, who was sitting beside her, shook her a little.

“Earth to Clarke. Hey, come back to us here on this dreadful planet,” Raven said to her and Clarke shook her head looking at her friend.

“Are you okay Clarke? You seem out of it these last couple of days really,” Bellamy asked her as the others paid attention to them now.

“Yeah, I am fine. I’m sorry if I was distracted. What were we talking about?” Clarke said to them and Raven shook her head.

“No, you’re not okay. You have been feeling sick for the past week now. You can barely eat and when you do, you throw up. And you have passed out a little two times already,” Raven said to her and Clarke shook her head.

“I’m fine.” She said but the nauseating feeling inside her was growing stronger and she started to go a little pale because of it.

“Since when has this been happening exactly Raven?” Abby asked the young mechanic as she went to check on her daughter.

“About a week and a half, I think. She said she was fine, that it was just stress or a stomach bug. I believed her but she hasn’t been getting better. In fact, it’s getting worse,” Raven was saying but the room just started spinning around her and Clarke remembered thinking on saying that she was fine and that it really must be a bug before the room went dark.

“Oh my God, Clarke,” Raven held the blonde once she fainted.

“Clarke. Honey. Wake up” Abby tried waking her but nothing, “We need to take her to medical. Immediately. Bellamy, can you take her?” Abby asked him and he nodded as he stood up and picked her up from Raven’s lap and walked out of the room.

“Meeting is adjourned until Clarke is better,” Raven said to everyone who stayed in the room before she followed the others to MedBay.

“Put her there,” Abby said pointing to a bed and Bellamy gently laid the blonde down, “I need to do some tests to see what it is. Bellamy, it’s best if you wait outside. I will need privacy,” She said to him and he nodded.

“Of course, anything you need, you can call.” He said before he left them alone.

“Abby, do you have any idea on what this could be?” Raven asked her as Abby took a sample of Clarke’s blood as well as deep breath.

“Maybe, but I need to confirm it so I will make a few tests. Stay here with her, any change or if she wakes up, tell me. Okay?” Abby said to the mechanic and Raven nodded as she sat down on a chair on the other side of the bed.

Raven was really worried about her friend. Clarke wasn’t okay, hasn’t been okay for a while now and Raven was afraid of being something serious that she overlooked and could cost her friend her life. She stayed that way holding Clarke’s hand for about two hours before Abby finally came back. “And? Do you know what is wrong with her? Is it serious?” Raven asked Abby who looked at her daughter and nodded.

“Yes. It is very serious.” Abby said before looking back at the mechanic as Raven stood up.

“Tell me, Abby. What is wrong with my friend?” Raven asked her, getting super worried.

“Clarke is pregnant, Raven.” Abby said and Raven was beyond shocked.

“What?” She asked not really sure she heard it right.

“She is pregnant. She is going to be a mom,” Abby said smiling. For one, she was happy that nothing was wrong with her baby girl and that she would have a grandkid but for another, she was worried for Clarke.

“How is she pregnant Abby?” Raven asked out loud as she looked at Clarke.

“You know very well how it happened.” Abby said to her and Raven just looked back at her and the older woman sighed.

“Look, I am judging that it was during that incident with Bellamy, which is why we need to warn him that he is going to be a Dad. I will call him in,” Abby said and moved to go to the door, but Raven grabbed her arm.

“No, you can’t tell him that, Abby. You can’t tell him anything at all, okay?” Raven said to her seriously and Abby was confused.

“Why not Raven? He needs to know and take responsibility for the baby. He can’t leave her to deal with this alone,” Abby said to her and Raven shook her head.

“You can’t because nothing happened between them,” Raven said to her and Abby frowned.

“What do you mean by nothing happened? I know that they…” Abby was saying but Raven interrupted shaking her head.

“They didn’t have sex, Abby. I mean, they got to bed and all, but nothing further happened. Before Bellamy could even think about it, Clarke freaked out and kicked him out of the room, they were in bed but in their underwear and nothing like that happened between them. The baby is not his,” Raven said to her and Abby was beyond confused now.

“Then, whose baby is it? Who is the guy who impregnated my daughter?” Abby said to her and Raven looked at her before she thought of something.

“How is she pregnant if she has the birth control thingy you implemented on us back on the Ark?” Raven asked her and Abby shook her head.

“It was removed from every one of the girls that were inside Mount Weather. She doesn’t have it ever since she escaped that place,” Abby explained to her, and Raven looked at the blonde girl sleeping.

“How far along is she?” Raven asked and Abby sighed also looking at her daughter.

“6 to 8 weeks, approximately.” Abby said and Raven suddenly had an idea.

“No, it can’t be.” She said out loud, but Abby heard it.

“What can’t it be?” She asked and Raven looked at her.

“I think I know how to find out who the other parent is, but I will need some time. Stay here with her and if she wakes up, don’t tell her anything until I come back. It’s really important, Abby. Promise me?” Raven said holding the woman’s arms and Abby nodded.

“Okay, I’ll wait,” Abby said to her, and Raven nodded before she limp-ran to the door and out of it bumping into Bellamy on the way.

“And, how is she, Raven? Is she okay?” He asked her and she nodded.

“She is okay, Abby is with her but is best if no one goes inside yet. There are still things that need to be done,” She said to him and he nodded.

“Well, then is it okay if I leave? They need me to check something related to the security, but I didn’t want to leave if she wasn’t okay,” He said to her and she nodded.

“Yes, sure, she is just sleeping right now. She is fine. You can go, this place can’t stop running itself even if our fierce leader is indisposed in the moment,” Raven said, and he nodded.

“Any news, tell me,” He said, and she nodded before he walked away, and she sighed before continued on her way into the computer room and sat down before she started typing away a code that only she could understand. She was almost sure that the only people Clarke had sex with in the amount of time was the trading post girl, Niylah, and Lexa, who so happens to be a nightblood with an AI in her head. So, she was trying to check if it would be possible for it to happen and when she read what was in the screen, her mouth went to the floor. “Abby!!!”

Meanwhile, about half an hour later, Clarke started to wake up and had a little trouble with opening her eyes with the light of the room but when they adjusted, she was able to see that she was in MedBay. She looked to the side and saw her mother there, with a tablet on her hand as she talked to Raven and the face they had was disturbing her. They were both shocked and surprised. “Is it really possible?” Abby asked and Raven nodded.

“I just showed you it is, Abby,” Raven said before Clarke coughed.

“Can I know what you two are talking about?” Clarke asked them and they turned to her. Her mother came to her first as Raven went to the other side of the bed sitting down by it.

“Hi, sweetie. You’re awake. Are you feeling better?” Abby asked and Clarke nodded as she sat up in the bed resting against the head board.

“Yes, I am. Thanks. What happened exactly?” Clarke asked them.

“You weren’t feeling very well and fainted, so we brought you here and did some tests to see what was wrong with you,” Abby told her, and Clarke nodded.

“I gathered as much and what is it? It’s just a stomach bug like I said, isn’t it?” Clarke asked them and the other two looked at each other.

“A bug that is going to grow and have to pushed out of you in about 7 months or so, sure,” Raven said lowly but Clarke caught up with a little bit of it.

“What are you talking about Ray?” She asked her friend.

“What Raven is saying is that the tests revealed that you don’t have a stomach bug. You’re pregnant, sweetheart. About a month and half along,” Abby said and if Clarke wasn’t sitting down already, she would have had to.

“What? I don’t think I heard you right Mom. You said I am pregnant? One month and half along?” She asked her mother who nodded.

“Yes, I made three tests to make sure and they were all positive. You really are pregnant, sweetie. You are going to be a mom.” Abby said as she caressed her daughter’s head and Clarke looked at her in pure shock, confusion, surprise and dread.

“But how? The last guy I had sex with was Finn, over 4 months ago and nothing happened between me and Bellamy. We absolutely did not have sex.” Clarke said to them in pure shock and surprise and they nodded, agreeing with her.

“I have to admit I believed that Bellamy was the father given everything that happened, but Raven told me otherwise and I made myself and her the same question,” Abby said looking at Raven to continue.

“But then an idea came to my head and I went to check it out and I was able to find out who is your baby daddy,” Raven said to her and Clarke looked at her.

“Then, tell me because at this point, I am believing in the Holy Spirit,” Clarke said to her and Raven smiled at her friend before she spoke.

“Close but no. It’s not the Holy Spirit. It’s the Spirit of the Commander, if you catch my drift,” Raven said jokingly, and Clarke shook her head.

“I don’t understand. What are you talking about? Go straight to the point Raven.” Clarke said and the mechanic nodded.

“Okay, I was able to check it out, given my supernatural connection to ALIE’s cybernetic mind, and also something I remembered reading about it in Becca’s journal. Apparently, the night blood solution Becca created didn’t only change the color of the blood. Particularly in women, it changed some of their body fluids differently, including reproduction wise fluids,” Raven explained to the blonde before sighing.

“So basically, putting into simple words so you can understand, because she had nightblood and with a little help of the Flame she had inside of her, Lexa was able to impregnate you even while lacking certain body equipment required for such a thing.” Raven said to her and Clarke was frozen in place.

“So, what you’re telling me is that…” She started not sure how to complete her sentence and Raven finished it for her smiling.

“Lexa is the baby mama Clarke. You’re having her child,” Raven said to her and Clarke shook her head in denial. It couldn’t be. There was no way it was true.

“That is not possible. We’re both women, we can’t procreate naturally. It goes against biology. No, you made a mistake, Raven. Or you did, Mom.” Clarke said to her.

“Yes, you can if you’re a nightblood woman. I remembered reading in Becca’s journal that she had been worried about the destruction of the planet and she wanted to make sure that even if the male population were considerably lower or if they were infertile that the nightblood would be able to permit for women to impregnate other women, therefore guaranteeing that the human race would carry on. Brilliant if you ask me. So, believe me, when I say this small bug you have inside of you Griffster, it is as much yours as it is Lexa’s,” Raven said as she smiled at the blonde.

Clarke looked at her mother, not sure if she dared to let herself believe that possibility just yet. “Mom?” Clarke asked as tears were falling down her face.

“It seems you and Octavia share the same fate now, carrying the child of the person you love inside of you. Congratulations sweetheart. I am very happy for you,” Abby said as tears came to her eyes as well.

Clarke couldn’t help but look down at her belly, put her hand on top of it and concentrate. Somehow, it was like she could feel it, she could feel her baby inside of her and she started crying while also chuckling. “Her baby,” She whispered.

“A part of her lives now within you,” Abby said, and Clarke smiled so big as she looked at them.

“It’s her baby. I’m having her baby. Our baby,” Clarke said as they smiled and laughed.

“Yep, that’s right Mama bear. You are having Lexa’s baby, you sneaky bitch. You’re hella lucky, you know that?” Raven said as she hugged her friend who cried.

“Raven.” Clarke said and the girl just comforted her.

“I’m so happy for you, Clarke,” Raven said as she moved to hug the blonde who turned to her mother as Abby only smiled and moved to join in the hug as Clarke continued to cry and laugh out of happiness for what she just learned. Once again, Lexa defied everything and left Clarke with a last reminder of her. A living part of her for Clarke to care for and love. She couldn’t be more grateful for the person she fell in love with and she wished Lexa could be here but she knew that wherever she was, Lexa would be happy and she concentrated on that.


	42. Moments together

It has been a month and two weeks since Lexa truly learned about the fate that had befallen her people since she was presumed dead and it has been a month since she has been training to get back in shape to take her place back. Being a nightblood, while some believed to be a harsh fate, and at times it was, also had its perks. From what Lexa remembered talking to Becca PramHeda once the nightblood she has, allows her body to heal wounds faster than people who have red blood would. It is one of the few great perks having blood from a different color offers them.

That being said, her recovery has been impressive especially once she put her mind to it. It was hard at first walking around the woods for an extended period of time but the next day, she went out again and it was much easier to do it. So every day for the past month and a half, Lexa went out of the house to first walk, then with time, to run around the woods to help her get back in shape and once that was done, she would meet with Cara at the cave her sister had used to hide them, where they would train together for hours on end before she would continue to do so alone when her sister had to leave.

And despite being a good warrior, Cara was only able to win against her the first few times they fought because she had only started doing it but Lexa started getting better and better and every time she was winning their small training battles faster and faster, which for her was indeed a very good sign that it wouldn’t take long before she could return to her people, take back what was rightfully her and take care of her people once again, making sure that they didn’t undo all of her hard work. First, they trained with a sword, then two, then hand to hand combat which was much more demanding physically.

However, Lexa felt almost no pain at all at this point. Only an itch at the place the wound was located, which had become a scar, not big but enough to be seen, but other than that she felt perfectly fine. She had also been eating well and healthy and her body was back to the shape it was one month ago, and Cara would argue that if her body was nice before, it was jaw dropping now. Lexa wasn’t big but she had her muscles defined a little before, her job as Commander sometimes demanding too much of her time for her to be able to train enough.

But this past month with nothing better to do, Lexa trained almost all day long, every day, so her muscles were even more defined now than they ever were before, especially her abs. Esthetically speaking, Lexa wasn’t one to care about that but it was the sign that she was doing a good job at working out and she was proud of herself for that accomplishment. She was feeling that her time in Etom was coming to an end and she was anxious to get back to Polis. Whether her family likes it or not, Polis is her home. The tower is her home, she misses the whole city, and she misses the view from her balcony. She misses her people.

She misses her room, she misses her library filled with books she loved reading many times over, she missed all the people who worked and lived in the tower with her, she missed her guards she trusted the most, she missed Indra, she missed her people walking outside of the tower and through the streets, seeing them, being around them and even though she didn’t want to admit, she missed Clarke so much sometimes it would become unbearable and she would have to work out until she was too tired to think about the girl and avoid marching up to Arkadia, demanding to see her.

It would an incredibly boldfaced lie if Lexa would say that she didn’t love the blonde girl anymore. She did, possibly even more than she had ever done before, the fact that they spent that afternoon together, that at least for that amount of time Clarke was completely hers to love had ruined her forever. No matter how hard she tried to remember that Clarke was with Bellamy now, she still couldn’t deny that she wanted the blonde more than she ever wanted anything. That she would do anything to have the blonde in her arms again, to kiss her lips, to touch her body, to feel the love coursing through both of them again, but she couldn’t now.

Clarke was with someone else and no matter how much Lexa loved Clarke and wanted to be with her forever, she would never put herself in between their relationship. For her, commitment is a very serious matter. She has never cheated on anyone or helped anyone cheat on their partner and she wasn’t about to start now. Lexa has always been faithful and respectful and her love for Clarke would not change that about her, it was her principle and one she was proud of. Clarke was off limits now and Lexa would completely respect that, even if it killed her to be around the blonde and not be allowed to have her.

Lexa was currently in the cave along with her family. The place had sort of become the place they would gather together in. It was secure from unwanted visitors and they could stay there together since it was big enough for everyone and Lexa also took the chance to train along with Cara, Gaia, Vernon, Jon and the twins. 6 against 1, seven when Margot would join in if the kids were too tired to need her. They all used swords because the space, although big, only allowed them a restricted space but she would only smile against the odds. They all fought very well but they were no match to her.

From all of them, Vernon was always the one who could hold his own against her the most and the longest but sooner or later, she would always defeat him, much as she did now when she kicked him leg making him fall to the ground and drover her sword to the space beside his head. “ **Fancy yourself a new haircut, Vernon?** ” Lexa said to him jokingly and he nodded raising his hands in surrender smiling up at her.

“ **No, thank you. I prefer it like this. Alive** _,_ ” He joked with her and she smiled removing her sword from the ground, standing up and helping him do the same before they were called by their mother to eat.

They all gathered together around the fire they had made to eat the food their mother had cooked. Once they were done, they stayed like that as their mother started remembering the past. “ **I remember seeing you playing around like this when you were Anya’s second and she would stay in the village for a few weeks** ,” Mary said as she looked at her eldest kids.

“ **We are only missing Kaleb, if he was here the picture would be complete. All of my children together. What a dream** _.”_ She said to them and they nodded.

“ **He would almost never join because he hated the thought of event training against Lexa** **and hurting his precious little sister** ,” Vernon said in a mocking tone.

“ **More like he had always know that they both of you could never win against me and was preserving himself from the humiliation, a lesson you seemed to have never learned** ,” Lexa said as she nudged her brother.

“ **I’ll have you know I used to kick your Commander ass,** _”_ Vernon said to her and she smiled at him, laughing at his comment.

“ **Yes, when I was a baby. After that, never again,** ” Lexa said to him and they all nodded.

“ **When did you start training to be a warrior, Auntie?** ” Aaron asked her and she turned to him as she smiled sweetly at him.

“ **Since I am a nightblood, I started training when I was 2 years old. Your father only started when he was 10, Uncle Kaleb when he was 9, is that right Mom?** _”_ Lexa asked her and her mother nodded.

“ **Yes, that is right** ,” Mary agreed.

“ **So, if I want to be a warrior, I have to wait three more years before I can start training too? Just like Dad** ,” He asked her, and she shrugged.

“ **That will be up to your parents to decide when they will allow you to start training to be a warrior, if that is truly what you want** ,” Lexa said to him and he nodded as he had a determinate look on his face.

“ **What about me, Auntie Lexa? What do I get to be?** ” Lia asked her as she came towards Lexa who picked her up and sat her down on her lap.

“ **You can be whatever you want to be, except Commander. That is my job** ,” Lexa said as she kissed her cheek, “ **You could be a healer like Auntie Cara** ,” Lexa kissed her other cheek, “ **or a teacher like your mom**.”

“ **Can I be the chief of our village like Grandma?** ” She asked seriously and everyone chuckled hearing what she had just said.

“ **What do you think, Mom? Can she?** ” Lexa asked Mary who looked at both of them before answering the question.

“ **Usually that is reserved for the eldest child, like your father will succeed me** ,” Mary said to her granddaughter who nodded before she turned to her brother.

“ **Aaron, you will let me be the chief, right?** ” She asked him and he nodded his head at her.

“ **Yeah, sure Lia. You can have it** ,” He said to her.

“ **See? Problem solved** ,” Lia said to everyone.

“ **You don’t want to be the chief and succeed your father, Aaron?** ” Jon asked the small boy.

Aaron shook his head. “ **Not really, I would rather be a teacher like mom. Ruling the village has no appeal to me so if Lia does want it, she can have it** ,” The small boy said to them and they all nodded.

“ **Well, that is good to know** ,” Margot said as she kissed her son.

“ **Thanks, big brother. I love you** ,” Lia said to him and he nodded.

“ **You’re welcome, little sister. I love you too** ,” He said right back to her and everyone was happy to see this scene between them. It made Lexa remember her own relationship with Kaleb. It was very much like that.

“ **Dad, if Aunt Lexa was not Commander and wanted to rule the village, would you let her?** ” Aaron asked his father and Lexa looked at her brother.

“ **Yeah, Vernon. Would you?** ” She asked him and he nudged her.

“ **Of course, I would. I don’t think that between the three of us that I was the best choice for it but with Lexa being the Commander and with Kaleb being unavailable, I had to step in but if she wasn’t Commander, absolutely. She is a much better at this than I could ever hope to be** ,” He said to his son and she smiled at him.

She already knew the answer because they had already talked about it before. Their father had been the previous chief so when he died, their mother took over. But by law, only his children could take on the position of chief so even if one of the twins wanted it, they couldn’t be it. If none of them had wanted it, then the village would choose a new family to rule them.

“ **Aunt Lexa, were you afraid to be Commander?** ” Lia asked her, bringing her back to reality and Lexa focused on the little girl sitting on her lap.

“ **No, I wasn’t afraid of being Commander. I was terrified of not being a good Commander, of failing my people**. **That is a fear that never truly leaves you. No matter how successful you have been, you always worry about the next decision you will make and how it will affect your people, those who trust you to protect and provide for them,”** Lexa explained to the little girl.

“ **Are you going back to Polis, Aunt Lexa? Or are you going to stay here?** ” Aaron asked her.

“ **I will go back, kid. My people need me and it is time I returned to help them. Besides I miss my room, I miss my bed, I miss my kitchen. Don’t get me startled on my bathtub** ,” She said playing with them, making them laugh along with her.

“ **Are you absolutely sure of that, Lexa? Maybe the clans can wait for a new Commander to arrive. It doesn’t have to be you** ,” Mary tried to appeal to her daughter, but she knew it was pointless to try at this time.

“ **I am sure, Mom. You are a leader, but you can’t understand what is like to be the Commander. No one can, no one but me. It is what I was born to do and I need to go back to it. The Coalition is not strong enough. The only reason is holding up is because nothing has happened since The City of Light was destroyed but the moment it does, it will shatter. I cannot let that happen. I worked too hard, sacrificed too much to see it crumble** ,” Lexa explained to her mother who could only nod her head.

“ **We understand that. It is just concerning. We do not want to go through the thought of you being dead again. We worry for you. We love you** ,” Jon said to her. She smiled at him, he was a great step-father, someone her own father would have approved off.

“ **I know Jon. But I can’t leave my people the moment they need me the most. If we are not careful, we could fall into the Great Wars again. The Spirit knows there’s enough resentment over the clans to fuel the first battle. I will not let that happen. I will not force Vernon to have to fight, or Dove or Erin, or risk Aaron and Lia losing one of their parents like so many kids did before. If I don’t return, none of you will be safe. It is risky, yes, always will be. But it is a risk I am willing to take** ,” Lexa said to him.

“ **If that is the case, then I think the best we can do is not to waste these last precious moments we get to spend together before Lexa has to go. What do you say?** ” Margot intervened and everyone smiled at her words, agreeing with her and that was how the family spent the afternoon. Joking around, Lexa playing with the kids, teasing her sisters, bugging her older brother and trying to reassure her mother and step father that she would be okay. At least, she promised that was what she would try to do. Stay alive.


	43. Facing Harsh Critics

In Polis, Roan just woke up as well and already sighed as he thought about how things had been going these past couple of weeks as they received word from Fanto, a village near Bec, that the village had been wiped out and burnt to the ground, there was not one survivor to tell the tale of it and the bodies have been mutilated before they were spread out around the village so that anyone who came close to it could see. The Rebels were serious about this war they are trying to get between the two clans, they were moving to do what they have promised they would according to that man they have brought in.

There has been three more attacks since them and thankfully it has been only in the Azgeda territory so the new King was able to hide it from the Coalition but he was worried that he would be able to keep this a secret for much longer and he doubted once the word got out that the clans will stand by them, not without a Commander to make them do it, the Rebels were right about that. So what is he supposed to do now? Without the Flame and without a nightblood to take it, there is nothing that can hold the clans together anymore.

He got up from the bed and went to take a shower, trying to relax before he had to face the world again. He had to give it to Lexa for doing this every day for the past 7 years since she first formed the Coalition. He had only been barely doing for a little over a month and he was already too tired, power was good but it was consuming and he didn’t think he could hold it out any much longer before he just went back to his own people like he had wanted to do since he had been banished, all those years ago.

He barely had a few days back there before the conclave was called and he had to come to Polis with Ontari. He missed it, it was his home and he wanted to go back but he couldn’t, not for now. He needed the support of the clans if the Rebels continue to threaten them, or else, he feared they would be wiped out and he wouldn’t be able to do but watch the destruction of his clan, of his people and he didn’t want that. His mother’s reign of terror was costing them the future safety of their people.

When Echo came to him, promising to help him do what his mother never could, rule everything, he had wanted it, he admitted. But what she failed to remember is that he has no desire to be like his mother. Nia was vicious and dishonorable and a really bad ruler and he wanted more than anything to be the opposite of her. He didn't want people to look at him the way they looked at her. He wanted to be better. And that was what he was going to be, even because he believed that power without honor is meaningless. And it really is.

However, for him to say he didn't feel anything when Lexa killed his mother would be a lie. Nia, for all her flaws and she had too many of them, was the woman who gave birth to him and occasionally took care of him when she felt like it so he would be a liar if he said didn’t feel something for her when that spear hit her chest but it wasn't this unwavering love a son should have for his mother. Mostly, he was happy that he wasn't dead in her place, glad to be new King, and relieved that her reign of fear and horror was over.

He had been tempted by it and accept more than gladly to be in charge but it had never been his plan or did he ever had the intention to overtake Polis. He was never power hungry like his mother was for the throne of the Coalition and could recognize that Lexa’s rule as Commander was the best one for all of the people. Since the Coalition was created, trading with other clans had helped Azgeda immensely in supplying them with things they couldn't find or grow in their territory given the weather of constant cold.

As new King, Roan would have happily followed Lexa as Commander for as long as she allowed him to but unfortunately for everyone, Titus killed her. Lexa died and her death shook everyone around and things took an unexpected turn of events, showing how important she truly was to keep the peace and the unity between the clans. With her gone, Echo was smart claiming Polis, given that all clans disliked Azgeda, taking control of the capitol would give them an advantage and thanks to Wanheda, having the Flame solidified their claim to it. To be, it's gone now.

He curse his mother for sowing this problem for him to reap it like this, he hadn’t had a part in what the Rebels blamed them for but in the end, he was the one having to pay for it and he only wished someone had put a stop to his mother years ago so none of this would be happening to them right now. He finished his bath and dried himself before getting dressed and getting out of his room before going to the throne room, where they would be another meeting where accusation would be thrown their way.

The Ambassadors were there and as usual, they didn’t rise to greet him as they would once the Commander, he let it go. He sat down on the throne and as the door closed, the meeting was started. “What is the first subject of today’s discussion?” He asked them.

“Nothing that Azgeda can do to help. Your clan, after all, with the winter weather can certainly not help Sangedakru,” The Ambassador said and Roan sighed.

“We are here to help each other out, Dani. Azgeda is offering any help and asking for the same in return. The same way Lexa did, the same way she wanted it,” Roan said to the woman.

“Are you really comparing yourself to the Great Heda Lexa kom Trikru?” Nora, the Trikru Ambassador, said as she looked at him. “You claim that you are in the throne to respect her Coalition, yet you are primarily disrespecting her law that in the absence of a Commander, the Ambassadors together have control of Polis and the Coalition. How do you explain that, King? How do you explain your respect for her when all you are doing is seeking a power that is not yours?”

“The only reason no one has challenged you yet is because you are threatening to use your forces in the city to kill anyone who does. Exactly the reason why we were all glad when your mother was dead because we foolishly believed that the threat was over but as I watch you sit there, I have to say, you are certainly doing your mother proud. Your actions show that as much as you would like to tell yourself you are different from her, the rotten apple didn’t fall far from the rotten tree, now did it?” Nora said to him as Echo turned to her.

“Watch your mouth when talking about the King,” Echo said warningly, clenching the hilt of her sword and staring down at the Ambassador.

“He is no King of mine and never will be. And he is a usurper who only wants power, isn’t he? Because if he isn’t, then I say for him to step down from that throne, handle the Flame he claims to have to the Order, who are the ones responsible for protecting it and ensuring the succession and let the Ambassadors take care of Polis and the Coalition the way Lexa wanted to happen,” Nora said to him and the other Ambassador have agreed with her.

“You know I can’t do that. The moment I remove my forces, you will march in against us. I have to protect my people, I am sure you all understand that,” Roan said to them.  
“Have you ever wondered why we don’t like Azgeda?” The old Ambassador from Floukru said as they listened to him, “Did you know that at some point in time Azgeda was a well-liked clan amongst all of us?”

Roan shook his head. “No, I did not.”

“I was a young man when your dear grandfather died. Good man, he was,” He said before continuing, “Honorable man, I was proud to say I knew him as I knew your uncle Zac. Has your mother ever told you something about him?” he asked and Roan shrugged.

“Only that he was weak and got himself killed.” He said and the man nodded.

“As I predicted. Your uncle was anything but weak. He was older than her, rightfully the heir. He was a good boy. He was fair and wanted to get Azgeda to work with other clans. Azgeda would have been the first clan to join the Coalition if he had lived to see Lexa create it.”

“Not long after your grandfather was poisoned, your uncle was found dangling from a rope on his own bed, claimers said he killed himself but he would have never done it. Yet, within two days, your mother became Queen and it was clear from the first time I saw her that she would be one of the most bloodthirsty rulers your people, all of our people have ever seen. The Commander at the time was just like her and it took no time for her in charge for the attacks start against the other clans. Many villages were attacked.”  
“Trikru, more than any other, given their shared borders. She started a reign of terror and raised Azgeda name to be feared and despised by all other clans. She never stopped attacking and once the Great Wars happened, I don’t think I need to remind you of what happened then. The only person who was ever able to reign in your mother’s cruelty and ruthlessness ever since she was first crowned Queen has been Commander Lexa kom Trikru, sitting down right where you are now, years ago when your mother had no choice but to take the brand of the Coalition and kneel before her, despite everything she taken from Heda.” The man explained.

Roan sighed. He had not known any of the history the man had said about his family. “I’m not my mother. I disagreed with her actions. I respected and followed Lexa kom Trikru and would have continued to do so. I am not bloodthirsty as my mother was.”

“Pretty words but your mother always used her army force to get what she wanted so when we see you do the same, how do you expect us to believe you?” The Ambassador said to him.

“But when the Queen came to you to dethrone Lexa, you were the first one to throw your Commander away and side against her. All of you betrayed your precious Commander when Queen Nia talked with you about using the vote of no confidence on Lexa. I was there, I remember it,” Echo said to them and the man nodded his head.

“Yes, and until the day I die, it will be my deepest regret. Your Queen filled our heads with lies about the Commander’s actions and we, stupidly, believed her, but we were shown how wrong we were. We decided to believe in our Commander, we abided by her new policy even if it went against our tradition, we gave Skaikru a second chance even after the many lives they took, we did it all because we believed in her.” He explained.

“But maybe, you can give them the same chance you gave the Skaikru. We also had a bad leader that did horrible things to you, just like them.” Kane said to the other Ambassadors as he continued, “You are punishing him for his mother’s crimes. I understand your pain, but that isn’t fair. He is not her.”

“And we know that, Kane. We know he is not her and that is the only reason why he hasn’t died yet.” Nora said out loud as the others agreed, “But you can’t ask us to blindly trust him, just as we don’t blindly trust you or your people either.”

“You want our support to Azgeda? Then, shows us that you different than your mother in actions, not with foolish pretending or by taking power that is not rightfully yours. Until you have earned our trust as their new King and as a good person, don’t expect us to abide by your rule as if you command us. You have no right to that, none of us have.” She said before she turned to look at Kane, “You want us to support Skaikru as well? Then, show us that Pike was not the true face of your people. Show us that you are no murderers and earn our trust back as well. Right now, that is all we can offer either one of you.”

With that being said, Nora stood up and left the room. Soon enough the other Ambassadors followed her out and there was only Kane of them left in the room along with Echo and Roan. “Sire, why did you let them speak to you like that?” Echo asked him and he sighed.

“Because they were not lying, Echo. What they said is true, how could I refuse that when I can also see it?” Roan said to her as Kane came towards him.

“We are both in similar situations after all,” He said to the guy who looked at him before shaking his head in negative.

“No, we are not Kane. Because you don’t have a group of people who are bent in destroying you like the Rebels are bent in destroying my people. The moment the other Ambassadors get a hold of that information they will help the Rebels if they can,” Roan explained.

“And what do you plan to do then?” Kane asked the King, even though he wasn’t sure that there was even something that the guy could do about the situation, at all.

“I don’t know Kane. And I’m not sure I have the time to find out,”


	44. Asking for favors

It has been a shock for Clarke to find out that she was pregnant and on top of that, to know that the child she was carrying, somehow someway, was the product of the love she shared with Lexa that afternoon was overwhelming in all of the right ways. She was scared, happy, worried, glad, confused, thrilled, freaked out and amazed. How was it possible that two women could procreate like this? She would never understand the technical part of it, so she would leave that to Raven to deal with it. She would rather believe that it was meant to be as was the two of them and that this baby was the proof of how strong their love was and still is.

As soon as she finally accepted the news, Clarke thought about Octavia, just like how her mother had mentioned. Somehow the two of them were thrown in the same situation, they both lost the love of their lives and were now carrying their child, a reminder of everything they lived with their lovers. Clarke believed that Octavia must have felt around the same as her and she wished their relationship was good enough so they could talk about this since right now, only they would be able to fully understand what the other was going through.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Abby asked Clarke while they were still in MedBay.

“I feel everything and nothing at all. Can you understand that?” Clarke asked her mother and her best friend and they both shrugged.

“Sort of. I think I would if I suddenly found out that I was pregnant with Finn’s baby, then maybe I would feel the same,” Raven said to her and Clarke nodded. It wasn’t the same but it made sense since Finn was someone Raven loved and lost.

“I don’t know how to feel but there is one thing I know and that is how I am happy. I mean, I am having the child of the woman I love. Even after death, she has given me the most beautiful gift someone could have ever given me.” Clarke said with nothing but love and adoration in her voice and in her eyes as she held her belly.

“That she did and we are both very much happy for you, sweetie. But as a doctor, which you more than are now, you know you need to take care of yourself in double since there is another life inside of you. You need to take care of yourself for the baby’s sake as well, they needs the nutrients and you’re the source. You will have to eat better, rest more, make sure that you don’t overdo it. You need to think as a mother now because you are one. You understand?” Abby advised her and Clarke nodded.

“Don’t worry Mom. I would never do anything to endanger the baby, I will do everything I need to make sure they are healthy and safe, I promise,” Clarke said and Abby smiled at her.

“I know you will. You are responsible and I know you will do the right thing for your child and my grandchild,” Her mother said not being able to hide the smile at the last part.

“So, what are you going to say to our friends? Will you tell them the truth about where it came from?” Raven asked her and Clarke seemed to think on it before she nodded.

“Eventually. I have only so long before it starts showing. But I was hoping to have some time to digest this news to myself before I absolutely have to go around telling people,” Clarke told them and Raven nodded, “Besides, I need to think about my child’s safety, most of all.”

“What are you talking about Clarke?” Raven asked her and Clarke sighed.

“Lexa was a nightblood, so there is a high chance our child could be one as well, which would mean…” Clarke said without finishing as Raven was the one who did it.

“That your baby could be the future Commander,” Raven said in awe and Clarke nodded.

“Exactly which is I need to protect him. Lexa may be gone but her enemies could still be out there so I need to keep our baby safe,” Clarke said as she caressed her belly.

“And what will you do if the baby is a nightblood?” Abby asked her daughter already dreading that thought and everything that it might mean.

“I don’t know. If I stopped them, I would be denying a part of who they are, the part they inherited from her, a part of who she is and I don’t feel comfortable with that. I love her, all parts of her, Lexa and the Commander. But I also know from experience how dangerous that position is and I don’t know if I will have the courage to let my baby be a part of that.” Clarke said and Raven nodded understanding what her friend was coming from.

“You will never have the courage to do that, honey. I still don’t and you never had to deal with leading 13 clans all by yourself.” Abby said as Clarke looked at her.

“How do you do it then Mom?” Clarke asked her mother.

“Letting your child put themselves in danger is one of the hardest things you can ever do and as you remember when I got here, I tried so hard to pull you away from that path, to protect you from everything that being a leader came with. The decisions you have to make, the consequences of those decisions, the dangers but it was your choice in the end, to put yourself in that position and I could try to fight it but in the end, you would do what you wanted so I did the only thing I could and supported you. Let you lead.” Abby said to her as tears fell down her face before she continued speaking.

“It is not easy. It was not easy seeing you come in this camp carried by the guards, all bloodied and covered in mud from head to toe. It was not easy seeing your pain when you killed Finn, when you let the bomb drop in TonDC, after what you did in the Mountain. It was incredibly hard to send you down to Earth without me being around to protect you but sometimes, your child’s path, their destiny is a dangerous one and as much as you wished you could shelter them from all the bad in the world, you cannot live their life for them.”

“You can only be there by their side every step of the way. Supporting their decisions and being there when it is the wrong one. Judging by their mothers, it will be more than likely than they will be a leader, either of our people like you or of all the clans like her and when push comes to shove, sweetheart, you will have to let them choose for themselves and do for them what I do every day for you, trust in the education you gave them and in the person they are and pray to God that they come back to you safe and sound.” Abby explained to her and Clarke moved to hug her mom.

“I love you so much, Mom. I know I don’t say it often enough but I do love you. Thank you for everything you have done for me even if I disagreed with it. Thank you for caring and for being there for me,” Clarke told her as Abby hugged her back.

“You have nothing to thank me for especially not for caring for you. I love you more than you can imagine. You’re the best thing I have ever done and the most important person to me and you will always be. At least until this baby is born and then you will surely lose that post,” Abby said and Clarke chuckled as she pulled back to look at her mom.

“I can live with that,” Clarke said and Abby smiled.

“Now, I’m feeling left out,” Raven said jokingly. Clarke turned to her and held her hand.

“You shouldn’t because both mom and I agree that you are as much as part of this family as either one of us and I told you already, you’re my sister from different parents and nothing is going to change that,” Clarke said to the mechanic.

“Clarke is right. You are an honorary Griffin and we both love you very much, Raven,” Abby said and the girl was very touched by it.

“Thanks guys. I love you too,” She said to them.

“Mom, can I leave now? Sorry but I hate hospitals,” Clarke said pleadingly as Abby smiled.

“Only when you are the patient, yes I know and you can. You need however to take things slow for now. You’re having morning sickness and it is normal especially at the beginning since your body is still adapting to it. When I was pregnant with you, I was the same but it will probably pass soon enough,” Abby explained to her.

“Okay, thank God. And I promise to take care of myself,” Clarke said then Abby smiled.

“Then, consider yourself officially discharged. You can go to your room. No work for today, please, you need to rest,” Abby told her as Clarke nodded in understanding.

“Don’t worry, I will. And if anyone asks for now, say that I overworked myself,” Clarke replied and both Abby and Raven nodded before they stood up as Clarke swung her legs out of the bed and stood up. Luckily, there was no dizziness so once she said goodbye to her mom and walked out of the place with Raven, they went towards the blonde’s quarters.

Once in her room, Clarke said goodbye to Raven, asking to be alone right now and the mechanic nodded before hugging her goodbye and leaving. Clarke went inside and sat down by her table as she looked at the drawing she made of Lexa and couldn’t help but let the tears fall on her face. “A baby, Lexa. We’re having a baby. Can you believe that?” Clarke said to the drawing before she shook her head and grabbed the journal before she started writing at it, telling Lexa about the discovery and her feelings about it.

She was half way done when she heard her radio beep and Roan voice come through it. “ **Wanheda. Can you speak? I must speak with you immediately** _,_ ” He said in trigedasleng and she put the pen down before she grabbed the radio answering it.

“ **Yes, I can speak with you. Why are using Trig, though?** _”_ She asked him.

“ **I didn’t know if you were alone. Are you?** ” He asked her and she sighed.

“Yes, I am alone. You can speak freely,” She said to him.

“Very well. I don’t want to say this but there is no other way. I need your help,” He said to her and she leaned back against her chair.

“My help? With what?” She asked him.

“The clans, they will not follow me and will not give me the benefit of the doubt so I will need you to came to Polis and help me to rally them against this new threat, the one who attacked your people and has been attacking mine,” Roan told her and Clarke was confused.

“What attacks? Why has Kane not told me about it?” She asked him.

“Because he doesn’t know it either but ever since the first one, there has been four more attacks on Azgeda villages,” Roan told her.

“What do they want? Who are they Roan?” She asked him.

“They are a group called the Rebels. People with a deep hatred for my clan because of the lives of their loved ones we took once upon a time. Lexa had them in check for a number of years, how? I have no idea but ever since she created the coalition, they never attacked again but now with her being dead, they are coming for us with everything they have,” He told her.

“And you are worried that when the clans find out about it, they will leave you alone to deal with this threat and you don’t know if you can,” Clarke put the dots together and he sighed.

“That is exactly what will happen if you don’t help me get them on my side. The Coalition will shatter and it won’t take long before going to war with each other and you will be faced with the Great Wars again without your precious Lexa to stop it, so it is in your best interest to do this for me and for your people,” He said to her and she was confused.

“Great Wars? What is that? What does Lexa have to do with it?” She asked him curious.

“Once you are in Polis, I can explain to you but right now, I just need you to come here as fast as you can to help me and help yourself as well,” Roan said to her and she sighed.

“Fine. I will because you have actually kept your word. Tomorrow, I will take a team with me and go to Polis. Is that good enough for you?” She said to him and he nodded.

“I will be waiting,” He said to her before the radio went silent and Clarke was left with her thoughts about what could be happening with the Coalition and just a few hours after finding out she had to now worry about two people instead of one, here she was being thrown in the eye of the hurricane. She clutched her belly and sighed knowing she had no choice. If the Coalition shatter, her people, her baby and herself will be in imminent danger so she knew there was only one thing she could do so she picked up the radio and turned it on before speaking to it.

“Raven, do you copy?”


	45. Making a plan

Once she was done talking to Roan and after agreeing to go help him and after calling Raven, Clarke put down the radio and sighed thinking about needing to do this once again, save the world. She sighed putting her hand on her belly and looking at the drawing she made of Lexa and thinking about the entire situation Roan has explained to her and that she didn’t know how she was going to do it, her mother had been right when she had said she needed to take care of herself more than she had ever done in her life which for someone like her wasn’t exactly an easy feat but the thought of doing so for the life growing inside of her helped.

Clarke knew that from now on, whatever danger she was facing, her baby would be facing it too and she was scared because of it. But that was exactly why she needed to do this. If these so-called Rebels really were scaring Roan and trying to destroy the Coalition, then they were a big threat to her and her people. And she needed to do this for all of them, but she wasn’t sure how much of the clans would follow her given she was from Skaikru. However she knew she had to try and do something about it so she took on a deep breath and let it all out.

“You did this so effortlessly, you know that? Seeing you in that throne room commanding all the Ambassadors, fixing any problem they brought to you. It was beautiful to see and no one appreciated how hard it was to run things but you did it, never running from it unlike me. You always accepted your fate, embraced it, was the best one at it. How is anyone ever going to live up to you? I don’t think even our baby can. You’re irreplaceable to me and to your people, you will always be remembered as the Commander who united them,” Clarke said to the drawing and chuckled before she heard Raven’s voice through the Station speakers.

“Council. Bellamy Blake, Clarke Griffin, Abigail Griffin and Monty Green. Convene in the meeting room. Now.”

Clarke heard her best friend speak before she finally stood up, grabbed her jacket, her gun as she started walking out of her quarters and in the direction of the meeting room. When she got there, there was no one else inside the room, she was the first one to arrive so she simply sat down on her chair by the table and waited for the rest of them to come and one by one, they did. First Raven, then Bellamy, her mother, Kane and Monty until everyone was there and she took a deep breath before starting this meeting.

“I asked Raven to call you here because something has been brought to my attention, something very important that cannot be ignored,” Clarke started talking before she was interrupted by Bellamy.

“Are you okay?” He asked her, clearly worried and given what had just happened with her going to the MedBay, she could understand where he was coming from so, she nodded.

“Yes Bellamy, I am more than okay. Thank you for your concern. However, the thing is if we don’t take care of this new problem, I don’t know for how much longer we will be,” Clarke said to them and they looked at each other before looking back at her.

“What is going on Clarke? What has happened that has got you so worried about our safety again?” Abby asked her daughter, worried about her and about her grandchild.

“When I went back to my room, I was contacted through radio by Roan. He wanted to speak with me about something very important. He told me that he had news on the attack our people suffered a month ago. The group that attacked Mom and the others are called the Rebels. From what Roan told me, they are a group of people from different clans who lost everything they had and everyone they loved to Azgeda, so they joined together to wipe out the clan. But apparently for some reason that Roan doesn’t know and I don’t either, when Lexa took command and created the Coalition, she was able to control them enough to get them to back off.” Clarke explained to them as they listened attentively.

“But now that she is gone and that the Azgeda are in control, The Rebels have returned to their old way and are attacking villages on Azgeda. Roan fears that soon enough they will send the word to the Coalition about their goals and pretty much the choice they told mom about. Leave Azgeda to die alone or die with them.” Clarke finished explaining.

“And what does Roan want from us exactly? Our support if that happens?” Bellamy asked with his brows furrowed.

Clarke shook her head, “No, exactly. Roan is hoping that if I go to Polis and talk to the Ambassadors, I might help him convince the other clans to fight for them.”

“That is crazy Clarke. Like really, really nuts. He can’t actually think you alone can save his people,” Monty said as everyone else agreed and in a way so did Clarke but she had to try for her baby, more than anything else.

“The grounders respect Wanheda and he believes I can sway the clans to his side. Personally, I agree with you Monty. I don’t know how much sway I actually have with them, if I even do have some but if we can’t keep the clans together and Azgeda gets wiped out, we will be the next targets. Roan said that if we don’t do this, we will have the Greats Wars on our hands again, though I am not sure of what that means.” Clarke explained to them and Abby spoke up.

“I heard that before. Great Wars. Kane mentioned once before from a talk he had with Indra after he went to ask her some questions,” Abby said and everyone turned to her.

“What are these Great Wars Mom?” Clarke asked her.

The older woman sighed worried about how diffuclt it would be for her daughter to hear about Lexa but knowing she couldn’t keep the information to herself, especially when so much was at stake so she started speaking, “I don’t know if I remember everything he told me correctly but apparently, more than ten years ago, the Commander before Lexa managed to put the clans against one another. He was a mad man and he liked war so he created one, especially between Trikru and Azgeda. The other clans were forced to join in on both sides and it was a bloodbath for about three years. War and battle after war and battle. Thousands of grounders died that time.” She explained.

“And how did that stop?” Raven asked her.

“Apparently, not until that Commander died and Lexa ascended. She single-handedly at the age of twelve managed to stop the wars and create the Coalition after it. Many of the grounders are worried that if something like that were to happen again, without Lexa specifically to stop them, they will destroy each other until there is no one left,” Abby finished explaining to them and even Clarke was surprised by the story. She had not known about it.

“Well, that is exactly why we need to stop this madness from happening in anyway we can. So, I will be travelling to Polis tomorrow morning.” Clarke warned them and they all nodded agreeing that it was the right thing, “The sooner I get there, the faster this can be solved, hopefully. You guys will be coming with me?” Clarke asked her friends and they nodded, “Then, Mom, you will be in charge of the camp while we’re away. Is that alright for you?”

“Of course, honey. I will do my best to keep things in check here while you try to save the word again,” Abby said jokingly and Clarke nodded smiling at her.

“Very well, that was all I need to say. We should get going and start packing. This trip may take a while to be finished,” Clarke said to her friends and said goodbye to her mom before they left the room and all went to Clarke’s quarters.

On their way there, they passed by the work places and picked up Harper, Wick and Jasper to come along with them as they all got inside Clarke’s living room, sitting down all around the place and the other three were situated on what was going on and all of them agreed to accompany Clarke to the grounder capitol. She was a bit wary of Jasper but he had been better ever since their talk, so she decided to give him a vote of confidence. Once Raven was done finishing the explanation, Harper turned to Clarke. “Lexa became Commander when she was 12? Is that true Clarke?” The girl asked her and Clarke nodded.

“Yes, actually it is. Apparently, her predecessor was poisoned through his food and she won her conclave a few days before her 12th birthday,” She said to them.

Lexa had told her that story at least and Clarke had been completely shocked by it which the other girl had teased her about, given the look she got on her face when she heard the number. Clarke had said that she was a child but Lexa refuted saying that she was young, not a child. Playing semantics had always really been her thing. “Wow, that is amazing and fucked up at the same time,” Jasper said out loud and Clarke nodded.

“Yes, but she was also the youngest among the novitiates. The others were older than her. I believe one of them was around our age,” Clarke said to them.

“And she still won despite the odds being against her favor?” Monty asked her, completely in shock over what he was hearing regarding this Commander he never met before and that seemed to be so important to so many people, but more than that, so important to Clarke.

“Lexa was stronger and wiser than her age and the others. And besides, you didn’t get the chance to know her but I guarantee you, she was the kind of person, warrior and leader who thrived when the odds were against her,” Clarke said to them and they nodded.

“Yeah, I guess we can totally see that now,” Wick said, he also had never met her but had heard both great and terrible things about her. The others agreed while Bellamy stayed quiet.

The Commander was still kind of a sore topic for him to talk about with other people, especially because he knew how much Clarke still loved her and that she was the reason the blonde wouldn’t even give them a chance to see where they could go together. And worst of all for him, he could see how Clarke’s eyes would lit up with the utmost happiness and sadness at the same time whenever the brunette was mentioned around her. However, he was also not as opposed to praising Lexa’s fighting prowess as he had been when Pike was alive.

“Well, we are leaving tomorrow to go there and you guys can come along if you want but you do need to promise that you will not create trouble with the other clans. They dislike us enough as it is, we don’t need anyone looking wrongly at someone or saying something stupid or challenging them.” Clarke said to all of them, “We are going there to secure the safety of our people and we cannot do that if we worsen the situation so please, I am asking you to be on your best behavior. If anything happens, come to me or Kane and we will deal with it.”

“Do not engage in provocation, there will be so many snarky remarks about us being done to our faces but you will need to suck them up and be better than that or else, we will get killed right away and that is not an option. Jasper, Bellamy. You two are the ones I am most worried about. You have your reasons to dislike the grounders, I am not invalidating them but you cannot screw this up. It is the life of everyone in this camp that is lying on the line here and anything wrong you do, they will be the one to pay for it,” Clarke said to her friends.

“Don’t worry Clarke. We know what is at stake here. We will help you and be on our best behavior,” Bellamy said nodding at her as she returned the gesture before looking at Jasper.

He stared at her before he let out a sigh and shrugged his shoulders in her direction, “Yeah, sure, got it. Little saints we shall be. Worry not.”

“I’m serious Jasper. I need you to help me on this. Everyone’s lives may very well be in danger if things go sideways so please, I need you,” She said to him and he nodded.

“Yeah, I know. I was just joking. I won’t do anything to risk our success in this mission. I promise,” Jasper said, being gentler in his tone and being more understanding of the dire situation they were finding themselves immersed in.

“You better joke now, and be serious later. Jas, I mean it. I know you still have your issues, no one is asking you to figure them all out for tomorrow but please, keep it in in and hold on while we are there. Once you came back here, curse anyone you can think of but not before that. Never before that,” Raven said to him and he nodded.

“You got it.” He said to the mechanic and Clarke relaxed.

“Okay, we will leave early in the morning. Without stopping too much, we will be able to get there within 4 hours,” She said to them and they nodded.

“I need you to pack a few clothes, supplies, we may need to stay there for a while but not too much, food will be given to us once we get there so make it minimal,” She said to them and they nodded.

“We should go to sleep, tomorrow will be a long day for all of us. Especially for Clarke, so we will get out of your way so that you can rest. You weren’t feeling well earlier before because you’re overdoing yourself and not resting enough so let’s go guys.” Raven said getting up and pulling the others along with her. Clarke stayed a bit longer but she was feeling really tired so she called it a night as well and went back to her room. Something was telling her that this trip would change her life and to face whatever was coming her way, she would need her strength and so as soon as she got to her room, she went to bed and luckily didn’t have nightmares.


	46. Trip to Polis

The next day, Clarke woke up really early, the sunrays entering through the small window on her room making her sigh, today would be a very tiring day, she already knew it and she was dreading it. She was not eager to go to Polis especially now that she found about her baby and how much in danger she could be if people found out, but she also knew that it was something she had to do for her people and for the grounders as well. If Roan really thought that she could help him unite the clans to prevent the shattering of the Coalition, then she had to do it.

She couldn’t run away from it even because a lot hanged around the Coalition staying intact so with that in mind, she sat up on her bed. And once again, she was faced with a few of her many drawings of Lexa and she sighed looking at the portrait of the girl. It was one drawing of her face as if she was directly looking at Clarke herself and for a moment, the blonde imagined what it would be like if the brunette was there to really look at her and to give Clarke the chance to see those beautiful green eyes full of life again. She missed Lexa so much.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Lexa. I don’t know if I am strong enough, but I know that I can’t let our child be born into a world torn apart by war, a world you fought so hard to leave behind in the past. I have to do this for the three of us, don’t I?” Clarke said and the drawing just stood there staring right back at her. She gripped her necklace that she never took it out before got up from the bed coming to touch the drawing of the love of her life and speaking to it. “I love you so much. I miss you every second of every day. I wish you were here with us,”

After her moment, she went to her closet and packed a few of her clothes into a bag, as well as her journal that she would never leave it behind, a few papers and charcoal to draw, and that was it. Once she was all packed, she went to take a shower and once she was done, she went to get dressed, before attaching her holster and putting her gun inside it. She fixed her hair and grabbed her bag before walking out of her room, closing the door behind her as she started walking towards the great hall to meet her friends that would be accompanying her on this emergency trip to the grounder capitol.

She saw Raven by the table and Clarke went straight to her, sitting down beside her, “Ignore it. I’m a mess.”

Raven looked at her before she spoke to her friend, “Welcome back to the ‘I’m a mess’ club, Ms. President. Nice to see you up and about.”

“Jackass. You know why I’m a mess,” Clarke said to her as she shoved the mechanic a little while the other girl simply chuckled at that.

“First of all, ouch. Second, yes, I do know why, but you will be fine and we will all be there to help you through it. So, fear not, young Jedi, the Force is with you,” Raven replied trying to joke and lift up Clarke’s spirit, which she succeeded as the blonde couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s antics, feeling a little bit better already.

“I may be blonde but I’m not stupid. My dad was an engineer with an unhealthy obsession over sci-fi movies so I know the reference. Quite funny,” Clarke said to her and Raven nodded.

“I know right? I’m just that amazing. Really, it should be a crime to be this awesome,” Raven said motioning to herself from head to toe and Clarke laughed as they started eating being joined by all the others.

“So, what is the plan for the trip?” Jasper asked them once he joined them at the table.

“Well, we will finish eating here, we’ll get the rover and drive all the way to Polis. Once we’re there, I will go talk to Roan and then we will get to rest. Whatever meeting he wants me to have with the Ambassadors will have to be done tomorrow so we will have the rest of the day to relax before the storm hits us again,” Clarke explained to them.

“Do you think they will listen to you Clarke? Even though you’re Wanheda and everything that comes with that, you’re still Skaikru and as far as I know we’re not exactly on their list of the most loved clans,” Harper said to her and Clarke nodded.

“That is true. We are not but on the most hated clans list, we are behind Azgeda so it is not as bad as it might seem. They do dislike us immensely because of Pike and Jaha along with ALIE but Kane has been working with them and trying to change their minds about us and he said they have started to do so which is good. As far as I am concerned, the title Wanheda does give me some sort of influence over them, they fear and admire me so I might be able to influence them to see that the Coalition is more important than whatever feelings they may have for Azgeda, at least that is what I will try my best to do and after that, all we can do is hope that they will listen to me and Kane,” Clarke explained to them and they nodded.

“That is a nice plan if it works. But what if the Coalition breaks when we are there?” Monty asked as he looked at everyone, “What do we do then?”

“If that happens, we get Kane and then get out of there as fast as we possibly can. We come back here and prepare ourselves for war. What else is there left for us to do?” Bellamy answered him and Clarke just shook her head.

“Failing is not an option, Monty. We have to achieve our goal, no matter what it takes to get us there. We cannot go to war.” Clarke said to the young engineer as she unconsciously yet discreetly touched her belly, without any of the others seeing it.

“Clarke is right, guys. All of these people are counting on us to make things right and that is exactly what we have to do. Which is why it’s time to go. Come on, y’all. Finish your food and let’s get the hell out of here,” Raven said to them and the others nodded.

And that was exactly what they did. With Raven’s incentive, they all quickly finished their food. Once they were done, they each grabbed their backpacks before they started moving towards the Rover, Clarke too until the moment she heard her name being called and turned around to see her mother coming towards her. She stopped in her tracks to wait for her mother to catch up with her. “Were you leaving without saying goodbye?” Abby said to her once she came close and Clarke smiled at the older woman.

“I left a note for you, you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you up. Sorry,” The blonde said and Abby smiled at her while also shaking her head.

“No need for apologies. I just wanted to see you off and give you this,” She said and gave a bag to Clarke, “These are medicine for pregnant women. We have many of it so you can take those with you. you know how to use them so please take care of both of you.”

Clarke smiled before taking the bag and putting inside her backpack then turning to face her mother again, “Thanks Mom and I will. I promise.”

The two women hugged each other tightly, “I love you both so much, sweetheart. |Don’t forget that,” Abby said talking about her and the baby and Clarke smiled.

“We love you too, Mom and Grandma,” Clarke said and they both chuckled before pulling back to look at one another, both of them with tears in their eyes.

“Guess I have to get used to being called that from now on, don’t I?” Abby joked.

Clarke nodded while smiling, “Yes, you will but you got time. Don’t worry. I will radio you as soon as I can, okay?”

“Go on or you will be late to save the world once again,” Abby replied and Clarke nodded her head before turning around and going towards the Rover. She got inside the passenger seat, closed the door and looked at Raven who was driving and nodded.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” She said and the mechanic smirked as she nodded. The hanger doors opened and they passed by the camp as the gates were opened and once out in the open, Raven sped through the road and started on their way to the grounder capitol. As they got to it, Jasper moved ahead and connected the mp3 to the rover system and a song started playing. ‘Highway to Hell’ by AC/DC. Once the song started, they all looked at him.

“What? It’s fitting,” He shrugged and the others chuckled about it but continued to enjoy the song and after a while, Clarke pulled out her journal and started writing into it, telling Lexa of what was happening and within what seemed like no time at all, they arrived in the City entrance where there were Azgeda warriors guarding it.

Once they got there, Raven stopped the Rover to the side of the entrance, just in case people needed to get in or out and turned down the engine. Clarke was the first one to get out of the car followed by the others as they joined her.

“ **The King is expecting us** ,” Clarke said to the guards outside. Took them no time to recognize her so they nodded at her.

“ **They will escort you to the Tower and to the King, Commander of Death** ,” One of the guards said and Clarke nodded before he motioned for other warriors to join them and to take them to the king and once that was solved, they made their way into the city.

It looked different from the last time they were here, that’s for sure. The city was cleaned of the blood that had been spilt that day when ALIE tried to take over completely and they defeated her but to Clarke, it also looked so different than from when Lexa was in charge. Everyone had a somber look on their faces and there was no much joy or the resounding noise on the streets from the merchants trying to sell their goods, however it was filled with Azgeda warriors walking around, armed to the teeth. The people were most definitely feeling the change since Lexa’s death and Clarke could feel it too.

“You had said that the city was beautiful.” Monty said to Clarke. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who noticed the mood around the city so she only nodded.

“When Lexa was alive, it was,” She told him before they continued on their way. People looked at them but it was something Clarke had already expected and warned them about. She even warned them in case someone threw something at them or tried to attack them in any way, but luckily for them, that did not happen and they were able to get to the tower without any trouble beside a few angry looks, nothing they couldn’t handle. They went towards the elevator and as she expected, the geeks, Monty, Raven and Wick freaked out when they saw it.

“Oh My God. This is freaking insane,” Raven called out as the three of them started talking science and mechanic stuff as the lift door opened and Clarke got them inside.

“Clarke, can we check this out later? See how it works? Pretty, please?” Monty asked her with a look of pure joy on his face and she couldn’t help but nod at them, smiling.

“Yes, I will ask Roan to let you three geek your way into this elevator to see how it works,” She told them and chuckled at their little squeals of delight at the news as they continued on their way up talking about it, discussing possibilities among themselves. Then, once they reached the throne room’s floor, the elevator stopped, the doors opened and Clarke urged them outside before she went to the throne room and the doors opened for them to get inside.

She was immediately met with Roan, Echo and Kane waiting for them as all of her friends got inside the room, those who had not been there before taking the time to check it out. “Hello, Wanheda,” Roan said to her from the throne and she nodded at him.

“Hello Roan,” She said to him with a cold tone in her voice and it was because she was thinking of how wrong it was for him to be sitting on the throne that belonged to Lexa. She didn’t think she would ever feel okay with someone else sitting on that thing. It was just wrong. It was Lexa’s throne, not just the Commander’s but Lexa’s and for Clarke, that is how it will always be.

Roan smirked at her as if he knew exactly what she was thinking and before things could escalate, Kane decided to intervene, “It is good to see all of you made a safe trip here.”

Clarke understood what he was doing, deviating the focus from where it was going to where it should be and was grateful for the older man’s sensitivity and she smiled warmly at him in gratitude for his understanding, “Thank you, Kane and it is very nice to see you too.”

“Now the pleasantries are over, you and I need to talk about the reason you are here. Immediately,” Roan spoke as he looked directly at her.

Clarke nodded at him, knowing that the situation required such hurry to be solved so she spoke, “I agree with you. There is much for us to discuss.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story will pave the way to the rest of the series i am writing so clarke and Lexa will not be reunited in this part of the story but what happens here is important to be able to understand what is coming in the next parts of this series, also we will get to learn much about Lexa so so I hope that even with that you will give this story a chance.  
> Thank you for reading it so far and i hope you have enjoyed. Please comment and let me know what you think but please be respectful about it otherwise your comment will just be deleted.  
> As for my other story Second Chances, I am still writing the sequel of that story and it is bigger that this one so while i post the first part of this series, I will go and finish the other. Once I finished posting this story, I will post Second Chnaces part 2 so bear with me and give this story a chance, I liked writing it very much, anyway.  
> Kisses, kisses,  
> Your Author.


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